Wealth

[Intrepid Traveler]

@Trenchcoat, I was thinking of my prior post when a newsletter arrived from author James Clear. His New York Times bestselling book is titled Atomic Habits. He provides helpful information in his weekly newsletter.

Here is what he wrote:

I.
"There will never be a perfect time to do something that stretches you.
That’s true whether you are starting a business, having a child, changing careers, or wrestling with any number of challenges. That’s not a license to be reckless and never think things through, but at some point you have to embrace the uncertainty because it is the only path forward.
If you were ready for it, it wouldn't be growth."
________________________________________
II.
"Planning and preparation are useful until they become a form of procrastination.
Is this task enhancing my actions or substituting for them?"
________________________________________
III.
"Too often, we fall into an all-or-nothing cycle with our habits.
The problem is not slipping up; the problem is thinking that if you can’t do something perfectly, then you shouldn’t do it at all."

So why am I sharing this information?

I am sharing because there is little point in discussing whether women or us have greater challenges. Instead, are we making meaningful progress toward our goals? That is the real question. Everything else is a sideshow or distraction.

[GQBlues]

....
So why am I sharing this information?

I am sharing because there is little point in discussing whether women or us have greater challenges. Instead, are we making meaningful progress toward our goals? That is the real question. Everything else is a sideshow or distraction.

Very thoughtful of you IT.

FYI. If thousands of nubile FSUW had gone westward for marriage all these years for the simple 'promise' of a better life with a western man they hardly know hasn't been enough of an encouragement to entice TC to get off his butt and make something happen - trust me - nothing old farts on this board can do, or say, anything to change that reality.

[Trenchcoat]

Guys I was making progress and about there last year then the virus struck. It's hardly my fault I can't get over there at all because if it. If I could get over there and date them I would and reckon I could make a go of it with what I know about FSW now.

[BC]

In that case Trench, probably best you close out the theory part, and report back in when your boots hit foreign soil and the practical experience starts.

[John Gaunt]

Guys I was making progress and about there last year then the virus struck. It's hardly my fault I can't get over there at all because if it. If I could get over there and date them I would and reckon I could make a go of it with what I know about FSW now.

The excuses never stop with Trench.
Funny how some people manage to travel even in these constrained times.
Where there’s a will, there’s a way ( a bit of spare cash does help, of course)

[Trenchcoat]

The excuses never stop with Trench.
Funny how some people manage to travel even in these constrained times.
Where there’s a will, there’s a way ( a bit of spare cash does help, of course)

Yes, yes we know all about your wallet waving, wallet leading antics in finding a FSW now Gaunty. I think you're misleading me here to get me to go out to Ukraine and get me into an ordeal of a time if I didn't know better.

[John Gaunt]

Yes, yes we know all about your wallet waving, wallet leading antics in finding a FSW now Gaunty. I think you're misleading me here to get me to go out to Ukraine and get me into an ordeal of a time if I didn't know better.

Plenty of people travelling to Ukraine, Trenchie. You just have to look at posts here in the forum to see that.

As far as wallet waving goes, there are a few additional expenses one has to factor in now which you should be aware of, as half your posts consist of nothing else.
That’s what I meant by a little extra cash being needed. Not a problem for most people.
Of course, for you, cash is always a problem. 

[Lily]

A very interesting thread indeed. Originally, I used to think that it is the man who has to acquire some wealth, to build a house and to bring his woman to live with him. On the Canadian soil however, I see that the picture is somewhat different.


A Canadian man expects to marry his equal. If he can marry up, it is even better. In fact, most ambitious guys are looking for a woman who comes from a better family, who looks better, has more exciting life, etc. If she cannot bring with her any tangible goods, then there must be something else about her to make it a deal and to tie the knot.  They don't want to marry if the union will not make their life better. No one actually wants.


The material element is the one that has made me to a kind of black sheep among my peers. To define 'peers' that I see everyday at work, I would think of a regulatory compliance department in a large company. None of my female colleagues has no house, either inherited or acquired in marriage, almost all are driving cars, very few are childless and single. For me as an immigrant, it is almost impossible to buy a house, especially given the current prices in or near Toronto and area. Together with someone, likely yes, but I could not bring any sizeable dowry with me into a marriage.


It looks like money is unconditionally attractive, and the material possessions are expected for a woman of a certain age and experience...

[ML]

A very interesting thread indeed. Originally, I used to think that it is the man who has to acquire some wealth, to build a house and to bring his woman to live with him. On the Canadian soil however, I see that the picture is somewhat different.

