Calling All Old Posters-- ie Those missing on Forum for some time

[Turboguy]

Turbo,
I thought that comment would get your butt out of the Laz-Boy! LOL  All I know is that VWRW has got to be one Hell of a woman as it took you 20 years to find her.

She definitely is Ken and I am one lucky guy.  She never ceases to amaze me.  When you were posting before and your previous marriage was close to 10 years that seemed like an eternity to me.  We passed the 6 year mark in mid December and they have been a great 6 years.  For me those 6 years seems like the blink of an eye. 


There are not too many of us left from those early days of RWD.  Too bad we can't get jb back posting again but we are all glad to see you posting. 

[GregfromGa]

The man KenC, has a good story to tell, and I'm interested in hearing it from his perspective, your commentary has done nothing but create pointless static, and possibly discourage others from telling their stories.  If you find that you are unhappy with your own choices and circumstances then a more productive outlet would be to deal with those issues rather than project unhappiness onto others. 


Fathertime!

Fathertime you really need to post more here. I would not want to get into a pissing contest with you here. The guy hasn't replied because there is nothing left for him to say. It was beautiful and it was over before it even really started. It's called hitting the nail on the head where I am from.

[vwrw]

I think practically everybody is sick of all your 'bs'...making up, pointing out and belaboring any negative doesn't make a person insightful or a 'truth-teller'...it just makes that person a self-important jerk!  Often these personality types are a big hit with the people that are forced to be in their life.    

+1
It has been awhile as a few individuals like that have been very active on RWD, defiling every place of this site. That is the main reason why I almost do not read this forum anymore. 50% of new posts are rubbish thrown by those individuals, 40% are a rebuke of the rubbish by those patient people who still believe that the jerks can be healed. And the rest 10% of helpful information is lost in this rubbish as a needle in a big pile of .... (I forgot the name of the matter where a needle is usually lost. )[size=78%]  [/size]

[pitbull]

Thank you.  Probably age, maturity and her kind behavior to me and all others.

I can see how they think Ping is much more appropriate match than Lena.
Do you keep any communication with your ex? I wonder how she fared after the divorce - does she have a good career/job? Has she remarried? Does she have kids?


This is the forum about RW after all

[KenC]

I can see how they think Ping is much more appropriate match than Lena.
Do you keep any communication with your ex? I wonder how she fared after the divorce - does she have a good career/job? Has she remarried? Does she have kids?

This is the forum about RW after all

The short answers are no, no, no and no.  I stopped communicating with her when it appeared that I was just a crutch for her.  She would only contact me to vent about any difficulties in her life.  I have a good friend in CA that was also a good friend to her.  He eventually discontinued the one sided conversations with her too.  I would have loved to keep in touch with her, but not in a one sided relationship.

[pitbull]

The short answers are no, no, no and no.  I stopped communicating with her when it appeared that I was just a crutch for her.  She would only contact me to vent about any difficulties in her life.  I have a good friend in CA that was also a good friend to her.  He eventually discontinued the one sided conversations with her too.  I would have loved to keep in touch with her, but not in a one sided relationship.

Too bad you don't know how she's done on her own. I remember someone mentioned one this or the other forum that she is a successful lawyer or something.

[pokerintherear]

Poker,
Your questions can be answered with a prenupt, will and trusts.  It is my belief that should a man marry a woman significantly younger than himself; he should provide for her after his death.  Life insurance, a business or inheritance could all provide for this.  Whatever you want to leave to your kids can be covered by a Trust.  Consult a lawyer for these.
I am fortunate that my son and daughter are rather successful in their own careers and not in any need of my support.  What I have done is to give my kids some valuable art pieces that I know they admired for them to enjoy while I am alive.  I do get a kick out of seeing how they proudly display them in their homes.

Yes, I understand the part of having a life insurance policy to help her survive. I understand a little on trusts but how does this play out with surviving spouse. As we all know the courts are not man friendly. Does she need to sign papers to agree the beneficiary is someone other than her?

I'm still trying to wrap my head around a situation like this. Most time a decent size life insurance policy should be sufficient for the surviving spouse to have most of what she needs including buying a place to live with cash. But if she decides to become greedy could she not throw a wrench into the gears of the trust ( surviving spouse is a big deal with having the marital assets). I just think and ask?

[Faux Pas]

Yes, I understand the part of having a life insurance policy to help her survive. I understand a little on trusts but how does this play out with surviving spouse. As we all know the courts are not man friendly. Does she need to sign papers to agree the beneficiary is someone other than her?

I'm still trying to wrap my head around a situation like this. Most time a decent size life insurance policy should be sufficient for the surviving spouse to have most of what she needs including buying a place to live with cash. But if she decides to become greedy could she not throw a wrench into the gears of the trust ( surviving spouse is a big deal with having the marital assets). I just think and ask?

