At the risk of some venomous spew...Hello

[ML]

Come on guys . . . can't you see when someone is pulling our legs!!

Every couple of months or so, someone shows up with an outrageous story where they are doing everything wrong.

These stories get much more hits than rational stories.

[KenInUtah]

No leg pulling out of me...and I can't see where I'm doing anything wrong.  Just following me heart and seeing where it leads

[Ade]

No leg pulling out of me...and I can't see where I'm doing anything wrong.  Just following me heart and seeing where it leads

LOL

[LiveFromUkraine]

Come on guys . . . can't you see when someone is pulling our legs!!

Every couple of months or so, someone shows up with an outrageous story where they are doing everything wrong.

These stories get much more hits than rational stories.

I have a strong feeling it is a long term member here.  It certainly reads like some of his trolling posts.  Sad, really, because people will be guarded when someone who really wants help comes around.  I guess some people have too much time on their hands.

[Mod3]

Come on guys . . . can't you see when someone is pulling our legs!!

Every couple of months or so, someone shows up with an outrageous story where they are doing everything wrong.

These stories get much more hits than rational stories.

We took your fake account at face value. At least have the courtesy to do the same even if it is more than a figment of your paranoia.

[Faux Pas]

Just to clarify, venomous spew is not disagreeing, its saying something that is insulting, has no educational merit and has an air of "my way is the only way".

The way of fora, particularly this genre is to fly swat with a sledge hammer. It certainly comes across as insulting but has optimum educational value if you can read it without the ego bruises and your feelings hurt

Somebody here said "one vs. many" is about 50/50 here.  I agree, I fall into the "one" category.  I have never dated more than one woman at a time before and don't plan on it now.  I find that disrespectful.  I understand the "many" reasoning, that's just not me.

Folks here very rarely if ever agree. You do what you feel you need to do. If you date multiple 30 year olds at the same time at home, do it when you travel. If you feel more comfortable going all in on one woman, go in with one woman and don't feel that you have to justify anything.

Also, I would love to know where anyone got the idea I have been talking to her for 6-9 months?  Lets see, we started in early December so that makes two by my math.  Then as for the trip...Hmmm, sent my passport for renewal the day after Christmas as it was to expire in May, got that back and got my invitation, got that and the RU consulate is processing my Visa as we speak.  So yea, I guess I am slow...hey, its been TWO months...guess I should have been on a plane already.  You know, I have all the control on how fast I get a Visa, right?

Perhaps I confused you with one of our other recent Heroes that's already found the wedding chapel and bought a ring for a woman he hasn't met.

As for everything else, let's see...We've already started making plans such as:
- We have picked a place for our wedding
- She has chosen her dress
- We know where we will honeymoon
- We have been looking at houses
- She knows what king of car she wants and we have already talked to a driving school
- She knows where she wants to volunteer/work and I have already talked to them and they are excited as well
- She wants a White Mazda-6 with an automatic transmission
- She is bringing her cat and we have discussed what type of puppy to get
- She is VERY familiar with my work
- We have discussed insurance/savings/retirement issues
- We practice interview questions together and try to stump each other

Yeah, it's bizarre. Can you see this from the outside in?

But no, it's not like we have gotten to know each other or anything.  We both know this is quite difficult but we are working as a team to get it all done.  When we spoke this morning (my time) she was studying English for Business - she is quite fluent.  So yea, this isn't footloose and fancy-free on either our parts.

I don't expect everyone to approve of my actions, I didn't ask for approval...but that is the point, they are MY actions.  Like I said in my original posting I am here to learn more about Russian culture and what to expect/plan for when she arrives in the US.  I have read many great stories on things to expect both when I go to Moscow and when she comes here.  For that, Thank You all!

Actually no, you don't know each other. I know that you want to believe you know each other but you don't. You might know a lot about each other, if you've answered all of her questions truthfully and she yours but, you still don't know each other. You haven't met. That one little eventuality seems to give you no pause. Trust me and most of the guys here, you need that pause.

Nobody has to or needs to approve of your actions. Keep in mind, there is years of experience here in international relationships and we are not experts but, we know some things that you don't. Take it in, chew it up and digest. Be knowledgeable in case you ever need it. If you don't need it, all the better, no?

[KenInUtah]

I take it all in, I listen, I learn, I get different perspectives which are all helpful.  While you all have more experience here than I do, it is still my path and I don't date multiple people.  Thats just me.

As for being a fake account or troll, sorry guys.  I am new here, I am real and I am serious in everything I have written.  It is my life that I am sharing.  I don't know how to prove that to you so you have to take my word for it

[KenInUtah]

OK, here is your proof I am not a fake account

[BillyB]

OK, here is your proof I am not a fake account

Just to make sure those checks are in your hands and not lifted off the internet, write the check to Russianwomendiscussion.com and make it out for a million dollars.


It doesn't make much difference to me if you're real or not or your story is real or not. I'm sure somebody has a real story like that. There have been rare occasions of men proposing to women before meeting them. Most RW would probably be turned off by that but it's possible you met one of the rare RW who doesn't think of you any less and may accept an online proposal.

