Inappropriate Matches

[tim 360]

Well said (written) Ken,  in both posts.  Money alone will usually not make a toad into a prince in the eyes of a smart woman with options.  He can be a heavy-duty jerk and $ will not be of much help.  So more is at play than only $ when mate selection is being made.  But,  if all other things being equal the push would go to the $.

OTOH.  Women do have another Achilles heel.  One that can even outweigh the $'s.  The man who can make her feel great,  about herself---
will win her heart.

[KenC]

You, Ken, are one of the ones who got it - there are far more men
out there who wish they did. I cannot speak for Richard's criteria
in approving a potential match - but if I met a man of 55-60 whose
No. 1 expectation was a woman of 20-25, I have to question that
man's motives immediately. If he's simply searching for a good woman regardless of age, and ends up finding bliss with a lady in that range, so be it.

Just to set the record straight, Lena was 21 and I was 45 when we first met.
KenC

[Rvrwind]

Sorry, but there are still people out there with character to pick a man based on love.

Now that I know has to be true!!! Not only because Ken said it, but because I am living proof, afterall my Valya married me & is still with me!! God only knows why? I'm far from rich, in fact I am inclined to think I barely qualify as middle class lately & she could have done so much better & had the opportunity to do so. But here we are 3 years later & still enjoying each others company, go figure?

[Rvrwind]

Dan, I may do that. I don't think doing in on the board will help much but perhaps a short questionaire type thing to send to my clients once their trip is finished & they have returned home. Perhaps it will serve to streamline the organisational aspects some. Interesting thoughts.

[groovlstk]

I couldn't offer the financial status of the guy in Maine either.  Hmmm?  What could it be?  Maybe it was chemistry, personality, morals or just some undefinable emotion called love?  Sorry, but there are still people out there with character to pick a man based on love.
KenC

Thanks Ken, sometimes I'm baffled by the discussions here about relationships, since the only aspects that seem to receive any attention are age, finances, past relationships, and social status. Love and romance seem an afterthought, but isn't that what this entire pursuit is about?

[Vaughn]

Love and romance seem an afterthought, but isn't that what this entire pursuit is about?

Holy smokes. Of course they're paramount, groov. Maybe my post came off as too clinical, and a romantic high road reply assigns it invalidity. My wife and I found romance together - but we gave ourselves time and deep thought. So many guys don't. Romantic notions seldom overcome a weak foundation. I think the records bear that out....

[Albert]

Just now getting a chance to look at the responses.  There is a pretty wide spectrum of views, with some stating the gal is just as much at fault as the guy.  But most seem to hold the view that I noted in my original post.  i.e.  It is the man’s fault. 

My favorites are where the guy is wrong because he is forcing money on the gal, but she is not wrong because she just couldn’t resist the money and gifts; and the gals who finally give up hope of meeting Mr. Right so they go for the inappropriate match . . . but it is still the guy’s fault . . . because what else is the poor girl to do.

Below is a recap of these points.  Yes, they are taken out of context, but I don’t think the meanings have been compromised. 

I welcome additional comments, but let’s don’t let this go into another ‘appropriate age’ thread.  We have had a lot of those.  Perceived inappropriate matches cover more than just age.  And my point is . . . regardless of the source of the perceived problem; why is it that we mostly blame the guys and say the gals are not to blame because they just couldn’t help it.

- - - - - - - - -

By now, she's enjoying a steady allowance from him - and her girlfriends quip "What's wrong with her accepting help from a willing wealthy Westerner? Nothing - so long as he's foolish enough to entertain the dream, she's doing nothing wrong.”
If she was guilty of anything, it was her inability to say "no" to his lavishness.
Asked her four times to marry him & she turned him down, then he played the money card & started throwing gifts & trips at her.   . . . . he scammed himself through his own selfishness.

Geez, Ken, what woman is not wooed by a man's wallet? Money is something that no woman can resist. The problem is that there are stupid men with money everywhere you turn. These are the guys who are creating their own problems.
a man not taking his time does deserve what he gets.

