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Author Topic: Did you help to her financially?  (Read 28520 times)

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Offline tm33398

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #25 on: May 09, 2006, 05:05:30 AM »
Regarding helping financially, my wife is not yetn working and I do give her some money so she has some, but sometimes she gives it back, but I think they just wantb to see if you would be generous and want to know you don't want to be a skin-flint. ::)

tm33398

Offline Zhena

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #26 on: May 09, 2006, 05:45:47 AM »
Regarding helping financially, my wife is not yetn working and I do give her some money so she has some, but sometimes she gives it back, but I think they just wantb to see if you would be generous and want to know you don't want to be a skin-flint. ::)

tm33398
Exactly.

Offline KenC

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #27 on: May 09, 2006, 05:51:55 AM »
As I know,most of women,even if they earn enough,like to accept some support from a man because that makes them feel like a woman....Ready to get the tomatoes from KenC ;)
So, men should "pay" in order for a woman to "feel like a woman"? Does she "feel like a man" without the payment? I treated my wife like any other woman I dated. I showered her with attention and affection with an occasional gift or two. None expected me to support them or raise their standard of living before marriage. I am more than a generous man, but I would resent it if money was expected for my friendship. If there is a dollar value put on a relationship, I wouldn't have the relationship. It all smacks of prostitution to me. And I know my wife feels the same.
KenC
« Last Edit: May 09, 2006, 05:53:40 AM by KenC »
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Offline Shadow

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #28 on: May 09, 2006, 06:36:35 AM »
I that case Shads why do they advertise themselves on International Dating Agencies?

Ste
Cause they want to make money of silly men  :)

Putting a profile on a website does not mean you are actually planning or even believing it will work.
No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Offline Zhena

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #29 on: May 09, 2006, 06:43:53 AM »
So, men should "pay" in order for a woman to "feel like a woman"? Does she "feel like a man" without the payment? I treated my wife like any other woman I dated. I showered her with attention and affection with an occasional gift or two. None expected me to support them or raise their standard of living before marriage. I am more than a generous man, but I would resent it if money was expected for my friendship. If there is a dollar value put on a relationship, I wouldn't have the relationship. It all smacks of prostitution to me. And I know my wife feels the same.
KenC

You dont understand,Ken. If the dollars mean more for you than your women,how will she believe that u truly love her? She may not really need,but you have to show your readiness to open your purse for her. Any of us can loose all what he has. If your woman loves you,she wont leave you because of that and will support you. And if she needs a help today,you have to show to her that you are ready to give it.
This is a womans opinion. And dont tell me your wife is different.

Offline Ste

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #30 on: May 09, 2006, 06:49:00 AM »
You dont understand,Ken. If the dollars mean more for you than your women,how will she believe that u truly love her?

And how you we know she really loves us and not our money?

If the dollars mean more to her how can we believe she truly loves us?

I can't belive I'm hearing this......

Ste

Offline Shadow

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #31 on: May 09, 2006, 06:51:20 AM »
I am getting worried....

I am wearing a gold bracelet and every now and then my fiancee kisses it telling that Russian girls love gold.

Perhaps I should install that keylogger.  :hairraising:
No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Offline KenC

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #32 on: May 09, 2006, 06:52:38 AM »
You dont understand,Ken. If the dollars mean more for you than your women,how will she believe that u truly love her? She may not really need,but you have to show your readiness to open your purse for her. Any of us can loose all what he has. If your woman loves you,she wont leave you because of that and will support you. And if she needs a help today,you have to show to her that you are ready to give it.
This is a womans opinion. And dont tell me your wife is different.
The key word here is "need'. There is a big difference between "need" and "want". It is not my responisbility to raise the living standards of a "friend". I wouldn't do it here in America with the women I dated nor would I do it in a fsu country.

If her love is defined by my ability to pay, I wouldn't want it! And yes, my wife is very very different from you. She would die before she asked for a handout. Too much pride for that sort of thing.
KenC
« Last Edit: May 09, 2006, 06:54:09 AM by KenC »
You are a den of vipers and thieves-Andrew Jackson on banks
Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies-Thomas Jefferson

Offline Jumper

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #33 on: May 09, 2006, 07:42:21 AM »
peewee--

with regard to your question - what? dont they plan ahead?,-

I echo shadows statements:
generally
No. for many reasons
1. Many women ( the best probably) do not plan to leave the country, they plan to find a husband. Only when they do they get the shock that they might actually have to leave their country.
I would ad to that the percentage that place an on line ad, that eventually marry is akin to hitting the lottery, so its isnt unrealitic to run an ad yet fully expect NOT to get married and relocate. (to expect you will end up meeting and marrying a local man for example)
In addition it is somehat a RW trait to look at the future negatively,,if it can be bad a result , it will be (yes, they are all individuals so of course YMMV)


