Influence Your Luck

[Captmonk1]

I was accused of having "dumb luck" in another topic basically because I have succeeded in this Russian Marriage thing having only been to Russia once.

  It got me to thinking about "luck" in regards to finding a good FSU wife. It's my opinion that a lot of luck can be influenced one way or the other. I think YES there is SOME luck involved in this FSU wife finding deal. Of course there is luck involved in all marriages but probably more here than a "normal" marriage.

 This is my opinion on how you can influence luck.  Want to bring "bad luck" down on yourself??

1. Write FSU Women who can't speak English.

2. Visit someone you haven't spoken to extensively on the phone or by mail.

3. Look for women 20 years out of your age bracket.

4. Don't research properly. i.e. don't research agencies, don't read other people's stories, don't research the city you are visiting etc.

5. Lie to the girl/woman about your finances, houses, family etc.

6. Send your best photo's you have ever taken of yourself and make sure they are 10 years old or more. Only send 1 or 2 at the most.

7. Visit your girl/woman when only seeing 5 photo's or less of her.

Now those are off the top of my head. You do any of the above things, you are inviting "bad luck".

Want to help "good luck" ?  Do the opposite of the above.

1. Write FSU women/Girls who speak English.

2. Talk every single chance you get with your girl. Everyday. Write her an e-mail every day, if not two or three. Expect e-mails back at least 3 times a week or every day like yours.

3. Look for women in your age bracket. If you are 50. Look for women 35 to 50. If you are 60. Look for women 45 to 60. You can find some GREAT looking women at those ages. If you are 40 or less, hell you have it made.

4. Research everything. If you have picked out an apartment you like, find someone who has stayed there. Find 5 people who have stayed there! If you see an agency you like, find people who have used that one and have been successful. Don't know what its like going thru Russian customs? Find people who have done it, find 10 people who have done it and write them and ask questions. Like I said research everything.

5. Tell your girl the TRUTH about everything. Go beyond the truth!! Send her as many pictures as you can and request pictures!! Do not fly 8000 miles if you aren't sure of what you are going to see!!  Tell the truth about finances! Send pictures of your house. Send pictures of your neighborhood! Explain that you are RICH or your NOT Rich by American standards. If you are close to your family, SPELL IT OUT. Tell her you are close to your family etc etc.

6. Picture thing. See above. Never ever never never ever in a million years fly 8000 miles on a couple of pictures of her or of you sending her.

7. Did I mention pictures?? Hell even send pictures of you that night sitting in front of the computer. ( Not naked ones )



I have to get back to work but that was stuff off the top of my head to help influence luck. Of COURSE THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS!!  But in my opinion this is how to influence luck either way.

This message brought to you by a lucky guy. 
Brad

[jb]

Monk,

I can't refute a single thing you've written here, it's all good stuff.  I wish more guys thought that way.

[Maxx2]

The majority of the men in this did not have a message board to enlighten them. Nor did they have an American in the know fill them in on the perils of bad RW. KenC, God bless him had an honest agency owner sit him down and tell him what he had to watch out for. I believe it was Bruce here who had an honest interpreter clue him in on a woman he was interested in. Wineglass over at the other board mentioned that he thought a certain agency was on the up and up. The same agency that screwed Golden25 into the ground with his scamming ex-wife. Wineglass is an old pro at this and he didn't know. Could a sharp woman in coohoots with others fool him? or KenC? or you? Then I see guys without a clue end up marrying some pretty nice ladies. One guy I know went to Russia all prepared, met his lady and married her a week later. He brought her over on a DCF a month later when such was possible there (Pre-November 21st 2001). They are happily married five years later. I am not saying any of these guys are idiots, far from it, many are intellegent men. But they got lucky when they got clued in or just had plain dumb luck in that they didn't have their women turn pyscho on them.

Frankly I have allot of sympathy for some of the once clueless and now scammed guys. I don't dislike them and have disdain for them like some guys do. Allot of these guys had good intentions and did not over reach. They applyed American ethics (the good old fashioned kind) and "nice guy tactics" and got eaten alive in the FSU. They were surprised that it happened. If their luck had been better they may have had an outcome like the guy who met and married his Russian wife on his first visit. Maybe they would have drifted over here. Maybe they would get puffed up with their success and give advice on how to do it. Then they would start irritating me...

