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Author Topic: How to Visit Many without lying?  (Read 137755 times)

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Offline Donna_Pedro

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How to Visit Many without lying?
« Reply #300 on: November 16, 2018, 07:37:07 AM »
FSUW, in general, are not great with stepchildren, at least, not stepchldren who aren't grown and on their own.  In most cases, this will be exacerbated if that woman has her own child.  This is a cultural attitude.  So, if your children are under 18, I would not recommend seeking an FSUW.



Personally I was not. But my stepchildren  have mom with a complex of victim.. so kids always came to stay with us with what seemed like a pre-programming to resist everything I said. I am thinking if  there is no mom to influence the situation, things might go better. 
Kaplah!

Offline Boethius

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« Reply #301 on: November 16, 2018, 07:42:40 AM »
Perhaps.  But from what I have seen, not likely.  I can think of two men I know, both diaspora Ukrainians (and therefore, not really "Ukrainian" in the eyes of FSU Ukrainians) whose marriages to UW fell apart because of children.  In one case, the man was a widower, in the other, his wife hit the road, no contact with her children.  One of the women brought her son into the marriage, the other did not have children.

I don't think the conflict is usually with the wife, it is in demanding certain behaviours of the children which don't always align with how children here are raised differently, although in one case, the UW would never have accepted any man's children.  The only man I can think of who had no issues with this is Manny.

This post was composed without the aid of google.
« Last Edit: November 16, 2018, 09:19:29 AM by Boethius »
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline John Gaunt

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« Reply #302 on: November 16, 2018, 08:32:34 AM »
Perhaps.  But from what I have seen, not likely.  I can think of two men I know, both diaspora Ukrainians (and therefore, not really "Ukrainian" in the eyes of FSU Ukrainians) whose marriages to UW fell apart because of children.  In one case, the man was a widower, in the other, his wife hit the road, no contact with her children.  One of the woman brought her son into the marriage, the other did not have children.


I don't think the conflict is usually with the wife, it is in demanding certain behaviours of the children which don't always align with how children here are raised differently, although in one case, the UW would never have accepted any man's children.  The only man I can think of who had no issues with this is Manny.


This post was composed without the aid of google.
You can include me as well. 😃

Offline Donna_Pedro

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« Reply #303 on: November 16, 2018, 08:34:30 AM »
When I wrote about my search, it got hostile. I said the girl was family oriented and described her behavior and some thought she was going to use me. I got married to her and some said my marriage didn't exist. Next month I'll be 7 years married and some, behind PMs, tell each other my marriage is going to fail. I first communicated with my wife 9 years ago and they are still trying to convince themselves they are right after all this time.



who cares, as long as you are married and being happy. I dont think anybody believed that my arrogant arse would stay married for long, but here we are, celebrating our 17th anniversary on Monday.
Kaplah!

Offline brownbeard99

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« Reply #304 on: November 16, 2018, 08:48:41 AM »
FSUW, in general, are not great with stepchildren, at least, not stepchldren who aren't grown and on their own.  In most cases, this will be exacerbated if that woman has her own child.  This is a cultural attitude.  So, if your children are under 18, I would not recommend seeking an FSUW.

Many men here had their marriages to FSUW break up because of children, and none of those men had primary custody of their children.  The only one I can think of who made it work was Vaughn, and he posted, years ago, that it was a very difficult process (plus, he did not have primary custody). 


This post was composed without the aid of google.

This is a subject I do not take lightly, which is why I have only ever talked to one woman with a child.  I have heard that boys are even worse than girls.  My second marriage was a blended family and raising children was a part of much conflict.  Back then, I did not have a realistic perspective on blended families of any kind.  I thought that we would be like the Brady Bunch and be a normal family.  It doesn’t work that way.  You have issues with other parents on the periphery, jealous, fighting, special treatment, etc.  For this to work, we would need a pragmatic approach to address these issues before the marriage started.

Fortunately, my older kids will almost be out of the house by the time the marriage would be compete and they pretty much do their own thing most of the time anyway. My youngest doesn’t really get along with the others most of the time, but she keeps to herself and just minds her own business to avoid conflict.

I would take many precautionary measures before taking the leap including spending a couple months in Ukraine to see how the kids interact on a longer term basis.  I know the stakes are high, but there also some potential benefits to such a marriage.  I don’t expect to be this kid’s dad and I don’t expect her to become my kids’ mom, but it would be nice to have a positive female role model in my daughter’s lives.

Offline Donna_Pedro

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« Reply #305 on: November 16, 2018, 08:54:27 AM »
Perhaps.  But from what I have seen, not likely.  I can think of two men I know, both diaspora Ukrainians (and therefore, not really "Ukrainian" in the eyes of FSU Ukrainians) whose marriages to UW fell apart because of children.  In one case, the man was a widower, in the other, his wife hit the road, no contact with her children.  One of the woman brought her son into the marriage, the other did not have children.


TRue and also how come I can not slap a child on his backside? And even 5 year olds threaten you with  child services?
Kaplah!

