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Author Topic: Did you help to her financially?  (Read 30670 times)

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Offline Zhena

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Did you help to her financially?
« on: May 08, 2006, 06:35:42 AM »
So the question is. Did you help to your fiancee on a regular basis and how much did you send if yes.

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2006, 06:42:40 AM »
So the question is. Did you help to your fiancee on a regular basis and how much did you send if yes.

Absolutely. Once Olya and I decided that she would come live with me in America, we made plans for her preparations, and it necessarily meant that she would quit her job in Ukraine. At that point, we were a "couple" in partnership together for life - and her decision to spend her time in preparations for a new life (English lessons, driving lessons, etc.) meant that the income she had depended upon needed to be replaced, so I replaced it. It wasn't much by western standards - about $300 per month IIRC - and I provided more than that - to pay for the various lessons she was taking, and preparations she was making.

- Dan

Offline KenC

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2006, 06:43:24 AM »
Fiancee,
I sent my wife (now) money twice before she came to America. ¬ Once was to cover her travel expenses to Moscow and the cost of her visa. ¬ The second time was to give her money to buy some luggage for her trip here. ¬ She never asked or expected anything else.
KenC
You are a den of vipers and thieves-Andrew Jackson on banks
Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies-Thomas Jefferson

Offline catzenmouse

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2006, 06:47:19 AM »
afiance,

 Yes, I sent money (after we got engaged) for her English lessons, for the paperwork and travel to get the visa, and for the flight here of course, along with some extra money for her to use as she saw fit. Couldn't tell you exactly how much but she actually saved most of it and still has it in roubles which we will take back with us next month.

Ken
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Offline Zhena

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #4 on: May 08, 2006, 07:39:28 AM »
Thanks,guys.
I asking because ,on my opinion,it shows your readiness to accept a woman in your life and help to her to adjust. As most of women who marry the americans,wont stay on their own feet at least during the first year so of course you will have to give the money to her.
And here a one of most popeuar points of early divorces-she complains that he doesnt give enough.

Offline Shadow

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #5 on: May 08, 2006, 07:56:12 AM »
And here is my reply.

I paid for the visa application and tickets t o my country. Otherwise I opened an account, gave her an ATM card to ensure that in case needed she would be able to access money.
It put ‚ā¨ 500 on the account, and apart from the initial 'learning' she never made any withdrawal.
Should she have lost her job I would have been prepared to support her, but it was never needed.

The account and the card are hers, and I leave it up to her decision if she wants to work or not. So far she is happy at home.
No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Offline catzenmouse

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #6 on: May 08, 2006, 08:01:19 AM »
Thanks,guys.
I asking because ,on my opinion,it shows your readiness to accept a woman in your life and help to her to adjust. As most of women who marry the americans,wont stay on their own feet at least during the first year so of course you will have to give the money to her.
And here a one of most popeuar points of early divorces-she complains that he doesnt give enough.

 Elena is so frugal with money is puts me to shame. I'm the one who buys too many unnecessary things. Before she was working I would give her money so that she would have some if she ever needed something and the next time I looked in my wallet she had put it back. She's been saving most of her pay to get some big ticket items for her mother when we visit next month. One heck of a good girl I've got here!  ;D

Ken
"Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal."
-- Louis K. Anspacher

Offline START2

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #7 on: May 08, 2006, 09:50:02 AM »
 Indeed!!! I set up an ATM account and gave Val the PIN. Not only did it save money but made it so easy to accomplish paying for docs that were needed. Trusting her was easy. Many times she used her own money for things like translations, notaries. She did not feel right about not contributing to our future. She still feels this way. When she purchased tickets to fly here, she bought them there and it was much cheaper. I deposited  money for business class because I wanted her to have comfort on the long flight and we bought tickets soon after the Kiev interview to be here ASAP. She orignally purchased  business class because there were not seats. The agent called a few days before she left and said 2 seats opened in coach and asked if she wanted to change her seats. She saw the $400 the difference in price and didn't even give it a second thought and took the cheaper seats to SAVE us money. She's the same today. Very frugal, but when it's a matter of items that are quality, we think the same, you get what you pay for, and quality is better than cheap.
   We have kept the ATM account(debit card) open and from time to time Mom and Pop will use the account to get things for her house in Ukr that we want done. Just recently we had them purchse a new water heater for her home and have it installed. Less than $200. The old one didn't produce much hot water and water had to be heated on the stove and taken upstairs. That was a pain in the ass. Now when we return, I'll have all the hot water I need in a few minutes. There have been some other things we have done as well for her home there but also there's ulterior motive. From time to time Mom and Pop use her home( especially in winter)  and all these things make their life easier to. They're  not spring chickens anymore and it makes us feel good to supply them with some added comfort without them feeling they are getting charity. Who knows, we may be living there for longer periods of tiem in the future ;)  I sort of got off topic here, but for us support goes beyond just getting her here. I have a whole new family and they are just as important to me as my wife is.

Offline Zhena

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #8 on: May 08, 2006, 10:11:47 AM »
Very good,Start,it deserves a respection.

