Women with Children - more strongly worded advice

[jmana]

Some months ago you implied my wife was a gold digger. I wasn't threatened by your comments and not even angry. I thought here is a guy who may not understand women well. Any guy that criticizes a woman like my wife will probably never catch a woman like her so why get angry? It's not my problem. I hold no animosity and I actually wished things would've turned out well for you. With that said, change some of your views about women and evaluate them better whether you pursue one at home or overseas. Don't be afraid to discuss hot or sensitive topics BEFORE talking marriage. Don't be afraid to tell a woman sex is an important part of your life. Many women will be happy you're discussing it and relieved you're attracted to their body and that you're not a sexual dud. They too don't want to experience what you're going through.

Yeah, you're right, I did state that.  But keep in mind I didn't read your entire story (didn't have time in all honesty), and I was basing my opinion on the snippets I was grabbing from what I did read.  I don't think I'll be judging anyone else's relationships from now on, because to be honest until someone is in the shoes of that person it's impossible to really know what's going on.  Even in my situation, I'm sure Alina sounds much worse than she is.  I don't think she's a bad person at all, I just think she's immature when it comes to relationships and has no idea what it means to be in one.  If she thinks that her computer deserves a better seat than I do, then it's obvious that there is no way to get through to her. 

[Ade]

I just think she's immature when it comes to relationships and has no idea what it means to be in one.

And you think you're any different? Lol

[pitbull]

And you think you're any different? Lol

+100

[Shadow]

I'm not stingy, I've just been brought up to respect money and not spend on things that aren't necessary because you never know what is coming around the corner that you might NEED that money for.  I've seen too many people spend like there's no tomorrow and then get hit with a job loss, or even something as simple as a broken car, and it really disrupts their lives because they never planned for it.  I probably buy more expensive things than a lot of you, but I do that not to impress anyone, but because I research things before I buy and find out what will last the longest even if it costs more.  I don't consider that being stingy, I consider it being smart.

Then make sure to include the full cost that you paid this time in plans for any future endeavour in this direction. I do think what you do is wise, but understand that for someone in the FSU it can be perceived as strange that you have the money but are unwilling to spend it. Of course having experienced money becoming worthless over night in your lifetime does change one's perspective.

[jone]

And you think you're any different? Lol

He has demonstrated that he is different in his desire to try to figure out what it will take to make this relationship work.  She has not demonstrated this.  While his method of finding someone is archaic and his assumptions absolutely silly, he still went into this relationship with an intent to succeed.  I would venture that she did not.

While no one knows what is going on in her mind (except her) she has demonstrated a lack of desire to interact and proactively work for her own future. 

I am constantly reminded, after reading this thread, the Aesop's Fable of the Scorpion and the Frog:


   The Scorpion and the Frog

  A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the
scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The
frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion
says, "Because if I do, I will die too."

  The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream,
the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of
paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown,
but has just enough time to gasp "Why?"

      Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."



The frog may have been stupid to take a scorpion across the stream (like jmana selecting a one week wonder) but it is in the nature of this woman to do the things she is doing without regard to her own demise.  She will not or cannot change to make her likelihood of success better.

[TomT]

Jmana, in your case you might just want Alina to try to find another AM. In fact, you might want to talk to her about it. You said she has good English. It might be the best solution for both of you if she moves in with another man. How do you rate her looks?

Jmana might also want to inform Alina that he is financially responsible for her support while she is having sex with another guy.

[Gator]

Jmana, in your case you might just want Alina to try to find another AM.

And what would her profile say? 




I do not cook, I do not pick up dirty dishes, and I do not have sex.  Beware of my daughter as she bites and will kick you in the balls.


I left out the part "I do not like to talk" because some men would be attracted to such a quality. 

[Hammer2722]

And what would her profile say? 




I do not cook, I do not pick up dirty dishes, and I do not have sex.  Beware of my daughter as she bites and will kick you in the balls.


