Women with Children - more strongly worded advice

[BillyB]

You don't play with people's heads. 

When your kids are in potential danger and the cops are wanting to get some information from the suspect through interrogation, tell the cops what you told me.

[jone]

You are not a cop and the kids are not in danger.  I have known well many police officers.  They know how to turn this off in casual conversation or they suffer from being overbearing in their family lives.   Their lives are NOT a happy existence.

[Southpaw1982]

As for porn, IMO, to me porn is porn and never really understood how and why men get into that stuff to begin with. Violation of a child's sanctity is heinous regardless of content. One of jmana's complaints about Alina before was that she spent way too much time with her laptop doing what she does in the internet. Sort of threw a nice happy meal into that little story and makes one wonder if he was upset because she was taking online porn time from his day.

I respect your plead to not have to add anymore of your past relations with the subject person.

BTW-

*Y'all* ?!? Really?

Yes, I lived in NC for a while   LOL

Well, I was one of the first to know about Alina. He wrote me about her before his trip to St.Pete's and was upfront about going to meet her. She seems perfect for him , BUT she is a diamond in the rough. Both of them need to work really hard to make it work...

[Southpaw1982]

We know how you rate Jmana as a husband, but how does he rate as a father? Does Jmana pose a threat to children or will he be a good father for his/your son and soon to be step daughter?

Well, as a husband at the time, he needed improvement...I felt suppressed as an individual as I mentioned...When our son was born, Jmana bought a new computer...He helped as much as he could. Our son needed speech and physical therapy when he was a baby. Jmana he did not seem to be all that interested doing the "baby" stuff with him, i was doing all that stuff and was there during therapists visits etc. . He did help a lot with chores, cleaning, he is a great cook , no complains. When our son turned 5, he started interacting with him more and when I moved out, my son and him became much closer and i felt like it gave him a little kick, he started paying more attention to the kid...I was always worried about neglect, but i was around...We lived 15 min apart while in NC.  So as a parent, i trusted him enough to take care of our son. There were ups and downs and he struggled, but he came around and got much better. No, he is not a threat to the children lol
And as a husband, like i said...the relationship was not right, because i was inexperienced "nightmare", we rushed due to my family forcing; we did not get to know each other, he was not capable of making it work at that age, I got pregnant on the same night I lost my virginity... (according to the calendar, we started in February and our son was born in November) and all the other stuff that got in the way. 

[BillyB]

No, he is not a threat to the children lol

Wonderful news. Jmana can come back to this forum and participate without shame. Most men have seen porn before. It's the kiddy porn that would set off alarms.

I just had a conversation with him to clear some of the confusion, I had no idea he was posting stuff about me. But, we cleared this up.

Coming back to what you said earlier, it's good you two can communicate at a mature level. Bringing out the dirty laundry on this forum is what many of us would like to see, but it's healthier for both of you to acknowledge each other's good qualities and remember the good times. Your child needs to see this.

[Southpaw1982]

southpaw,

glad you found this thread,
  their is always a second side to the story

i also am very interested to read your posts, as jmana has painted you/alina , in a certain light , people then get onboard to help demonise , and add fuel to the fire,

how he got custody of his son was one question that seemed to be used to portray him in a halo , your post has shown that there is a second important view on how that happened , not saying he is abad father, just that his sole custody posts gave the feel that you somehow where not agood mum ,
which is probably not so ,

hope you stay around and contribute some more

one question for you southpaw .,  jmana here has been portrayed by his own words as a cheap skate, ??  would you agree ?

