Here I go again

[EasternSun]

A bit of history: I was married for 1.5 years to a Russian woman, it went south as she was really homesick, and that combined with the fact that her and I were very different people who never could really get on the same page caused us to end the relationship and her to return home.  I always knew that I would try the FSU thing again, but didn't really consider jumping right back on that horse after falling off, but that's what happened.  I had reactivated my profile on the dating site where I met my ex about a month ago when she had bought her tickets to return home.  I was mostly just looking for a distraction, hot Russian women are a really good distraction:)  But things have changed apparently, there really aren't that many women looking to come here, and use a man for that purpose.  I wrote to a few just to have a pen pal with someone I knew I'd never meet, but there was this one named Margo who the more I talked to, the more I realized that she was everything that was missing from past relationships.  So now we talk all day long, from the time I wake up, till the time she goes to sleep.  She is much more than a distraction:)  I have an overwhelming desire to meet her, so I asked her if she would entertain the possibility of moving to another country (her profile said she was undecided if she wanted to move), and she said for me she would.  She said that I am everything she was looking for in a man, and to make a long story short I drove to DC today to apply for a 3 year visa.  Am I crazy for doing this??  It scares the crap out of me to think that I am falling in love with another person in another country, but I guess there are worse things that could happen!  I guess the reason I am posting this is I don't want to screw this one up.  Any advice?  I guess you guys are the experts

[Hammer2722]

Hi, have you met this lady in person ( i.e. Skype chat, etc)? One the most important pieces of advice we give here is to not fall in love with someone you have not met in the flesh....

[EasternSun]

Hi, have you met this lady in person ( i.e. Skype chat, etc)? One the most important pieces of advice we give here is to not fall in love with someone you have not met in the flesh....

Yes, we have skyped and vibered (guess that's what you'd call it).  And as soon as I get the visa I plan to schedule a flight.  I really don't see any point in waiting to meet her as I won't know for sure if we have any physical chemistry until I do. 

[Boethius]

The ink has not even dried on your divorce papers, you moaned about how your ex was cold to your (presumably) young son, and now  you're doing it all over again.  So exactly what type of advice are you looking for? 

[BillyB]

I guess you guys are the experts

Experts get paid so we have to give free advice around here.

I drove to DC today to apply for a 3 year visa.  Am I crazy for doing this??

What is the 3 year visa and is it for you?

[EasternSun]

The ink has not even dried on your divorce papers, you moaned about how your ex was cold to your (presumably) young son, and now  you're doing it all over again.  So exactly what type of advice are you looking for?

I guess what to look for as far as making sure this woman is legit.  I know she hasn't been on that site since she first wrote to me, so I know she's not playing the field at least.

[southernX]

The ink has not even dried on your divorce papers, you moaned about how your ex was cold to your (presumably) young son, and now  you're doing it all over again.  So exactly what type of advice are you looking for?

well my thoughts are your jumping straight back in way too soon and you will probably regret it somwhere down the track

however im sure you will continue anyway & justify what your doing in your next few posts

SX

[EasternSun]

What is the 3 year visa and is it for you?

3 Year private visa.  I don't plan on just making one trip this time if things go well.  So the 3 year visa will save me time and $$ as opposed to getting single entry visas.

[EasternSun]

well my thoughts are your jumping straight back in way too soon and you will probably regret it somwhere down the track

however im sure you will continue anyway & justify what your doing in your next few posts

SX

I get what you are saying, but I don't really know why there has to be a time of singleness between relationships?  The only real mistake I made with the last one is marrying someone that I wasn't compatible with, and for the wrong reasons.  I know conventional wisdom is to be single and improve oneself after a breakup, but I really didn't do anything wrong to cause that relationship to end, it just was doomed from the beginning.  So yeah, I guess I am trying to justify it, but is that wrong? 

[BillyB]

I guess I am trying to justify it, but is that wrong?

Your wife already moved on. Not with another man but she has moved on without you. I'm not going to be judgmental about how fast you're moving on because based on your previous posts, your wife checked out of the marriage from the beginning. You're the one that's been trying to hang on too long for something that's not there.... but do take care of your divorce paperwork as fast as you can. The next lady may not see it as a good sign you're dating her while still legally married. It will also look funny to immigration when the day you met the new lady is half a year earlier than when you're officially divorced from the last lady.

[EasternSun]

Your wife already moved on. Not with another man but she has moved on without you. I'm not going to be judgmental about how fast you're moving on because based on your previous posts, your wife checked out of the marriage from the beginning. You're the one that's been trying to hang on too long for something that's not there.... but do take care of your divorce paperwork as fast as you can. The next lady may not see it as a good sign you're dating her while still legally married. It will also look funny to immigration when the day you met the new lady is half a year earlier than when you're officially divorced from the last lady.

Oh it won't take that long, the divorce will be finalized next month.  And you're right, my wife did check out long ago but I kept trying to make it work because her friends said she just needed to acclimate and her behavior wasn't because of me.  I think that's why I'm asking for advice, with my wife there were tons of red flags I ignored because of what her friends were telling me.  I have yet to even get a hint of any issues with this Margo, on paper she is exactly what I've been searching for years to find, but never could find the whole package.  So I am curious if there's anything not obvious that I should be looking for? 

[Gator]

There is no substitute for spending lots of time with her.  So go slow!   Three years of trips to Russia is a good plan.  And if it progresses well, bring her here on a tourist visa.  Let her see your life. 

Be confident and do not give the impression that something is wrong.

