Quandary – Choosing between two Women

[BC]

Re-opening closed books and three-way situations never worked out well here in the long run.  Yes, gets the blood boiling but that's about it.

My tip.. Dump em both.

[jb]

BC,

Without being too crass about it, that's pretty good advice.  Except I don't know if Woman #2 is aware of things going on with the reconnect Gator has with #1.  I doubt there's a 3-way going on, she may be entirely innocent and unaffected here. 

Not blaming anyone, but I'm reminded of that old adage about if a Russian woman likes you, you will know it. If #2 hasn't let Gator know by now I doubt the sparks will ever really fly, time to move on as far as she is concerned anyway.

As my old Granny told me; "you can't make chicken soup out of chicken poop".

[Michelangelo]

As my old Granny told me; "you can't make chicken soup out of chicken poop".

Another great JBism 

But I rather agree with Tim360;  "it does appear that you and  # 1 have a closeness which you may never find again.  You have much to consider.  Play through and go for the birdie."

[Turboguy]

From Gator:
If we talk about adult love vs. teenage infatuation, most men fall in love rather suddenly, almost by surprise.  They meet their someone when not looking for love (which makes this “hunt for a wife” in Russia seen unnatural to manly thinking).  In contrast, most women fall in love slowly and carefully, analyzing the man at every step.  I fear I am more like a woman.  So I downplay sentiment, or try to.  I am so old and had so many loves that I am unsure if I will feel big love.  To me, it is about bonding.  I bonded with Number 1 and am bonding with Number 2.
Gator,
Women fall in love like men do – SUDDENLY if they meet their someone and they do so in both cases either if they do not look for love or they do. If women do not meet their someone then they analyze the men they have around. Due to most of us have a need to love and the need to love does not depends on we have found THE ONE or not. 
No, Gator you are not like woman. You are like person who has not met his someone. Do you realize what make you to be in doubts if you will feel big love AGAIN? No, it is not your age. No, it is not your big experience in love. It is absence deep feelings towards to both women - makes you to be in doubts if you will feel big love. And like the person who has not met his someone now you analyze the women you have at every step.
Also I cannot see your desire to be with one of the women. But I see your desire to not be alone. Gator avoiding unhappiness and persuing happiness are different things. How do you think what you do now?
If the women were not able to cause your big love and was not able to make you to forget about others women it is their problem, not yours. Your goal is to find a woman who will be able to. 

I think there is a lot of wisdom in VWRW's post.  

Gator, I have read a lot of your posts and you are a really great guy.  Your posts are always outstanding and I have a lot of respect for you.   I might say some things you don't want to hear in my post.  Maybe I have been reading too many of jb's posts and it is rubbing off so I am going to be blunt.

I think the first thing you should do is look at your attitude about life, about yourself, about love.  I see you saying things like you are "so old"   You are looking forward to "enjoying the golden years"  You sound like you think you have one foot in the grave.  Twenty years from now you will look back and realize how young you really are right now.   You need to develop some passion for life.  You seem to look at your life as nearly over.   I look at mine as having really just started this year when I met the right person.  There are a lot of people like J C Penny and Col Sanders whose real adventure in life did not start till they were several years older than you are.   Throw away your golf clubs, burn your rocking chair and go find some adventure and challenges for your life.  A good place to start might be dumping both women and finding one that makes the sky light up with electricity and your toes curl up.

I am not sure exactly how old you are.   I think you are a couple of years younger than me.   If I am right about that then from the time I was your age until I was my age I fell head over heals in love two times.   (It doesn't take long with RW)  The best thing that happened to me was the first woman did not work out.   Get "you are too old to fall in love" out of your mind.   I had a lot of years after my divorce and a few women in there.  You are NOT too old to fall in love.

OK, so if you can't do that and you are reading this saying Turbo is a nut case and you want to just find someone so you don't have to spend lonely nights watching re-runs on the tube with you and to keep the bed warm then I am not sure it really matters which of the two you pick.  I would say just go with whichever one is likely to be the most reliable.  You have said the first would likely stick around in your decline years,  she would likely push you around in your wheelchair and make sure you have your covered with a blanket so you don't get cold.  I would go with her.  

You want to pick someone to keep you company while you are waiting for your time to head off for a better place it is your choice.   Personally I have a world full of adventure, a million things I want to try and a fantastic gal that I plan to live a great life with for as many years as I have.