[Gator]

We took your fake account at face value. At least have the courtesy to do the same even if it is more than a figment of your paranoia.

OTOH:

                             IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE


Regarding Ken, I believe his story.  Just because he and his woman have taken steps atypical for married RWD members and their wives does not make him them a "fake."   It shows a lot of trust between them, and that is very important in  a relationship.   

I just hope the meeting does not fail them.  And I also hope that with these high expectations, they do not overlook some potential problems. 



 

[Faux Pas]

I take it all in, I listen, I learn, I get different perspectives which are all helpful.  While you all have more experience here than I do, it is still my path and I don't date multiple people.  Thats just me.

As for being a fake account or troll, sorry guys.  I am new here, I am real and I am serious in everything I have written.  It is my life that I am sharing.  I don't know how to prove that to you so you have to take my word for it

It's a bit ironic that the king of fake accounts is accusing you of being one. Water off a duck's back. Take/learn what you need and leave the rest. All of this crap is nothing but words on a screen. You don't have to prove to anyone you're real and I would remove that check and any personal references. This is the internet.

Your story is an intriguing one. You seem to have some wit about you but your declaration of love and marriage to a woman you've never met pretty much pigeon holes you in a category reserved for others. Many are quick to judge and they should be. Marriage isn't something one should do with their head in the clouds.

[Gator]

OK, here is your proof I am not a fake account

Ken, don't provide such information.   There are some weird lurkers on the Internet who like to cause trouble. 

Just keep telling your story.  If a RWD member chooses not to believe it, ignore them.   Just because somebody questions something is not a reason to try and convince them.  Not only do several RWD members have a skeptical personality, most are  intransigent.   I wonder if there is romantic bone in them.

Save your breath, and keep posting.  I do hope you post a Trip Report complete with photos. 

[KenInUtah]

Trust me, I'll post a Trip Report!!!

[BillyB]

Trust me, I'll post a Trip Report!!!

I'll be looking forward to reading it. I predict you two will have a successful meeting and get married. The biggest problem is you both may overlook each others faults being blinded by love and the true test will be when you two are living together under the same roof. When you do meet the lady, do not use your little head to do any of the thinking. It has one job and one job only.


I have to ask you one question. Under what circumstances(red flags), during the meeting, are you willing to break off the relationship? You both put enormous pressure on yourselves to make this work since you both declared each other husband and wife. Breaking off the relationship now is almost the equivalent of a divorce.

[jone]

Every marriage that I have ever seen has had stress points on it.  It is the capability of those involved to overcome those items.  Having a woman from a foreign country creates additional stress points, but the process is still the same for overcoming them.

Udachi.

[AC]

I'll be looking forward to reading it. I predict you two will have a successful meeting and get married. The biggest problem is you both may overlook each others faults being blinded by love and the true test will be when you two are living together under the same roof. When you do meet the lady, do not use your little head to do any of the thinking. It has one job and one job only.

I think it's safe to say that he has already done this and that is why he was willing to discuss all the details which he did.  That said he does have good possibilities for success because he's been very thorough.  Of course it will be interesting to see how things work out down the road.

[Gator]

Every marriage that I have ever seen has had stress points on it.  It is the capability of those involved to overcome those items.  Having a woman from a foreign country creates additional stress points, but the process is still the same for overcoming them.

Udachi.

Besides capability to overcome, I consider commitment to the relationship  even more important.   Our hero and his woman seem very committed, too much at this stage IMO yet I am me and he is him.   

[KenInUtah]

No thinking with the "little head" is going on.  That is a benefit to a relationship, not a basis.  We just got off the phone and discussed many pertinent things again.  While on the phone, I got the email that my Visa has been approved and will be here tomorrow via FedEx.  Both of us were very excited.

As for Billy's question on Red Flags, I don't know.  I think it would just be a gut feeling, primarily compatibility.  I don't see it as an issue but there are no guarantees.

As for Jone's comment on stress points, of course I agree having been married before to an AW.  We have talked about this too and both agree that we would be stronger as a team than separately.  While working together is a great theory, we will have to see how well we do it in reality.  All in all, this is a chance I am willing to take and so is she.  She just asked me again on the phone, "This is a big change for me, will you be patient?"  Of course my answer is yes, I will be the rock while she gets acclimated but we both are ready.

[BillyB]

As for Billy's question on Red Flags, I don't know.

Red flags could be anything. Here are a few examples:

1. She sees you once out of every three days and only for a few hours at a time.

2. She's an alcoholic drinking morning, noon, and night.

3. She's sweet with you but rude to everybody else especially to food servers in restaurants.

4. She takes you into high end stores and points at shoes and clothing worth hundreds and tells you those are things she's always wanted.

5. Her house is a big mess, except for the room you see her in Skype.

6. She doesn't make you a home cooked meal.

7. She discloses unpleasant things during your visit that she never disclosed before such as she's still legally married.


Ken, what if some, all, or other things like that popped up? Are you ready to walk? Do you have the ability to walk away? Because you don't know how you'd react if a red flag popped up, I'm not sure you can make rational decisions. Nobody is perfect yet you've had nothing but praise for this lady. She has flaws. Hopefully they aren't major.