[southernX]

but I really didn't do anything wrong to cause that relationship to end,   

 easternsun yes you did make mistakes and you told us so and admitted to them in another thread

it just was doomed from the beginning.   

i really doubt that
honest women as your ex wife apears to have been dont hang on for so long if there is no relationship to start with

.  So yeah, I guess I am trying to justify it, but is that wrong? 

yep totally wrong imho

hence the time out between the next relationship , your rushing ahead anyway and will make more of the same errors with anew lady , purely because you have not looked into fixing you , rather you decided she needed fixing

I have yet to even get a hint of any issues with this Margo, on paper she is exactly what I've been searching for years to find, but never could find the whole package.   

you have not met yet , but your convinced  you think you have found the whole package, ?? lol 
 i honestly  doubt that easternsun


SX

[jone]

Sounds like puppy love to me.

Sorry.  It looks like falling out of the frying pan into the fire.

There are some men here that have met their wives and been a two week wonder.  They were lucky and some are still even married.  But you, having admitted that you probably didn't know what love was when you met your first Russian wife, certainly do not have any great idea as to what you are going to find in this situation. 

You have one person you are responsible to.  That is your son.  He is not part of this romance.

[EasternSun]

easternsun yes you did make mistakes and you told us so and admitted to them in another thread

SX

No you're right, I resented my wife and that was a mistake, but that would have never happened if I would have married someone who would have been a better wife, or at least a better person. 

[EasternSun]

you have not met yet , but your convinced  you think you have found the whole package, ?? lol 
 i honestly  doubt that easternsun


SX

Whole package in that she is everything I wish my wife could have been.  Here are some examples:  My wife was sullen, Margo is happy and enthusiastic.  My wife was not communicative (I'd be lucky to get a one word reply to texts or emails), Margo talks to me all day.  My wife would only eat about 3 things (she claimed to have stomach issues), Margo likes all kinds of food.  My wife didn't like going out, Margo says she can't wait to go out and see some bands play.  Oh, and my wife only liked classical music, Margo is with the times and listens to everything I do.  There is a lot more, including physical traits (the most glaring example would be the difference in breast size, haha!), but you get the idea of why I think this woman is the bees knees, LOL!

[fathertime]

Whole package in that she is everything I wish my wife could have been.  Here are some examples:  My wife was sullen, Margo is happy and enthusiastic.  My wife was not communicative (I'd be lucky to get a one word reply to texts or emails), Margo talks to me all day.  My wife would only eat about 3 things (she claimed to have stomach issues), Margo likes all kinds of food.  My wife didn't like going out, Margo says she can't wait to go out and see some bands play.  Oh, and my wife only liked classical music, Margo is with the times and listens to everything I do.  There is a lot more, including physical traits (the most glaring example would be the difference in breast size, haha!), but you get the idea of why I think this woman is the bees knees, LOL!

Your first wife sounds god awful...No harm in excercising a little better judgement this time, and enjoying your time with this new lady and just letting things develop...In a year you might tire of her and want to move on or vice versa....or maybe not.


Fathertime!   

[ML]

Applies to both women and men.

Best to not limit yourself to one woman (man).

You really won't know you have one of the best women (men) available unless you are able to compare her (him) in real time to several other women (men).

Just comparing new woman (man) to previous woman (man) won't cut it.

If previous woman (man) had many bad traits, a new woman (man) with bad traits but not so severe will look good to you.

Modern technology makes this possible; be sure to use it to full advantage.

[Faux Pas]

No you're right, I resented my wife and that was a mistake, but that would have never happened if I would have married someone who would have been a better wife, or at least a better person.

And, if you were a better person and a husband, you would have picked the right wife? Listen, you lay this stuff on her, it wasn't her guy, it is you. Until you fix that, Margo is likely headed for the same fate. Quit thinking with your dick.

[oso]

It seems that you are jumping in to fast, as mentioned in earlier posts. We have to have time to step back from a broken relationship. Evaluate our selves and change whats needs to be changed. Life is a bunch of lessons, until we learn from our mistakes we get to repeat the lesson. If you find what needs fixing in you and change, your next relationship will be blissful when you find the right woman...

[ML]

If you find what needs fixing in you and change, your next relationship will be blissful when you find the right woman...

Easier approach . . . just find someone who likes you as you are.

[EasternSun]

Easier approach . . . just find someone who likes you as you are.

Exactly!  I don't understand people that try to make themselves into something they aren't so they can attract a mate, but then when they find said mate, they go back to their old ways. 

[EasternSun]

And, if you were a better person and a husband, you would have picked the right wife? Listen, you lay this stuff on her, it wasn't her guy, it is you. Until you fix that, Margo is likely headed for the same fate. Quit thinking with your dick.

I made a lot of errors when I met my wife.  I had advice to walk away, but I felt bad for her daughter, and I really liked the idea of being a stepdad.  Plus I thought things would improve, as most of the issues seemed to stem from her dislike of everything American, it seemed to me that eventually that would pass and she would stop being so miserable.  So I guess it boils down to me marrying someone that I thought was "fixable", and that's just plain dumb on my part.  Yeah I could have been super nice to her, constantly walking on eggshells to not create any waves, but that's hard to do when every time I would look at her it was like she would suck out all the joy in me and I really just felt like avoiding her most times.  I do feel bad, it would have been easier for both of us if I would have walked away at the beginning rather than wait for things to get so bad on her end that she felt the only thing she could do is go home. 

[pokerintherear]

So now we talk all day long, from the time I wake up, till the time she goes to sleep.  She is much more than a distraction:) 

What kind of man with a life would have time do this or want too? I don't think you have much to offer. Time for some self reflection.

[EasternSun]

What kind of man with a life would have time do this or want too? I don't think you have much to offer. Time for some self reflection.

Via text, I'm not literally on the phone talking to her   It's nice to keep in contact throughout the day!