Update. Not Good.

[lonedrake]

She sees her Ukrainian psychiatrist via Skype. Does not believe American psychiatrists/counselers know how to help.(surprise right)

 I am just going to do what my lawyer recommends. I trust that she knows MN divorce laws. I let her know I will give more to end this quicker.

[ML]

I let her know I will give more to end this quicker.

So you can get back to Zimbabwe ??

[GregfromGa]

Sorry to hear LD. Divorce is a tough road with these women. Throw out all reason and logic. My ex refused to see a marriage counselor. I don't know what happened to the sweet girl I married. You'll get over it and you'll be fine. No kids right? Hopefully your lawyer gives a damn about you. There is no doubt my ex is very jealous of my girlfriend. Her mom is more of a beast now than she ever was. I ruined her life she says. I cant give advice because I found out quickly that I was a long ways from having this crap all figured out. I feel your pain and you can always PM me if you ever want to talk.

[Slumba]

She sees her Ukrainian psychiatrist via Skype. Does not believe American psychiatrists/counselers know how to help.(surprise right)

 I am just going to do what my lawyer recommends. I trust that she knows MN divorce laws. I let her know I will give more to end this quicker.

I would recommend that unless you know this lawyer very well, that you consider switching to a male lawyer. Voice of experience here.

[treadmilldude]

Sorry to hear LD. Divorce is a tough road with these women. Throw out all reason and logic. My ex refused to see a marriage counselor. I don't know what happened to the sweet girl I married. You'll get over it and you'll be fine. No kids right? Hopefully your lawyer gives a damn about you. There is no doubt my ex is very jealous of my girlfriend. Her mom is more of a beast now than she ever was. I ruined her life she says. I cant give advice because I found out quickly that I was a long ways from having this crap all figured out. I feel your pain and you can always PM me if you ever want to talk.

Unfortunately, I have heard this line repeated ad nauseum from not only you, Greg, but from my friends who have gone through bitter divorces. I am only all too familiar with that statement "I don't know what happened to the sweet girl I married". What can I do to avoid repeating this same phrase? I worry there is not a lot I can do. All I know how to do is be wonderful to a woman, and be wonderful to our Children. But often that is not enough, she will still divorce you.

To the OP, I am sorry for what you are having to go through. I hope things get much better for you soon. 

Slumba, just wanting to pick your brain, what is it about male divorce lawyers that leads you to recommend them over female divorce lawyers? I do know of several really good female lawyers (not necessarily divorce lawyers).

[ML]

Slumba, just wanting to pick your brain, what is it about male divorce lawyers that leads you to recommend them over female divorce lawyers? I do know of several really good female lawyers (not necessarily divorce lawyers).

I think the idea is that a woman lawyer will take the side of the woman in a divorce . . . no matter who she is supposed to be representing.  Natural instinct; men are bad.

And to add to potential injury to the man . . . a male lawyer will also sometimes take the side of the woman in a divorce . . . no matter who he is supposed to be representing.  Natural instinct; protect the woman.

[BillyB]

I am just going to do what my lawyer recommends. I trust that she knows MN divorce laws. I let her know I will give more to end this quicker.

Your lawyer works for you, not the state of MN. She will be greatly influenced by what you ask her to do. If you say you want your ex wife to be served with an eviction notice and not give her any alimony, your lawyer will do as you ask. Of course the more unreasonable a husband is, the more likely his wife will want to go to court and have a judge make the decisions.

Of course when your wife reviews what you're offering, if it looks good, there's less chance she'll seek guidance on what to do. If she seeks guidance, the one offering advice may advise her to get an attorney and get all they can out of you.

If a woman came here asking what to do in her upcoming divorce and is confused of her rights and if she'll be homeless, we would probably tell her everything we told you. She can get up to 10 years support and she should get a long period of alimony since she's probably less employable than the average citizen. Some posters, not knowing her husband, may suggest he's a bad guy hiding assets and to go get an attorney to fight him in court. I would tell her the same thing I'm telling you. Get what she deserves according to her states laws. If it ends up in a fight, they both lose their savings to attorneys or at least the husband is will be less capable of giving his wife more.