To go to the FSU but once, have a fiancee delivered Stateside and talk about how skillful you were at it? Then admit to being lucky only just a little bit? Come on.

But you know what? It is more fun to think you are some genious and smarter than the average bear.

Maxx

[BillyB]

Brad, your good luck stuff is simple wisdom. What person lacks in wisdom, they require luck. It's better to get wise and not depend on luck. Or buy a rabbit's foot and a four leaf clover and all your problems will be solved.

[PeeWee]

I was accused of having "dumb luck" in another topic basically because I have succeeded in this Russian Marriage thing having only been to Russia once.

  It got me to thinking about "luck" in regards to finding a good FSU wife. It's my opinion that a lot of luck can be influenced one way or the other. I think YES there is SOME luck involved in this FSU wife finding deal. Of course there is luck involved in all marriages but probably more here than a "normal" marriage.

 This is my opinion on how you can influence luck.  Want to bring "bad luck" down on yourself??

1. Write FSU Women who can't speak English.

2. Visit someone you haven't spoken to extensively on the phone or by mail.

3. Look for women 20 years out of your age bracket.

4. Don't research properly. i.e. don't research agencies, don't read other people's stories, don't research the city you are visiting etc.

5. Lie to the girl/woman about your finances, houses, family etc.

6. Send your best photo's you have ever taken of yourself and make sure they are 10 years old or more. Only send 1 or 2 at the most.

7. Visit your girl/woman when only seeing 5 photo's or less of her.

Now those are off the top of my head. You do any of the above things, you are inviting "bad luck".

Want to help "good luck" ?  Do the opposite of the above.

1. Write FSU women/Girls who speak English.

2. Talk every single chance you get with your girl. Everyday. Write her an e-mail every day, if not two or three. Expect e-mails back at least 3 times a week or every day like yours.

3. Look for women in your age bracket. If you are 50. Look for women 35 to 50. If you are 60. Look for women 45 to 60. You can find some GREAT looking women at those ages. If you are 40 or less, hell you have it made.

4. Research everything. If you have picked out an apartment you like, find someone who has stayed there. Find 5 people who have stayed there! If you see an agency you like, find people who have used that one and have been successful. Don't know what its like going thru Russian customs? Find people who have done it, find 10 people who have done it and write them and ask questions. Like I said research everything.

5. Tell your girl the TRUTH about everything. Go beyond the truth!! Send her as many pictures as you can and request pictures!! Do not fly 8000 miles if you aren't sure of what you are going to see!!  Tell the truth about finances! Send pictures of your house. Send pictures of your neighborhood! Explain that you are RICH or your NOT Rich by American standards. If you are close to your family, SPELL IT OUT. Tell her you are close to your family etc etc.

6. Picture thing. See above. Never ever never never ever in a million years fly 8000 miles on a couple of pictures of her or of you sending her.

7. Did I mention pictures?? Hell even send pictures of you that night sitting in front of the computer. ( Not naked ones )



I have to get back to work but that was stuff off the top of my head to help influence luck. Of COURSE THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS!!  But in my opinion this is how to influence luck either way.

This message brought to you by a lucky guy. 
Brad
 
Hey, I thought I was in what pilots call an "inadvertant spin" heading for the crash and burn...but NO! According to your list I am flying high on a straight and level course to the Promised Land. Turbo! You read this?  Pull up, man! There is hope!

Peewee

[Turboguy]

LOL PeeWee,  no hope for me, just ask some of the old timers.

[Jumper]

Brad-
nice post  - Certainly a good way to  increase your odds of being lucky..