It looks like money is unconditionally attractive, and the material possessions are expected for a woman of a certain age and experience...

Welcome to women's liberation.

[Boethius]

A very interesting thread indeed. Originally, I used to think that it is the man who has to acquire some wealth, to build a house and to bring his woman to live with him. On the Canadian soil however, I see that the picture is somewhat different.


A Canadian man expects to marry his equal. If he can marry up, it is even better. In fact, most ambitious guys are looking for a woman who comes from a better family, who looks better, has more exciting life, etc. If she cannot bring with her any tangible goods, then there must be something else about her to make it a deal and to tie the knot.  They don't want to marry if the union will not make their life better. No one actually wants.


The material element is the one that has made me to a kind of black sheep among my peers. To define 'peers' that I see everyday at work, I would think of a regulatory compliance department in a large company. None of my female colleagues has no house, either inherited or acquired in marriage, almost all are driving cars, very few are childless and single. For me as an immigrant, it is almost impossible to buy a house, especially given the current prices in or near Toronto and area. Together with someone, likely yes, but I could not bring any sizeable dowry with me into a marriage.


It looks like money is unconditionally attractive, and the material possessions are expected for a woman of a certain age and experience...

I have to ask what types of people you’re hanging out with.

I know no males who sought out wealthier women. They looked for beauty, usually.

I do know a few women who sought wealthy men. Now that I am old, I see that none of those relationships were happy, or lasted.

[ML]

Now that I am old . . .

Did you forget the er ?

[Boethius]

HAHA. Nope. I guess it’s a definition, right?  To me, anyone 50 and up is old.

[ML]

HAHA. Nope. I guess it’s a definition, right?  To me, anyone 50 and up is old.

I think the latest is . . . 60 is the new middle age.

[Patagonie]

Welcome to women's liberation.

[Chelseaboy]

HAHA. Nope. I guess it’s a definition, right?  To me, anyone 50 and up is old.

I agree with you.

[fathertime]

HAHA. Nope. I guess it’s a definition, right?  To me, anyone 50 and up is old.

I'm afraid so, I'm old....I look back on the people I thought were old when I was a kid, like my coaches.  I'm old now compared to what they were.   

Fathertime! 

[fathertime]

It looks like money is unconditionally attractive, and the material possessions are expected for a woman of a certain age and experience...

Yes, when women are of a certain age, I think money does indeed start to factor in more and more.   A single buddy of mine 54 years old, has been 'dating' and likes when a woman now can bring money or a home to the table.  It seems that has become a factor in whether he will pursue further or not.   

Fathertime! 

[Lily]

I have to ask what types of people you’re hanging out with.

I know no males who sought out wealthier women. They looked for beauty, usually.

I do know a few women who sought wealthy men. Now that I am old, I see that none of those relationships were happy, or lasted.

My usual circle would be either work colleagues, or my fellow sport clubs members. No romantic relationships within those groups, unfortunately, even though I attempted a few subtle movements 


From the Toronto dating site however, during the last ten or so years, I've seen a tiny but loud tendency. Part of guys on there seem to assume that I might have been fairly well off, and from day one let me know that they expect a certain level of contribution from their future mate. Once I have clearly heard (from a homeowner) that they want a woman who owns her own house. Another time, a younger stud had mentioned his poor living conditions, and offered me flames of love if I take him to live with me    .  Luckily, those men have all voiced their requirements very soon, and  have not lost much of my time with them.

[krimster2]

if you’re trying to “meet that special someone” or whatever you want to to call it
thern be aware that there are 3 basic strategies for playing this game:


1. passive – you wait for someone to ask you to the dance, but nobody does
2. active – you ask someone to the dance – but they say “Sorry, I don’t dance”
3. attract people to you who like to dance and then they take you to the dance

[ML]

Another time, a younger stud had mentioned his poor living conditions, and offered me flames of love if I take him to live with me 

Speaking as a 'once younger man' their 'flames of love' usually consists of a quick orgasm for themselves, and maybe none for you, or 1 if you are lucky.

But then the refractory period for males (no such thing for females) is directly proportional to age; although having a very wide dispersion for any age.