In most states, wealth prior to marriage is handled separately unless you at some point mesh it together. If you are not yet married and you have something you wish to designate to your children regardless of your future actions, the time for that trust would be now. Any future wives would not have a claim on it.

For example, if you have 200K in gold stashed away on you want your children to inherit it, establish that trust now. If you keep it, use it and make 1 million with it after you are married, your wife will have a claim on it regardless of what your wishes are.

Of course ideally, you'll marry a good woman who would carry out your wishes

[ML]

As I have seen with friends and discussed with attorneys . . . there is no such thing as 'iron clad' prenups, wills, trusts, or anything else.

Our court system is riddled with loopholes and judges who will at least listen to anything that an attorney contests regarding  these agreements.  We are all at the mercy of judges who may have hidden agendas, preconceived ideas, prejudices, bad hair days, etc.

But still, all we can do is try.

[KenC]

ML,
I know prenupts are rather dicy with the courts, but Trusts are pretty iron clad as long as you follow the rules for them.

[KenC]

Too bad you don't know how she's done on her own. I remember someone mentioned one this or the other forum that she is a successful lawyer or something.

I kind of do know albeit second hand.  I encouraged her to get a degree and career through out our marriage and even attempted to get her interested in my business while we were married.  She was too head strong to use my advice and was in school for 7 years of our marriage.  She did finally obtain a degree in Communications (which is about as useful as tits on a bull)  She has bounced around in a number of meaningless jobs and has had multiple relationships but to no avail.  She is definitely not an attorney.  IMO I feel she is still in search of herself and has not yet come to grips with balancing responsibility, work ethic and personal interests. 

[Faux Pas]

Iron clad pre-nups are 50/50 at best when challenged. Trusts done properly are iron clad

[northkape]

You might not remember me Ken...
I used to post on Planet Love under the name Danneskjold Ragnar
(an heroic Scandinavian Viking in Ayn Rands epic saga "Atlas Shrugged")

But I remember you quite well, I even remember some of your postings about your first trip to visit Lena on Planet Love.
And later posts about rose petals in the bathroom... smile
Yes, your Lena was a very beautiful young woman at that time.

I married my own beautiful Lena, with almost the same age difference approximately a year after you.

if you look at the first page of my thread "Update 13 years later" there is a copy of a long posting on Planet Love from the autumn 99.
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=15509.0

Difference was that I left the forum when marrying,
and I wouldn't ever have returned here if it wasn't for my Lena wanting to divorce also.

[KenC]

You might not remember me Ken...
I used to post on Planet Love under the name Danneskjold Ragnar
(an heroic Scandinavian Viking in Ayn Rands epic saga "Atlas Shrugged")

But I remember you quite well, I even remember some of your postings about your first trip to visit Lena on Planet Love.
And later posts about rose petals in the bathroom... smile
Yes, your Lena was a very beautiful young woman at that time.

I married my own beautiful Lena, with almost the same age difference approximately a year after you.

if you look at the first page of my thread "Update 13 years later" there is a copy of a long posting on Planet Love from the autumn 99.
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=15509.0

Difference was that I left the forum when marrying,
and I wouldn't ever have returned here if it wasn't for my Lena wanting to divorce also.

Ragner,
I do remember you.  (I too am a fan of Ayn Rand).  Sorry to hear of your break up,  I can only hope that it is/was as amicable as ours.  We talked ad nausium here when I went through my divorce.  At the time, some here refused to accept that there was no "bad guy" in our parting ways.  It was great while it lasted and in the end we both knew it was time to go in different directions.  The best summary was that marriages with a big age difference could have a "shelf life."  I have few regrets regarding my marriage and divorce from Lena.  I am very much at peace with it all.  That was then, this is now.

[pitbull]

  It was great while it lasted and in the end we both knew it was time to go in different directions.  The best summary was that marriages with a big age difference could have a "shelf life."  I have few regrets regarding my marriage and divorce from Lena.  I am very much at peace with it all.  That was then, this is now.

I don't see why you would regret your marriage to Lena. Looks like it was all upside for you. She on the other hand lost big time as a result of that marriage. She literally came out of it with nothing but wasted 10 best years of her life that she'll never get back. Very sad.


Northkape's Lena on the other hand did all the right things that could justify a marriage with a large age difference for a young girl [size=78%]- good on her![/size]

[vwrw]

I don't see why you would regret your marriage to Lena. Looks like it was all upside for you. She on the other hand lost big time as a result of that marriage. She literally came out of it with nothing but wasted 10 best years of her life that she'll never get back. Very sad.

The only person who can tell us if Lena gained much out of her marriage with Ken is she herself. Her benefits can be intangible.   

[vwrw]

Moreover, what is a benefit and what is not depends on a person's values. For example, I chose to be childfree. So having a child out of my marriage is not a benefit for me. However, we have many members on this forum who regard their children as the biggest reward they have out of their marriages.     