In the event of a nasty court battle, women almost always win. A guy may think there's no way a wife in a short marriage can get half his assets but that is not true. A guy may have lost over half his assets before marriage. I owned two houses before marrying my first wife. My wife owned nothing but a car. One house was bought when we were living together but didn't share money, bank accounts, or have both our names on titles. Didn't matter. The judge in our divorce said we were like husband and wife and gave her half the equity in one house. Coupled with an estimator that valued the house way over market value which the judge thought there was $300,000 in equity to evenly split, by the time the house was sold at true market value, the ex wife got $150,000 and I got less than $2000. For a 3 1/2 year marriage, my ex left much better off than when she came into the marriage with just a car. I lost a house, and got the bills from two attorneys. Judges have lots of discretion in family court. If they want to tilt the scales in favor of one party, it almost always tilts to benefit the woman. No judge wants to get his/her name in the paper due to a complaint by a woman's activist group thinking he/she made a bad ruling. It might hurt their political ambitions. Two major things a judge will consider. Try to send the woman off with enough money so she doesn't use social programs and cost the taxpayers and don't make her homeless.


I notice the judge in my divorce had awards from women's advocate groups hanging on his courtroom walls. After the case I told my ex wife's attorney that judge favors women. She said all judges favor women and that's why she recommends her male clients to settle and doesn't care if women clients take it all the way to court because they'll win more in the end. I had a male attorney. He didn't recommend that I settle. I was not happy with him after I learned the hard way of how family court works.

I don't know what happened to the sweet girl I married.

Almost everybody changes over time. Some of us get wiser, more mature and less selfish. Others get worse. For you guys out there looking to get married, take a close look at the woman's parents because it's what she can become in 20 years. The apple rarely falls far from the tree.

[mies]

She sees her Ukrainian psychiatrist via Skype. Does not believe American psychiatrists/counselers know how to help.(surprise right)

 I am just going to do what my lawyer recommends. I trust that she knows MN divorce laws. I let her know I will give more to end this quicker.

Sorry to hear your marriage is ending in divorce. I think it is a good idea to speak with your wife, and ask her how can you facilitate (if needed) her getting a green card. Tell her you want to help her, to a reasonable extent. This is a much more important issue for her than your financial support. Your marriage was very short, I do not think the court will order you to pay her much or for prolonged period of time.

As for the counselor/psychiatrist - there are two reasons why Ukrainian one will be much better for her than American:
1) Ukrainian person speaks her language and understands her cultural background
2) Ukrainian professional charges much less than American. With the current exchange rate, and according to google it's in the range of $5-30/consultation. In USA, again, according to google, $70/consultation is an average price.
Additional benefit is that while using skype she doesn't need to drive or go anywhere, and perhaps she can also feel more secure this way.

[GregfromGa]

Sorry to hear your marriage is ending in divorce. I think it is a good idea to speak with your wife, and ask her how can you facilitate (if needed) her getting a green card. Tell her you want to help her, to a reasonable extent. This is a much more important issue for her than your financial support. Your marriage was very short, I do not think the court will order you to pay her much or for prolonged period of time.

As for the counselor/psychiatrist - there are two reasons why Ukrainian one will be much better for her than American:
1) Ukrainian person speaks her language and understands her cultural background
2) Ukrainian professional charges much less than American. With the current exchange rate, and according to google it's in the range of $5-30/consultation. In USA, again, according to google, $70/consultation is an average price.
Additional benefit is that while using skype she doesn't need to drive or go anywhere, and perhaps she can also feel more secure this way.

As I stated earlier. Throw out all reason and logic. Speaking with a Ukrainian marriage counselor about being married to an American while living in the states is like living in Ukraine and speaking to a Chinese counselor about living on Mars. At the end of the day the bottom line is you cant tell them shit because they already know all the solutions and all of the answers. I pity any fool that has to go down this road. I have few regrets because my kids are perfect. This guy wouldve had better luck trying to figure it out while talking to a fence post. He should be very thankful there are no kids. Cut her ass a  loose and never look back.

[southernX]

lone drake ,

sorry to hear of your impending divorce , never something one likes to see another go through

can i ask , how far into your marriage did you get before it started to turn to trouble

i know you where not married for long , but im interested to know where and what went wrong in your opinion ??

anyone who has ever argued or had even a small disagreement with an FSU woman/wife , will have experienced that  logic and reason can be thrown out the window alright ,

ime it only ever becomes clear when their emotions have calmed down , and they have stopped focusing on suspicion , mistrust and actually take stock of the real situation ,

did your wife have ukrainian /russian friends around her in the US ??

SX 

[lonedrake]

 I have talked to her psychiatrist  and I have no problem with her.  She was able to break through to my wife, when no one else could.

Since the divorce proceedings just started, I don't want to get into to many details.

I do believe she has a lawyer, ( not sure though) and I suspect it will be a difficult divorce.

