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[Son of Clyde]

Apparently my wife does have someone checking my posts. I have thought the things I posted were generic and helpful to others.

When she practically quoted verbatum my post of a few weeks ago saying I was going to quit posting for awhile, I knew someone else might be reading the board and telling her what I posted. She asked why I said I would quit posting but I was back posting again.
This to me is a very bad situation because I am fond of this forum and the people here.

All I can say is that we are trying very hard to make our marriage work but it has not been easy.

I hope any newbies considering this venture should be warned that RW are very tough, but in the long run it will be a rewarding experience if you are both willing to make it work.

If you have a low threshhold for stress you may want to find a nice American wife. I am very glad I have a Russian wife but it is very demanding on us both physically and emotionally. The first year or two will be very demanding.

Take care.

[PeeWee]

Apparently my wife does have someone checking my posts. I have thought the things I posted were generic and helpful to others.

When she practically quoted verbatum my post of a few weeks ago saying I was going to quit posting for awhile, I knew someone else might be reading the board and telling her what I posted. She asked why I said I would quit posting but I was back posting again.
This to me is a very bad situation because I am fond of this forum and the people here.

All I can say is that we are trying very hard to make our marriage work but it has not been easy.

I hope any newbies considering this venture should be warned that RW are very tough, but in the long run it will be a rewarding experience if you are both willing to make it work.

If you have a low threshhold for stress you may want to find a nice American wife. I am very glad I have a Russian wife but it is very demanding on us both physically and emotionally. The first year or two will be very demanding.

Take care.

I do believe that this is one of the reasons why I began my search in the East. I have not had an RW yet that I did not find emotionally challenging in some way. Like someone said a few days ago, I think it was one of our FSU lady posters, that FSU girlfriends are not the same as the FSU wife. Something changes in them and it may be for the better but better to be prepared for it.

After knowing Lena for a few months I am beginning to hear some of the Russian assertiveness in her tone. "You have had time to get ticket for trip. Why have you waited until now to do it?" That is a fair question but the manner in which the question is asked is much like someone who has just cracked a whip somewhere in the vacinity of your ass.

Peewee

[jb]

that FSU girlfriends are not the same as the FSU wife.

 

Actually, that little axiomatic truism came from my keyboard.

SoC,

I think you can safely presume that your wife is conversing with the wife of another member.  You won't have to look far to see which couples you have met in person, and who she is telephone chummy with.  I'd guess the answer lies no farther than the reverse side of your phone bill where they list incoming and outgoing calls.

[KenC]

That is a fair question but the manner in which the question is asked is much like someone who has just cracked a whip somewhere in the vacinity of your ass.

Peewee

Peewee,
In the immortal words of Henry Higgins, "By George, I think she's (he's) got it!"  BTW, I thought it was jb that made the classic statement regarding Russian wives vs. girlfriends.

Clyde,
Sorry to see you go. I am also sorry that you seem forced to give up something you enjoy.  Maybe you need to think about it some more?  My wife thinks these forums are silly and she is not very interested in them.  But she knows that I find some type of enjoyment in participating, so she doesn't mind.  Gosh, she even sits through and participates in conversations about what goes on here some times.  Would it be more acceptable to her if you spent your free time on the golf course? Or restoring some old car in the garage? Or fishing? Just who does get to choose your hobbies? Hmmm?
KenC

[DonAz]

Clyde your post is very disturbing to me. I for one would have a very hard time letting someone control me. If fact I would not let it happen! I would have a lot of trouble with a woman who would spy on me with the help of a stranger. In fact, it would straight up piss me off! Where is the trust! I am surprised that you have not expressed any anger about someone interfering in your marriage by going behind your back informing your wife about your posts. I am even more surprises by your wife enlisting that help. If you are going to give in to every whim of your wife then you are living a life of the whipped.

I do not see this as RW woman problem. Not all RW are difficult. I see this as a standing your ground issue as a man .

I’m sorry if this offends you, this is  not my intention., but this is how I see it..

Good luck,

DonAz

[viking]

I found that my former GF was reading all my posts here but never said anything to me until the end. Then she dumped on me for  a minor inaccuracies, but never mentioned all the nice things I had said. ALmost as if she was trying to find something to start an argument with. Notice I said former GF.

[andrewfi]

Clyde, I think you have a problem.

Others have said what I am going to say. You should not stop posting because your wife (slavemaster) tells you, but becasue you want to. THat she has been using a third part to spy on you, rather than having the honesty to discuss the issue with you would be for me a deal breaker. None of us is entirely honest with anyone, it is too much to expect. But one has to be able to trust one's partner. You can not trust her!

Now, I can understand why you might choose to go with the flow, you are that kind of a guy and well, getting along in years and not wanting to to start all this malarkey all over again, but if this was my girlfriend, she would be history. No ifs ands or buts.
I would hope that I would have been able to get to know the character of my intended wife a tad better than to find myself in this kind of situation.