[KenC]

I don't see why you would regret your marriage to Lena. Looks like it was all upside for you. She on the other hand lost big time as a result of that marriage. She literally came out of it with nothing but wasted 10 best years of her life that she'll never get back. Very sad.

I take great offense to your comments.
Are the 10 years in the middle of ones life more valuable than 10 years closer to the end?  I spent 10 years loving her, encouraging her, guiding her, sharing experiences with her, providing for her, and sharing my heart and soul with her.  But her time was WASTED and mine was not?  You are way off base with your comments.
Her only "wasted" time was sunbathing and shopping instead of preparing for her future.  But that was HER choice and contrary to my encouragement.
 

[pitbull]

The only person who can tell us if Lena gained much out of her marriage with Ken is she herself. Her benefits can be intangible.

Yeah, exceptionally intangible, I would say invisible to a naked eye. The no-kids outcome included.


I'm just saying there is a right way to do a "big age gap marriage" for a woman and there is a wrong way. Northkape's and KenC's Lenas represent a vivid example of each way.

[vwrw]

I believe the biggest indicator that a person benefited much from a marriage is amicable conduct of the person toward ex. People who feel their marriage  was not beneficial for them , that they were exploited usually feel anger and want retaliation. These people will try to harm their ex by denying child visitations or trying to get all the marital assets as the reimbursement for their suffering and so on.

Lena, on the other hand, said no to what she was given at divorce. I guess she felt she benefited enough from her marriage without taking  what was given to her at divorce.   [size=78%]     [/size]

[pitbull]

I take great offense to your comments.
Are the 10 years in the middle of ones life more valuable than 10 year closer to the end?  I spent 10 years loving her, encouraging her, guiding her, sharing experiences with her, providing for her, and sharing my heart and soul with her.  But her time was WASTED and mine was not?  You are way off base with your comments.
Her only "wasted" time was sunbathing and shopping instead of preparing for her future.  But that was HER choice and contrary to my encouragement.

KenC,




Exactly, it was her stupid choice to not use those years for anything useful and to prepare for her future. Your guiding and encouraging didn't do any good.




And yes, those years from 20 to mid 30- ies are the most valuable for a woman, to build a career, have kids, build a family. She came out of it with "0" on all those goals. You enjoyed an exceptionally beautiful young woman exclusively to yourself for 10 years and now are happily married to a woman appropriate to your age and life stage. Lena was basically a cherry on top of your life. And you had your family, kids and built your career before that. Look where your ex is. I sincerely hope she will accomplish at least some of those, but she'll never get her youth and opportunities that come with it back.

[vwrw]

KenC,

Exactly, it was her stupid choice to not use those years for anything useful and to prepare for her future. Your guiding and encouraging didn't do any good.

And yes, those years from 20 to mid 30- ies are the most valuable for a woman, to build a career, have kids, build a family. She came out of it with "0" on all those goals. You enjoyed an exceptionally beautiful young woman exclusively to yourself for 10 years and now are happily married to a woman appropriate to your age and life stage. And you had your family, kids and built your career before that. Look where your ex is. I sincerely hope she will accomplish at least some of those, but she'll never get her youth and opportunities that come with it back.

We cannot judge if her choice was stupid or not because we do not know her opportunity cost, what she gave up to be with Ken. If she married a man of her age, it does not mean she would have a career, kids and family by now. She could be at exactly the same place she is right now, regardless of the age of her first husband. 

[KenC]

Pitbull,
Life is full of choices.  I made mine and Lena made hers.  I think you are imposing YOUR values onto Lena.  She knew kids were not an option with me.  Six years later and she still has no children, no career or any life plan that is visible.  Some people make something of their life while others do not.  I gave her all the opportunity in the world to do the former.  She did nothing then and apparently is still not.

[pitbull]

We cannot judge if her choice was stupid or not because we do not know her opportunity cost, what she gave up to be with Ken. If she married a man of her age, it does not mean she would have a career, kids and family by now. She could be at exactly the same place she is right now, regardless of the age of her first husband.

Yeah, she might have. But we are talking about the benefits of a very large age gap marriage to a young beautiful girl. I don't see any but room and board in this case. Sad.

[pitbull]

Pitbull,
Life is full of choices.  I made mine and Lena made hers.  I think you are imposing YOUR values onto Lena.  She knew kids were not an option with me.  Six years later and she still has no children, no career or any life plan that is visible.  Some people make something of their life while others do not.  I gave her all the opportunity in the world to do the former.  She did nothing then and apparently is still not.

KenC - exactly! All these things are much harder to attain for an immigrant woman in her 30s with no useful education, money, or family support. She got nothing out of her marriage but wasted youth. The gain was all yours. I'm not asigning blame here just stating the fact.

In Russian we call it "бездарно про*ранная молодость*