Skeptical Newbie

[Sender]

I would have written this sooner, but it has been a massive chore to get registered on this site.  It took two weeks and multiple email addresses and usernames for me to even get a response for my registration.
 
I’m very new to this whole international dating thing.  In fact, I only started looking into all this a little over two weeks ago.  I’m a 34-year-old guy who lives in California and works for the police, although I’m not a police officer myself.
 
One day, a little over two weeks ago, I was at work, relaxing.  A police officer co-worker came up and said, “Hey, are you in a relationship?  How do young people get dates nowadays?”
 
Me: “I’m single.  I don’t get dates.”
 
Cop: “Have you tried online dating sites?”
 
Me: “God, yes.  I have written hundreds and hundreds of custom messages to women.  I have spent tons of money on dating sites, and I’ve been a member of eHarmony, Match.com, Plenty of Fish, OkCupid.  I even tried Tindr.  I am done with it all.  I wash my hands of the whole thing.  I will live alone and die alone.  So be it.”
 
Cop: “You know, there used to be this fat, dumpy, ugly police officer who worked here.  He was kind of a weird guy, too.  He ended up getting married to this woman from Russia who looked like a supermodel.  We met her a couple of times.”
 
Me: “Hm.”
 
That planted the seed in my head.  Still, I thought, “Isn’t that just what rich and desperate men do?”  Hell, I didn’t even know people still did that.  I assume Russia is more prosperous than it was during the Communist era.  Russian women probably aren’t even interested in American men.  There must be, what, a handful at most that are interested?  Honestly, throughout my entire life, I never thought about Russia and dating.  Still, I felt like I should keep an open mind and do a little more research.
 
I found that AMA on Reddit with a Russian bride that was done a few years ago; I don't know if you guys discussed it in the past.  That AMA went very, very far in making me actually consider international dating, what with excerpts like:

I have many friends who are Russian mail order brides - some with positive, others with negative experience. Overall, I would recommend it because culturally Americans and Russians are close and US is full of decent lonely men and Russian is full of lonely beautiful women.

“Well, shit,” I thought.  “Maybe this is a real thing.”  So I registered on this site two weeks ago and wasn’t able to actually get my registration through until yesterday.
 
I tried AnastasiaDate and got ripped off, of course.  But fair enough.  That’s my fault.  I should have done more research.  I did a chargeback on some of the money, but the rest I figured was just the price of doing business.  I joined the more reputable (yet questionably named) freeukrainianwomen and Elena’s Models and have been talking with some women.  One I even already spoke with via webcam.
 
And while I had been reading these forums, I started to dig deeper.  Then I found 2tallbill’s thread on finding his significant other.  I felt physically exhausted after reading his travels.  The scammers and constantly being “friend-zoned.”  There are men who put forth less effort in starting their own company, building it from the ground up, and becoming millionaire CEOs than 2tallbill did in finding a wife.  It was very impressive, don't get me wrong; I might be willing to put forth 1/100th of the effort.
 
And I found the thread about Gary and his insanely evil wife, her domestic violence scheme, and her focus on getting a green card.  And apparently that domestic violence scheme is fairly common.
 
And the more I read online and on these forums, the more I started hearing how FSU women will scam you.  How they expected to be treated like princesses.  How they expect all American men to live wealthy lives.  And, from what I've seen online, all the beautiful FSUW want a guy who is either rich or handsome, preferably both....   just like AW. 

Which made me start thinking: why are all these guys spending thousands upon thousands of dollars, countless amount of hours, and suffering from the physical exhaustion of flying halfway around the world?  It seems like FSUW are just like AW.  And at that point, I might as well just date someone in New York -- it's on the other side of the country, but still cheaper.

The only explanation I could come up with is some guys like Russian accents.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding.  In reality, I think maybe some guys just like being adventurous and seeing new places, and then they happen to pair it up with dating. 

Hearing the horror stories (and just the simple "lack of chemistry" stories) made me lose a massive amount of enthusiasm.  It also made me somewhat paranoid, potentially more than is healthy.  But I'm still on those FSUW dating sites, and I'm still talking with FSUW, although at this point, I am incredibly skeptical about the whole thing.

By the way, I will be the first to say I am not speaking with authority here.  You guys know much more than I do.  I was just sharing what my first impressions have been as someone very new to this whole international dating scene.

[JohnDearGreen]

One thing for sure - you won't catch anything if you don't go on the fishing trip.  Consider your first trip a vacation and you can't lose.  Get a feel for the process.

[Larry1]

Sender, welcome to the forum.

op: “Have you tried online dating sites?”
 