We are no longer in communication.

[Slumba]

Slumba, just wanting to pick your brain, what is it about male divorce lawyers that leads you to recommend them over female divorce lawyers? I do know of several really good female lawyers (not necessarily divorce lawyers).

ML  makes a good point; however if you get a guy who has more than 5 years of representing guys in divorces, he should have been "red-pilled" about the way divorce *actually* works in this country, instead of the theory about how it works. 

Such as women lying with impunity, hiding assets, false DV allegations, lying in affidavits they file, etc.

You are in MN, right?  You might find this useful reading http://realworlddivorce.com/Minnesota although some of it focuses on child support, which I think you don't have to worry about.

[BillyB]

I do believe she has a lawyer, ( not sure though) and I suspect it will be a difficult divorce.

We are no longer in communication.

Sounds like it's going to get bad and everybody has to fight for themselves. The average divorce cost around $20,000. It's best to settle in the negotiating phase instead of going to trial. Your attorney is going to have to offer less and their attorney is going to fight for more and hopefully you both can meet in the middle. Some states allow for trial by jury. If MN allows it, get a jury. A jury is more likely to follow your state guidelines than a judge when determining who gets what. The ideal situation is for you to settle even if you think they're asking for too much. You may have to give more if you get in front of a judge.

Your marriage was very short, I do not think the court will order you to pay her much or for prolonged period of time.

There are numerous factors that go into determining alimony. Length of marriage is considered. Alimony calculator in link below that describes what other factors are involved. Lonedrake's wife's earning potential is low. She's an immigrant and English is not her primary language. Her work experienced is factored in. She probably hasn't worked in years or at all in America. She has limited employment options since she probably has limited English and an immigrant. She is not employable at all if she didn't receive her SS# and work permit yet. It could take months or years for her documents to be competed for her to legally work. Mental health is considered and as Lonedrake disclosed, she's seeing a counselor. He may be asked to continue to pay for that counseling and depending on what she's seeing a counselor for, she may be deemed unfit to adjust to life in America without significant financial help.

I agree with the guidelines for determining alimony since it will help immigrant women move on with their life in America as a single woman. It doesn't matter if a woman is a bitch. It's not against the law to be a bitch so a judge will not hold her personality against her when determining alimony. An American woman normally would adjust to life working immediately after a divorce unless all she did was be a homemaker for 20 or 30 years and never worked.

The problem I have with our divorce courts is judges have a lot of discretion and they've been guilty of not following their state guidelines and most of the time reward women more than their fair share in court.

http://alimonycalculator.us/

[lonedrake]

More bad news. Here's the story.

Yesterday she sent me a text saying we have court. She also sent a picture of a order of protection. It said I must be there at 10:15. It was 9am and I am 3 hours away. I called my lawyer and she said since I was never served and the judge had not signed it, it was nothing to worry about today. She said they will serve me and set up another hearing.
 I had received wind of this through my sister in law, but was not sure it was true.

The evening the divorce papers were scheduled to be served, I was at the house. We actually have a good talk and both agreed that divorce was best. Then I made the mistake of telling her someone was coming over to give her papers. She then just took off. Apparently she went to the police claiming I had someone coming over to kill her.

She also took all of her belongings from the house yesterday. She wanted me to be there, but also a one hour notice. She had a police escort. I requested the officer to call me and he did. Last night I went down there and changed out the locks. She did take everything of hers and then some,but nothing I am concerned about.

 My lawyer advised me to have zero contact with her. Which is fine by me. What don't understand is why law enforcement has not contacted me.

[dragonkid]

More bad news. Here's the story.

Yesterday she sent me a text saying we have court. She also sent a picture of a order of protection. It said I must be there at 10:15. It was 9am and I am 3 hours away. I called my lawyer and she said since I was never served and the judge had not signed it, it was nothing to worry about today. She said they will serve me and set up another hearing.
 I had received wind of this through my sister in law, but was not sure it was true.

The evening the divorce papers were scheduled to be served, I was at the house. We actually have a good talk and both agreed that divorce was best. Then I made the mistake of telling her someone was coming over to give her papers. She then just took off. Apparently she went to the police claiming I had someone coming over to kill her.

She also took all of her belongings from the house yesterday. She wanted me to be there, but also a one hour notice. She had a police escort. I requested the officer to call me and he did. Last night I went down there and changed out the locks. She did take everything of hers and then some,but nothing I am concerned about.

 My lawyer advised me to have zero contact with her. Which is fine by me. What don't understand is why law enforcement has not contacted me.