Maxx - Certainly there are some awful predicaments men have fallen into by marrying a woman from the FSU
to say they couldnt have seen it coming or avoided it has some merit!!
Many sad cases were a good guy, is simply duped by a con artist.
 
but i've got to tell you ,,
 it seems to me most of the worst cases that have been bantered about on the boards over the years,
 the VICTIM readily  admits to knowing something wasnt right, but carried on for some reason or another anyway...
many readily admit to putting the blinders on themselves..
To think they couldnt have avoided thier fates , or done something to fare better in thier quests..
is not giving much credence to their very own words?

remember the guy from NYC?
his girl left after thier wedding reception to spend the night elsewhere?
had never shown him affection even up to the nuptuals?
he did think it odd (thank Gawd)
but believed her foolish explanationms, andl carried on with her visa and relocated her to NYC anyway..only to be taken to the cleaners later..

sorry some guys couldnt recognize a scam if it kicked them in the jimmies..
and by thier actions or inactions ,create an atmosphere charged with a much higher possibilty of BAD luck..

I do agree all the preparation in the world wont help in many cases...
and any decent  person is probably a bit too trusting,
 and can fall prey to the predators of the world..

but i also feel that if more men followed guidlines like Brad layed out,, they would diminish their odds of being conned..
Maybe taking even some basic steps,  does make them smarter than the average bear?

let me put it another way..

if myself and several  guys are running from a bear..
I dont have to out run the bear! (its' not possible,they are fast!)
just one of the other guys!!!

Now the predators and con artist of the world are fast..and clever.
I dont have to be faster or smarter than them??(i'm not)
just faster than the other prey they are looking to dine on!

predators always go for the easy kill..

I agree with you that following brads outline ,or any rules or tablets,
would not help me if they targeted me!
i'd still be slower than the bear! 
Thats were luck comes into play??
The bear might that particular day choose to chase me even if i'm as bit faster than some  of the men running....
 so my bad luck.or fate,,wrong place, at the wrong time!!

However -
Following  some basic rules,,training to get a bit faster than at least one of the other guys,.,(influencing my luck)
   still would significantly decrease the odds of being a target.

They are *generally* watching for the  one thats limping ..

 

[Markus]

Should this thread be in the newbie section?

From the introductory sentence, I thought the subject was "dumb luck." But, the poster selected "luck" to express his thoughts in the next sentence. It's difficult to follow a thread titled "Influence Your Luck" followed by the introductory sentence that refers to "dumb luck", which he personally applied to himself.  So, is the subject "dumb luck" or "luck" by itself?  Most of all we have “bad luck” that titles the subsequent statements. So, is it, in order of the terms, “dumb luck, luck, or bad luck?”  I could give many reasons to increase or decrease dumb luck or luck by itself, and I’m an expert on “bad luck.”  Since I'm confused with the introductory "dumb luck" statement that follows with a statement that includes "luck", and surprisingly follows with “bad luck” could I be confused in thinking that the poster hopes everyone has "luck" in interpreting what he wants to convey or is it plain "dumb luck" as to what the topic really is?  Perhaps I’m responding out of “bad luck?” I will take a "dumb luck" shot, but then again, I can't box myself into a corner so I will say perhaps my response is just "luck or bad luck.”  Of course, since the subject involves the mixture of thoughts that includes the adjectives “dumb” and “bad”,  do I apply “dumb” or “bad”  to things the poster does not agree with and omit these adjectives on points he agrees with? How do I know if the poster is referring to luck with or without the adjective “dumb” or “bad” when he only includes only “dumb” in his introductory sentence? Does the fact that he began thinking about “luck” because “dumb luck” was applied to him actually mean he is referring to “luck” without the adjectives? Frankly, I don’t know so I will respond in some sort of a lucky manner and think that your 3rd statement on luck is what you intended (I deleted 2 more paragraphs questioning your question).

Now to your supportive statements that changed 3 times:

Write FSU Women who can't speak English.  I really enjoy when men try to prove something that is wrong based upon opinion. As I have asked before to jb who had a similar claim, do you really know that your statement is true or is this thought your opinion? I have experienced it, proposed during the 1st visit, she spoke little English, she is with me today, our 2-year anniversary is coming next month, and she is learning English so fast that I’m amazed. I could elaborate, but, is your statement based upon opinion or experience? If experience, when did you marry a lady from the FSU that spoke little English? It’s amazing how these questions silence this opinion. I haven’t learned of one person who had this “opinion” to step up to the plate and answer it based upon their experience. Will you answer based upon your experience or admit your thoughts are only opinion or just avoid the question?