Me: “God, yes.  I have written hundreds and hundreds of custom messages to women.  I have spent tons of money on dating sites, and I’ve been a member of eHarmony, Match.com, Plenty of Fish, OkCupid.  I even tried Tindr.  I am done with it all.  I wash my hands of the whole thing.  I will live alone and die alone.  So be it.”

I know what you mean about dating AW, at least those available after a certain age.
 

Cop: “You know, there used to be this fat, dumpy, ugly police officer who worked here.  He was kind of a weird guy, too.  He ended up getting married to this woman from Russia who looked like a supermodel.  We met her a couple of times.”

Inquire as to whether they are still married. When a superhot Russian girl marries an ugly guy and moves to the West she discovers that she is in huge demand and she often decides to "trade up".

And while I had been reading these forums, I started to dig deeper.  Then I found 2tallbill’s thread on finding his significant other.  I felt physically exhausted after reading his travels.  The scammers and constantly being “friend-zoned.”  There are men who put forth less effort in starting their own company, building it from the ground up, and becoming millionaire CEOs than 2tallbill did in finding a wife.  It was very impressive, don't get me wrong; I might be willing to put forth 1/100th of the effort.

Bill's search required amazing effort and persistence.

I suggest that you have a tremendous advantage over most guys searching for FSUW: your age. This will make it much easier for you to find a wife, all other things being more or less equal.  Your search may still be lengthy and expensive, but your prospects for success are probably better than that of most searchers.

This search is usually difficult and expensive but if you succeed it is usually worth the struggle and expense.

To build upon JohnDearGreen's fishing analogy above, I have another fishing analogy I use to compare dating in the US to dating in FSU. I used to live on a small lake in Florida. There were some fish in the lake but they were small fish. Some people fished there but when I wanted to fish I chartered a boat with friends and we fished in the Gulf of Mexico, where we could spend a wonderful day and catch wonderful Grouper and Snapper. It wasn't as convenient and it was more expensive but it was worth all the trouble and expense.

[fathertime]

Hi Sender,


Since you are new to international dating, don't forget to take a look at the Asian and Latina ladies too.  If you speak Spanish, or an Asian language you have something going for you in that respect. 


Yeah, I'd say most international marriages don't last forever and some men really allow themselves to get bent over and reamed by a power pole. From what I've seen/read the ones going Asian have the best record regarding marriages that last forever.  The ones with the Latina's have the most fun, and the ones with the Russians have the most money.  This of course is a huge generalization with many exceptions. 


Fathertime!   

[Sender]

Thanks for the responses so far, guys.

Hi Sender,


Since you are new to international dating, don't forget to take a look at the Asian and Latina ladies too.  If you speak Spanish, or an Asian language you have something going for you in that respect. 


Yeah, I'd say most international marriages don't last forever and some men really allow themselves to get bent over and reamed by a power pole. From what I've seen/read the ones going Asian have the best record regarding marriages that last forever.  The ones with the Latina's have the most fun, and the ones with the Russians have the most money.  This of course is a huge generalization with many exceptions. 


Fathertime!

Very interesting.  I'm cool with generalizations.  You know, I thought there might be some Asian dating scene, but I couldn't find any site that didn't look like a scam.  I had a hard time finding any kind of Asian dating community like there is with Russian dating.

Do you have any suggestions as far as sites go?

[Sender]

Inquire as to whether they are still married. When a superhot Russian girl marries an ugly guy and moves to the West she discovers that she is in huge demand and she often decides to "trade up".

Yeah, he told me right away that the superhot Russian girl divorced the guy after five years.  Apparently they got along well enough, though, and the split was amicable.  He didn't sign a pre-nup, but all she asked for was the used Honda car he bought for her, so she could get to work.

And the cop said, "And hey, at least it was five years with a supermodel versus nothing."  I couldn't disagree with him on that part.

[fathertime]

  You know, I thought there might be some Asian dating scene, but I couldn't find any site that didn't look like a scam.  I had a hard time finding any kind of Asian dating community like there is with Russian dating.

Do you have any suggestions as far as sites go?

Yes, the website linked below, which is affiliated to this site and specializes in Asian and Latin...it isn't as busy as this one, but there are lots of people that have decades of experience with the ladies overseas. 
[size=78%]http://www.planet-love.com/[/size]   


  I think you can register using the same user name and password you used here, but I could be wrong.  Unlike this website, that website only allows you to look at a few pages, before it forces you to register to view more.


Good luck,
Fathertime!   