2. Money in the FSU is unstable. Banks can go out of business in one day, and cash money an be worthless. People in Russia and Ukraine had this happen to them not so long ago. Would you be saving money if you knew it might be 10% of the value tomorrow ?

i would ad to this , that while the economy gettng better ,
and many people ¦nbsp;make a decent standard of living,the reality is that ¦nbsp;MOST do not have the income level needed to save money for some "possible" future event,. in fact they are counting kopecks for this months bills. This doesnt mean dirt poor, but it does mean that thier current bills require all thier effort and resources to meet, there is not surplus for the harboring of some big nest egg. I think the RW that have the salary and means to do so , and fully plan to relocate , do indeed save for the relocation



As far as helping your g/f or fiancee to *buy* the relationship,,
i've seen many men do this.Right or wromg it happens,, thats between them.

Also certainly some women would want to see if the man was generous as well,, it is kind of a High schoolish game.
but in the context of this *reality* - that the two people often dont even really know each other, it makes perfect sense?


In our case i knew my wife long term..before engagement,
and so of course if we were to be married wanted to do what i could for her .
before and after marriage.. no it wasnt lavish, I did not have such means ,and she understood this..
but on the other side of things ,
while ¦nbsp;i understood that she could get by without me, and had for years, but she ¦nbsp;would struggle.
and I would want to make her life a bit better or easier if i could do so.

It could be looked at as *buying * a relationship,
 or looked at as just being what it was, a fiancee or husband with full intentions
of of helping the people out that are in his life.Especially family.

All these things can be taken way too far in both directions!

To me if a man who has the means to make his fiancees life a bit better,
and knows his fiancee is struggling to make ends meet, and is working extra hours to pay the added expences and hardships of visa documentation and running around..
but does nothing, is ridiculas..
of course this is assuming she is struggling (most are)
and also assuming he knows her well!!
(if he doesnt know her, like many cases, then ¦nbsp;i understand the lack of any support)
but i have to be blunt- if you know her well enough to propose, you should then man up and help if she needs it,, YOU made that choice when you popped the big question.
if you were not ready to do so,,
then for gawd sakes WAIT untill you are sure about her , her motivations, and YOUR feelings of commitment to her.
because in MOST cases she is going to need some help to get established in a new country.. its a bit to naive to think not.
If you think you arnt going to be supporting her in that 90 day K1 window... you are probably not being realistic, or you have a RW outside the average means.
If you think she doesnt need a bit of your help while awaiting the K1 process, you are also engaged to a RW beyond the average salary, or from a family that is doing a bit better than average.

Truth is:
Each situation ,and the dynamics of every relationship ,would be so very diffgerent, only the people involved would truly know what is appropriate..??
« Last Edit: May 09, 2006, 08:09:32 AM by AJ »
.

Offline Jumper

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #34 on: May 09, 2006, 08:07:44 AM »
*afiancee* - she is a mother/homemaker currently ..and we are planning children soon..but yes she wants to work and has continued her education in preporation for employment..

STE-
of course its a fine line to walk,,
but as a man, thats a mans problem..

if he cant distinguish wether a woman loves him, or just his ATM card,
then he¦nbsp; probably isnt at the point that he should be engaged yet.

If he is engaged, and witholding financial support to "test" her, is that truly any different than her expecting an offer of some money (that she knows he has) to see if he is a generious man?and actually cares about her?

silly vicious circle.

*afiancee* has a valid piint in my mind.

most RW, will be in a situation of struggling,
they will most likely be engaged to a man with the means to help somewhat.

if a man proposing marriage, knowing her situation well,
doesnt offer any help,, that speaks volumes to her.
and honestly- it SHOULD.

the other side is that most RW are indeed much too proud to ask, and many times would need to force her to even accept..
but then again -in her culture -THATS THE MANS JOB to do!
(to not only offer ,but make her accept it)


this all boils down to :
if you think you will marry a woman from an entirely different¦nbsp; culture , and that not have some effect on her mindet , and what she views as normal, while your view may be quite different, again you arnt being realistic?