Visit someone you haven't spoken to extensively on the phone or by mail. Define “extensively.”

I agree with 3-7 with what you said, but perhaps men need to evaluate these things.

Visit your girl/woman when only seeing 5 photo's or less of her.  I saw four photos. TOWW experience tells the rest of the story.

As far as your “affirmative” you have only stated the opposite of what you thought would bring “bad luck.” Where are the “luck” things? Surely, you can be more creative than only providing "answers" to your own statements.  Heck, an elementary student could provide statements of what not to do on a subject and respond with what to do by providing answers to their own negative statements. But, I hope you will take into consideration my confusion on the subject.

Mark

[Captmonk1]

From the introductory sentence, I thought the subject was "dumb luck." But, the poster selected "luck" to express his thoughts in the next sentence. It's difficult to follow a thread titled "Influence Your Luck" followed by the introductory sentence that refers to "dumb luck", which he personally applied to himself.  So, is the subject "dumb luck" or "luck" by itself? 

To me it seemed pretty clear what I said. I said... "I was accused of having "dumb luck" in another topic basically because I have succeeded in this Russian Marriage thing having only been to Russia once."

I never applied "dumb luck" to myself. The subject was never dumb luck. I was explaining why I started the topic of "luck". Maxx called it "dumb luck" when referring to me. It offended me so the topic is "luck"

Most of all we have “bad luck” that titles the subsequent statements. So, is it, in order of the terms, “dumb luck, luck, or bad luck?”  I could give many reasons to increase or decrease dumb luck or luck by itself, and I’m an expert on “bad luck.”  Since I'm confused with the introductory "dumb luck" statement that follows with a statement that includes "luck", and surprisingly follows with “bad luck” could I be confused in thinking that the poster hopes everyone has "luck" in interpreting what he wants to convey or is it plain "dumb luck" as to what the topic really is?  Perhaps I’m responding out of “bad luck?” I will take a "dumb luck" shot, but then again, I can't box myself into a corner so I will say perhaps my response is just "luck or bad luck.”  Of course, since the subject involves the mixture of thoughts that includes the adjectives “dumb” and “bad”,  do I apply “dumb” or “bad”  to things the poster does not agree with and omit these adjectives on points he agrees with? How do I know if the poster is referring to luck with or without the adjective “dumb” or “bad” when he only includes only “dumb” in his introductory sentence? Does the fact that he began thinking about “luck” because “dumb luck” was applied to him actually mean he is referring to “luck” without the adjectives? Frankly, I don’t know so I will respond in some sort of a lucky manner and think that your 3rd statement on luck is what you intended (I deleted 2 more paragraphs questioning your question).

OMG Oneweekwonder....what the heck are you talking about???  The Subject was LUCK...I had in the post a Bad Luck and a Good Luck section. It's clear. I mean, I went thru it and really don't know how I could be anymore clear.

Now to your supportive statements that changed 3 times:

What?? I guess I answered this above.

Write FSU Women who can't speak English.  I really enjoy when men try to prove something that is wrong based upon opinion. As I have asked before to jb who had a similar claim, do you really know that your statement is true or is this thought your opinion? I have experienced it, proposed during the 1st visit, she spoke little English, she is with me today, our 2-year anniversary is coming next month, and she is learning English so fast that I’m amazed. I could elaborate, but, is your statement based upon opinion or experience? If experience, when did you marry a lady from the FSU that spoke little English? It’s amazing how these questions silence this opinion. I haven’t learned of one person who had this “opinion” to step up to the plate and answer it based upon their experience. Will you answer based upon your experience or admit your thoughts are only opinion or just avoid the question?

Third sentence of my Post: " It's my opinion that a lot of luck can be influenced one way or the other."

Third paragraph of my Post: "  This is my opinion on how you can influence luck"

Last sentence of my Post:  " But in my opinion this is how to influence luck either way."

Now are you still confused on whether I am expressing opinion or fact?

Also, regarding your statement about marrying a girl who didn't speak much English. Here is the a sentence in my last paragraph: "Of COURSE THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS!!" In MY OPINION, you are one of those exceptions OneWeek. 