I left out the part "I do not like to talk" because some men would be attracted to such a quality.

 

[jmana]

And what would her profile say? 




I do not cook, I do not pick up dirty dishes, and I do not have sex.  Beware of my daughter as she bites and will kick you in the balls.


I left out the part "I do not like to talk" because some men would be attracted to such a quality.

Add to it that she's attracted to Japanese boys who look like they haven't yet hit puberty, and you would be quite accurate!

[Daveman]

I think she knows exactly what she is doing. She got a free trip to the US for her and her daughter courtesy of our hero. Soon, she be moving to Seattle to be with dad....

I haven't finished reading the thread yet, but that seems a very likely scenario.

[Jumper]

It's unlikely if he is being used as a mule, that just buying return tickets is an answer.


If it is that simple for him,  then  the nefarious motives attributed her arn't  accurate and it gets back to basic incompatibility, something neither of them sorted our prior to filing a K1.
*shrugs*

Anyone have the stats for domestic engagements that don't make it to the  nuptials?
Then think if they only had one week together prior..
 

[Muzh]

It's unlikely if he is being used as a mule, that just buying return tickets is an answer.


If it is that simple for him,  then  the nefarious motives attributed her arn't  accurate and it gets back to basic incompatibility, something neither of them sorted our prior to filing a K1.
*shrugs*

Yea, and if my grandmother had wheels, she would had been a bicycle.

[Daveman]

My ex was from Ukraine, and her's wasn't bad, but then she told me how her grandmother told her to put period blood in it to "bind" me to her (apparently it's a common thing in Russia - be warned), and I freaked out and would never eat it again even though she said she didn't follow through with it.

Helly Hole!  I have to admit to learning something new here today.  I've heard some bizarre "wive's tales".... I mean.. just out there in wackadoodle land.. but this one... it's in an echelon all its own.

[Wayne]

If she goes back to St Petersburg, she won't have a job since she quit a long time ago already. The woman she was living with might not want her back or could have someone else already.
 
He cannot force her to go back. He could offer her money. Perhaps having her go to her father would be the best in the end.
 
You are right, a lot of AM would not like this woman, but an older man might? I wonder what went wrong in the relationship with Maria's father?

[Jumper]

 Yea, and if my grandmother had wheels, she would had been a bicycle.

Are you being testy, or was there actually some part of my post  you actually disagreed with ?

Was it that part where -if she is indeed a green card girl , using him as a pack mule, she will be unlikely to just accept a couple plane tickets and leave?

or the part where if she does take a couple tickets and just leave,no fuss no muss,
  they were incompatible,  and she's not interested in him for any number of reasons?

For what its worth , I certainly feel he should buy the return tickets.

Her reaction, will spin any number of directions..
the best he can hope for is she accepts them and returns home.
I dont find it likely, but hope the best for them both.

[Jumper]

Helly Hole!  I have to admit to learning something new here today.  I've heard some bizarre "wive's tales".... I mean.. just out there in wackadoodle land.. but this one... it's in an echelon all its own.

Yes, that one was more than bizarre.
 
but it was an ex at least? 

[Daveman]

Do you seriously think that was your main mistake? Money? Not that you didn't pay enough attention, not that you didn't make efforts to learn much more about her and her life, but that you paid for her tickets? Really? That what you sorry about now, not your time, not your feelings, but your money?
And next time you will do the same, just you will ask your woman to pay for herself and your mistakes?

... and the truth shall set you free.

Some of the aspects of this saga are truly mind boggling.

This comes across as a virtually blind roll of the dice.

[Muzh]

Are you being testy, or was there actually some part of my post  you actually disagreed with ?

Was it that part where -if she is indeed a green card girl , using him as a pack mule, she will be unlikely to just accept a couple plane tickets and leave?

or the part where if she does take a couple tickets and just leave,no fuss no muss,
  they were incompatible,  and she's not interested in him for any number of reasons?

