How important is it for her to Speak English

[Turboguy]

Just would like to get some more thoughts on this subject. 

[BC]

Really skewed answers.. I might have voted for 'There is a very slight chance it might work' but since it's not there picked the next closest.. nr1

[Turboguy]

BC, you can change your vote and I just edited that in.  My intention with the poll was to make impossible, can't work, no chance in hell the top and the gradually be more optimistic as I went down.  With no sweat, we will just kiss our way to happiness (or whatever else a couple might do) the bottome.  The more problem you think it will be the higher on the list your vote should be, the easier the closer to the bottom.  It was hard to put some of that into words and stay clear.

[BC]

There is a slight chance it might work.  It is one factor in a successful relationship.  It is not really that big a deal.

Still not enough to change my vote.. 

[BillyB]

TG,

Maybe you should make this simple and list a scale of 1 to 10 on importance of a woman speaking English or "Absolutely important, very important, important, not very important, not significant at all" Make this easy for everybody with no qualifiers. I'm not ready to vote yet due to the choices available.

[Jet]

I'd have to say that I'd be comfortable voting for:

It adds some risk, the people involved must be willing to work at it and be committed to their relationship

If the word "some" were replaced with the word "substantial"...

[Turboguy]

Ok, the changes are made.  I think before I do another poll I will open up the wording for discussion so I can get it pretty right on the first shot.   By the way Jet, you and I are voting for the same choice.

[SANDRO43]

In the name of the non-English/American/Canadian/Australian/New Zealander/South African minority here, I protest for this blatantly language-skewed poll . 

You should have entitled this thread : "How important is it for her to speak her fiancé's/novio's/fidanzato's/Verlobte's language" ! 

[KenC]

There is no way of knowing if success is obtainable or not until you can communicate.  Who the hell can know?
KenC

[Bruce]

I went for the "6 or 7" on the difficulty scale.  Good poll and I hope it helps.  I know polls are so hard to design  !

[Turboguy]

Yes, that was my first poll.  I plan another but I want to go back to the tread where we talked about it and get some of the guys ideas about how to set it up.  It might actually be easier anyway.

Good point Ken,  actaully I think it is hard to know if you will have success until it is at hand.  I have had lots of times that I thought I had success and only got a rude awaking.

[PeeWee]

There is no way of knowing if success is obtainable or not until you can communicate.  Who the hell can know?
KenC

True. I guessed at 6-7 because the success of the process has to be equal to the commitment of the two to make it so.

Peewee

[Turboguy]

Shoot, I just noticed there is no 8.  Oh well, I will leave it the way it is.

[PeeWee]

Shoot, I just noticed there is no 8.  Oh well, I will leave it the way it is.

It's your age, Turbodude. As we get older we tend to lose things. You have lost your 8s. Not to worry as it could be just a temporary loss. Sometimes they come back. Most of my life I have had a dislike for the number 8. Not one of my favorite numbers at all so I could lose them and not be too concerned about it.

Peewee

[Turboguy]

Well PeeWee tomorrow I may start the poll about how long people have been looking.  Perhaps I can stick two 8's in that one to make up for this poll.

[PeeWee]

Well PeeWee tomorrow I may start the poll about how long people have been looking.  Perhaps I can stick two 8's in that one to make up for this poll.

Yeah, good idea. A make up "8". You are a fair, wise, and unbiased man, Turbodude.

Peewee

[Leslie]

I have a problem with this poll.  It groups difficulty and risk.  Two very different factors IMHO.

Not speaking good English at the beginning of relationship means that both of you have two make a much greater commitment to communication.  It means you should spend MORE time together before considering important decisions because it will take you longer to achieve a sufficient level mutual understanding.  It is more difficult maybe an 7.  If you are going to live in the West then the woman must be prepared to work very hard to improve her English.  If she is not then GIVE UP. 

Risk is not related to language ability provided you take the time necessary to get to know one another.  It is related to "other head strategies"  ALL of the scammers(GCG's) I have met spoke good English.  The most calculating were interpreters in the MOB business. 

It is well known on this board that I regard those who rush into marriage proposal on the basis of just a few days of face time as BAD PEOPLE.  When the shit hits the fan they will get no sympathy whatsoever from me.  This is the cause of vast majority of train wrecks.  Of course if she does not speak good English she will be even more of a stranger than if she were fluent.  Big problem but if the two of you are committed to one another this situation can work.  Marry a witch who mesmerizes you with her perfectly spoken English bullSh@t and your fate is sealed...

[Turboguy]

Good post Leslie.  I think your point about it being important to take more time to get to know each other if there is a language problem is very good.  I think that would reduce the risk.  I also agree that difficulty and risk are not the same thing.   I think it might be hard to separate them for a poll though.