Visit someone you haven't spoken to extensively on the phone or by mail. Define “extensively.”

I defined extensively very clearly in the "good luck" section. Here is what I said: "2. Talk every single chance you get with your girl. Everyday. Write her an e-mail every day, if not two or three. Expect e-mails back at least 3 times a week or every day like yours."

Visit your girl/woman when only seeing 5 photo's or less of her.  I saw four photos. TOWW experience tells the rest of the story.

See exceptions statement.

As far as your “affirmative” you have only stated the opposite of what you thought would bring “bad luck.” Where are the “luck” things? Surely, you can be more creative than only providing "answers" to your own statements.  Heck, an elementary student could provide statements of what not to do on a subject and respond with what to do by providing answers to their own negative statements.

No sorry I can't.   I "thought" by explaining ways to help that good luck, it would be clear to most. Of course it seems there were exceptions.

But, I hope you will take into consideration my confusion on the subject.

Yes I am taking that into consideration. 

Brad

p.s. From secret spy type of research, I have seen pictures of a certain wife of OneWeek by the way. I no longer believe that he was "faking a relationship" or something. He did really well. Very pretty wife!

p.s.s. I think you went after my post because jb agreed with it and you hate jb. 

[Jumper]

I could elaborate,

we certainly know that very well!

but, is your statement based upon opinion or experience? If experience, when did you marry a lady from the FSU that spoke little English?

I know you were addressing brad,
 but since i share his OPINION,
 I'll elaborate..

I did not marry a woman without a common language.
So no experience marrying in that situation.
but my EXPERIENCE trying to build a relationship with  someone ,
with us both having limited language skills in our respective languages,
showed that it certainly impeded our abilty to easily communcate.
It wasn't a shocking revelation either.
Others can get past this..both initially, and with time.
but my OPINION  is, that it is more difficult!!

It’s amazing how these questions silence this opinion.

really? silence?
you seem very sure about that.
there will ALWAYS be individuals who will believe you need a common language to have a relationship.That you only hope for a solid relationship untill you can really easily and openly communicate with each other..
then your hopes may be confirmed, or unrealized.
These people may be completely wrong,but they will believe it and probably not be silent .

I haven’t learned of one person who had this “opinion” to step up to the plate and answer it based upon their experience.

Since it's an opposing opinion, how  many , with experince at marrying a woman without a common language between them,
do you expect will step up and shout from the mountain tops:
yes our inabilty to communicate was a larege factor in undermining our relationship..

 Of course for those who work thru it,they will procliam it works.
it did for them.
and few of those successful , would even admit how much more difficult it made thier situations because of  pride, yes  my OPINION.

Will you answer based upon your experience or admit your thoughts are only opinion or just avoid the question?

I wouldnt avoid it.
I would pount out your folly in asking it.

it was clear from the beginning it was merely opinion,
and very few people that HOLD this opinion,
 will consider continuing down a road they do not feel comfortable on to gain  further experience..

Thats like asking someone who hates fishing,
how much actual experience they have in it?
 ..odds are not much,, HOWEVER they have just enough to know its not for them.


Mark , it worked for you.
maybe it was no problem at all.

but it will increase the difficulty for the average couple.
just the fact she cant communicate easily with OTHER people when she relocates will add pressure to thier daily lives.
Much less the misunderstandings and added difficulty communicating between each other it will *generally* bring.
yes they can get thru it, many couples have.

Maybe it has nothing to do with *Luck*
perhaps  better stated that to make her transition, and therefor your relationship less difficult, she should have a decent profiency in English.

If you recognize that generally it will make her initial time here,
 and your relationship more difficult,
 but are willing to accept this, then of course go ahead and marry a woman with little to no  english skills.
It has worked out for a lot of people.