KenC- of course you dont support a friend,,and i certainly dont think anyone should.
but you were not engaged to your wife while she was in Russia..??
she was a g/f??
she was in the U.S when you became engaged?

That's an entirely different scenerio than what *a fiancee* is presenting..??

My gut tells me if¦nbsp; you had been engaged in Russia,
 to an average salary/family RW, that you would have insisted she take some help during that period, and you wouldnt have considered it *buying* her , as you are the type that would be sure of who he was engaged to.

so it seems odd to me that you are argueing on the other side of the fence, in the light the question was presented.

I could be wrong.. it happens a lot - just ask my wife she KNOWS i am wrong quite often ;)  LOL!

Like Ken stated though:
I would say it was a BIG problem for us, as my wife really needed the help,
and it was a huge fight for me to get her to grudgingly accept,,,
she would rather die first.Too much pride is not always a good thing.
(but yes a RW generalization that seems to hold up)
  There was no need for those early problems over something so obvious.


« Last Edit: May 09, 2006, 08:19:23 AM by AJ »
.

Offline BC

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #35 on: May 09, 2006, 08:38:13 AM »
On my third trip to visit my wife we were engaged.  To me being engaged was a commitment as valid as saying 'yes' walking up the aisle.  When I left I gave her the small bit of leftover travel cash and one of my c cards that could be used at ATM's.  When she hesitated I told her not to worry.. it's 'us' now so if she feels she needs something she should get it.. it's OUR money.

When the cc bill arrived at the end of the month I was in shock.. 100 here, 200 there.. all in all about 1500..

RUBLES!!!!!!

I called her and informed her that at this rate we would go broke.. It was difficult to explain the concept that we were being eaten alive by the minimum atm bank charges amounting to over 30% of her total withdrawal amount.

Solution:  Take more out of the ATM.. a lot more!!!

Offline Zhena

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #36 on: May 09, 2006, 10:05:31 AM »
And how you we know she really loves us and not our money?

If the dollars mean more to her how can we believe she truly loves us?

I can't belive I'm hearing this......

Ste
You can check it in many ways,Ste.
But if you look for a woman withoiut the financial problems,hwo will she know that you love her,but not her money huh?

Offline Zhena

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #37 on: May 09, 2006, 10:07:16 AM »
The key word here is "need'. There is a big difference between "need" and "want". It is not my responisbility to raise the living standards of a "friend". I wouldn't do it here in America with the women I dated nor would I do it in a fsu country.

If her love is defined by my ability to pay, I wouldn't want it! And yes, my wife is very very different from you. She would die before she asked for a handout. Too much pride for that sort of thing.
KenC

She shouldnt ASK-you should give it to her without any asking! Otherwise can you call yourself a man? Asking is humiliating!

Offline Zhena

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #38 on: May 09, 2006, 10:13:10 AM »
And honestly<KenC,ypur poor wife will never tell you her real wishes because she knows you dont like it. But I can imagine how happy she would be if you would give some money for her own pleasure or some small present.

Offline Turboguy

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #39 on: May 09, 2006, 10:57:32 AM »
I that case Shads why do they advertise themselves on International Dating Agencies?

Ste

When you come up with the answer for that Ste then you can start to figure out why us old farts write to gals who are in the 20's or less and look like runway models.    Probably the reason is pretty similar except the gals have a better chance.   :o

Offline mischief

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #40 on: May 09, 2006, 11:11:46 AM »
Everyone has a different attitude towards money and it’s their own business what they do with their money… somebody spends, somebody saves…
I love to spend money… I love nice clothes, going to nice places, traveling, making gifts for my friends and just helping people I know… guess that’s why I might never be rich! LOL ;;D But for me life is about giving… doesn’t matter how much I have there is always somebody who has less, and if it is my friend or a person I like, I will always help… That’s why I appreciate giving people – the first thing I loved in my husband… when we started dating he was buying me anything I liked… I’m a nice person so I didn’t make him broke ;)… LOL when we got engaged my husband sent me around $500 every month, I was still working and making enough money…. so that extra money I spent on my family and friends… having a good time with people I love and paying back to people who was helping me financially when I was really really broke…
Of course, when you have children there should always be sensible limits on spending… so I’m more saver than spender now…
but I know if anything happens and I’ll need money or anything there are more than plenty of people all over the world who will there for me and my family…
My husband was never sure that I’d marry him… he just took the risk hoping that we have future together… now he has a loving beautiful intelligent wife and wonderful son (who is the most beautiful smartest kid ever existing 8))..
« Last Edit: May 09, 2006, 11:19:41 AM by mischief »

Offline Ste

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #41 on: May 09, 2006, 11:23:08 AM »
My reasoning is similar to BC's (think it was BC) - as soon as we became 'an item' what's mine was also hers. Including the debts  - harhar! I got a spare ATM and gave it to her and she never used it except to pay for her flight here.