It doesn't sound like a good idea to have this thread on here. Sounds really ugly, this is true nature of FSU women when they get mad, they are pure and sweet when you meet them, but if you cross them, expect no tears, just a knife in your back.


If i was her, i would be looking at your profile on here, she will be keeping tabs on you to use anything against you.

[GregfromGa]

Do not contact her. Save all your texts when she texts you. That is the only thing that saved me from a very serious charge. You might not want to think it but you are at war. It's good she moved out. You can assume correctly that she is getting coached by a number of FSU women on some website. There is a reason it is against the law to give legal advice in Georgia. Be thankful you have no kids. You need to hope that she hooks up with someone sooner rather than later. You can also assume that she will play the domestic abuse card. Maybe not physical but emotional and verbal. You cannot give in and help her. IT WILL NOT BE APPRECIATED. It will be viewed as a weakness. I've never done illegal drugs in my life. I took not 1, not 2 but 3 hair follicle drug test for that loon I was married to. Of course I passed them all and was accused of conspiring with the lab that did the test. She was accusing me of fucking heroin of all things. I said if you can spell it then you have the right to accuse me of it. The good thing is it gets better. With you with no kids, cut your losses. The sooner you realize that she is gone and you are better off then the healing can begin. Record any and all conversations but you are better served to not communicate at all. No kids. Let your lawyers hash it out. If she knows of this place then I wouldn't say much here. I know for a fact that the mods here will not remove anything. That's pretty messed up in itself.

[jone]

How do you know what the mods will or will not do?

[Gator]

All communication should occur only through your respective attorneys.  She has moved out and taken all of her possessions, so there is no need to communicate with her. 

You were married a very short time, and if you were in Florida she would receive little.  However, this does not stop her attorney from "working" the case.  Her attorney easily could conduct unnecessary legal work under the pretense he is protecting the woman, and meanwhile creating a large legal bill, which the court will order you to pay because she has no income.  Some attorneys endeavor to create all-out warfare, while others seek a collaborative closure. Your attorney should be able to tell you the typical approach used by her attorney. 

[treadmilldude]

With all that can go wrong in a marriage to a FSU Woman (really, for that matter, with all that can go wrong in a marriage to any woman), and the financial horrors a man can be sentenced to during the divorce....it makes me stop and scratch my head in complete amazement over the men here on RWD who have married FSU women with an age gap of 30-35 years. I just look at these otherwise very nice, loving men here on RWD, who for some reason that I will never begin to understand, have chosen to marry a FSU Woman 30-35 years younger than themselves, and I have to ask myself "What were these guys thinking about? Did the thought / possibility of divorce never once enter their mind?"   

I have chosen to deal with a 4 year age gap for myself, and I am now very nervous about the possible consequences of a failed marriage. I wish there was a zero year age gap for myself. I am not sure if a zero year age gap is better, statistically, than a 4 year age gap, but I have my worries that it is.

[mies]

As I stated earlier. Throw out all reason and logic. Speaking with a Ukrainian marriage counselor about being married to an American while living in the states is like living in Ukraine and speaking to a Chinese counselor about living on Mars. At the end of the day the bottom line is you cant tell them shit because they already know all the solutions and all of the answers. I pity any fool that has to go down this road. I have few regrets because my kids are perfect. This guy wouldve had better luck trying to figure it out while talking to a fence post. He should be very thankful there are no kids. Cut her ass a  loose and never look back.

Greg, the one who is unreasonable and illogical is you.
She was having issues while living in Ukraine, before coming to USA. Relocation and adaptation to a foreign culture made things worse. But the core of the problem was still in her past. How can an average American counselor relate to the life in Ukraine? Can he show it on the map, at least?

I would also appreciate if while you have issues with an FSU woman, would refrain from expanding your skewed judgement to all of them, me in particular.

[Hammer2722]

With all that can go wrong in a marriage to a FSU Woman (really, for that matter, with all that can go wrong in a marriage to any woman), and the financial horrors a man can be sentenced to during the divorce....it makes me stop and scratch my head in complete amazement over the men here on RWD who have married FSU women with an age gap of 30-35 years. I just look at these otherwise very nice, loving men here on RWD, who for some reason that I will never begin to understand, have chosen to marry a FSU Woman 30-35 years younger than themselves, and I have to ask myself "What were these guys thinking about? Did the thought / possibility of divorce never once enter their mind?"   

I have chosen to deal with a 4 year age gap for myself, and I am now very nervous about the possible consequences of a failed marriage. I wish there was a zero year age gap for myself. I am not sure if a zero year age gap is better, statistically, than a 4 year age gap, but I have my worries that it is.