SX

Well, I am not sure about a halo, but I had to be objective; at the time, I had no formal American education, I did manage to get my GED, US Citizenship and worked a crappy part time retail job. I was not going to make it without college education and a decent pay. I decided to give jmana a primal custody (NOT SOLE - they take the rights away from crack heads, drunks, abusers and felons- I am none of the above, not sure how he made that impression). I prepared  the separation agreement and had jmana sign it. Our child needed the consistency and comfort of a stable home at least. I had to give up my comfort to make something out of my life.  Do you really think I would want to put a 4 y.o. boy through that crap and struggles I have been through? Oh, hell no!
I had no place to go, so I moved in with the co-workers at first. I lived on the go, like a bum. Then I had a few other bad relationships.  One boyfriend was a jealous freak who beat me, knew how difficult my situation was. I had to run and call the cops. Jmana was decent enough then to let me stay at his safe and empty town house with no electricity and no hot water for a while, until I got a job at Starbucks. After i got a job, I met this other guy who was fairly decent at first... We went out, he became my boyfriend, we moved in together, I got accepted to college...Then i happen to have an ectopic pregnancy-rupture , which almost killed me...recovery was long. Then- medical bills. I was seeing my son at least 3 times a week and had him on the weekends. My relationships were rocky, I had no stability, no support, no alimony...My relatives abandoned me-they got their money jmana sent to them, then vanished a long time ago. ( We will never speak again and they live across the street)
 I broke up with the boyfriend ( he got drunk I wrecked my car) and rented a small room, had no furniture, slept on air mattress, kept taking classes, worked 3 jobs -one of them was a third shift as a part-time topless dancer...Still not a good situation for a 7 y.o. kid, is it? I did not give up and kept paying off those damn medical bills and helped my family in Ukraine ( my mother was sick and just recently died) It was a shitty deal...
The old boyfriend came around and proposed, begging for a second chance ( he fixed the car)... I got married again. Still did not feel right in the new marriage. I was a student, worked retail and my second hubby started drinking again..He said I was too busy for him...Not worth mentioning  the details, but  he was a kind guy and addictions - kill relationships!
I ran from a second husband. I still graduated, moved to FL. I have lived here since 2011 and have a great man, who also has been through a lot of crap in his life. We met in NC and were good friends at first, he helped me a lot and eventually we got romantically involved, moved to FL together, got jobs and are still together... My life has stabilized, I work a lot though. My kid is old enough to decide if he wants to be here with me or there with his dad and Alina, it is up to him now...But with all the craziness I went through before, I would not want my son to suffer with me, I was protecting him. If that makes me a horrible parent...Than be it. I really just did not have a stable home and people around me to force the custody thing. Jmana has a sweet family, so I was encouraging of the relationship they had with my son. Why not, it was for his best...

Jmana as a cheap skate...LOL he is a coupon king and if you need to find a good deal on things, you can always ask jmana That did not really bother me, I was always driven to be successful enough to make my own money.

[lonedrake]

southpaw,

 Thanks for sharing your side of the story.    It is always interesting. It seems to me that you are honest about things and it also seems to me that you consider jmana mostly honest himself. You also consider him a decent man....just not right for you.

Would that be a fair assessment?

[Southpaw1982]

southpaw,

 Thanks for sharing your side of the story.    It is always interesting. It seems to me that you are honest about things and it also seems to me that you consider jmana mostly honest himself. You also consider him a decent man....just not right for you.

Would that be a fair assessment?

Yes. That is the idea. He is a good person and I am a good person. We had our differences and struggles, but we all live and learn , we all want to be happy and make the best out of life. 

[lonedrake]

I am a good person

 It shows!

 

[Southpaw1982]

 It shows!

  Thanks! I try. Now that things are clear and we are not going to bring up unpleasant memories and focus on the happy ones instead. Learning to let go and forgive was the best thing i have ever learned, they don't teach you this in college....
I must go to sleep. Up at 4.30 am to go to work tomorrow. It will be a busy day at the office. Goodnight everyone. Thanks for listening.

[southernX]

southpaw, yes your decency does show  , again thank you

hope you will stay around , ?
your input may be helpfull to others here as well

SX

[Gator]

Southpaw,

Thanks for dropping by and filling in some missing information.

Your grandmother and aunt never should have married you away at the tender age of 18.  That was absurd.  You were way too young to understand what was best for you, what you needed to do as a wife,  and at the same time prepare yourself for the world.  And Jamana was almost as young.