Call me a wuss, but i wanted someone i could easily talk to initially,
during the relationship, prior to even thinking of marriage.
I did not want to wait a year or so untill i was proficient in Russian or they were proficient in English.
the  key words being *Easily talk to*
 (yes there are others ways to communicate)
I wanted to be able to call her at any time and have a conversation,that was not difficult for either of us.
I wanted to be able to meet her and not need a third party along to relay our thoughts or feelings.
She was like minded and had studied English ,and some other lnguages, very seriuosly.Amazing that two people that thought the same about that subject came together..??
The fact that i can't write well,perhaps increased my desire to have someone i could simply talk to.

You may counter that it is more difficult to find someone with decent english abilty..
i would reply that yes it is, but i prefer that early difficulty, to the one that comes from trying to build a common bond with someoine i dont share a common language. (yes expereinced in that)

If you share a common language, it is generally much easier to communicate and form bonds.My OPINION and experience.

I have watched couples struggle as well, and lack of common language was a big factor in her transition difficulties, and thier marriage..
Just because they do not come here and post that fact,
does not negate those individuakls experience.

To be fair:
 i have seen couples that managed with seemingly little effort thru what would seem a difficult thing to do..

but then a figure skater makes a triple loop look pretty effortless as well...


Mark, I know you will argue with a texas mesquite fence post, for 23 pages or more,, so carry on! 

[Jumper]

Mark - Just cuirious-
 Have you experience in marrying a RW with fluency in english, to have a bases of comparison??
to know how much it does, or does not ,effect the relationship?
to compare the difficulties?

It seems odd to defend your stance, with EXPEREINCE,
 when you have only been on one side..
yet taking others to task for the same thing.. lol 

[Photo Guy]

I agree that Brad makes many excellent points. This should be in the newbie section.
I would only add that there are exceptions to every rule. For example, if you are able to detect that your RW is a quality person, even though her English is bad, I'd advise you to continue with her. In other words, a language barrier is a separate issue from the character of the woman. She may be the woman of your dreams with the soul of an angel and the body of a siren, and a personality that is compatible to yours. That could be the case, and then you would have to deal with the language barrier, which is an obstacle that can be overcome. A lack of English, could be too much of a challenge, too much of a difficulty. Only you can decide that issue. It's a gray area, totally different from discovering she is dishonest or malevolent. So, I agree with Mark about the language thing. Maybe someone should create a list of 'challenges' that may or may not be acceptable. For example, would it be acceptable to pursue a nice woman who has a father who is an overbearing alcoholic? ...to each his own.  -doug

[Michelangelo]

You may counter that it is more difficult to find someone with decent english abilty..
i would reply that yes it is, but i prefer that early difficulty, to the one that comes from trying to build a common bond with someone i dont share a common language. (yes expereinced in that)

Brilliant insight, AJ!

[KenC]

I agree that Brad makes many excellent points. This should be in the newbie section.
I would only add that there are exceptions to every rule. For example, if you are able to detect that your RW is a quality person, even though her English is bad, I'd advise you to continue with her. In other words, a language barrier is a separate issue from the character of the woman. She may be the woman of your dreams with the soul of an angel and the body of a siren, and a personality that is compatible to yours. That could be the case, and then you would have to deal with the language barrier, which is an obstacle that can be overcome. A lack of English, could be too much of a challenge, too much of a difficulty. Only you can decide that issue. It's a gray area, totally different from discovering she is dishonest or malevolent. So, I agree with Mark about the language thing. Maybe someone should create a list of 'challenges' that may or may not be acceptable. For example, would it be acceptable to pursue a nice woman who has a father who is an overbearing alcoholic? ...to each his own.  -doug

Doug,
I agree with the essence of your post, but I question a guy's ability to detect the quality of a person, character, pureness of a soul or compatibility issues without a common language. These are the areas that are majorly difficult to judge even with a common language. How in the world can you make a competent decision without a common language? I mean really, now, a lot of American marriages breakup over misreading these traits. And they have the same language and culture. Unless you rely on luck, I don't see how it is possible. Please don't tell me intuition either.
KenC

[Michelangelo]

Please don't tell me intuition either.
KenC

Oh, but it is intuition and chemistry.  Within three minutes of meeting a girl, I know if I am attracted to her and she to me.  But then the hard part comes--getting to know her and seeing if your vision of life is similar enough.  And even though there are exceptions, for the vast majority of us, we need a common language so we can explore these differences...