She wants to go to home with her son to visit?

Give her a one-way ticket and some startup money. Methinks you married a monster.

[BC]

All goes back to a previous thread about resolving problems within the marriage.

Sorta like if you want to raise a white flag, don't use skidmarked boxers. 

Clyde,

I suggest that if you want to post, try doing it together with your wife until she is comfortable with the goings on.  You do spend a good bit of time posting here so she probably feels neglected or left out..  a 'secret life' is not part of marriage.

[Son of Clyde]

I am thinking either this thread will be read by my wife's friend and my wife told about it or that person can do the decent thing and stay out of our personal business.

Why doesn't this person just join RWD and post openly and express an opinion? Why it is so terrible for people to post in the forum? Because her husband does not post to the forum?

[Ste]

I am thinking either this thread will be read by my wife's friend and my wife told about it or that the person can do the decent thing and stay out of our personal business.

Why doesn't this person just join RWD and post openly and express why it is so terrible for people to post in the forum? maybe because it is not so terrible.

Let's face it guys, I think all our wives and gfs think posting here daft, and all the 'losers' here are 'stupid'!! I think Nadia tunes in every so often to laugh at some particularly funny disastrous trip report, especially on RWG where some guy was accused of giving his 'girlfriend' an STD. (We still say VD here). You do get a better quality of knob-cheese on RWG though, I have to say....

Ste

[Shadow]

We can make this the usual 'Clyde is doomed' type of trhead but I will try to deviate from this.

Clyde the mistake you have made in your posts is that you are not disclosing everything to your wife. Perhaps because it is hard to explain all to her, perhaps because you still need some space of your own.
If you want to keep this hobby, tell her what is happening.
Right now you tell her you are doing your best to make the marriage work. She is doing her best as well. Then when she talks to her friend, she gets the impression that things are wrong. This is partly your fault for not mentioning how cute she looks in her house clothes or such things   Usually you were asking on how to handle things that are new to you.
If she finds that you are writing things here that she did not know bothered you it is similar to you reading an e-mail to her family full of complaints. It undermines trust.
If you want to keep your hobby, and I think you should, then it is important to involve her in it. Make sure that she knows what you are writing and why you are writing it. Then if someone calls with the latest gossip on Clyde she already knows.

The best way to success is fullt disclosure and full trust. She should trust that what you write here is what you tell her.

[andrewfi]

I am sure that Clyde will do his best with the cards he holds. But before we get to painting pictures of a middle aged couple skipping, hand in hand through sun-dappled meadows it is worth considering the context. This is not the first issue of control that Clyde has reported, it is not the first issue where she has behaved in a deceitful manner - at least as reported by the estimable SoC.

[KenC]

Could Mrs. Clyde's problem be another example of language difficulties? Maybe if she could comprehend English better, she could read and understand his posts better and there by know that he means her no harm?  Just a thought.
KenC

[andrewfi]

I bet that this is a part of the problem. But we are know not by what we say, but by what we do. Her actions tell us much, she has choices in terms of how she manages her husband. She tends to choose to ignore his wishes and feelings, to go behind his back and make demands of him that, to this big softy, seem unreasonable to the max.

[Bruno]

Could Mrs. Clyde's problem be another example of language difficulties? Maybe if she could comprehend English better, she could read and understand his posts better and there by know that he means her no harm?  Just a thought.
KenC

Not sure... my actual girlfriend have always enjoy my post here and read several of them... during our meeting, we have wrote a trip report together... but short time after she have not wish that i expose to everybody our story... She wish keep everything about us like a personal matter... and so, i respect her choice...

Soc have already inform us previously about similar problem, that his wife don't wish the post of personal thing... since these time, Soc have speak about interview, return to Ukraine, and other thing who are personal...

Yes, Soc is free to say/write what he wish, but when the "post" involve other people, the minimum of respect is that he ask to these other people if they agree!

From my own personal experience, RW are discreet over personal matter... Family problem/story stay inside the family and are not shared openly to the world !

[Wild Orchid*]

I agree with Shadow.
DonaZ, you’ll never have problems with you posting about your wife simply because of the nature of your posts. You never ask for advise or discuss your problems. I’m sure you’ve got them like everyone else. Clyde does “problems” bit more often then others. I’m not saying it is wrong, may be it is his tool for dealing with them. But I understand that his wife doesn’t like it. My husband is not any forum member. Sometimes he comes from work and tells me what his work-mate said in regards of our latest quarrel , I can’t say that I always like it. Of course, if I’m right in friend’s opinion, it’s OK with me, but if I’m not… 

[PeeWee]

That is a fair question but the manner in which the question is asked is much like someone who has just cracked a whip somewhere in the vacinity of your ass.

Peewee

Peewee,
In the immortal words of Henry Higgins, "By George, I think she's (he's) got it!"  BTW, I thought it was jb that made the classic statement regarding Russian wives vs. girlfriends.