Offline Donna_Pedro

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« Reply #306 on: November 16, 2018, 08:57:45 AM »
This is a subject I do not take lightly, which is why I have only ever talked to one woman with a child.


I only talked to men who had children, because I did not want  my child around a guy who did not not know what parenthood was. ANd it worked out great. My child loves Mr. Pedro and his relationship with  him is better than the one with his own dad.
Kaplah!

Offline Boethius

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« Reply #307 on: November 16, 2018, 09:21:14 AM »

TRue and also how come I can not slap a child on his backside? And even 5 year olds threaten you with  child services?


The only time my better half and I ever had conflict was around our children, and they are our common biological children. 


This post was composed without the aid of google.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline Boethius

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« Reply #308 on: November 16, 2018, 09:22:38 AM »
I would take many precautionary measures before taking the leap including spending a couple months in Ukraine to see how the kids interact on a longer term basis.  I know the stakes are high, but there also some potential benefits to such a marriage.  I don’t expect to be this kid’s dad and I don’t expect her to become my kids’ mom, but it would be nice to have a positive female role model in my daughter’s lives.


Realistically, a few months in Ukraine will probably make no difference. 


This post was composed without the aid of google.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline ML

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« Reply #309 on: November 16, 2018, 09:59:49 AM »
Step children are a leading cause of divorce in second marriages.

And, as Boe hints, children may even be a leading cause of divorce in first marriages.

I met and interacted with children of many of the FSUW that I spent time with.
Got along fine with them; but they were all teenagers.
And we didn't live together 24/7, which would have been a completely different dynamic.

In general, I am pretty sure that any long term relationship for me with ANY woman would be doomed by step children . . . if said step children were nearby.  And the same can be said for in-laws.
A beautiful woman is pleasant to look at, but it is easier to live with a pleasant acting one.

Offline 2tallbill

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« Reply #310 on: November 16, 2018, 11:46:56 AM »
but here we are, celebrating our 17th anniversary on Monday.

Miracles never cease  :D

Congratulations!
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Offline brownbeard99

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« Reply #311 on: November 16, 2018, 12:47:16 PM »
I’m not sure if everyone caught this, but I had a failed marriage with step children involved.  I would say that child issues were the root of at least 80% of the problems.  I don’t need to be educated on this subject. I am painfully aware of the negative aspects of this situation. About half the girls I have dated in recent years have had children.  Often, we had great chemistry, but I realized the child dynamic was not going to work out (even before meeting the kids).  I ended it before things got too serious.  In the rare case I would consider a UW with kids, I will apply even more scrutiny to the issue.

On a separate note, if I bring a girl back to my apartment and she does not spend the night, is it normal procedure to call a cab and pay the driver directly... or do I give her the money to pay at the end of her trip?  I have a car here, so I don’t know taxi dating etiquette...

Offline Hammer2722

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« Reply #312 on: November 16, 2018, 01:41:05 PM »
You should always pay for her taxi. Let her deal with the taxi driver and give her the money but don't do it out in public.....
every ship can be a minesweeper at least once...

Offline msmob

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« Reply #313 on: November 16, 2018, 02:10:55 PM »
You can pay using your UBER account ?   Watch her get safe home and wish her 'good night '?


Offline brownbeard99

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« Reply #314 on: November 16, 2018, 03:45:41 PM »
You can pay using your UBER account ?   Watch her get safe home and wish her 'good night '?
When you say “watch her get safe home” are you saying I should ride with her all the way home instead of just putting her in the car?

Offline SteveInBoston

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« Reply #315 on: November 16, 2018, 04:05:20 PM »
Dude.  Uber.  The app tracks the progress of the ride to the destination.

Online krimster2

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« Reply #316 on: November 16, 2018, 04:51:36 PM »
mr beard claims to have an IQ of 147, a Harvard MBA and is a pharmaceutical executive
so I'd think a person of that intellectual caliber would understand Uber  :)
even though he sounds a LOT like a blue collar guy....
he couldn't possibly be, not with those kind of credentials
unless.....

Offline BillyB

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« Reply #317 on: November 16, 2018, 05:45:10 PM »
I would say that child issues were the root of at least 80% of the problems.


I'd say the problems are with the adults, not the kids. I've got kids from another marriage and it's not going to end my marriage.
Fund the audits, spread the word and educate people, write your politicians and other elected officials. Stay active in the fight to save our country. Over 220 generals and admirals say we are in a fight for our survival like no other time since 1776.

Offline msmob

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« Reply #318 on: November 16, 2018, 10:31:54 PM »
Dude.  Uber.  The app tracks the progress of the ride to the destination.

Thanks for explaining

Offering to accompany  her home, might be good on a subsequent date

Offline brownbeard99

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« Reply #319 on: November 16, 2018, 10:38:51 PM »
I'd say the problems are with the adults, not the kids. I've got kids from another marriage and it's not going to end my marriage.
Allow me to clarify. I am not blaming the children.  I am saying that child related issues were a source of problems.  For instance, her child would hit my child. Her first reaction was to interrogate my child to find out what he said to provoke her child into violence.  She would tell her child that I am not his real father, so he didn’t have to do what I say.  When my children got in trouble, she would tell them they are evil and have the devil living in their heart.

