Women with Children - more strongly worded advice

[jmana]

What is the next charge?  "jmana if it is true that you had sex with a zebra at a Carolina Panthers football game...."

Damn, you actually saw me do that?

[jmana]

3. I never inquired about the money transaction with jmana when i first asked the question. The question was directed at southpaw. Frankly, anything jmana tells me in an attempt to answer the question goes in one ear and out the other because I wanted to hear the 'other' side of the event. If I wanted to hear his story, I would've ask the question from him, capice?

You act like I wasn't there.  She would confirm what I said, although even she probably doesn't know the exact amount I sent before she came here, I think she thinks it was more than it really was.  But if I recall correctly it wasn't all that much.  And I don't think she will be posting any replies here this week anyway, she is visiting our son till Saturday, so hopefully she is taking full advantage of that time.

[die_cast]

I offered a multiple choice, and your answer corresponds to choice #2:  i. e., "The time Alina and Jmana have spent together is too short for true love to happen; they are still strangers in key ways."

Hm, not really. In my opinion, that lack of love isn't caused by lack of time.

[GQBlues]

Hm, not really. In my opinion, that lack of love isn't caused by lack of time.

Obviously far too complicated a matter for some, die cast. Muzh was right to point it out the first time.

[Gator]

GQ,

Read carefully, not only did I include your preface, I dwelled upon it. 

Rather than writing a treatise about what you mean by "If in fact" and the verifiability of "true," let us take a simple yet rigorous approach:

We need only to glean Southpaw's and jmana's  consistent statements (a statement made by one  and verified by the other).  These consistent statements represent facts, i. e. truth.  Now compare the truth of what happened with the legal definition of human trafficking (NC statutes).    Presto!    Sorry, little guy there is no match, hence no human trafficking.  See how easy it is to be a thorough thinker and not just a loud mouth.   

[Gator]

Hm, not really. In my opinion, that lack of love isn't caused by lack of time.

IMO true love takes time for which there is no substitute. 


To illustrate this I use a particular  psychological theory advanced by Robert Sternberg (this is for discussion purposes only, not saying I subscribe to his theory).  His theory is that true love has three components:  intimacy, passion and commitment. 

Passion can indeed occur quickly, even the concept of limerence.  Intimacy is about attachment, connection, etc. and this requires some time.  So you are correct for these two components.  However, the third component is the real glue of love, namely commitment.  It  has a long-term dimension. 

[GQBlues]

IMO true love takes time for which there is no substitute. 


To illustrate this I use a particular  psychological theory advanced by Robert Sternberg (this is for discussion purposes only, not saying I subscribe to his theory).  His theory is that true love has three components:  intimacy, passion and commitment. 

Passion can indeed occur quickly, even the concept of limerence.  Intimacy is about attachment, connection, etc. and this requires some time.  So you are correct for these two components.  However, the third component is the real glue of love, namely commitment.  It  has a long-term dimension.

You see die_cast, the dude really has no clue. He never got the point.

[die_cast]

IMO true love takes time for which there is no substitute. 

Yes, it does. But what this case has to do with true love?  Any love, actually...

[die_cast]

You see die_cast, the dude really has no clue. He never got the point.

Probably it's my fault as I can't explain it correctly. 

[GQBlues]

Probably it's my fault as I can't explain it correctly. 

No. I (we) understood your point just fine. The problem doesn't lie with you. LOL.

[Muzh]

<screeeeeeeching halt>
 
 BTW, in many cultures it is customary for the groom to pay for the right to marry. 
 

Totally irrelevant to the discussion. Jmana doesn't look like a member of those tribes.
 
Continue. 

[Muzh]

Note to Muzh:  this went over your head.  So in this case you were the blond bimbo who won't get it.   

LMAO
 
Nope. A redhead in my youth and now looking like Kojak. Who luvs ya baby? 
 
Anyway, you still missed the whole point. I said that IF you would LISTEN to what a woman had to say maybe, just maybe, you would understand and didn't have to ask.

[dogspot]

die_cast, I am in agreement with you. My question was rhetorical. The point I was trying to make is that there isn't love between the two and won't be. It's time for jmana to cut bait.

[GQBlues]

Very interesting. So selective censorship is the new norm, eh?

 

Oh well, at least I got the point across.

[die_cast]

My question was rhetorical. The point I was trying to make is that there isn't love between the two and won't be. It's time for jmana to cut bait.

Oh, ok, I got it now. 

[Gator]

Probably it's my fault as I can't explain it correctly. 

The problem is me because I read two possible levels in your initial response. 

I am in the same camp as dogspot, and have been suggesting that jmana not marry Alina. 

All of us are different and what is heaven for jmana may be hell for other men.  Alina as described in jmana's posts would bore me to tears.  In contrast, Southpaw based on her posts sounds like a very interesting woman - energetic, expressive, determined, strong, etc.   

IMO jmana had a good woman in Southpaw but let her get away.  There is always much more to the story than what is revealed here, so who knows?!

[die_cast]

All of us are different and what is heaven for jmana may be hell for other men. 

You are right. Probably our conception is too different from his and now we just  foist our tastes on jmana.
You can't make somebody happy by force.