[jone]

I knew a guy like that.  A real putz.  He married the girl and bragged about his wife being prettier than any other guy's wife.  We all laughed because we knew she was riding him as a mule to the promised land.  She moved to San Francisco and still maintains contact.  (Maybe it is the same guy.  I'm in SouCal.)  But the story happens over and over again. 

The true FSU wives want to make a family.  I have first hand experience with this.  They care more about their children and their husband than they do about trading up.

I have never shared a picture on here of my fiancee.  She is a remarkably pretty woman.  But the two qualities that I sought in seeking her out were kindness and wisdom.  If you adhere to finding such qualities, you will be a wise man yourself.

As our friend Bill would say:  Udachi

[Sender]

She does seem gorgeous, jone.  As someone new to all this, can I ask how you met her?  Like what website (if one at all)?  Maybe I can replicate your success.

[jone]

After chasing around the FSU I found her where Dorothy went to find happiness in the Wizard of Oz.  She has a best friend who lives in Los Angeles and had come here.

We get a great number of FSU women here in Los Angeles.  This seems to be the meeting point, along with Miami.

They even have FSU women beauty pageants locally.  I don't know where you are from, but if you are in my part of the State, there are many avenues to meet such women.

[brownbeard99]

Hi Sender,


Since you are new to international dating, don't forget to take a look at the Asian and Latina ladies too.

Fathertime!

Not a bad plan if FSU doesn't work out.  I lived in Korea for a year and the women couldn't keep their hands off me!  It has nothing to do with money because I was broke.  It had nothing to do with smooth talking because I only learned about 20 Korean words.  I came back to the US after a year, but my roommate stayed.  He went out with more girls in a year than he had in his entire life.

He was one ugly dude, but they didn't care.  After living in Korea, I think I have a better idea of what it must be like to be a rock star.

It's a bummer that I'm not really into Korean women.  I could never get used to the way they smell.  I love kimchi, but when you eat it three times a day, every day of your life, the garlic seeps out of your pores, your breath, your hair...  The only solution is to eat kimchi three times a day yourself.  Then you won't smell it anymore.

I have been to Japan and Thailand, but they didn't seem awestruck by American men like in Korea.  I have been to China, but didn't stay long enough to feel for things.

I'm not sure where the "meek, submissive, shy Asian woman" stereotype keeps resurfacing from, but I still have yet to meet one.  The Asian women I have met are intelligent, cumming, and confident. Sure, they are extra-polite in public and follow certain societal rules, but they are not as different from western women as you might think once you get to know them.

As for Latinas... I have been to Mexico quite a bit and also lived in Southern California and South Florida (Miami should qualify as a separate country).  Latinas I have known (not born in US) didn't strike me as too much different from AW... They usually have more curves and more confidence.  I dated a girl from The Dominican Republic that likes to debate which one of us was "hotter" than the other one.

Fun times...

[Sender]

After chasing around the FSU I found her where Dorothy went to find happiness in the Wizard of Oz.  She has a best friend who lives in Los Angeles and had come here.

We get a great number of FSU women here in Los Angeles.  This seems to be the meeting point, along with Miami.

They even have FSU women beauty pageants locally.  I don't know where you are from, but if you are in my part of the State, there are many avenues to meet such women.

I'm in Sacramento, which is where that cop got his hot wife.

Yeah, I used to live in Orange County for a bit.  There seemed to be a lot of beautiful, single ladies in LA.  Only problem is, I didn't live in LA.  I'm even farther away now.

And here in Sacramento, we have a marked lack of single women, regardless of age or looks.  We have even a greater lack of women who aren't obese.  But I do like the city itself.

[BillyB]

Hearing the horror stories (and just the simple "lack of chemistry" stories) made me lose a massive amount of enthusiasm.  It also made me somewhat paranoid, potentially more than is healthy.  But I'm still on those FSUW dating sites, and I'm still talking with FSUW, although at this point, I am incredibly skeptical about the whole thing.

Paranoia will destroya. You're right, it isn't healthy and increases your chance to fail. Great women out there. Just got to figure out how to find them and attract them to you.

[jone]

I'm in Sacramento, which is where that cop got his hot wife.

Yeah, I used to live in Orange County for a bit.  There seemed to be a lot of beautiful, single ladies in LA.  Only problem is, I didn't live in LA.  I'm even farther away now.

And here in Sacramento, we have a marked lack of single women, regardless of age or looks.  We have even a greater lack of women who aren't obese.  But I do like the city itself.

I hear Folsom Prison is quite well populated with beautiful women.

[BdHvA]

I hear Folsom Prison is quite well populated with beautiful women.

