She wants to meet in another country

[BillyB]

I read over Tag's posts and she only suggested they go to another country, she didn't ask him to pay for a ticket. Correct me if I'm wrong please. 

I read the same thing you did. Tag did say she's never travelled internationally. My guess is she can't afford international travel and Tag will be picking up the tab. Tag, keep us posted on if she insists meeting in Spain after your offer to meet in her city.

[TagUrIt898]

Hey guys, again I appreciate all the responses and feedback.  After listening to many of the opinions here, I've reconsidered and decided to email my would-be Russian date.  I explained that I would want to meet her in Kaliningrad, even if she considers it to be a small city with not much to see there.  I told her that I could stay in a hotel if she was more comfortable with that. (Have a back-up plan right)  I went on to say that if our first visit went well, we could take a vacation together later this year.  I'll let you know how it goes.

I just wanna say, that I know we're supposed to conform and be understanding of how EW think, but shouldn't they also take into consideration how an AM thinks as well?  It's a bit extreme in my opinion regardless of the connection, to completely splurge on a VERY expensive vacation and you've never met them before.

[die_cast]

Nothing wrong with a meeting in the third country, and nothing wrong with her desire to visit Spain or any another country, just this

She lives in Kaliningrad and say that there is not that much to see there.

is not an absolute truth, Kaliningrad is a beautiful city, but there are nothing to see for her, I guess  so she, probably, just doesn't want to spend her vacation in her city. 

[die_cast]

It's a bit extreme in my opinion regardless of the connection, to completely splurge on a VERY expensive vacation and you've never met them before.

And your trip to Kaliningrad is going to be a cheap one? 

[lonedrake]

I just wanna say, that I know we're supposed to conform and be understanding of how EW think, but shouldn't they also take into consideration how an AM thinks as well?

Yes, and the smart ones do.

[BillyB]

I went on to say that if our first visit went well, we could take a vacation together later this year.

No matter how tempting it is to win a beautiful woman is, try to do it based on who you are, not what you have to offer. If she's inscinere, she'll accept your offer to come to Kaliningrad to get that vacation in Spain. If she's on her best behavior in Kaliningrad, it'll always linger on your mind if it was done for Spain or you. A sincere woman who's into you would've accepted your offer to come to Kaliningrad without the promise of additional vacations.

[die_cast]

If for some personal reasons she doesn't want to meet you in Kaliningrad, Kaliningrad oblast share the borders with Poland and Lithuania. Both countries are worth a visit. I guess she can afford tickets to go there. Why Spain?

[Gator]

And your trip to Kaliningrad is going to be a cheap one? 

Tag, die_cast makes a good point.   You will spend about the same amount in Kaliningrad as in Spain other than not having to purchase her an air flight.

I suggest  that cost savings not be your major factor in deciding when and where to meet.  Nevertheless, you should be mindful of your expenditures.  One way to save money is to rent an apartment in Kaliningrad rather than stay at a hotel.  An apartment is also more convenient (washing clothes, preparing small meals) and comfortable (for your woman to visit).

One benefit of meeting your woman in a place such as Spain is there you will be with her 24-7.  In Kaliningrad she likely will not be available all the time (job, tasks, saving her vacation days, etc.), so plan on walking about alone some of the time.

die_cast makes a good point about bordering countries.  You and your woman could enjoy a weekend sightseeing trip to a resort area, which is essentially the same logistics as traveling to Spain.   

[BillyB]

Kaliningrad oblast share the borders with Poland and Lithuania. Both countries are worth a visit. I guess she can afford tickets to go there.

Even if the lady can pay for it, it's still best if a man can visit the woman in her country and if a woman can visit a man in his country. That way they can see how each other is living. It's crazy enough for people in foreign relationships to have to decide on marriage in a short period of time. It's harder to make a decision if all you know about the person is that they're fun to be with on a vacation.


I felt the best connections with the ladies who wanted to open their life to me when visiting them in their hometown. Once I determined they were good women who had a genuine interest in me, I then took them on vacations.

[die_cast]

That way they can see how each other is living.

How would he see how she is living if she will meet him only in his hotel (apartment) or outside? Does it really matter how she is living if he is not going to live there?
My point is that there are happy married couples who had first meetings in third counties or cities. There is no one perfect way for everyone, there are many ways.

[LiveFromUkraine]

How would he see how she is living if she will meet him only in his hotel (apartment) or outside? Does it really matter how she is living if he is not going to live there?

I would say it does matter for compatibility reasons.  Vacation mode is entirely different to the normal day to day living.


With that said, taking a vacation with someone isn't the end of the world if that is what someone decides to do.  Staying in a hotel and enjoying a different culture sure can bring out any problem areas quickly.  haha

My point is that there are happy married couples who had first meetings in third counties or cities. There is no one perfect way for everyone, there are many ways.

Very true.  Anything is possible but I believe people here are trying to promote ways that will give the weary love struck traveler the best chances of finding compatibility. 