When things unravel, I look hard at the guy first before convicting the lady.
She talks with her friends who tell her get as much out of those you do meet as you can, she talks with the agency & they tell her to 'broaden her horizons', 'be more receptive to say a guy 20-25 years older & you may get lucky.'  Soon Oxana realizes that she has a choice she can waste the rest of her life dating overaged fat bald losers or she can take the best fat bald loser she can find & try her best to make the family she so desires.  Now I ask you, what do you think Oxana will do?

[Gator]

Albert, your point eludes me.  What difference does it make who receives sympathy and who is considered at fault?  It is the same as someone investing in a hustle.  In the end the money is gone.  Yes, shame on the hustler, but also shame on the investor for not doing his research.

In the theme of what KenC wrote, perhaps the man knew the risk was high yet wanted to try considering the possible reward.  If he is happy for the time together, that is not a bad event, especially if he became wiser as a result.

You use the term “overaged fat bald losers”.  If we are picking on our unfortunate brothers, why did you omit “ugly” and “short”?  In my 4 years of traveling around Russia and Ukraine, I have met/observed several American men romancing young women.  I never saw “overaged fat bald losers”. Many men had one or two of these traits, but none had more than two.  Some men had none.  Of course someone will now post a photo taken from an AFA social (I have never been to a social).  And my good pal from Texas will think I am gay.  BTW, I did see one obviously gay AM with a RM.

[TexasBoar]

 . . .  And my good pal from Texas will think I am gay . . .   

With that macho avatar? Pshaw! 

It's not so prevalent here, which is one of the things I appreciate about RWD, but there's a little clique of Palmela Handerson fans on another forum that really does seem homosexually obsessed with rating other men's level of attractiveness and physical "hottie dating qualifications."  It's weird, and more than a bit disturbing.

I stand by my opinions. 

~Boar

[Gator]

Would that be SmoothOperator?  I have not read that board in over a year, but he was very annoying at times.  He poked fun about some men's appearances  but never posted his own photo for us to ridicule.   

Another poster (who also posts here) would criticize a man's appearance for the purpose of steering the man to not step way out of his league.  Some of us could use that if done constructively, but I already know that I am an old goat, have a funny nose, and look like Steve Martin.  BTW, the poster was good looking and fit, but both qualities fell well short of his arrogance.

[TexasBoar]

Yep, SO and his fanboys. 

I consider myself amiably homely at best, but enough women have thought me "unconventionally, non-pretty boy handsome" that, while I don't believe it for a minute, I've come to accept that THEY think so.

I do okay for a burly ol' graybeard.

But hey, that Steve Martin's a hottie. (~*~swish~*~)  I usually get Kiefer Sutherland comparisons.  It only disturbs me because he's going bald and I'm NOT. 

~Boar

[Son of Clyde]

I was once told I resemble Howard Hesseman (Dr. Johnny Fever, the dj from WKRP in Cincinnatti). I would much rather resemble Howard Hesseman than Howard Cosell.

[PeeWee]

I was once told I resemble Howard Hesseman (Dr. Johnny Fever, the dj from WKRP in Cincinnatti). I would much rather resemble Howard Hesseman than Howard Cosell.

I think what you resemble is a singing swan. You leave,  you return, you leave, you return. My recommendation is that you stay put this time and no more of the swan songing.

Peewee

[Son of Clyde]

Pee Vee,

You are my good buddy and I came back just to see how you were doing.

Actually, I took some people's advice to stop posting swan songs and to post when I am ready and to stop the dramatic exits.

Take care and have a good day.

[Daknack]

Well for all his detracters, SO is right about alot of things but wrong about his major one:  That women are focused mostly on looks.  Women are interested in looks and anyone that thinks different please pass me your checkbook if your that clueless.

Also TB is right... it is about who has GAME.

