Need some help with a girl from Uralsk

[poseidon84]

I showd my interest in a girl on seekingyou.net. and after a week or 2 she showed me interest too.
And I like that feature on a site. No need to write letters just mark if you are interested and hope that person marks back.

So I wrote her a message and gave her my email so she could write me if she wanted too.
And shortly afterwards I received an email from her. And that is now 2 weeks ago. I got email from here almost once a day and some days twice. She gave me her phone number and asked for mine and my adress so she new I was "real".
She aslo claimed to try to call me, but I haven't got a call. And I tried to call her a couple of times, but it might have been late because of time difference and such... So no reply. But twice I have gotten a reply in russian.
First time I asked in English and she said something in russian and then hang up, after that I got an email saying her mother hadn't told her about any call. And she blamed the bad phonelines in the part of her city.
And second time was today and then I spoke russian instead and asked to speak with my girl. but I did get a answer in russian and then an hangup. So I wrote an email now and asked her to ask her mother about any call.
I will also ask her for her real adress to send flowers and such.
I also receive emails on different times. And it could be stupid email service or she is writing emails sometimes at 24.00... But she said that she has computer at home so it could be doable
And now she said she wants to maybe meet me in a month or so. And the sum she said it cost is a resonable sum that I have seen too on tickets. But I asked her to write what costs what and she also said that her afther was going to the bank and maybe loan the money for some part atleast for the travel.
And when I said that I could come to her she gave me 2 reasons why not.
First reason was that according to some Russian tradition (she is from russia but moved as a small child to Uralsk) I should not meet her parents until she meet mine. Do you know anything about it?
And the second reason was about foreign men getting beaten by locals. And she heard about a couple not long time ago. And she also say she live in a bad part of the city.

I am know trying to learn more aobut her thoughts about travelling to me. Whom she has been speaking to and such. So if she is a scammer she will have to work hard to get all the info. And I live in Sweden and most scams seems to be about USA so she has to do some research to fool me.

What do you guys think? Am I to paranoid?

[KenC]

poseidon84,
No, you are not too paranoid.  Rule #1-do not send money to a woman you have never met.  I have never heard of a Russian tradition of meeting your parents before meeting hers.  Set a predetermined time for your future phone calls so she will be home to answer.  Be very careful because the excuses not to go to her seem weak and scamming men for travel costs is one of the oldest in this process.  Good luck and welcome.
KenC

[docetae]

Use SMS to contact her and define a hour for a call... if some people have really bad phone lines, I don't know one FSU girl who has no cell phone ...

Big red flag:  asking you money before a meeting smells really bad ...

[Rvrwind]

Check with your local immigration or embassy. I am not up on the rules for Sweden but I know dang well if you were in Canada or the US, ain't no way on Gods green earth she can just hop a plane & come visit you.
I am not aware of any other members here from Sweden that I could refer you to either.
From what you have stated in your post I am inclined to think scam. Don't kid yourself being from Sweden & not the US or Canada, does not make you immune, scammers will take a suckers money no matter where he lives.

[docetae]

Sweden needs a shengen visa ... So you need to justify you have a stable work, good revenues and several other travels ... a blank passport has no chance to get one ...

[poseidon84]

She never told me to send her money, she said that it cost alot and she didn't know how to get it. But now I am trying to explain to her that such money I do not have at the moment.
And I thought scammer too. but still she has anwered all my questions. So if she is a scammer she works hard to do it good.

Now I asked more question abotu the VISA and the cost for it. I checked with Swedish departments to see how much it cost and then I can see if she tells the truth. She also said she would call me from another phone next week.

And so far she has not said anything that is against any prior letter, so her story seems to be true so far.

It makes me so sad to see those scammers. I had one just before I started to talk to this girl. And that scammer wanted to see me after 3 emails and the cost was 3 times the size of what I paid when I travelled to Russia.
And after I said that I did not have that money she didn't write me.

But this "new" girl seem to put more effort in it. But still some things do concern me. one of them is that she dont want me to visit her and that her letters always begin with "Hello XXXX, How are you. I have received your letter to me." And the XXXX was first "friend" then "close friend" and now it is "dear" or "my man". And of course she wrote my name after the friend part.

But one thought I had, could it be that she is a real girl and that she likes me and is interested but wish to meet me before she makes a decision. Because she said that she would get a 90 day VISA and then after that maybe get permant papers to stay, but I said that the permant papers did not cost alot more and it would be better to get it so she could stay with me if she wished. I will see what she answers. I do not wish to get burned again.
I was in Moscow to meet a nice girl last year. We talked alot on the phone and emails, but when I got to her she seemed occupied by many things and afterwards when I got home and called her she said she didn't wish to meet me more. And that made me so sad. So I was hoping that I finally found a nice girl 

[KenC]

I was in Moscow to meet a nice girl last year. We talked alot on the phone and emails, but when I got to her she seemed occupied by many things and afterwards when I got home and called her she said she didn't wish to meet me more. And that made me so sad. So I was hoping that I finally found a nice girl 

At least you have got to respect her honesty.
KenC

[poseidon84]

yeah, thats true kenC.
The sad part was that she seemed to be so interested in me and I was not that interested as much as she seemed to be. So it felt a bit strange. But that us why I am now hoping to have found a "real" girl for me.

[Shadow]

Poseidon,
First of all if this would be a tradition that Russians stick to not many of us would be married today. When asked my fiancee she told that the opposite is tradition. As the man is the provider, the parnts of the girl should approve him first for their daughter.
Secondly, if she lives in a bad part that does not mean the city is bad. I have no experience of Uralsk, but in general Russian cities are not unsafe.
Finally she will need visa for Sweden. While it is not hard to get, the basic requirement of having enough money to make the trip can be a dealbreaker alone.