For what its worth , I certainly feel he should buy the return tickets.

Her reaction, will spin any number of directions..
the best he can hope for is she accepts them and returns home.
I dont find it likely, but hope the best for them both.

For someone who writes in riddles and you don't like it.
 
Keyword here is "IF"
 
IF I knew then what I know now.... is as valid as IF my grandmother had wheels...
 
 

[Daveman]

Jmana this a real life problem? I have seen many forums make up "life problems" to increase activity.

Give me a day or so to create a new member... a Japanese anime artist who has fallen "in love" with an internet story writer and who also wants to get her a visa to Japan..  that should do the trick.

[jmana]

Helly Hole!  I have to admit to learning something new here today.  I've heard some bizarre "wive's tales".... I mean.. just out there in wackadoodle land.. but this one... it's in an echelon all its own.

Seriously, it's true.  After she told me about it I did more research on it and ended up finding more than I wanted to know    It's really common over there for this to happen, especially if they believe in any kind of witchcraft, which even if they say they are Orthodox, a lot do believe in the supernatural.  It's one of the more popular home brewed "spells" that women will attempt in an effort to get their man to bend over backwards for them and to not cheat.  And borscht is one of the more obvious methods of delivery.   

[jmana]

I wonder what went wrong in the relationship with Maria's father?

He found out Alina was pregnant, and he skipped town.

[Muzh]

If she goes back to St Petersburg, she won't have a job since she quit a long time ago already. The woman she was living with might not want her back or could have someone else already.
 
He cannot force her to go back. He could offer her money. Perhaps having her go to her father would be the best in the end.
 
You are right, a lot of AM would not like this woman, but an older man might? I wonder what went wrong in the relationship with Maria's father?

Fail!!
 
She was imported here for only one purpose as far as the US government is concerned. She does not fullfil her purpose and the options become extremely limited. Basically, she'll be illegaly in this country if she doesn't marry Mr. Stud here. She can try other options like finding an attorney for the purpose of changing her visa based on a number of circumstances. Most commonly the reason given is DV. She can always claim that he farts too much and therefore she cannot marry him. (Jmana, start eating beans)
 
However, for her to non-chalantly state that she will just move to where ever without fullfilment of her obligations is not acceptable to the US Government.
 
Also, IF (here it is again) there is a problem that she overstays her visa, not only she'll be in deep doo doo but Mr. Stud here will get a checkmark on his record for the next time he applies for a K-1. Not to mention that IF (dang, again) she decides to be a charge to the state, guess who the US goverment is going after for repayment??

[jmana]

Fail!!
 
She was imported here for only one purpose as far as the US government is concerned. She does not fullfil her purpose and the options become extremely limited. Basically, she'll be illegaly in this country if she doesn't marry Mr. Stud here. She can try other options like finding an attorney for the purpose of changing her visa based on a number of circumstances. Most commonly the reason given is DV. She can always claim that he farts too much and therefore she cannot marry him. (Jmana, start eating beans)
 

Oh I've been gassy enough, I've been making her kefir (and she said mine is actually better than what she could get in Russia!), and I've been drinking it too but man does it ever do a number on the digestive tract    Maybe that's why she'd rather sit beside her laptop, LOL! 

[die_cast]

I did more research on it and ended up finding more than I wanted to know    It's really common over there for this to happen, especially if they believe in any kind of witchcraft, which even if they say they are Orthodox, a lot do believe in the supernatural. It's one of the more popular home brewed "spells" that women will attempt in an effort to get their man to bend over backwards for them and to not cheat.  And borscht is one of the more obvious methods of delivery.

Where "there"? Ukraine?

[Wayne]

With everything being said here, I wonder how did Alina manage to get the K-1/K-2? I don't think the embassy officer was doing her/his job!
 
Jmana, did you buy round trip airplane tickets to start with?
 
Have you ever discussed birth control with Alina? Perhaps she is avoiding sex because she doesn't want to have another child? Was she married before?