For Albert, anyone who suggests that the man is mostly at fault, should have his balls cut off because "She" isnt worthy of being called a man.  Everyone has a choice, and the females have the FINAL choice.  Bruce once posted something that Ive said often.  "Men propose Women Dispose"  THEY... WOMEN... make the final call.  Not us.  We only can offer the true decision is in the hands of the woman.  therefor if the fault is to land on ONE person... it should be the person who made the decision to accept should it not?  Not the person that offered.  Its that kind of "the man's always at fault" attitude thats screwed up the US.  I think you are not American please dont visit.  Dont need anymore "men" with a screw men attitude here.  We have the NOW for that crap.

[Rvrwind]

Bruce once posted something that Ive said often.  "Men propose Women Dispose"  THEY... WOMEN... make the final call.  Not us.

You know, I guess your never to old to learn!!!
I have been following the posts in this thread rather intently & I gotta say I have been swayed. The quote above was the deal breaker.
When one thinks about it, the correctness of that statement is undeniable. I have now changed my opinion on this, mmmmmm, isn' that like being a Liberal & jumping to the Conservatve party!!! Not sure if changing ones stance is totally PC but I do see the wisdom here & have changed my stance.
Now I'm gonna get cruicified!!!

[Moscvichka]

I believe in marriage Ken and Lena though I do not approve marriages with the big age difference. Ken's family is rare exception.
 Ken, Lena loves you not because you have enough money, but because you are outstanding and strong person. It is very pleasant to read all your posts. Allow to wish good luck and happiness to you and Lena.

[Daknack]

You know, I guess your never to old to learn!!!
I have been following the posts in this thread rather intently & I gotta say I have been swayed. The quote above was the deal breaker.
When one thinks about it, the correctness of that statement is undeniable. I have now changed my opinion on this, mmmmmm, isn' that like being a Liberal & jumping to the Conservatve party!!! Not sure if changing ones stance is totally PC but I do see the wisdom here & have changed my stance.
Now I'm gonna get cruicified!!!

One should only ever have pride and admiration for a man with the wisdom to agree with me Richard!

 

I've always believed the final decisions in relationships either in entering them or leaving them are the women.  Just take a look at divorce figures.  Women file at a 90% rate in the US... 65%+ of which are "No Fault". In short women tend to get bored.  I jusr loved the way Bruno had put it it was so true and so poetic all at once.

[Marc Dayton]

Nice topic.

I believe its starts from his vary first contact. How he presents himself from day 1 to the RW or to a service provider.

I will use KenC approached he worked with a service provider good or bad he was given advice, and I believe KenC  is the type of person who is an information seeker. One who takes that information, and uses it to his advantage.

Next KenC writes or goes to Russian to meet his RW’s once he gets there. How does this office staff think of him? From his letters or his first day or two.

Simple a man bed at this time and point is just about made.

If he walks with a big stick, and acts like he is going to save a poor RW life then he will get what he asks for!

If he pulls out his Rolex watch, and wallet he gets what he asks for!

If he acts like he is on a sex trip he gets what he deserves! I hope!

Know if he acts like KenC the office will see him as a good man, and he is 100% at fault for having a marriage that was right for him, and Lena he acted in a respectful manner from the start.

Know give Joe Blow the same advice, but from the beginning he acts like a fool his bed might have been made before he put one foot in Russia.

Is this the fault of The Man or the RW? Go to a shoe story buy a size 5 shoe, and put it on your size 10 foot your going to get 100% what you asked for nothing but pain. So if a man forests this shoe on the RW foot who fault is it.

Will the man that forest the shoe on his foot will blame the service provider or the RW that takes what he offers. After all he is the same man who never heard 1 word of advice that was given to him.

Know for those whom judge KenC or a man like him on age   money should kiss his backside he’s is 100% what gives most RW hopes. He full fills her dreams. He makes all of you look good!

There are also many RW who will say no to Joe Blow, and all his offers so any RW that takes his offers it tells you what type of a person she is so should he be blamed for her taken what he offers hell yes. Joe Blow got what he asked for.

You can be a KenC or a Joe Blow either way how you present your self can and will in most cases give you your just reward.