I have loved a few women in my time.  That love didn't mean we were compatible long term. 

Far from it... even though I don't regret any of it.     We did have some great vacations.  hah

[TheTraveler]

I went on to say that if our first visit went well, we could take a vacation together later this year.

A sincere woman who's into you would've accepted your offer to come to Kaliningrad without the promise of additional vacations.

i caught that, too.

why the need to dangle out the spanish vacation "if everything goes ok on the first trip"?

this forum is awash with guys who use their wallet and/or promises to lead their honey along.  it shows a lack of self confidence.

there was the case of paulie -- throwing cash at his 'princess' as if it were chum to shark.  and of course the case of jmana who brought a woman over here on a fiancé visa (but actually just a test drive), all the while warning her that if she doesn't act the way he wants, then he's not going to marry her.

not saying that your case is that extreme.  i don't think it is.  let's just say i'm making a style point.

in business and personal life, i always think it's best to not say everything that's on the mind... and also to under-promise, and over-deliver.

good luck!

[TagUrIt898]

To Die Cast, it's nice to get a females perspective on all of this.  I know that a trip to Kaliningrad would not be a cheap one    I've done some research and ironically it could cost the same amount to fly to Kaliningrad as a vacation in Spain.  My western way of thinking doesn't allow me to make complete sense of meeting someone for the first time under these circumstances.  I know that it takes an extraordinary amount of effort to make a relationship from to different countries/cultures work.  I'm certainly willing to do so, I just think it's a expensive risk to take with someone you've never met before.


To BillyB and The Traveler, the mention of a vacation later in the year was not said as bribe or as a carrot dangled in front of horse.  I merely said that if our initial meeting went well, we could discuss doing a trip somewhere to further our bond.  If the initial meeting went bad, there wouldn't be a discussion of a trip.  I'm not a well off guy who wants to buy the affection of anyone FSUW or otherwise.  I will invest my time and effort in woman that I think is worth it though. 

[Larry1]

I know that it takes an extraordinary amount of effort to make a relationship from to different countries/cultures work.  I'm certainly willing to do so, I just think it's a expensive risk to take with someone you've never met before.

All guys in this search to find a wife in FSU face that expensive risk.  We WOVO guys try to improve our chances for success by getting to know the girl on skype before making a trip to see her.  Sometimes that works well and sometimes it doesn't. 

[BillyB]

How would he see how she is living if she will meet him only in his hotel (apartment) or outside?

I would not visit a woman a second time if she doesn't introduce me to the family. I've visited a few different ladies in the FSU. The ladies that open their lives and family to me impressed me the most as being family oriented and enjoyed my visit.

Does it really matter how she is living if he is not going to live there?

It does matter. A guy may be able to learn if the lady interacts with her family and/or children well or poorly. I've watched ladies slice up vegetables before in the kitchen in an attempt to prepare me a home cooked meal. Some are amateurs, others really good at it. A lady may try to put on a show but if she's not good at something, she'll be a poor actor. Her children's teeth may be rotten or have behavioral problems which reflect on her abilities as a mother. I wouldn't want to reward a woman like that with a vacation. There are all kinds of things to learn, besides slicing vegetables, when someone is operating in their own environment.


I understand some men and women have this idea in their head the adventure of seeking a foreign spouse is suppose to be romantic with the occasional international vacations and cruises thrown it. It can be but first we need to figure out who we're dealing with. Romance is better when doing it with a person we know we can spend our life with rather than a stranger on a first date.

[GQBlues]

...Be kind with the responses :-)

Everyone and anyone can come forward and share with you their *proven* method. Just like all else in life, there are things that are simply a matter of personal preference. Which means, whatever you're comfortable with.

I was a WMVM. I conducted my first trip as nothing more than to personalize our virtual acquaintances and meet in person. This way they can meet me and decide, and I, them if any further correspondence warrants it. After all, I dodn't know any of the ladies from Eve regardless of my how many times we wrote to each other and spoke on the phone. To me, it seems rather silly to be thinking *marriage* with a person you haven't met in person. These are *meetings* , or harmless *dates*, if you will.

If any of them ask that I meet any of their friends, or worst, family, I would think she's a nutcase and drop her like a red-hot potato. I don't meet families or friends even here at home on a first meet. Sometimes even beyond. That would seem too clingy and much too assuming for my taste. But that's just me...

I decided to go to Moscow to meet the ladies AND to also see Red Square/Kremlin. 6 of the ladies were from Moscow, one from Ekaterinberg, one from Novosibirsk, and one from a city just outside of Moscow (can't think of the name just now). The latter changed her mind the last minute anyway.

I reserved both the out-of-towners their own respective rooms and sent them ample monies for their flight/travel and whatever expense I figured they will incur during their travel to Moscow (taxis, snacks, etc..). Then when I arrived in Moscow, I pre-arranged a hotel pick-up to take me the airport for their respective arrivals/departures.