Intuition is POWERFUL.  For example, with 3 minutes I knew that my eventual fiancee Vik was right for me.  But other common sense factors pushed me away. But a week later I got back with her, trusting my intuition.   It was right...

[Son of Clyde]

Maybe it is luck or maybe it is an acquired skill and the ability to make it work. I don't think luck has much to do with it. It is two people working together on a common goal, a successful marriage.

I am not there yet, but it looks very promising that we will be successful.

The first year will be the toughest and every year will have its share of problems. Many are not at all related to the marriage but are external things, like dealing with government agencies.

The checklist you made in the post all makes good sense but there will be exceptions and you may scratch your head in 10 years to see some people may still be together. It is mostly hard work. Not having a common language, not having enough face time adds complexities but they are not insurmountable. I still think it is two individuals dedicated to making it work.

[Maxx2]

Brad is advocating a one trip approach and how to do it. He sweetens it up with allot of common sense approaches that most everyone can agree on. Then you guys swallow it. Well I don't. Nobody unless the are LUCKY can make it work with a MOB unless that have had allot (not just 2 fun filled sex weeks) face time. Sitting on these boards for two years and making notes then posting a list of what the consensus is but claiming it as one's own original method means nothing. Captmonk, you aren't part Gypsy are you?

Maxx

[PeeWee]

Maybe it is luck or maybe it is an acquired skill and the ability to make it work. I don't think luck has much to do with it. It is two people working together on a common goal, a successful marriage.

I am not there yet, but it looks very promising that we will be successful.

The first year will be the toughest and every year will have its share of problems. Many are not at all related to the marriage but are external things, like dealing with government agencies.

The checklist you made in the post all makes good sense but there will be exceptions and you may scratch your head in 10 years to see some people may still be together. It is mostly hard work. Not having a common language, not having enough face time adds complexities but they are not insurmountable. I still think it is two individuals dedicated to making it work.

Luck occures when planning and accident collide.

Peewee

[Captmonk1]

Brad is advocating a one trip approach and how to do it.

That's a lie.

You can find no where in the world I have ever said this. You are again making stuff up.

Nobody unless the are LUCKY can make it work with a MOB unless that have had allot (not just 2 fun filled sex weeks) face time.

Again you are making things up. You can find no where I have ever mentioned sex and the FSU. All in your head.

Captmonk, you aren't part Gypsy are you? [/quoet]

I must be. I know what all your posts are going to say before they are written.

[Jumper]

Maxx. sheesh rough crowd today?

I dont think Brad said anything at all about one visit , one week , or one year?
he may have had dumb luck,
 or
 he may have had enough communication with her, and her fluent enough in english , to feel that he knew her quite well..
  I would guess if she is fluent, he had odds of a LOT better understanding of her, than if they could only speak thru a terp..
just my opinion.

I still think it is two individuals dedicated to making it work.

Agreed Clyde.

and doug, clyde, mark ,, et al-

i certainly understand pursueing a RW with limited english as many have done..
its worked for very many people.
and most RW are not fluent or have very limited english,
it seems a bit silly to overlook the bulk of the populace.

just wasnt my preference.
 and thats all it amounts too. a preference.

The strange part is although it would limit a mans choices.
i dint seem to have any problem finding more RW with decent english than i could have ever reasonably dated anyway....

And i happen to not believe in the fate of two people being perfect for each other..I think it always takes commitment of the two involved..
and i believe there is more than one person a could be compatable with.
That said there were several english fluent RW i feel i could have had a happy marriage built together with, so at least for me it was
less difficult to find this preference, than to go thru what i felt would be a greater difficulty later *shrugs*

different strokes,,


i dont think it can be easily countered that sharing a common language
(that could also be you being somewhat fluent in rissian)
would *infleunce your luck* though?
as you certainly have better odds of being able to read her character if you know what shes saying , not only to you, but to others..







 

[KenC]

Oh, but it is intuition and chemistry.  Within three minutes of meeting a girl, I know if I am attracted to her and she to me.  But then the hard part comes--getting to know her and seeing if your vision of life is similar enough.  And even though there are exceptions, for the vast majority of us, we need a common language so we can explore these differences...