Do not send money to strangers.

PS: Russian girls like Swedes a lot. They are tall, blonde and not too far away from home 

[KenC]

yeah, thats true kenC.
The sad part was that she seemed to be so interested in me and I was not that interested as much as she seemed to be. So it felt a bit strange. But that us why I am now hoping to have found a "real" girl for me.

poseidon84,
Let that be a lesson to you that you cannot tell much until you meet face to face.  Before meeting it is just a fantasy.  Don't "buy" into it until you meet.
KenC

[poseidon84]

Okay, thank you do much guys! Even that my feelings are getting hurt now and you say the things I do not wish to hear. I thank you for being so helpful!

[KenC]

Okay, thank you do much guys! Even that my feelings are getting hurt now and you say the things I do not wish to hear. I thank you for being so helpful!

None of what is being said is meant in a mean way, Poseiden, just to inform you of what is most common.  Wouldn't you rather face the truth?  We are just trying to help you be smart about this.
KenC

[poseidon84]

I am thankfull for all the help!

I will ask her now about the "tradition" and see what she replies.

I also have done now a check on her IP adress and it is from dialup.mari-el.ru
So I guess her story seems to fit that she uses internet at home.
Anyone know if mari-el is in kazakstan or another country?

[jb]

No, mari-el is in Russia.   It is is located in the eastern part of the East European Plain of the Russian Federation, along Volga River, in the Moscow time zone

[docetae]

in Russia :

inetnum:      195.161.208.0 - 195.161.215.255
netname:      RT-CLNT-MARTELCOM
descr:        VolgaTelecom Mari El branch

and google link me to this : http://www.womenrussia.com/blackpage76.htm

don't know if this will be useful for you but there is a mention about scammers using mari-el.ru ....

[jb]

Isn't Yoskar-Ola the capital of Mari-El Oblast?   I need to go back to school for more geography lessons and I'm too lazy to goggle, but I think that's right.  IIRC, Yoskar-Ola is to Russia as Luganst is to Ukraine, scammer central.

[docetae]

Isn't Yoskar-Ola the capital of Mari-El Oblast?   I need to go back to school for more geography lessons and I'm too lazy to goggle, but I think that's right.  IIRC, Yoskar-Ola is to Russia as Luganst is to Ukraine, scammer central.

да...
address:      Volgatelecom Mari El branch
address:      Sovetskaya 138
address:      424000 Yoshkar-Ola
address:      Russia MariEl Republic

[poseidon84]

So it is in no way possible for her to be in Uralsk and have a dialup connection to mari-el.ru?
Because I checked only 5 of her emails and all those IP goes to mari-el...

 

[jb]

Poseidon84,

Understand of course, nothing said here is carved in stone, however early indications are somewhat unclear to me. 

I'm a little curious about this so-called Russian tradition about a girl needing to meet a man's family before he meets hers.  I've been married to a Russian woman for a long time and neither I, or my very traditional Russian wife ever heard about this.

That is a red flag, from my point of view.

Secondly, any pen-pal relationship that (within two weeks) evolves into a discussion about how she can travel to be with you is not normal.  This is, quite frankly, starting to sound like a *traditional* visa and airfare scam.

Scammers tend to progress from "Hi XXXXX", to "My Dear XXXXX", in a very short period of time, as if they were very quickly "falling in love", e-mails every day, sometimes twice a day, are common tactics for the scammer.  While traditionally, Russian women tend to be very reserved about their feelings around strangers.  Unlike men, women tend not to fall in love with a photo, as my wife says, men fall in love with their eyes and women fall in love with their ears.  Unless you are writing love letters on a par with Shakespear's sonnets I'd rule out the possibility of her being sincere just yet.

As I said, nothing is carved in stone, but there is something fishy about this.

[poseidon84]

I wrote her now and asked if I could visit her and that I haven't heard about such tradition and that if I had a daughter I would not like her to visit a guy in a distant country. and we are both 22 years old and hse lives at home.
So I will see now what she answers, and if she gives an answer that makes me more unsure I will ask her about the mari-el business. I also asked about cellphone so I could sms to her.

[groovlstk]

You also have to worry about to what degree she may or may not be a scammer. There are many girls who have no real intentions to leave their country yet would jump at the chance for a free vacation. Just because she takes your money and dutifully arrives doesn't mean her intentions are good. I read on a scammer site awhile back about a girl who talked her way into a free vacation for her AND her bf (she told her sponsor that he was her brother; only days after their arrival did he have a chance to check the names on their passports).

Regardless, what you need to keep reminding yourself is that there is no shortage of women who would be more than happy to meet you. If you have misgivings, move on.

[poseidon84]

I will see how this goes, but of course there are "more fish in the sea" but for everytime I get fooled I feel less and less trust :-/

[Wild Orchid*]

So it is in no way possible for her to be in Uralsk and have a dialup connection to mari-el.ru?
Because I checked only 5 of her emails and all those IP goes to mari-el...

 

the phone number you called what is the area code? 7 for Russia, what is next?  you don't have to give phone number itself..

[poseidon84]

it is +7 first then  311 22 XXXX

is this to Urlask?

[BC]

it is +7 first then  311 22 XXXX

is this to Urlask?

http://www.ldpost.com/countries/kazakhstan-7/

According to this reference - yes.