Staying in Moscow and staying in a hotel was my own decision and no other implications behind it. This is what was comfortable to me.

Of course upon meeting all of them, they all wanted my sexy body, which is to be expected so I can't really blame them. That's been my problem all my life wherever I go. It sux but figured someone has to carry the curse for the benefit of womankind. In the end, there can be only *one*. 

Anyway, I am now married to that Siberian princess for almost ten years now.

My only advice to you is *do what feels comfortable doing*. If you're not comfortable about something, there obviously is a very good reason for it. Follow your wits and instincts. It would hardly lead you astray. There's not a one size fits all approach to this, just like things are back home. I am fully confident with myself in what I want and what I need to 'see' to make my life's decisions, and not have to rely in some life's etch-a-sketch manual written by someone else I do not know. I won't argue or defend my ways in life with anyone cause I am that confident...Maybe I'm just lucky that way, who knows.
 
Good luck.

[die_cast]

Vacation mode is entirely different to the normal day to day living.

First of all, as many other things, it very much depends on particular person. Second, every time when a guy is meeting a girl not in his own home city - he is on vacation mode.

[die_cast]

I would not visit a woman a second time if she doesn't introduce me to the family.

I would not like to comment you personally, but one thing I have to say: meeting family and friends is not a purpose of first meeting, and this is not a normal thing to introduce a guy you just met first time to your family, we don't do it with local guys, why would we do it with foreigns? If you would not visit again a woman if you didn't meet her family - it's your personal choice, but it's hardly can be the rule for others. 

[BillyB]

this is not a normal thing to introduce a guy you just met first time to your family, we don't do it with local guys, why would we do it with foreigns?

I've dated more RW in the states than in the FSU. I never had any of the women in the states meet my friends and family in the first few dates. That is normal dating. International dating is not normal dating. If I'm having wonderful conversations on the phone/Skype everyday with a lady and when it comes to meeting, she's reserved and needs a lot more time to know me, I'd be disappointed. After months of communication and by the time I come to the FSU, she'd better be introducing me to family....maybe not on the first few days but sometime before my week and a half to two week trip is done.

it's your personal choice, but it's hardly can be the rule for others. 

Insincere women have one rule on this issue and that is the men aren't going to meet family and friends on a first meeting. Women who allow men to meet family and friends on a first meeting are almost always serious, sincere and more into their man. Which group of women are less riskier for men to meet?


Some men write to one or a few women. They've limited the ladies they'd have to choose from and thus beggars can't be choosers. I've communicated with thousands of women. It's inevitable I'd find someone who'd give me everything I'm looking for.

[die_cast]

International dating is not normal dating

International dating is normal dating. Those who think otherwise - fool themselves.

Insincere women ...

That fact I care about my family and friends more than about random man whos goals in dating are pretty questionable doesn't make me insincere woman.

[sleepycat]

Of course upon meeting all of them, they all wanted my sexy body, which is to be expected so I can't really blame them. That's been my problem all my life wherever I go. It sux but figured someone has to carry the curse for the benefit of womankind.

 

[Wayne]

I have to agree with die cast more than anyone else.
Does a US Citizen need a visa to visit Spain? For a visit in Russia, you need to get the invitation letter from the hotel, send you passport in, pay for the visa, register when you get there, etc. So this takes times and money.
 
Also, with all the trouble going on, it would probably be safer to go to Spain.
 
One thing to consider, the woman probably did not tell her parents about looking for a husband from USA. She might want to wait to see if a relationship develops before telling her parents about it.

[Steamer]

Always be skeptical

[GregfromGa]

Tag, where are you flying from? If things workout I can recommend Italy. I went there on the relative cheap I think. Flew into Milan, stayed up in Darfo at a B&B in the valley. We did Verona, FranciCorta, Lake Iseo and Florence. Milan on the last day. It's only Euros right? Although this was our 2nd meeting I saw the writing on the wall pretty quick and still had a good time. I'm just not quite sure I want to do this again. It's complicated to say the least. It's expensive. My girl spoke perfect English. I cant imagine jumping through all these hoops with a language barrier.

[TagUrIt898]

Tag, where are you flying from? If things workout I can recommend Italy. I went there on the relative cheap I think. Flew into Milan, stayed up in Darfo at a B&B in the valley. We did Verona, FranciCorta, Lake Iseo and Florence. Milan on the last day. It's only Euros right? Although this was our 2nd meeting I saw the writing on the wall pretty quick and still had a good time. I'm just not quite sure I want to do this again. It's complicated to say the least. It's expensive. My girl spoke perfect English. I cant imagine jumping through all these hoops with a language barrier.

I'll be flying out of BWI.  I'm researching Italy and comparing prices.  I was thinking of Venice.  I know the language barrier could be an issue, but like I said before.  I think the idea of it all is on the romantic side.