As for 'a fiancee' we'd have to disagree on this, but your choice of avatar has already made up my mind about what you expect from life....

Ste






Offline BC

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #42 on: May 09, 2006, 12:01:51 PM »
mischief,

Reading your post is almost like hearing my wife speak..

Whenever I say "Honey, we just can't afford it right now" she responds: 'Bez problem!.. you just have to work more!'

I just love the logic.....  ;D

Offline Zhena

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #43 on: May 09, 2006, 12:04:42 PM »
My reasoning is similar to BC's (think it was BC) - as soon as we became 'an item' what's mine was also hers. Including the debts  - harhar! I got a spare ATM and gave it to her and she never used it except to pay for her flight here.

As for 'a fiancee' we'd have to disagree on this, but your choice of avatar has already made up my mind about what you expect from life....

Ste

Hehe,share it with me,what I expect from life?...Very interesting,how you can predict my expectations by my avatar...





Offline Zhena

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #44 on: May 09, 2006, 12:06:18 PM »
Ste

Hehe,share it with me,what I expect from life?...Very interesting,how you can predict my expectations by my avatar...

Offline mischief

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #45 on: May 09, 2006, 12:07:23 PM »
mischief,

Reading your post is almost like hearing my wife speak..

Whenever I say "Honey, we just can't afford it right now" she responds: 'Bez problem!.. you just have to work more!'

I just love the logic.....¦nbsp; ;D

LOL... yep, that's right! and you can work at night too! btw, my husband feels for you! ¦nbsp;;)
« Last Edit: May 09, 2006, 12:13:45 PM by mischief »

Offline Zhena

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #46 on: May 09, 2006, 12:08:44 PM »
Let me guess....
I expect...to drink much!  :o Is it following from my avatar? ;D

Offline Daknack

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #47 on: May 09, 2006, 02:15:04 PM »
She shouldnt ASK-you should give it to her without any asking! Otherwise can you call yourself a man? Asking is humiliating!

That is the single most stupid thing Ive ever seen posted about anything.

I ask for many things.  And Ive never felt humilitated.
« Last Edit: May 09, 2006, 02:17:24 PM by Daknack »

Offline KenC

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #48 on: May 09, 2006, 03:04:12 PM »
And honestly<KenC,ypur poor wife will never tell you her real wishes because she knows you dont like it. But I can imagine how happy she would be if you would give some money for her own pleasure or some small present.
a Fiancee,
I wish I could explain just how comical your post is to me.  Let me just say that she is the single most headstrong person I have ever met.  Never will she placate me.  She speaks her mind without regard to what anyone else's opinion.

I am curious. When you say:
"She shouldnt ASK-you should give it to her without any asking! Otherwise can you call yourself a man? Asking is humiliating!" Why should I pay for her to be my girlfriend? And what is the justification for her? Is it all just a barter deal then? If it is assumed that the AM should put the RW on an allowance, what is the return to the AM from the RW? If I had to pay for a girlfriend, it would be by the night and then I would kick her out after I was done with her. Please get this straight: MY WIFE WOULD NEVER ACCEPT A CASH PAYMENT AS YOU SUGGEST IS NORMAL. IT GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING SHE WAS EVER TAUGHT AND HER PARENTS WOULD DISOWN HER IF SHE DID. SHE WOULD THINK OF HERSELF AS A PROSTITUTE.
KenC
 
You are a den of vipers and thieves-Andrew Jackson on banks
Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies-Thomas Jefferson

Offline Wild Orchid*

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #49 on: May 09, 2006, 03:25:58 PM »
This is a womans opinion. And dont tell me your wife is different.

Opinion of this particular woman, not all women in FSU. For a start, I am different. Yes, my husband sent me money, but not to show whatever you imply here but for necessities I couldn’t afford myself – trips to Moscow, medical test, English courses etc. I was very careful with the money and managed to save 1 K. I worked all the time and was doing whatever I had to do after work and I had a son to look after. I had even to postpone my flight to Au because of my work commitments. I don’t see any reason why woman should give up work and depend totally on man. Of course if he is living with her most of the time it is different story. They have to spend their time together, otherwise...  :-\

 

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