To me age gap has nothing to do with how successful a marriage will be. It all boils down to how well you actually know your spouse before marriage......

[Slumba]

With all that can go wrong in a marriage to a FSU Woman (really, for that matter, with all that can go wrong in a marriage to any woman), and the financial horrors a man can be sentenced to during the divorce....it makes me stop and scratch my head in complete amazement over the men here on RWD who have married FSU women with an age gap of 30-35 years. I just look at these otherwise very nice, loving men here on RWD, who for some reason that I will never begin to understand, have chosen to marry a FSU Woman 30-35 years younger than themselves, and I have to ask myself "What were these guys thinking about? Did the thought / possibility of divorce never once enter their mind?"   

I have chosen to deal with a 4 year age gap for myself, and I am now very nervous about the possible consequences of a failed marriage. I wish there was a zero year age gap for myself. I am not sure if a zero year age gap is better, statistically, than a 4 year age gap, but I have my worries that it is.

If only it were that simple!  We have had members who "broke" all the rules and are still together, others that did everything "right" and got divorced.  I doubt that any age difference under 10 years matters at all to the possible success of the marriage (provided the guy is over 35 that is).

[mies]

There are numerous factors that go into determining alimony. Length of marriage is considered. Alimony calculator in link below that describes what other factors are involved. Lonedrake's wife's earning potential is low. She's an immigrant and English is not her primary language. Her work experienced is factored in. She probably hasn't worked in years or at all in America. She has limited employment options since she probably has limited English and an immigrant. She is not employable at all if she didn't receive her SS# and work permit yet. It could take months or years for her documents to be competed for her to legally work. Mental health is considered and as Lonedrake disclosed, she's seeing a counselor. He may be asked to continue to pay for that counseling and depending on what she's seeing a counselor for, she may be deemed unfit to adjust to life in America without significant financial help.

I agree with everything BUT the counselor.
In this case she is seeing the counselor unofficially, via Skype, the counselor is in Ukraine, she probably sends him payments via Moneygram or WU, the reason of payment is not indicated, and the counselor does not show them on his/her income statements. There is no formal contract between them, no formal signed agreements. At the most they probably have an e-mail communication. It is unclear whether counselor is making any notes. We can be certain that the counselor will not come to US to testify in any court. We can be almost sure that the counselor will not be able to provide a transcript of their sessions translated to English. As such, her "counseling" does not exist from the POV of the American legal system.

If the divorce goes sour, this is a huge luck for the OP that her counselor is in Ukraine and not an American one. (do you read this, Greg-oh-so-reasonable-and-smart-and-logical?)

[mies]

It doesn't sound like a good idea to have this thread on here. Sounds really ugly, this is true nature of FSU women when they get mad, they are pure and sweet when you meet them, but if you cross them, expect no tears, just a knife in your back.


If i was her, i would be looking at your profile on here, she will be keeping tabs on you to use anything against you.

Lonedrake should have discussed with her divorce and her legal status before starting divorce procedures. He made his wife feel intimidated and threatened. While the lying and her actions are not justifiable, he is the one who brought this trouble upon himself. He should have talked with his wife and made sure that the divorce will not bring her serious problems, and convinced her he would help her.

[mies]

Do not contact her. Save all your texts when she texts you. That is the only thing that saved me from a very serious charge. You might not want to think it but you are at war. It's good she moved out. You can assume correctly that she is getting coached by a number of FSU women on some website. There is a reason it is against the law to give legal advice in Georgia. Be thankful you have no kids. You need to hope that she hooks up with someone sooner rather than later. You can also assume that she will play the domestic abuse card. Maybe not physical but emotional and verbal. You cannot give in and help her. IT WILL NOT BE APPRECIATED. It will be viewed as a weakness. I've never done illegal drugs in my life. I took not 1, not 2 but 3 hair follicle drug test for that loon I was married to. Of course I passed them all and was accused of conspiring with the lab that did the test. She was accusing me of fucking heroin of all things. I said if you can spell it then you have the right to accuse me of it. The good thing is it gets better. With you with no kids, cut your losses. The sooner you realize that she is gone and you are better off then the healing can begin. Record any and all conversations but you are better served to not communicate at all. No kids. Let your lawyers hash it out. If she knows of this place then I wouldn't say much here. I know for a fact that the mods here will not remove anything. That's pretty messed up in itself.

based on what you write, you were married to a complete psychopath.