communication question

[ML]

OK, so now she is free to be pursued by another guy here.

Any takers ?

[Larry1]

OK, so now she is free to be pursued by another guy here.

Any takers ?

maybe JayH

[LiveFromUkraine]

I'll pass due to being an artificial man.

[JayH]

Is anyone else here interested in her side of this story?
To make thread complete-it would be interesting-- don't you think?

[Boethius]

Once she used the "real man" sentence, no.

[BillyB]

[12:47:12 PM]: if u dont want speak-say about this as a normal man
[1:18:45 PM]: ok-so goodbye-wish u good luck

Sounds like the guy is giving her the silent treatment by missing the 10PM treatment. That is immature. I dated a woman who's husband, when upset, gave her the silent treatment. The final straw was when he refused to talk for 3 months. If the guy here changed his mind and doesn't want to meet the lady, he should apologize for moving in another direction, thank her for her time and friendship for the past few weeks and wish her good luck finding her soul mate. She'll then kick herself in the butt for missing out on a quality man who acts like a gentleman.

[jone]

Sounds like the guy is giving her the silent treatment by missing the 10PM treatment. That is immature. I dated a woman who's husband, when upset, gave her the silent treatment. The final straw was when he refused to talk for 3 months. If the guy here changed his mind and doesn't want to meet the lady, he should apologize for moving in another direction, thank her for her time and friendship for the past few weeks and wish her good luck finding her soul mate. She'll then kick herself in the butt for missing out on a quality man who acts like a gentleman.

Funny you should mention that response, Billy, because I had always used it, when possible.  And it usually pays off in some way down the road.

[BillyB]

I had always used it, when possible.  And it usually pays off in some way down the road.

I've used the response myself if I thought a woman played one too many games. I usually give them the benefit of the doubt when questionable behavior is displayed the first time. After acting like a gentleman when saying goodbye, some women trying to reel me back in but once I made up my mind, I don't go back. I always keep a lot of options and have no pressure from being lonely that would want me to go back.

This episode we just witness is basically two people figuring out each other in the dating phase. In this case dating on Skype. Things fell apart over tardiness and silent treatment.

[Jumper]

Surely the guy in question didn't make the decision to spend thousands of dollars to visit an immature woman. We are not getting the whole story. We are not getting what was said in the previous Skype sessions. Hopefully the guy decided to meet this woman because he felt she's a quality woman who liked him and not just because of what's between her legs. Maybe Larry can enlighten us how the previous Skype sessions went. Was it fun and did she seem like an intelligent, mature woman who was into the guy?

I have no idea where he was at at that moment,
but lets keep in mind things change thru discovery,
(for both parties) it's exactly why he should've been skyping with her,
calling her on the phone , viber etc.
as  during the vetting process you can quickly go from someone you thought you wanted to meet, to no way.

[Jumper]

 
I think some are missing the real man comment. 

If a western woman told me that i'd laugh it off, but still probably tell her she should go  find one. Maybe jokingly, maybe not, depends on situation.
 Regardless here in the west it doesn't carry the same level of intentional insult that  it does in the FSU.
 If you think a FSUM would tolerate it from someone he hadn't met,
 you're likely  mistaken. Not because he is less macho , or too macho, a caveman, or too sensitive and  can't take a slight insult, it's because a FSUM of any level in society would understand what she means in that culture and wouldn't need the drama.

It's apt that the thread is about communication, as a lot is missed by not being immersed in a culture.
 

[Boethius]

The other thing to remember, is that the type of people who use this insult are what we would think of as Jerry Springer guests.  That is the level that would be provoked by it, as well.

WM often view the education of a FSUW as an indicator of intelligence/class/standing.  It isn't.

[BillyB]

but lets keep in mind things change thru discovery,

I think the discover part is over. People got their feelings hurt. At least we know she's not so desperate that she's a gold digger, green card girl or pro dater. They broke up over something small such as tardiness and silent treatment.

The other thing to remember, is that the type of people who use this insult are what we would think of as Jerry Springer guests.  That is the level that would be provoked by it, as well.

It takes two to tangle to create the Jerry Springer circus. Girl misses Skype appointment and guy returns favor by giving her silent treatment. Nobody apologizes in Jerry Springer so that is why things escalate. The girl was capable of understanding she cause the man inconvenience and apologized to deescalate the situation but the guy is incapable of forgiving so Jerry Springer drama it is.

[jone]

One of the things that it is important to do is to manage a communication.  Especially between a man and a woman.  If you are in discussions and they turn towards Russian atrocities in Ukraine, I would turn the discussion back to things that make the woman feel good about herself.  When I feel that a conversation is heading towards the mundane, I will try to steer it back to things that increase the likelihood that the woman will remember that she is in a conversation with a potential spouse.  If all we talk about is the weather and how rotten the Russians are then I know already that we will not succeed as a couple.   I would take that shortcut that Billy mentioned above rather than drag things out.

[LiveFromUkraine]

It takes two to tangle to create the Jerry Springer circus. Girl misses Skype appointment and guy returns favor by giving her silent treatment. Nobody apologizes in Jerry Springer so that is why things escalate. The girl was capable of understanding she cause the man inconvenience and apologized to deescalate the situation but the guy is incapable of forgiving so Jerry Springer drama it is.