[Boethius]

My usual circle would be either work colleagues, or my fellow sport clubs members. No romantic relationships within those groups, unfortunately, even though I attempted a few subtle movements 


From the Toronto dating site however, during the last ten or so years, I've seen a tiny but loud tendency. Part of guys on there seem to assume that I might have been fairly well off, and from day one let me know that they expect a certain level of contribution from their future mate. Once I have clearly heard (from a homeowner) that they want a woman who owns her own house. Another time, a younger stud had mentioned his poor living conditions, and offered me flames of love if I take him to live with me    .  Luckily, those men have all voiced their requirements very soon, and  have not lost much of my time with them.

I assume the men who interest you, and who are interested in you, are 45 years old and up.  So, established in life.  They will want a woman who, if they marry, will not take half their assets in a divorce.  That's why having a house (of at least equal value) is important - once you move into a man's house in Ontario and establish even a common law marriage (3 years of living together), that home, even if owned by the man, is subject to matrimonial property laws.  Same with salary.  They don't want to be supporting you if the marriage breaks up.  If you earn or own more than them, so much the better - then they can claim maintenance from you.  Prenuptial agreements will ameliorate this to a degree, depending on how long the relationship lasts post prenuptial agreement.


I was thinking more of young couples - those 35 and under, who are marrying for a first time.

[Lily]

I have read a couple of Ontario cases where a girlfriend has successfully proven her rights on the house of her former boyfriend after a few years of living together. Took her years and an awful lot of proofs. However, the case was brought up following the death of the man, not the relationships breakup.


Still wondering why there are so many weddings out there, given that the consequences of a divorce are that hard. By the logic, the weddings of established middle aged people should be as rare as snowflakes in June. 

[Trenchcoat]

I have read a couple of Ontario cases where a girlfriend has successfully proven her rights on the house of her former boyfriend after a few years of living together. Took her years and an awful lot of proofs. However, the case was brought up following the death of the man, not the relationships breakup.


Still wondering why there are so many weddings out there, given that the consequences of a divorce are that hard. By the logic, the weddings of established middle aged people should be as rare as snowflakes in June.

I know of a guy in the UK who has been jumping around the issue of getting married with his girlfriend for years, avoiding the matter, getting engaged then breaking it off, or just saying that he doesn't wish to proceed, etc, etc. Also by the same measure he doesn't seem to want to have kids. He is from quite a wealthy family while the girl not so. The girl seems to go after wealthier guys so his fears are not without foundation. The problem is in the UK like the US and no doubt Canada that marriage laws, family courts, divorce court settlements, etc are not fair in treating the man in a reasonable manner, the women often does much better than the man out of it.

So why does the man bother at all? Some are nieve, overly trusting, some don't think it will happen to them, some think they don't really have a choice if they want any chance at a life, etc, etc. Often the girl pushes for Marriage as she knows it is very favourable deal to her, the odd few may of course not see it in such stark terms. In the UK couples could just co-habit as boyfriend & girlfriend. It's kind of silly to get married when the couple are already in a relationship, it adds nothing other than an unhelpful imposition in my opinion.

I think also aside from that, that in terms of wealth I think sone women from the FSU may despise a guy who is wealthy. They have grown up without any of the trappings of wealth so while they may not show their contempt to the wealthy guy they get with and get with him because they want wealth deep down they may well hold a grudge that he has grown up with wealth having made life more comfortable.

[Chelseaboy]

I have read a couple of Ontario cases where a girlfriend has successfully proven her rights on the house of her former boyfriend after a few years of living together. Took her years and an awful lot of proofs. However, the case was brought up following the death of the man, not the relationships breakup.


Still wondering why there are so many weddings out there, given that the consequences of a divorce are that hard. By the logic, the weddings of established middle aged people should be as rare as snowflakes in June.

I know two men in their sixties who live near me who have both been married five times,which has left both of them broke...and they're still chasing women.


Like yourself i wonder why they let themselves get into the situation they're in now.

[2tallbill]

Very thoughtful of you IT.

FYI. If thousands of nubile FSUW had gone westward for marriage all these years for the simple 'promise' of a better life with a western man they hardly know hasn't been enough of an encouragement to entice TC to get off his butt and make something happen - trust me - nothing old farts on this board can do, or say, anything to change that reality.

I waste very little time with TC these days. When I do, it's because he said
something that I think others can learn from. The vast majority of people
who come to this forum never post a single time. They come here to learn
or to scratch a curiosity itch.

There is much that newbies can glean from your experiences. Don't let
frustration from TC's inability to glean anything stop you from sharing
valuable insight for the Noobs.

Udachi!

Bill