[Southpaw1982]

Ah . . . now we get to the real crux of the matter . . .  which came first:

Did the jacking off come because the wife did not attend to her man;

Or did the wife not attend to her man because he was jacking off.

I say the man will not be jacking off if the woman attends to all his needs. 

It is great when the woman fulfills all of her man's fantasies, and has many of her own to propose to her man.

To answer your question: Porn turns me off. Especially the disturbing he was into ( Bestiality, Coprophagia, Urophagia) It was not just a pretty girl and a pretty boy making love. Back in the day he was downloading this illegal stuff from KaaZaa, watched graphic videos of American soldiers getting beheaded and much more- complete garbage.  I nearly made me gag, he looked through erotic services on craigslist...New and fun...Yay!  … Sure, I was not fitting his profile. He he I am so cool for not fulfilling HIS fantasies. Lol at the time. I am not sure if he still likes to watch videos like that, I hope (HSI) catches people who have that stuff on their PC.
My current husband is not a porno-debile/freak, so we have a great sex life and he does not need to watch porn, we are into each other and he does not waste his valuable time on this crap. Healthy sex life is not possible in the dead end relationships. My case, in other relationships was always a dead end (addictions to porn, gambling, drugs, alcohol- I sorted through a lot of losers, I know, trust me.) Jmana was unhappy with me, but hey I am not forcing it when it is over.
Just don't get why a man needs to bring a girl from overseas and continue to watch porn. He had that problem way before he met me.
It is like an alcoholic, for example will never admit that he/she has a problem...
I just hope it was a phase...Otherwise, I am concern for my son.

[Southpaw1982]

Got it. It must be your aversion to structure your posts with paragraphs which makes reading a bit difficult. You said she's so into you, yet she says she never was...

But to be fair, I was asking if southpaw could explain what I quoted in my previous post regarding sending/paying her aunt/baba (relatives?).

" ....My relationships were rocky, I had no stability, no support, no alimony...My relatives abandoned me-they got their money jmana sent to them, then vanished a long time ago. ( We will never speak again and they live across the street)..."

Additionally now when she said.

"...Our marriage was arranged by my grandmother and aunt that took him in for cash, that is not what I wanted, it was completely forced and manipulated, I was 18 y.o. and did not know any better at the time)."

Which runs totally counter to what you're saying....which you should then understand how 'elaboration' was in fact, called for.

The situation was a complete drag with my family issues, but I tried to make the best of it. Jmana and I gave it a fair try after family stuff settled down and I admitted that my aunt wrote him the whole time, but we had our own problems as a couple later on. It just did not work out, we now are focused on our kid and our new loves. Enough. 
I just don't want to play that nightmare in my head. Life is too short. Everyone deserves to be happy.

[Southpaw1982]

All of us are different and what is heaven for jmana may be hell for other men.  Alina as described in jmana's posts would bore me to tears.  In contrast, Southpaw based on her posts sounds like a very interesting woman - energetic, expressive, determined, strong, etc.   

IMO jmana had a good woman in Southpaw but let her get away.  There is always much more to the story than what is revealed here, so who knows?!

Awww, thanks Gator Yes, there is much more to the story...But, who cares now??...I am newlywed to my long-term man, super happy now, so why think about painful screwed up past? I no longer want to look back, I want look into the future, continue to kick a** and grow success

[Gator]

To answer your question: Porn turns me off. Especially the disturbing he was into ( Bestiality, Coprophagia, Urophagia)

I had to look up the meaning of copro... and uro...   

For the sake of your son, I hope jmana is normal now.   Alina is into anime cartoons.  Such seem very far away from extreme porn.

[Southpaw1982]

I had to look up the meaning of copro... and uro...   

For the sake of your son, I hope jmana is normal now.   Alina is into anime cartoons.  Such seem very far away from extreme porn.

Let's hope he is...

[jmana]

To answer your question: Porn turns me off. Especially the disturbing he was into ( Bestiality, Coprophagia, Urophagia) It was not just a pretty girl and a pretty boy making love.

WTF?!  I don't even know what the hell that means (other than bestiality, and I certainly don't get off on animals!).  And if I watched something online, like a beheading, it doesn't mean I'm "into" it for god's sake.  People watch all kinds of things because they are bored, and I most certainly was very bored with you! 

[Southpaw1982]

WTF?!  I don't even know what the hell that means (other than bestiality, and I certainly don't get off on animals!).  And if I watched something online, like a beheading, it doesn't mean I'm "into" it for god's sake.  People watch all kinds of things because they are bored, and I most certainly was very bored with you!

Those print outs you had of a male taking number 2 on a woman"s face...and a bunch of men taking a pee on a girl and putting frogs into her lady parts...Please don't make me list all the other favorite websites of yours...Because that is embarrassing and the links you left on your phone, then gave it to my son for use? I have snap shots and I sent them a Raleigh DA. I am hoping you are not like that anymore.
I am trying to forget this. Let's be nice...

[BillyB]

I am hoping you are not like that anymore.

You did say he was safe to be around kids. Can we have another "It's water under the bridge" announcement and everybody move on for the sake of your son? At the rate you're both going, you're going to be really hating each other.