Quickly  you had a son, and I am sure you were nor ready for motherhood at 18 or 19.  Rather than continue to live in a broken relationship, you divorced Jamana.  You could not depend upon Jamana for support, so you advanced your education to be able to get a job.  This necessitated that you assign primary custody to Jamana. 

Life after the divorce has not been a walk in the park.   Bad relationships again, illness, money problems.  Yet you find a way to pay your child support.  Your story shows that a FSUW marrying an American man is far from a life of ease and pleasure.  The path can be tortuous with dead primroses. 

Things are looking up now.  I hope your life continues to get better.  Meanwhile, Jamana seems to be meeting his responsibility as a  father.    From everything Jamana wrote, I infer your son is a really good kid - inquisitive, pensive, responsible and calm.   

You have cleared up a mystery.   I and several others advised Jamana not to marry Alina.  We heard nothing from him in over a month.  It seems he has married her because  her fiancée visa deadline for marriage or return to RU has passed. 

Oh well......I wish everyone the best.  You, your son, your boyfriend, Jamana, Alina and Alina's daughter. 

[dogspot]

Marrying young and being unsure about love will almost always turn out bad.  Based on what jmana has told us here about his relationship with Alina, he might be headed for much of the same. Of course, although he has divulged more about his relationship with Alina than he should, I believe jmana's words here shed light primarily on the negative aspects about his fiance while withholding much of the good. Not to say he isn't honest - I believe he is a kind and honest man. But I believe there is much more to Alina than jmana is letting on. But based on what we have been told, I'm just not sure there is strong mutual love between the two of them. I get the feeling they are rushing into something for which neither are ready...and it sounds like it isn't the first time.

Southpaw, your contribution to this community is valuable. I think there is a lot to be learned from you and from jmana and I hope you stick around. I hope jmana takes the time to reflect on your words and think long and hard about what he may be facing in a potential marriage to Alina. Perhaps you can be of help, as was my ex and mother of my eldest son, in avoiding any possible missteps that could negatively impact his future and the future of your boy. 

[Ade]

I think it just goes to show that what most men write on forums has to be taken with a huge heap of salt because they are, generally, 1) at least partially self delusional, 2) prone to be biased towards themselves and unable to view events objectively, 3) damn liars.

[Southpaw1982]

Southpaw,

Thanks for dropping by and filling in some missing information.

Your grandmother and aunt never should have married you away at the tender age of 18.  That was absurd.  You were way too young to understand what was best for you, what you needed to do as a wife,  and at the same time prepare yourself for the world.  And Jamana was almost as young.

Quickly  you had a son, and I am sure you were nor ready for motherhood at 18 or 19.  Rather than continue to live in a broken relationship, you divorced Jamana.  You could not depend upon Jamana for support, so you advanced your education to be able to get a job.  This necessitated that you assign primary custody to Jamana. 

Life after the divorce has not been a walk in the park.   Bad relationships again, illness, money problems.  Yet you find a way to pay your child support.  Your story shows that a FSUW marrying an American man is far from a life of ease and pleasure.  The path can be tortuous with dead primroses. 

Things are looking up now.  I hope your life continues to get better.  Meanwhile, Jamana seems to be meeting his responsibility as a  father.    From everything Jamana wrote, I infer your son is a really good kid - inquisitive, pensive, responsible and calm.   

You have cleared up a mystery.   I and several others advised Jamana not to marry Alina.  We heard nothing from him in over a month.  It seems he has married her because  her fiancée visa deadline for marriage or return to RU has passed. 

Oh well......I wish everyone the best.  You, your son, your boyfriend, Jamana, Alina and Alina's daughter.

There is no better way of saying it!  You understood me 

Yes, our son is a great kid. He was a good baby too. I felt blessed, I actually kept going and because of this child.

[die_cast]

I just had a conversation with him to clear some of the confusion, I had no idea he was posting stuff about me. But, we cleared this up.

Well, I was one of the first to know about Alina. He wrote me about her before his trip to St.Pete's and was upfront about going to meet her. She seems perfect for him , BUT she is a diamond in the rough. Both of them need to work really hard to make it work...