A long time ago I had a very good friend who had a child very late in life.  He said to me he had to keep himself young for her (the child) He did.  He is in his 90's now and still golfs and has a good quality to his life.   Maybe you need the right motivation to keep yourself young and to revitalize your life and perhaps that motivation might be the right woman and she is not one of those two.

[BC]

BC,

Without being too crass about it, that's pretty good advice.  Except I don't know if Woman #2 is aware of things going on with the reconnect Gator has with #1.  I doubt there's a 3-way going on, she may be entirely innocent and unaffected here. 
...

jb,

If I understood correctly Nr. 1 is playing him against a Euro guy and Nr. 2 against a RU guy.. Whether or not Nr. 1 knows about Nr. 2 or vice versa further complicating the matter, in my book it's already a complex tryst with too many concessions.

[jb]

If I understood correctly Nr. 1 is playing him against a Euro guy and Nr. 2 against a RU guy.. Whether or not Nr. 1 knows about Nr. 2 or vice versa further complicating the matter, in my book it's already a complex tryst with too many concessions.

Ahhhh,,, now I see your point.  Since I was never personally concerned with another man's competition I didn't even think about that.

Oh, they know about each other, for sure, Gator even mentioned #1 once talked to #2 and helped resolve a problem of some sort.  You don't suppose they actually talked about Gator while he was away???  That comes under the heading of conspiracy; "yes, I dated him for 3 years, he bought me a new car, sent lots of nice gifts, had me over for a nice sunny vacation to Florida under a K-1 visa." etc.,,,,, not a pretty picture if you think of it like that.

I guess I'd pretty much be outta there if it were me.

[BillyB]

Gator did say gal #2 doesn't like the ways of the Russian suitor and he is to meet her New Years. By then he could make a decision that best suit himself.

One thing I'm against is marrying a woman simply because she thinks it's "time" to according to her biological clock or the pressure she puts on herself. The ideal situation for woman to marry Gator is simply for Gator. My impression is there are some things gal #1 can't accept about Gator but will tolerate. With gal #2, there's room for things to blossom into something better and that's why I think Gator needs to explore that avenue.

But I do find it strange gal #1 has talked to gal #2 and now has thrown a monkey wrench into the situation. I think she knows she's making Gator to choose under pressure. But to make a decision to marry under a less than ideal situation, in this case pressure, is not wise. A hasty decision is not on order here, I think time should sort this all out.

[jb]

quote from BillyB: One thing I'm against is marrying a woman simply because she thinks it's "time" to according to her biological clock or the pressure she puts on herself.

I'm against that too, however in the cases being examined here both women have been married before so I don't think the biological clock or having babies has anything to do with it.  Having a child to raise from a prior marriage will put a damper on those urges.  It was said by someone, I forget who but it was very wise, that Russian women need to be married like the rest of us need air.  That's an extremely important thing to remember.  A Russian woman alone at age 30 or *gasp* 40, is by her definitions, unfulfilled.  That's reason enough to seek a marriage partner.  Love has little to do with it.

[KenC]

Gator (Bucky),
I wish you had stuck with "Bucky" here as I have fond memories of your "Bucky posts" on RWG.  Let me first say you have my ultimate respect for your clear and logical thinking as represented in your posts.  You have asked for help in your decision making process and have received many good reasons to make one choice or another.  I will try to take a little different approach.

You made a conscious decision not to continue your relationship with #1.  The circumstances for that decision have not changed.  The fact that #1 now has an option of marrying the Euro is irrelevant to your decision to move on from her.  You had to know that she would some day find another man when you cut her loose and now that day has come.  Swallow hard and deal with it.  The good times with her will always be pleasant memories for the two of you but the reasons for not marrying get obscurred in time.  Remember them too (for now).

You spoke about falling in love over time, I guess I am wired a little different than you.  That alone doesn't make either of us right or wrong, just different.  The great loves of my life have always hit me like a thunder bolt, knocking me on my ass.  "Falling in love over time" sounds like words from a person that is compromising himself (or herself) into a marriage based on logic and not emotions.  I think the best marriages are those with strong emotions and not necessarily strong on logic.

There is no doubt that you have some emotional ties with both women.  But some is not enough in my book.  I have to disagree with your pessimism about your ability to still find a "big love."  There is no logical reason why you cannot find it.  But it is clear (to me) that you have not found it in the two women you speak of here.