Folsom Prison, that's where I want to stay
And I'd let that lonesome Olga blow my blues away

[TagUrIt898]

Hey Sender and welcome to the forum.  Your skepticism is understandable, but if can also be your downfall if you're serious about finding an FSUW.  I'll be the first to say that finding an FSUW is no easy task, but the reward is priceless if you do.  Most of us (men) are here for the same reasons. We all wanted better, we wanted a better quality of woman and one with better values.  That's not to say all FSUW are create equal, because we know they're not.

You've done some research, great!  Continue to do more, there is a lot to learn here. Many examples of what to do and more importantly what NOT to do.  Bury your skepticism, it will only hinder your efforts. Instead open your eyes and pay attention. Do NOT ignore the red flags and don't be afraid to ask questions.  I honestly feel that some guys make this harder than it needs to be. My experience was not as complicated as others. Yes I was very lucky in my venture, but me and my fiancé had a lot to do with our success.  I wish you the best of luck.

Tag

[BdHvA]

Hi Sender, Perhaps your name in daily life is Alexander or Zander?

But as Tag points do not make this complicated. There is in my opinion no one way to prosecute your quest, but there are plenty of wrong ways.

Read and figure out which way is most comfortable for you.

Plan your 'work' ~ work your plan.

[2tallbill]

I would have written this sooner, but it has been a massive chore to get registered on this site.  It took two weeks and multiple email addresses and usernames for me to even get a response for my registration.

It should take about five minutes or less. 

Me: “I’m single.  I don’t get dates.”

FSUW aren't for entry level daters. It's like taking boxing lessons for a week and
deciding to box with Mike Tyson after your last lesson.

2tallbill did in finding a wife.  It was very impressive, don't get me wrong; I might be willing to put forth 1/100th of the effort.

I don't know you so I will give some generic advice/information that you shouldn't
take personally. There are a lot of lurkers reading this and I'm writing this for them
as much as I am writing this for you.

I joined RLM/HRB which is like ADate a pay to chat site and chased women who were
too young (20 years younger in my Lugansk situation). I made many rookie mistakes
that everyone else doesn't need to repeat. I was never friend zoned, unless you count
being F#ckbuddies as being friend zoned.

You don't know if chemistry exists or not until you meet in person anyone who tells
you otherwise is wrong. With the exception of my first trip, if I didn't get the mutual
chemistry vibe the girl was kicked to the curb and I started seeing other girls.

If you want to put in 1% of the effort then I think you should consider hiring Eduard
at http://realrussianmatch.com/  If you don't have the money to hire him then I
think you are barking up the wrong tree.

If you want to try this yourself with by yourself while expending 1% of the effort then
I think you are barking up the wrong tree. If you only have two weeks of vacation time
per year then IMHO you are barking up the wrong tree. You can't get dates at home?
then you have every reason to be skeptical.

Pursuing an FSUW takes lots of time, money and effort. If you don't have a lot of
money then you need to have boatloads of time (including vacation time) and lots
of effort. If you don't have lots of time then you better plan on digging into your
piggy bank. If you don't want to spend the energy then settle for the fat girls at
home, join the rainbow parade because FSUW aren't for everyone.

Udachi!


Bill

[STaty]

Hi, Sender! I am the Russian woman. I have a lot of communication at female forums. There women who want write will get acquainted with the foreign man on the Internet. They have too such doubts. They meet a lot of deception, the disappointed hopes, lack of good luck. But they continue to look for. Some of women are trained on trainings. They pay money to learn as correctly to meet men on the Internet. I am sure, good luck comes to those who is able to wait and puts a lot of effort for the purpose. Think! Somewhere there lives a woman who looks for only you!
I wish you good luck!

Taty

[TagUrIt898]

Just thought of this, but if you have access to Netflix watch this movie called "Love Me".  It gives you some insight of what the process would be like.  I DO NOT recommend doing the tours like the guys did in the movie though.  Me personally I did the WMVO method, but you will have to figure out what's best for you.

Tag

[jone]

Yeah, Tag.

Worked well for you.  But what about poor poor Polishka.  Look who she wound up with.

[Sender]

Thanks to everyone for welcoming me and for your thoughts. 

If you don't want to spend the energy then settle for the fat girls at home

 
Nah, I'd just continue to be single.   

[TagUrIt898]

Yeah, Tag.

Worked well for you.  But what about poor poor Polishka.  Look who she wound up with.

I know Jon, she really got the short end of the deal here 😜. I'll try my best to follow your example of how to court an FSUW!! 😛