So can you bate our curiosity and let us know if jmana and Alina are married already? 

[Southpaw1982]

Southpaw, your contribution to this community is valuable. I think there is a lot to be learned from you and from jmana and I hope you stick around. I hope jmana takes the time to reflect on your words and think long and hard about what he may be facing in a potential marriage to Alina. Perhaps you can be of help, as was my ex and mother of my eldest son, in avoiding any possible missteps that could negatively impact his future and the future of your boy.

Thank you so much!
Yes, he is reaching out to me sometimes. He has been all these years with all of his relationships. For the most part, we got along well. It is all about the intentions and being true to yourself. He says he does not really need much to be happy, he is pretty content with his life and just wants a partner and someone he can trust. All of us do. So, I hope things will get better for him, it just takes time.

[Southpaw1982]

So can you bate our curiosity and let us know if jmana and Alina are married already? 

Not yet. Very soon though. He mentioned things are betting better.

[Gator]

Not yet. Very soon though. He mentioned things are betting better.

Let's hope so for his benefit as well as your son's.  Alina arrived in mid-January, so they have only 20-25 days to decide.

[Muzh]

Frankly, jmana and I are way over the past. Everything what has happened to us while we were married,problems that made a relationship bumpy...All water over the bridge.  Main thing was we were not meant to be. It did not work out. But In order to raise our boy and make the best of it, we will take the higher road. I am sure he agrees with me. We had such a wonderful kid, why fight?

I just had a conversation with him to clear some of the confusion, I had no idea he was posting stuff about me. But, we cleared this up.
I just wish people would communicate more, before jumping into conclusions. It is none of any ya all's business anyways.

Hey girl!!
 
It's water under the bridge. LOL I explained that to my wife the other day. No biggie because English is MY second language too.
 
Anyway, don't pay too much attention to Billy. He just don't like sassy girls. He likes them submissive and obedient. Notice how he grabs his phallic symbol on his avatar.
 
You are cool with me. I believe you and I think you are doing good. What you did took a lot of cojones, if you sported some. 
 
Hang around. We need some sassy girls around here. I really mean it. 

[Muzh]

Wonderful news. Jmana can come back to this forum and participate without shame. Most men have seen porn before. It's the kiddy porn that would set off alarms.

Am I the only one who sees this as a projection?

[Southpaw1982]

Hey girl!!
 
It's water under the bridge. LOL I explained that to my wife the other day. No biggie because English is MY second language too.
 
Anyway, don't pay too much attention to Billy. He just don't like sassy girls. He likes them submissive and obedient. Notice how he grabs his phallic symbol on his avatar.
 
You are cool with me. I believe you and I think you are doing good. What you did took a lot of cojones, if you sported some. 
 
Hang around. We need some sassy girls around here. I really mean it. 

Oh, shoot...I keep screwing up  my sentences and words lol I really did not know how people say this expression here. Now I do, thanks

[jmana]

Wow, I forgot to check this website for a while, damn what happened while I was gone?    Now I just need for Alina to find this site and we can have  group therapy session   And yes, I admit it, free porn, well  not just free porn but really GOOD free porn had just become available at about the same time that my ex had begun to seem more interested in other things (other than me), so yeah I indulged a bit!  When she was up in her room doing whatever it was she was doing, I was down in my office doing what I wanted, and yeah she would look down over the balcony to catch me looking, but truth be told I wouldn't have been looking if I hadn't felt ignored.  But that's all water under the bridge at this point, just didn't want people to think I'm some kind of pervert porn addict.  It doesn't even interest me anymore, I guess because I've seen, and done, it all.  At a certain age I think a man has to grow up and realize that life is more about where he can put his penis

[Muzh]

Free porn can have some serious disadvanatges for those who are NOT ambidextrous.
 
 

[Gator]

At a certain age I think a man has to grow up and realize that life is more about where he can put his penis

....life is more about where he can put his penis?

      -or-

....life is more aboutthan where he can put his penis?