Clyde,
Sorry to see you go. I am also sorry that you seem forced to give up something you enjoy.  Maybe you need to think about it some more?  My wife thinks these forums are silly and she is not very interested in them.  But she knows that I find some type of enjoyment in participating, so she doesn't mind.  Gosh, she even sits through and participates in conversations about what goes on here some times.  Would it be more acceptable to her if you spent your free time on the golf course? Or restoring some old car in the garage? Or fishing? Just who does get to choose your hobbies? Hmmm?
KenC

Yep, Jb, he be the man, alright. That was the gem of all gems. The intire enchelada wrapped into a tacoshell.

Peewee

[PeeWee]

I am thinking either this thread will be read by my wife's friend and my wife told about it or that person can do the decent thing and stay out of our personal business.

Why doesn't this person just join RWD and post openly and express an opinion? Why it is so terrible for people to post in the forum? Because her husband does not post to the forum?

Clyde, you are a valuable asset to the forum. Your experience and wisdom have given others both information and inspiration. I may have said this before. Stand up. Stand up. These RW bearcats are strong, man. Strong will, strong opinion, but in the end they are loyal, true, no non sense ladies. Not women...ladies. I have always thought that most RW are happy to have a strong man first, but happy to have at least a man, if nothing else. It seem that if you give then a hint of weakness then they will exploit it and flat knock you out of the way and take over your life. Not because they want to but because they have a strong desire to survive. Survival may not be the best description of what drives them but there does seem to be an unfailing fire in them to maintain the family strength. Be it provided by her husband or by her. Either way it happens.

Maybe I have met too many of the same RW but that is how it seems to me.

Peewee

[Turboguy]

Clyde, I have already said you are an inspiration to a lot of us and we have all learned from your experiences.

I don't mean to take this thread off track but are not the Russian women supposed to want only a strong man and then don't they all seem like they want to be almost dictators in the marriage?   Any comments.  (That was not directed at your wife Clyde or any gal in particular.  Just a general question)

[Son of Clyde]

One thing I have noticed about marriage is no matter how much stress you endure you had better not shirk your duty as a husband and providor.

For a weaker person the stress enough may do them in, I am trying to deal with the stresses and continue to provide for the family unit.

The thing that really upsets me is that she sometimes thinks she is the only one affected. It is apparently evident to my family when I am stressed out but not always to her.

This is probably too much information to share but it is true.

[KenC]

Turbo,
You know how AW think they want an all sensitive and caring guy but are almost always attracted to the bad boys?  Well, in the Russian version of this story, the RW all want a "mans man" and then spend the rest of their life trying to get the upper hand!
KenC

[Turboguy]

LOL, Ken,  That was about the impression I had.

[BillyB]

Clyde, this is like your six or seventh "goodbye" at the two forums I've known you at. Like the terminator, you'll be back.

Me thinks you need to be more of a He-man behind closed doors and she'll let you enjoy your hobbies more. No, I'm not talking about beating her but satisfying her. But you do need to tell the wife she's going to lose a friend real soon if the friend can't shut her mouth. When someone interferes with my family's business and makes things worse, then that's crossing the line.

[calcowboy1]

Oh dear Clyde,

After two forums I am surprised you still don't realize what some of the guys are saying.  First, I think you have to understand in a general sense, not all wives are going to enjoy having you post your issues with the marriage on a public forum.  However, that being said, I think you also realize that you married a woman with a personality that is much different than yours, and from what you tell us, you are having a very difficult time understanding.

Indeed, many people have gained much insight into "your" personal relationship with a FSU woman, however, is it the norm, ummmm, I don't think so.

At the end of the day here is my 2 cents

Clyde's personality = submissive
Wife's personality = dominant

Clyde, he's trying to understand how to live with a dominant woman with all his forum mates telling him he needs to be the "strong" man, and thus having intense internal conflict. 

If you love her, and you want to be with her, accept what you married into and roll with it, stop trying to fight it.  Accept the type of personality you have, don't try and change it, it will not work.  If it doesn't work out, I highly suggest you find someone with a similar personality.

After so many people telling you to get some balls (I like what Billy said "He-man") I would have thought you would have heeded the advice you crave you much. ???

[PeeWee]

Turbo,
You know how AW think they want an all sensitive and caring guy but are almost always attracted to the bad boys?  Well, in the Russian version of this story, the RW all want a "mans man" and then spend the rest of their life trying to get the upper hand!
KenC

yeah, baby! I am ready! Give them an inch and they will take the mile.

Clyde, stand up or forever lay down. You know where your confidence comes from, Clyde? You tell her what will happen and when she backs down she also gives you the respect that she really wanted you to have all the time anyway. In otherwords, she removes your nads from her purse and gives them back to you...and is happy to do it. Short lived as that can be because she will try to regain possesion of them time and time again.

Peewee