What worries me the most about your posts here is that you are exhibiting all the tendencies of a man with a "wife vacancy" that he deems required to fill.  I understand that meeting, dating and courting women (even RW) will wear thin after a period of time, but you need to persevere if you indeed are going to find that "big love."  Personally speaking, I would rather be single than not find the "big love."  Good luck to you.
KenC

[jb]

KenC, and Bucky,

Some men are not so directly, or hotly wired to be struck by the thunderbolt, some guys are more logical in their approach.  I suspect I'm in the latter group.  Maybe Bucky is too.

I've been in the company of many women where I had the mental flash that told me I could picture myself in bed with *that* woman.  That's lust.   Very rarely would I get the next flash that told me I could picture me being with *that* woman for the rest of my life.  That's the beginnings of love.  Maybe it doesn't meet your definition of a "Thunderbolt", but I think a lot of men suffer the same problem.

However, I fear than many men into their 40's, 50's, and even 60's, are still confused by those mental flashes.  You have to know the difference between the two emotions.

I think Bucky has his head screwed on pretty straight.  He will not be confused.

[KenC]

jb,
As I told Bucky, being different does not necessarily make anyone wrong.  I think you and Bucky just take a different path to the same ending point as I do.  It is similar to the question "is the glass half full or half empty?"  I start with a full glass and let the level drop as more and more negatives pop up.  Where as you begin with an empty glass and let it fill up as positive information becomes available.  Either way, we all end up with a certain level that we either accept or reject.

The "thunder bolts" I spoke of in my post have happened twice in my life.  The original feelings just never subsided.  I will admit that there has been a time or two when I had thought I was experiencing something special, but it was nothing more than a temporary illusion.  The important point is that we get to a point where we know we can make a sound decision.
KenC

[vwrw]

Yes, some men may never be struck by the thunderbolt and as a result they have to be logical in their approach.
 A big love is like a big luck. Not each one is able to find it.
Gator, you know the most usual reason why some people cannot find the big luck or love is they deny their goal. For example one has goal to find his love; suddenly he has a mental flash but instead of to go and enjoy being with the woman he has the mental flash he prefer to find hundred reasons why he should not do that. He says – it is a lust, not love. A love is beauty, a lust is dirt. But a flower is also beauty and a ground is also dirt. If there is not the ground then there will not be an opportunity for the flower to grow. If you do not go into the lust then there will not be an opportunity for the love to appear. So the one thinks he only denies his lust but the same time he denies his love.

JB, you really have a great logic. I have many times seen your logic in your posts. But you usually use your logic not for persecuting happiness you use it for avoiding unhappiness.
The rare cases when you get the next flash that told you that you could picture yourself being with *that* woman for the rest of your life were beginnings of love. 

[jb]

JB, you really have a great logic. I have many times seen your logic in your posts. But you usually use your logic not for persecuting happiness you use it for avoiding unhappiness.
The rare cases when you get the next flash that told you that you could picture yourself being with *that* woman for the rest of your life were beginnings of love.

I think I have just been told to go to hell in such a manner that I'll probably enjoy the trip.

[Rvrwind]

Bucky (Gator) Easy solution dude. Move to Utah & marry them both!!!

[Gator]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and opinions.  I am listening to everyone.  No advice is ignored.

I find it interesting that only one of you expressed reservation about the huge age difference with Nr. 1.  I take that not as an approval, but more as respect for a personal decision.

Anyway, here are some more facts.  This does not respond to all the posts.  I will re-read the posts tomorrow and try to answer everyone.

Timing

I need not make a decision soon.  Nr. 1 and I talked about meeting romantically before New Year’s, but we both agreed that since we are definitely meeting other people at New Year’s, a meeting would be inappropriate (she does have standards).  I meet the Cossack in the DR; she goes to Europe for Xmas and then returns to Russia with Mr. Euro for New Year’s.   

She obviously has some “issues” with her Euro Stud Muffin, or otherwise she would not be considering me.  He knows nothing about me, and she is not playing us.  Strangely, as a friend (rather than lover) I am helping her work through these “issues.”  A couple of them frankly are just real bad for her.  I am not perfect and neither is he.

The Cossack is a very patient woman.  We will see how our holiday goes and then discuss whether she should take the next step of quitting her job.  So, theoretically, I probably have until mid-January. 

Finding Big Love

Several of you talk about finding Big Love and a few suggest that I forget both women because I am not feeling such with either.   KenC even made a point that I have a “wife vacancy” sign such as those carried by desperate American losers. 