Intuition is POWERFUL.  For example, with 3 minutes I knew that my eventual fiancee Vik was right for me.  But other common sense factors pushed me away. But a week later I got back with her, trusting my intuition.   It was right...

Michelangelo,
There are lots of names for the power of the initial attraction between couples, but that has nothing to do with analyzing her character or compatibility. You may never lose that initial attraction either, I know I haven't with regard to my wife, but that still has nothing much to do with the character traits we are speaking of here. I know it took me months and months of communication and time together to make sure that there was a lot of substance to that initial attraction. Maybe I am much more cautious than the average bear here because I was married before to a very beautiful woman that was rather empty on the inside. No amount of intuition is gonna help you with what she is really like in her soul.
KenC

[KenC]

Maybe it is luck or maybe it is an acquired skill and the ability to make it work. I don't think luck has much to do with it. It is two people working together on a common goal, a successful marriage.

I am not there yet, but it looks very promising that we will be successful.

The first year will be the toughest and every year will have its share of problems. Many are not at all related to the marriage but are external things, like dealing with government agencies.

The checklist you made in the post all makes good sense but there will be exceptions and you may scratch your head in 10 years to see some people may still be together. It is mostly hard work. Not having a common language, not having enough face time adds complexities but they are not insurmountable. I still think it is two individuals dedicated to making it work.

Clyde,
I think you are a lot further along than you think. I have seen you evolve over some time now and I have to say that you have turned out to be quite a pleasant surprise. You've come a long way from Barney to now. Keep learning and keep trying and things just may work out great for you.
KenC

[Michelangelo]

Michelangelo,
There are lots of names for the power of the initial attraction between couples, but that has nothing to do with analyzing her character or compatibility. You may never lose that initial attraction either, I know I haven't with regard to my wife, but that still has nothing much to do with the character traits we are speaking of here. I know it took me months and months of communication and time together to make sure that there was a lot of substance to that initial attraction. Maybe I am much more cautious than the average bear here because I was married before to a very beautiful woman that was rather empty on the inside. No amount of intuition is gonna help you with what she is really like in her soul.
KenC

My point was, and is, that you need the total package.  Big attraction, big compatibly proven over time, and strong character that will make her a great wife and mother. 

Intuition tells me that up front.  But then again, some people are more intuitive than others. We all have different gifts.

Intuition has also told me that this girl is NOT for me.  But beauty and sex can flip the button off!  And off I went on a joy ride.

Not bad--but just a fun ride that leads to a crash!

Trust your intuition...

[KenC]

Maxx,
I think your post is unfair to what Brad has written. He was just giving a few examples of how men tempt fate by taking huge chances and how men can improve their odds of success by using some common sense. I have to agree with his take on things.

In the past, you have accused me of being more lucky than smart about my marriage to Lena. I took exception to that then and still do. Even though it was quite fateful for us to make a connection, there also was a sincere amount of forethought and planning too. There is no real guidelines to guarantee success, all you can do is to reduce the odds for failure. I see the successful guys doing that in their own way. I also see a lot of crash & burn guys spit in fate's eye and say "but this is different." Push your luck and tempt fate or improve your odds for success by not pushing it, the choice is your's to make.
KenC

[KenC]

My point was, and is, that you need the total package.  Big attraction, big compatibly proven over time, and strong character that will make her a great wife and mother.

This makes sense to me 

Intuition tells me that up front.

I'm sorry Michel, but this is just the opposite of what you just said above and makes no sense at all.
 

But then again, some people are more intuitive than others. We all have different gifts.

Why is it it seems that the guys that proclaim to be gifted with super powers of intuition are usually the ones that crash & burn?

Intuition has also told me that this girl is NOT for me.  But beauty and sex can flip the button off!  And off I went on a joy ride.

Not bad--but just a fun ride that leads to a crash!

Sorry but you lost me again. Your intuition told you that she was not for you, but you went for her any way because she was sexy and beautiful? You went for the joy ride until you crashed? Sounds like a typical sex tourist to me

Trust your intuition...

But take your time verifying that you are correct in your first impressions.
KenC