[Faux Pas]

No thinking with the "little head" is going on.  That is a benefit to a relationship, not a basis.  We just got off the phone and discussed many pertinent things again.  While on the phone, I got the email that my Visa has been approved and will be here tomorrow via FedEx.  Both of us were very excited.

As for Billy's question on Red Flags, I don't know.  I think it would just be a gut feeling, primarily compatibility.  I don't see it as an issue but there are no guarantees.

As for Jone's comment on stress points, of course I agree having been married before to an AW.  We have talked about this too and both agree that we would be stronger as a team than separately.  While working together is a great theory, we will have to see how well we do it in reality.  All in all, this is a chance I am willing to take and so is she.  She just asked me again on the phone, "This is a big change for me, will you be patient?"  Of course my answer is yes, I will be the rock while she gets acclimated but we both are ready.

Hopefully, you will be. The relationship has no chance otherwise. Even if her English is impeccable you'll be very surprised how much she'll have to depend on you for almost every single thing in the beginning. It will test those patience you're sure you have so much of. Just as equally important, will you have the patience and the trust to turn her loose as she does acclimate? The expense of it all including the little white Mazda and rising insurance premiums because she drives like shit are the very least of your worries.

My point is, it's all peaches and cream until it's real and in your face. Some of the reasons you are not married now will be resurfacing albeit your faults or those of your ex. There is no return policy on this lady. You're not really "all in" now but you will be when she makes the trip over and you are married. Just points to consider

[KenInUtah]

Both points well taken guys.  Billy 1-6 are moot points.  They have all been discussed or seen already.  Of course we all have flaws, I know that I do too.  I have been honest with her about mine and I believe she has in return (One has to trust).  FP, I agree as well.  I know that getting her acclimated will be an exercise in patience and "cutting her loose" will be an exercise in fear.  As for the reasons I'm not with my ex, those won't happen this time.  No man-hating sisters and aunts to deal with.  There is more to it, of course, than that but I don't see infidelity in my FSUWs future

[mendeleyev]

I have learned to be careful about discussing money amongst our FSU friends and relatives. So much of Western life in lived on a different financial plane than most FSU folk can imagine. Even now, my wife carefully steers/controls/guides conversations when a relative or friend pops the "how much do you make?" question. By the way, in FSU culture, that question is not out of bounds. We'd be appalled in the West, but this something often freely discussed in this part of the world.

The problem is bridging the gap. If you live full time in the West, the way you live and handle finances just isn't a mirror of the Eastern world. You might be comfortable, or even on a tight budget, but the amount you make, and the expenses you have, are not always comparable. An FSU friend may think you are Donald's Trump's son given your income, but in reality, until she lives in the West, there is difficulty in understanding why your income has its limits.

[BillyB]

Billy 1-6 are moot points.  They have all been discussed or seen already.

I understand that all the red flag scenarios I presented are highly unlikely but anything can happen and you've been reluctant to tell us that you are willing to walk away if your lady shows you serious red flags. Let's say you discussed her manners and she told you that she is not rude to people but when you meet, you find out she lied and she is very rude to others. Can you cancel the wedding for this red flag? Are you capable of cancelling the wedding for any red flag?

[AC]

Hopefully, you will be. The relationship has no chance otherwise. Even if her English is impeccable you'll be very surprised how much she'll have to depend on you for almost every single thing in the beginning. It will test those patience you're sure you have so much of. Just as equally important, will you have the patience and the trust to turn her loose as she does acclimate? The expense of it all including the little white Mazda and rising insurance premiums because she drives like shit are the very least of your worries.

My point is, it's all peaches and cream until it's real and in your face. Some of the reasons you are not married now will be resurfacing albeit your faults or those of your ex. There is no return policy on this lady. You're not really "all in" now but you will be when she makes the trip over and you are married. Just points to consider

           


(It's a minimum of 10 years you are on the hook financially, Ken.  Not to be negative but I've never seen somebody go into a situation more optimistic than you, and that is putting it mildly)

[AC]

I have learned to be careful about discussing money amongst our FSU friends and relatives. So much of Western life in lived on a different financial plane than most FSU folk can imagine. Even now, my wife carefully steers/controls/guides conversations when a relative or friend pops the "how much do you make?" question. By the way, in FSU culture, that question is not out of bounds. We'd be appalled in the West, but this something often freely discussed in this part of the world.

The problem is bridging the gap. If you live full time in the West, the way you live and handle finances just isn't a mirror of the Eastern world. You might be comfortable, or even on a tight budget, but the amount you make, and the expenses you have, are not always comparable. An FSU friend may think you are Donald's Trump's son given your income, but in reality, until she lives in the West, there is difficulty in understanding why your income has its limits.

        


I think the lady telling you that she wants a white Mazda is a huge red flag, but you haven't seemed to notice.  I really get the feeling that somebody thinks she just won the lottery and has no real exposure to how high the cost of living is in the USA.  Finances IIRC are the number one cause for divorce, and that's just between two people who grew up here.  Now factor in the unrealistic expectations of some from the FSU and you might be in for a bumpy ride.