Good points, but maybe I have not made myself clear about what I seek in a wife.   I will think some more about this.   The important point now is that I feel good about both women.  In fact, I feel extremely lucky.  Neither is a perfect situation, but for sure I will never find perfection.

For six years I have dated a great number of women, to include 20 RW.  I even thought I was in love with a young AW.  I do not think it gets any better than these two ladies.  While I dislike being alone, there is one thing worse, and that is to be with the wrong woman.  So I will be careful, hence this introspection.

KenC wrote, “You made a conscious decision not to continue your relationship with #1.  The circumstances for that decision have not changed.” Vaughn asked a similar question.

My first question to her was, “What has changed.”  She answered that she has never had a man for a friend, much less one in the “best friend” category.  She considers it rare and special, very fulfilling, and she does not want to lose it.  She also adds that she did not fully appreciate me until I left. 

Something else has changed.  Two years ago her mother wrote me and told me that I should find an older woman.  Her mother now tells me I should marry her daughter. 

Some things have not changed:

1.  This woman is incredibly beautiful and I am not a man who needs a trophy.  I feel a bit odd in public and when with my “grandfather-grandmother friends,” as she calls them jokingly.   My friends who can relax with her and give her a break (not many AW can do this) soon discover an interesting person and enjoy her.   My younger male friends ask if she has a sister.

2.  I had problems a year ago with her level of affection, and a couple of my perceptive friends said she was not into me when she came through America.   She does not have a dog-like personality, even when surrounded by handsome dudes who flock around her (I am not the jealous type and give her plenty of freedom, within reason).  Frankly, I feel she has some untreated psychological issues.   No psychosis, but some episodes which would have left a scar within anyone, to the point I can understand her cat-like independent ways.  That is part of being her friend – understanding her, and she recognizes that I do and cherishes the fact that I do.  At the time, she was upset about a pre-nup and felt I did not trust her.  We are over the pre-nup issue as she later agreed with some changes.

3.  She and I can deal with the preceding two.  What bothered me the most has not changed  - namely, we are at different life stages.   That was what set her free.  She continues to say we can work around it.  I don’t know.  On the positive side, she and I have identical conflict resolution styles and have always ended every disagreement productively and quickly without any hard feelings (there was one exception for which she said she has “repented” and I should forgive her).  This is rare among couples.

Who Knows What

Because we are great friends, Nr. 1 knows everything about the Cossack.  The Cossack does not want to know a thing about Nr. 1.  She does not want her name mentioned.  In fact, the Cossack had little to say in the phone call between the two.

My Big Question

As I have said before, I am very happy when with either woman.  However, we are not married.  And every man knows that if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy.  So possibly the most important question is, “Who would I make the happiest for the longest?”  It is not my job to make her happy nor is it her job to make me happy.  But will my life as I live it, with some acceptable changes, make her happy.  When marriage is no longer fun, and we can not fix it, it is time to end it.

So over the next two months, I need to examine this question and others.  More tomorrow.

[KenC]

Bucky,
You asked:
“Who would I make the happiest for the longest?”   No one has a crystal ball and can answer that.  My question to you would be "Who makes you the happiest?"

I wish you would go into more detail about #1 and you being in different stages of life.  I am married to a woman 25 years younger and I might be able to help you in this area if I understood your position better.  It may not be as serious of a problem as you are making it out to be.
KenC

[Rvrwind]

I wish you would go into more detail about #1 and you being in different stages of life.  I am married to a woman 25 years younger and I might be able to help you in this area if I understood your position better.  It may not be as serious of a problem as you are making it out to be.
KenC

Gotta agree with KenC here Buck. You know me, I am not a great advocate of relationships with a large age difference. However, there are those that work & work damn well & Ken & Lena have such.
I think if #1 is as exceptional as you claim & her feelings are as such I don't see a big deal. I know that there is a lot more to a relationship than age.
Having not seen the two of you together I cannot say whether or not what she has for you is real, unfortunately that is not something that can be portrayed by a computer.
I think, as Ken has said, the question is which one makes you the happiest as it seems from what I have red that both pretty much feel the same way about you.
I don't envy your position, no matter what your decision, one of them is going to be hurt. Good luck & may your decision be a wise one.