Probably the only thing I see differently is your statement that people who rush into a marriage proposal are "Bad People".  To me Bad people are those who lie, cheat, steal, rape, murder and the like or lead some poor sap on to get a green card.   I would go with people who rush into a marriage proposal as being foolish, or naive or maybe even stupid, but to me I don't see them as bad people. 

[Bruno]

Probably the only thing I see differently is your statement that people who rush into a marriage proposal are "Bad People".  To me Bad people are those who lie, cheat, steal, rape, murder and the like or lead some poor sap on to get a green card.   I would go with people who rush into a marriage proposal as being foolish, or naive or maybe even stupid, but to me I don't see them as bad people. 

Turbo, people can be foolish, or naive or maybe even stupid only if they are newbies and know nothing... they pick up the first agency find on Google and believe all is writed...

But what about people who read and participate in forum like RWD... Who know that they have wrong but will not change... in so case, i agree with Leslie, they are "bad people"... why ? Think about the situation when so guy marry a RW and after some time, he realise that HE have not make the right choice... result : a divorce and a good woman living hell in a foreiggn country where she is not able to work and speak...

I think that too much guy take these process too much lightly, like a game... it is own right to gamble with own life but in case of relationship, you are two people in the gamble game... if the man loose, the women loose too... Too much time men see RW like a box of cereal in a supermarket... so people are dangerous and bad, specialy if they was given all needed information before...

I am almost sure that if i have know a forum like these in 1996, i have never married my ex-russian wife... and now, because of these forum, i have not directly marry the first woman that i have meet... i have take my time... future will say if i am on the right way  ???

[Son of Clyde]

Question about potential train wrecks. These are two people who may not be meant for each other but does it mean they do not deserve a relationship with someone? Sometimes people are not compatible but are not bad people. So I think face time does help. When couples resort to calling the other bad names it is only one person's opinion.

[Turboguy]

I can understand the point you are trying to make but to me a bad person is someone who does something deliberatly wrong or hurtful. 

Someone who is not trying to hurt someone but is just too pigheaded to learn doesn't fit my description of a bad person but we each are entitled to how we interpret things.

I wish there had been something like RWD when I started this.  I think it would help anyone a lot.

[Leslie]

TG,

"Probably the only thing I see differently is your statement that people who rush into a marriage proposal are "Bad People".  To me Bad people are those who lie, cheat, steal, rape, murder and the like or lead some poor sap on to get a green card.   I would go with people who rush into a marriage proposal as being foolish, or naive or maybe even stupid, but to me I don't see them as bad people. "

If you blindfolded yourself, maxxed the Ipod headphones, then tried to cross the New Jersey Turnpike in rush hour and miraculously survived the multi vehicle crash that followed would you plead ignorance to the judge....

Bruno is spot on in his analysis.  

If you asked your family and friends for advice on marrying "the girl next door" after less than 40 hours together what would they say?  

Yet it is perfectly OK to propose marriage to a woman from another culture who does not speak your language very well??

What sort of woman accepts such a proposal???

People who do this KNOW they are doing wrong.  

[Turboguy]

My two cents worth is that they don't know they are doing bad.   I think they have both deluded themselves with agency hype and fantasy.   I think they are both dreaming of a happy life and to me that does not make them bad people. 

SOC, I agree with what you say.  People may not be right for each other but that only means they are not right for each other.   Supposedly there is someone out there for everyone.

[Momus]

Bruno and Leslie, fantastic comments, and I couldn't agree more. Some of the men whose stories I've read here are just downright negligent and irresponsible, not just with their own lives, but more unforgiveably, with the lives of others. And yeah, regardless of whether the reason is malice, selfishness, impatience, desperation, or ignorance, that makes them bad people in my book. Especially when they refuse to grow up and start taking responsibility, regardless of past mistakes.

The only problem I have with the "Ten Commandments" is that there is not one word about the responsibility that men involved in this pursuit have to the women they're courting.

I will say this right now, before I've even taken my first trip, and y'all can hold me to it: I would rather lose my one-in-a-million love-of-a-lifetime forever by acting too slowly, cautiously, and conservatively than turn some poor girl's whole world upside down by throwing prudence to the wind and losing my reason and common sense in a romantic fantasyland. Sure, I hope to find love and happiness over there...but not at the price of my own self-respect.

[beattledog]

I guess that I am very lucky.  My finance, from Tashkent, speaks excellent English, as she is a graduate of  Oxford Univeristy.   I think that her abliity to have a great command of the English language, increases  the chances of a successful marriage.   She is a wonderful, stunning, woman.

Beattledog