Offline viking

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #9 on: May 08, 2006, 01:38:48 PM »
Start 2

In whose name was the debit card? I went to the bank this weekend to try to do the same thing, but they refused to issue a card in her name. Only mine. Seems the Patriot Act prevents banks from giving out these things unless the person can pyhysically be present in the bank and present ID. I was thinking of just sending her my card and Pin, (separately of course)so it can at least be used in an ATM.
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Viking: But you still need to walk along the beach to find it.

Offline Shadow

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #10 on: May 08, 2006, 01:51:03 PM »
Viking I had the same thing as Dutch banks do not accept anyone not having a Dutch social security number.
I opened the account in my name, as this is not a problem for the ATM.... ;)
No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Offline START2

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #11 on: May 08, 2006, 02:21:41 PM »
Viking,
 It's true the bank will not issue a card in her name if she has no ID here. I simply opened the debit account in my name and gave her the card to use. There's a $200 limit per day on the account I believe. If more is needed she just planned ahead or used her own money that she saved or that I left with her for incidentals. She is from a smaller town so I never worried about a scam to steal her PIN. Doesn't mean it couldn't happen, it was there was less chance than in places like Kiev or Odessa. If you send her a card tell her to use the ATM's and not go inside the bank to a teller. They will ask for ID and since her name is not on the card probably won't honor it. I also told my bank that the card will mostly be used in Ukr., so don't put a hold on withdrawals if they see money being withdrawn from there. Also to my liking, my bank only charges $1.50 for each transaction. In my opinion, that's a bargain. Hope that answers your question. In 18 months or more we have never had a problem. Now for AOS sake, her name is jointly on this account.

Offline jb

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #12 on: May 08, 2006, 02:22:08 PM »
No, (shyly kicking the can), she helped me with money each month since she is so much more wealthy than me.

Offline Jumper

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #13 on: May 08, 2006, 03:52:42 PM »
:)
 Well, I  certainly helped her at the fiancee stage as we had wedding expenses to plan for.,,in her country.

 So of course as my wife, after marriage and awaiting visa approvals,
I would support and help her .
 (actually she kept working,but as the time to relocate drew near, she stopped to attend to the details, like  traveling to warsaw and kiev that was needed.)
like some other guys-
 i set up an ATM account and she had the card to use.,,
it wasnt a monthly set amount ,
 she did have regular driving lessons ,
 but basically it was there to use if she needed it. for things like KenC mentioned : luggage, travel expenses.
it was not a lot, but it was enough to lewt her make life a bit easier right before she moved , and to help her mother a bit.
We still help support her mother , as my wife was the only income for that household.

 
 
.

Offline viking

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #14 on: May 08, 2006, 04:15:07 PM »
Shadow
Start 2

Thanks. Kinda figured that was the way to go, but it helps knowing someone did before me.
Tom Hanks in Castaway: You never know what the tide may bring in.
Viking: But you still need to walk along the beach to find it.

Offline DonAz

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #15 on: May 08, 2006, 05:54:38 PM »
Great Thread!

I¬  pretty much did the same thing as Dan. After we were engaged Yulia stopped working and I supported her. She needed to study English and that would have been very difficult if she were to still work ( Her work hours were ridiculous ) Also we planned on living together for a couple of months in Sochi and I sure as hell didn't want to spend that time waiting for her to come home from work anf being a  house husband  ;D ¬  As I think back now, it was a very wise decision. By living together for that amount of time really solidified¬  our feelings for each other. It would not have been possible if I did not take the risk of supporting her. Back in 2003 it cost us about $350.00 per month for all of her expenses.

A bit offtopic,

I had to laugh while reading Ken's post. I can piss away money like it is infected and buy items  that will see little use.

I have to say that my wife handles money much better then I do, since we were married our expenses are MUCH less then when I was a bachelor, even with the expense of helping to support my MIL we still spend less money each month.

DonAz
« Last Edit: May 08, 2006, 06:03:43 PM by DonAz »

Offline PeeWee

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #16 on: May 08, 2006, 08:44:50 PM »
Fiancee,
I sent my wife (now) money twice before she came to America. ¦nbsp;Once was to cover her travel expenses to Moscow and the cost of her visa. ¦nbsp;The second time was to give her money to buy some luggage for her trip here. ¦nbsp;She never asked or expected anything else.
KenC


Yep. I asked the question before. Do not these women plan ahead? In anticipation of one day finding a man and moving somewhere don't the put aside some travel and relocation money?  I ask it because I do know one Ukraine lady who put enough savings away to sustain herself and her son for two years living in the US. It must have been a chunk but was she the lone wolf?

Peewee

Offline PeeWee

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #17 on: May 08, 2006, 08:47:10 PM »
Yep. I asked the question before. Do not these women plan ahead? In anticipation of one day finding a man and moving somewhere don't the put aside some travel and relocation money?¬  I ask it because I do know one Ukraine lady who put enough savings away to sustain herself and her son for two years living in the US. It must have been a chunk but was she the lone wolf? Are Eastern Europeons the only society of people who prepare themselves for a major move without any funding for it? I see thousands of Asians, especially Vietnamese and Chinese who turn up on our beaches with money to not only live on but to begin business with. Is why I wonder about it.