[vwrw]

From Gator:
My son leaves the home soon (yes, I am a twilight Dad), and I will be "one" then.  I do not want to be "one".
Maybe I have not made myself clear about what I seek in a wife.   I will think some more about this.   
While I dislike being alone, there is one thing worse, and that is to be with the wrong woman.

Usually people who have an excellent working logic like you have dislike being alone because of they hate the deep philosophical thoughts which come to their mind when they are being alone. The people are looking for a company to distract themselves from (run away from) the deep thoughts. They are afraid to have something understood what they do not want to understand.
I think you need ask yourself who of the women are able to give (maintain with) you interesting conversations; who of the women have competence in most things you like to talk about?     

[Gator]

I will get to all of your comments.

VWRW I like what you had to say.  Can I call you TurboGirl since we have TurboGuy and TurboDude?  VWRW does not sound feminine, which you are.  As a quick response to your three posts, I agree with one of your most famous writers:  "Act as if you are and you will become such." - Leo Tolstoy.

Taking my attention is what KenC wrote about my most pressing concern:

I wish you would go into more detail about #1 and you being in different stages of life.  I am married to a woman 25 years younger and I might be able to help you in this area if I understood your position better.

Life Stage

The term had its genesis in biology, describing development from fertilization through death (e. g., embryo, larva).  With regard to human psychology, the concept is more complex and is dependent upon more than age.  I consider four variables to be very important: age, marital status, children and income. 

These four variables create many combinations, each a set of circumstances that influence human behavior.  Each combination has associated with it a distinct set of issues, goals and milestones.  The concept is useful in financial planning, marketing/advertising, etc.  Of course, circumstances change so all life stages are transitory.

Woman Nr. 1

Nr. 1 is a young adult.    With me she will have advanced through her “survival period as a single Mama”, something that so many RW face.  I have plenty of money, so she has no financial security concerns.  Having children is not an issue either. 

By not having to worry about survival and security, she now can focus on self-esteem and self-actualization.  Namely, she wants to accomplish something with her life.  She is not content with being a housewife, nor would I.  If we marry she would go through a period of adjustment and discovery to find some pursuit that fulfills her needs.

Me

In contrast, I am a pre-senior, and I have been through where she wants to go.  I co-founded and sold a successful business, wrote a highly acclaimed textbook after retiring, and have not worked for 12 years by choice. Charity and community work occupied me briefly, but these organizations were too political for me and the pace too slow.  I am just coasting along with the lowest blood pressure of my life (105/60 without any medication).  people accuse me of leaving money on the table, but I have enough to be happy (and will not spend it all before I die).  .

I do not have the desire to work, even as a partner with her.  I rather play golf and smell my roses.  Yet, there is something that I could do that would be a “win-win” solution.  I could be her mentor, something that I have been doing for four years.

What Should She Do?

KenC, you said you could help.  I appreciate that and I could use you comments on life stage and a list of career opportunities that may interest her.  I am sure other posters have some ideas too.

Nr. 1 and I have talked about two opportunities.  She has a good feel for real estate, so she could do the fix-up and sell properties or rent them.  I know very little about this.

Also, she is smart and has a business degree, and has expressed interest in stock investing.  Regardless of what she does, this is something she should know about before my time comes.  I have much experience in investing.

She is impatient and does not want a low-paying beginner’s job, so she will not be taking the working man’s pathway.  Besides, a full-time job would create conflict.  I love her two daughters, yet they are still relatively young and can not function on their own.   Selfish as this sounds, I would not wish to give up my golf to collect her daughters from school while she works at a job from which we do not need the money.   

A poster, who has attended too many yoga classes, will probably tell me all I need to do is focus on re-genesis.  Thanks, but I have done that so many times in my career and life that I do not wish to do it again.  I am comfortable within myself – just temporarily confused about women.

The Cossack

What can I say about the Cossack?   It is simple.  Unlike Nr. 1, the Cossack is at a stage where she wants to relax and enjoy life. Now what does this say? A whole page on Nr. 1 and one short simple sentence on the Cossack.

More Food for Thought

I came across a religious site that talked about life stages.  Here is what it said for the stages of the two women in my life:

Making Commitments (Approximately 32-42)

This is typically a period of relative order and stability where we implement and live the choices made in the young adult transition. We settle down into deeper commitments involving work, family, church, community, etc. We focus on accomplishment, becoming our own persons and generating an inner sense of expertise and mastery of our professions. By now we have a better developed and fairly well defined, though not usually final, dream of what we want to achieve in life. We put significant energy into achieving the dream.