How do you know he was incapable of forgiving?  That was the part I was confused about.   Did he just return to work and she left all those messages while he was gone?  It may be a case where she jumped to conclusions because he had to go back to work.


As I mentioned before, I thought the real man was a red flag.  After reading Bo's post, I would put that comment in the deal breaker category.

[BillyB]

How do you know he was incapable of forgiving?  That was the part I was confused about.   Did he just return to work and she left all those messages while he was gone? 

I'm assuming the guy is being honest with us by providing all communications between them. The girl misses the Skype appointment. She later apologizes and reschedules a time to meet on Skype. The guy doesn't address the apology or confirm the meeting. 24 hours have past and the only messages are the girl's. The guy has shown he can't forgive and maybe giving her silent treatment as a form of revenge. His behavior isn't something to be proud of. Would you like it if a person you're interested in getting revenge on you everytime there is a misunderstanding? Who wants to live with people like that?

[LiveFromUkraine]

I'm assuming the guy is being honest with us by providing all communications between them. The girl misses the Skype appointment. She later apologizes and reschedules a time to meet on Skype. The guy doesn't address the apology or confirm the meeting. 24 hours have past and the only messages are the girl's. The guy has shown he can't forgive and maybe giving her silent treatment as a form of revenge. His behavior isn't something to be proud of. Would you like it if a person you're interested in getting revenge on you everytime there is a misunderstanding? Who wants to live with people like that?

Billy, I agree with a lot of what you wrote.  I wouldn't want someone to get upset over missing a call especially if we were talking every other day.  I'm not sure that is why he stopped talking or if it was the real man comment.   


No one would want to live with someone who tried to question their manhood in order to get their way either.


The conversations don't really tell the whole story. 

[BillyB]

I'm not sure that is why he stopped talking or if it was the real man comment.   
 

The real man comment was made because he didn't address her apology and she began to think he was giving her the silent treatment, not because she's trying to manipulate him. I wasn't ready to accuse him as using the silent treatment yesterday as revenge because was too early to make that conclusion. I was rooting for both of them to make the 10PM appointment and sort things out like adults. She did the waiting on that appointment and he didn't show and didn't leave a message to say he could make it. He knew the appointment was going to happen because he let us know. So obviously he planned on standing her up as revenge. Juvenile tactics.

[Muzh]

Once she used the "real man" sentence, no.

I was going to say way from page 1, dump the bitch.


Any woman giving you the "real man," dump her.


Well, technically, you can't dump her since there is nothing going on between the two, but, DO NOT accept rude behavior from anyone. No matter how long her legs are, hpow pretty her face, how nice her tit, or any other immflamatory body part she may possess.


Especially if she is your daughter's age. 

[Larry1]

Yesterday I posted the girl's final messages. I was premature. she sent these messages today:

What happend?maybe u a weak man who quickly dissapeared or u have other woman-i think u used that young trusty women go to u first-as for example ur ex girl who went to another country(Ukraine)to see u-but dont think that other women will do the same,strong man will find the way go to her place-i thought u are serious man and we could be friends but u did like a boy

and by the wa- when next time u will lie that u go to woman-dont say her that it is cheaper to go to her country than for another-it is awfull

[alex330]

I would tell her what went wrong and politely explain why he moved on. Hopefully she learns from her mistakes and understands what she did.

[Gator]

I would tell her what went wrong and politely explain why he moved on. Hopefully she learns from her mistakes and understands what she did.

Ha Ha.  To learn would first require her to believe she was wrong.  We discussed this earlier, and you started the discussion. 

Nope, she believes it is his fault because he is a weak boy. 

[alex330]

Ha Ha.  To learn would first require her to believe she was wrong.  We discussed this earlier, and you started the discussion. 

Hmmm, you are correct, I see to have forgotten rule #542 

[BillyB]

Larry, will the guy who is providing you this info explain himself? Three days ago they had a meeting on Skype. She asked him to wait 10 minutes since she had to do something and he said "Sure". She returned 30 minutes which was 20 minutes late and asked if he was there. He wasn't there and she left a note apologizing. He has not acknowledged her apology and gave her the silent treatment three days in a row. Now she's going to believe he's another guy that make promises on the internet, play multiple women and disappears. I agree with her he's acting immature. At a minimum, he should be a real man and tell her he's moving on instead of giving her the silent treatment. I'm puzzled. Why does he want our help if he doesn't want to learn a way to improve the situation with the lady?

Next time my wife is 20 minutes late, will someone recommend starting up the divorce papers?

[ML]

Interesting.

If someone here posts a real life factual question about how to get money from an ATM machine at X location in FSU, they will get maybe one or two answers factual answers.

But here we have a situation that is really not a situation . . . and we have tons of expert opinion on  this non-situation.

As a group we are great at shallow situations, but we have very little substance when an actual question about an actual situation arises.

[BillyB]

Hopefully she learns from her mistakes and understands what she did.

Why do you think she made the first mistake? If this guy continues to behave the way he does, he'll be called many more names, and rightfully so. If one of my employees gave me the silent treatment for even a day, I'll do worse than ask him to be a real man to manipulate him to change his attitude. I'd make sure we're not on speaking terms for the rest of our lives.