After the divorce, the kids are still good friends and my ex-stepson (now 14) still calls me daddy.  The problem was with co-parenting in a blended family.  If we didn’t have kids, these issues would not have existed.

Offline 2tallbill

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« Reply #320 on: November 17, 2018, 11:38:35 AM »
In the rare case I would consider a UW with kids, I will apply even more scrutiny to the issue.

Most of us men have been married before and it didn't work out or we wouldn't be here.

This is an opportunity for the men NOT TO F#CK IT UP the second time.

One thing that amazes me to know end is that two adults contemplating marriage don't
have 81,002 conversations about children, child raising, discipline, punishment, education,
expectations, boys vs girls, where will they sleep, what if they don't eat vegetables, sleepovers,
teenage sex, bed wetting, discipline in public and private, pets, responsibilities around the house,
religion, going to church, circumcision, how they will affect sex, what we wear around the house,
what they wear in public, makeup, what to do if they walk into the room 2 seconds before climax,
(because they will) etc, etc, etc, etc. 

The idiots who think they will work it out as they go along are idiots. Leaving everything to chance
in a situation where a woman is new to your country, your culture, your language and you, and
stressed out in ways you can't possibly understand, AND doing it totally on the fly, hoping love
conquers all is begging for problems. 

The more things you sort out (or try to sort out) the more familiar you are with the thought
process of each other and having conversations in advance about similar situations won't solve
all your future problems (not even close) but it greatly advances your understanding of each
other and understanding each will help you tackle new problems together rather, than opposed
to each other.

That's my two kopecks

 
FSUW are not for entry level daters
FSUW don't do vague
FSUW like a man of action. Be a man of action 
If you find a promising girl, get your butt on a plane.
There are a hundred ways to be successful and a thousand ways to f#ck it up
Just kiss the girl, don't ask her first. Tolerate NO excuses!

Offline John Gaunt

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« Reply #321 on: November 17, 2018, 12:07:48 PM »
Most of us men have been married before and it didn't work out or we wouldn't be here.

This is an opportunity for the men NOT TO F#CK IT UP the second time.

One thing that amazes me to know end is that two adults contemplating marriage don't
have 81,002 conversations about children, child raising, discipline, punishment, education,
expectations, boys vs girls, where will they sleep, what if they don't eat vegetables, sleepovers,
teenage sex, bed wetting, discipline in public and private, pets, responsibilities around the house,
religion, going to church, circumcision, how they will affect sex, what we wear around the house,
what they wear in public, makeup, what to do if they walk into the room 2 seconds before climax,
(because they will) etc, etc, etc, etc. 

The idiots who think they will work it out as they go along are idiots. Leaving everything to chance
in a situation where a woman is new to your country, your culture, your language and you, and
stressed out in ways you can't possibly understand, AND doing it totally on the fly, hoping love
conquers all is begging for problems. 

The more things you sort out (or try to sort out) the more familiar you are with the thought
process of each other and having conversations in advance about similar situations won't solve
all your future problems (not even close) but it greatly advances your understanding of each
other and understanding each will help you tackle new problems together rather, than opposed
to each other.

That's my two kopecks
Absolute Gold 2T.

Offline Boethius

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How to Visit Many without lying?
« Reply #322 on: November 17, 2018, 12:12:21 PM »
I disagree with you Bill, unless both parties already have children.


Most people without children have all sorts of ideas on what they will do, but it rarely works out that way.  I would hazard a guess brownbear's second wife would never had stated "I will blame your child in every argument he has with my child.  I will treat him as less than my own child."


This post was composed without the aid of google.
After the fall of communism, the biggest mistake Boris Yeltsin's regime made was not to disband the KGB altogether. Instead it changed its name to the FSB and, to many observers, morphed into a gangster organisation, eventually headed by master criminal Vladimir Putin. - Gerard Batten

Offline John Gaunt

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« Reply #323 on: November 17, 2018, 12:16:50 PM »
I disagree with you Bill, unless both parties already have children.


Most people without children have all sorts of ideas on what they will do, but it rarely works out that way.  I would hazard a guess brownbear's second wife would never had stated "I will blame your child in every argument he has with my child.  I will treat him as less than my own child."


This post was composed without the aid of google.
I don’t think that was what Bill was getting at. It was more that having a deep discussion on all kinds of issues, children being one, would give an insight into a prospective partners thought processes and could flag areas of concern.

Offline Donna_Pedro

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« Reply #324 on: November 17, 2018, 01:19:11 PM »
I'd say the problems are with the adults, not the kids. I've got kids from another marriage and it's not going to end my marriage.


Mr. Pedro says that 75% of his problems in his previous marriage were kids.  ANd he was married to their mom. They had different approach to parenting. Our approach was somewhat different too, but mostly in details rather than core things.  And  we both were and are very determined to make things work. So it does not matter - with or without kids - if you are determined to make things work, they will.
Kaplah!

 

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