Mid-Life Transition (Approximately 42-48)

This is the stage of mid-life questioning that's been discussed so much in the popular press. Here we tend to question everything again. If we have not achieved our dreams we wonder why not. Were they really the right dreams? If we have achieved our dreams we look at what values we might have neglected in their pursuit. Was it worth it? Either way we're probably disillusioned. A period of reassessment and realignment usually takes place, including thoughts about whether we have been good to others.

[SANDRO43]

Nr. 1 and I have talked about two opportunities.  She has a good feel for real estate, so she could do the fix-up and sell properties or rent them.  I know very little about this.
Also, she is smart and has a business degree, and has expressed interest in stock investing Regardless of what she does, this is something she should know about before my time comes.  I have much experience in investing.

Particularly in the second case, she could start on that from home and a PC, with a flexible time investment (take her daughters to school, then score a killer sale, or viceversa ).

[Turboguy]

I have to say you have done a really good job of analyzing everything Gator.   I am sure that ability was a factor in the success you have had for your life.

If VWRW ever wants to change her handle I have no problem with it.   That is her choice.  I like your Tolstoy quote but I think she has already become Turbogirl in real life.   

I liked your info on life stages and if you think about it, the most common age for people to get divorced is in their Early 40's which according to what you posted says

"we're probably disillusioned. A period of reassessment and realignment usually takes place, "

Despite all that I still would go with whatever your heart tells you and not what thinking about the stages of life tell you.   I think for a week I would block one out of my mind and think only about the other and see how you feel.  The next week do the opposite.  One may feel right. 

VWRW (Turbogirl if you prefer) and I have had some long talks about her future and what she will do here too.  She has more of an idea about what she does not want to do than what she does and it is something we will try to find a solution to.  I don't see her as a clerk in a convince store and will help her accomplish anything she wants here.

As far as the things you talked about.   Fixing up and selling or renting real estate is something I have a bit of experience with.  Has she done the fixing up part or are you comfortable doing it for her?  There can be some good money made that way.  It is a lot of work.  The renting part can be good or a nightmare.   I tend to be too easy going for my own good as a landlord but most RW tend to be assertive and direct and would probably make good landlords.

Investing?  One of the things I hear a lot are that RW do not have a lot of experience with how things work her financially.  She also would not have a good feel for companies and markets in the USA.  I am sure she could do it but the learning curve might be pretty steep and there could be some risks.   I am assuming you are talking the stock market.   Still she may do great at it.

[KenC]

Gator,
I don't have much time to write right now, but I see no reason that two people in different stages cannot make things work.  Lena and I are two stages apart, just as you and #1, and it works for us.  Acknowledging that the two of you are in different stages of life is the key.  With a little bit of compromise and a lot of mutual respect, it could be rather smooth sailing.  To be honest, I did a lot more compromising with my ex American wife that was one year younger than I, than what I do now.  Yeah, I do somethings I would prefer not to, as does Lena, but that is what you do when you love someone.  It isn't just all about you.  No matter what you post here, I am sure you would pick up the girls from school occasionally, just as she will do things to fit into your lifestyle too.

It is also something that you can figure out down the road as it is part of your future life together.  It may be difficult for her to decide just what it is she wants to do until she gets her feet firmly planted on American soil for a few years.  With any marriage with big age differences, it is the responsibility of the older man to help guide their young wife into the best future life she will face without him.  As grim as that sounds, it is reality.  I have told Lena many times that she is my sweet "401K."  I agreed to work the first 20 years of our marriage and she can do the next 20!
KenC

[Turboguy]

Nice post Ken,   but after her 20 is it your 20 next?

[KenC]

Nice post Ken,   but after her 20 is it your 20 next?

Turbo,
Hell, I'll be dead, so I won't care.  And if by some fluke I am still alive, it's all bonus Baby, so I still won't care.
KenC

[vwrw]

As a quick response to your three posts, I agree with one of your most famous writers:  "Act as if you are and you will become such." - Leo Tolstoy.

Gator, did you mean – If you are acting as though you love your woman you will become really loving your woman?
But Leo Tolstoy did not mention how long one needs act as if he is in order to he becomes such. A day? A year? A life? How long you are ready to act as if you love #1? How long you are ready to act as if you love #2?
Answer these questions and you will know- Who would you make the happiest for the longest?”