Peewee

Offline KenC

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #18 on: May 08, 2006, 09:42:50 PM »




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote from: KenC on Yesterday at 09:43:24 AM
Fiancee,
I sent my wife (now) money twice before she came to America. ¦nbsp;Once was to cover her travel expenses to Moscow and the cost of her visa. ¦nbsp;The second time was to give her money to buy some luggage for her trip here. ¦nbsp;She never asked or expected anything else.
KenC


Yep. I asked the question before. Do not these women plan ahead? In anticipation of one day finding a man and moving somewhere don't the put aside some travel and relocation money?  I ask it because I do know one Ukraine lady who put enough savings away to sustain herself and her son for two years living in the US. It must have been a chunk but was she the lone wolf?

Peewee 
Peewee,
I have to assume you are asking your questions of me because you quote me.  My wife didn't NEED any money nor would she ever accept it.  I had to force her to take the money to cover her additional expenses related to her coming to be with me.  Truthfully, neither she nor I ever considered it necessary to send her money to be my girlfriend.  She had a life before we met and it was fine then and after.  I really didn't spend any lavish amounts of money on her during our courtship either.  But I did give her a lot of attention.
KenC
You are a den of vipers and thieves-Andrew Jackson on banks
Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies-Thomas Jefferson

Offline PeeWee

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #19 on: May 08, 2006, 11:38:16 PM »



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote from: KenC on Yesterday at 09:43:24 AM
Fiancee,
I sent my wife (now) money twice before she came to America. ¦nbsp;Once was to cover her travel expenses to Moscow and the cost of her visa. ¦nbsp;The second time was to give her money to buy some luggage for her trip here. ¦nbsp;She never asked or expected anything else.
KenC


Yep. I asked the question before. Do not these women plan ahead? In anticipation of one day finding a man and moving somewhere don't the put aside some travel and relocation money?¬  I ask it because I do know one Ukraine lady who put enough savings away to sustain herself and her son for two years living in the US. It must have been a chunk but was she the lone wolf?

Peewee¬ 
Peewee,
I have to assume you are asking your questions of me because you quote me.¬  My wife didn't NEED any money nor would she ever accept it.¬  I had to force her to take the money to cover her additional expenses related to her coming to be with me.¬  Truthfully, neither she nor I ever considered it necessary to send her money to be my girlfriend.¬  She had a life before we met and it was fine then and after.¬  I really didn't spend any lavish amounts of money on her during our courtship either.¬  But I did give her a lot of attention.
KenC



The question was for anyone who might know the answer. Your comments seemed very logical to me. Your way would be the way that  I would want to do it.

Peewee

Offline Ste

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #20 on: May 09, 2006, 02:38:37 AM »
No, (shyly kicking the can), she helped me with money each month since she is so much more wealthy than me.

You should advise Day Dreamer on RWG, his Moskvichka apparently earns around $120,000 in Moscow and is related to ex-KGB.....

Ste


Offline Zhena

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #21 on: May 09, 2006, 03:45:05 AM »
As I know,most of women,even if they earn enough,like to accept some support from a man because that makes them feel like a woman....Ready to get the tomatoes from KenC ;)

Offline Zhena

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #22 on: May 09, 2006, 03:49:22 AM »
:)
 Well, I  certainly helped her at the fiancee stage as we had wedding expenses to plan for.,,in her country.

 So of course as my wife, after marriage and awaiting visa approvals,
I would support and help her .
 (actually she kept working,but as the time to relocate drew near, she stopped to attend to the details, like  traveling to warsaw and kiev that was needed.)
like some other guys-
 i set up an ATM account and she had the card to use.,,
it wasnt a monthly set amount ,
 she did have regular driving lessons ,
 but basically it was there to use if she needed it. for things like KenC mentioned : luggage, travel expenses.
it was not a lot, but it was enough to lewt her make life a bit easier right before she moved , and to help her mother a bit.
We still help support her mother , as my wife was the only income for that household.

 
 

AJ,I saw your family in a gallery....your wife is very attractive. Does she work now?

Offline Shadow

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #23 on: May 09, 2006, 04:43:58 AM »
Yep. I asked the question before. Do not these women plan ahead? In anticipation of one day finding a man and moving somewhere don't the put aside some travel and relocation money?¬  I ask it because I do know one Ukraine lady who put enough savings away to sustain herself and her son for two years living in the US. It must have been a chunk but was she the lone wolf?

Peewee
No.
1. Many women ( the best probably) do not plan to leave the country, they plan to find a husband. Only when they do they get the shock that they might actually have to leave their country.
2. Money in the FSU is unstable. Banks can go out of business in one day, and cash money an be worthless. People in Russia and Ukraine had this happen to them not so long ago. Would you be saving money if you knew it might be 10% of the value tomorrow ?
No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Offline Ste

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Re: Did you help to her financially?
« Reply #24 on: May 09, 2006, 04:56:19 AM »
No.
1. Many women ( the best probably) do not plan to leave the country, they plan to find a husband. Only when they do they get the shock that they might actually have to leave their country.

I that case Shads why do they advertise themselves on International Dating Agencies?

Ste

 

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