Large age difference

[KenC]

This, I do agree with 100%

KenC

[Admin]

OK, I'll bite, and not be offended by either answer:  Do we look good together or look like daughter/father?  Photo attached.

Kevin C.

Kevin,

I have no comment on the father/daughter question - but that gal sitting next to you sure is a beauty! If her soul and mind match her external beauty, I think you've found a gem.

- Dan

[JamesTee]

I can't see any normal 20 year old women who would be interested in a 62 year old man. Did he know he was getting ripped off? The largest reason I haven't gone over to Russia or Ukraine is that I don't believe these women will date older guys like me (37) lol ! Or at least there aren't enough of them.

[Goombah]

Then whimp out and don't go.  I've already posted a photo of me and my current lady.  There is a 21 year age difference.  She was the 2nd lady I dated... Had I been 37 with my personality and manors, I would have had my choice of hundreds from the various agencies.  ALmost all the ladies I preview have a specified age range of 30-45.  How young are you looking for?  At 37 you could get 18 year olds to be as serious as they are capable of.

Spend more time reading and surfing, and less time guessing.

[KenC]

James,

It is all a hoax.  There are no more young, good looking, intelligent and feminine women in any of the fsu countries.  Go back to your coach and watch Happy Days reruns.

KenC

[5150]

I"m 36 & my lovely wife is 20 so we have a 16 year differential. I DO think in MY case age HAS made a difference. Usually due to her immaturity. The thing is we're married so I can't just chunk her for another one. I made a COMMITTMENT. By the same token we have been "together" going on 2 years. I met her & we were engaged when she was 18. Jack said something that was VERY true. The ladies in the RURAL areas/small villages etc tend to me more prone to marry.
Hopefully by March or April she'll be here so we're both VERY much looking forward to this. The age doesn't seem to bother us till she makes a stupid decision:D LOL!!
But in any case I've realized I'm going to have to put up with her. Also I'm sure when she arrives here in America she will probably grow up quite a bit seeing she won't have mommy to run to when trouble comes.
Overall I'm NOT sure I would do this again. In other words if we were to split I would NOT date or go after any ladies UNDER 23 or perhaps 24 or 25. Having said that I WAS writing one lady that was 25 that was VERY nice & I had a hard time choosing between her & my wife. My wife was just more persistant & agressive in her pursuit. I LIKED that!!:) When we met we just hit it off. Both her parents are older than me so that is cool. My age does not bother her at all. Of course I don't mind the PERKS of her youth either.:dude:

[Dave_home]

  You sure you want to go there with Frank?  He's a longstanding warrior from other well known lists....hahaha and one of his favorite subjects to debate is the age difference thing :-)  He's a good guy though,  Hi Frank :-)     Dave

[Dave_home]

btw- your lady is very attractive. nice job  

[Goombah]

"Nice job" may be premature.  I think intelletually she is very interested, but emotionally may not be completely hooked yet.  

I say this because it is relavent to the "big age difference" issue.  Us older men go with the complete intention of marrying a lady if there are no show stopper differences and we have "chemistry" (whatever the hell that is, but believe me, it exists!  The difference in how my soul reacted when I was with this lady vs. others is undescribable.)  Had she been more aggressive, I could have been talked into becoming a one-week-wonder very easily.  I think the younger ladies, especially the ones that have not been doing this for long, may not have thought it through as much as we have.  I suspect many get talked into listing themselves at an agency by a friend.  I've heard APW pays $20 "finder fees" to ladies that do just that - quite an incentive.  Don't know if other agencies do the same.  Anyhow, when they "click" with a guy, they have a whole bunch of issues to work out.

Short list:

Want to finish education before leaving FSU
Doesn't understand that degree isnt transferable
Scared of move to foreign country
Hasn't told parents she is thinking of this
Doesn't want to be seperated from family for year plus
Thinks man just wants sex and isn't serious
Fear of becoming sex slave (those stories are very wide spread amoungst the ladies)
Thinks foreign country like FSU ("What do you mean you have never traveled by train?") ("Not driving isnt a problem, I will take bus/train/metro...")
Doesn't understand importance of English

And the list goes on and on...

Kevin C.

[KenC]

Goombah,

It isn't always true when you said "I say this because it is relavent to the "big age difference" issue. Us older men go with the complete intention of marrying a lady if there are no show stopper differences and we have "chemistry".  When I went to meet Lena, I had no intentions of marrying.  I went to meet a beautiful woman that I had gotten to know via phone calls.  She too had no intentions of leaving her beloved Russia.  Six years later we are very happily married and living in America. So much for intentions.  LOL.

I wish you the best with your relationship, but be careful.  If you have to convince her, then she may not be up to the commitment necessary to pull off a successful relationship.  It is a very difficult process and not for the weak of heart.

KenC

[Scott Jay]

KenC - I note that you are 25 years older than your bride.  I am 59, with a 34 year old physician girl friend in Russia.  What is your actual age, as opposed to age difference?

(This is my first post over here.  Some of you know me on another board.)

[KenC]

Welcome Scott,

I actually think your 25 years dif will be less of a problem than mine.  Lena was only 21 when we met and at that young age had more adjustments to make.  With your gal being 34, I would think it would be aless of a problem.  What stage are you at?

KenC

[5150]

About the looks aspect of it. Funny but I look younger than 36. My wifes friends & family all believe I was 24 or 25. She finally started lying & saying I was 27 just to get everyone to change the subject about my lookes. As for my wife she looks a OLDER than her age. I would venture to say she looks about 24. So that's cool by me. As for us in pictures & how we look together...well let's say that we look a little alike & people say we make a good couple. Some say we look like fraternal twins which is pretty scary...Anyways. Hi Dave!

[Scott Jay]

What stage, KenC?  We've corresponded for several months and I visited her in Russia 3 weeks ago.  She wants to marry me.  (She's 34, 2 kids, lost her first significant other to a car accident and her husband, whom she married next, was apparently an unsuccessful criminal and abusive.  I don't think she has much in the way of prospects in her provincial city.)  She's clearly desperate to get out of Russia and give her kids a father and a better life.  Whether she could ever love me - I don't know.  Vice versa - same answer.  But we share similar values and the chemistry is there.

I just finished a 7 year marriage to my first wife, who was 16 years my junior and British.  Also, I have concerns about her daughter, almost 5, who may be autistic.  I posted a lot of this stuff on another Board when I returned from my trip. I got a lot of good advice, but the advice I wantedfrom a poster named jb was not forthcoming as he had been banned on that Board.  (I think he is also philosophically opposed toMay-December marriages.)

So, I guess the stage is pre-engagement.

[jb]

Scott,

You may have mis-read me entirely.  I have no difficulties with age difference, per se. Certainly I have no room to throw stones, my wife is 13 years my junior as well.

The issue I hold with relationships that involve large age gaps has to do with how much time a man spends getting to know the much younger woman before he pulls the trigger and finds himself in a marriage that may not a good one.  One can find themselves in the unenviable position of being nothing but a visa mule all too easily.

There are, of course, other aspects to be considered, i.e. where do you live? Community property may be an issue you have to deal with, can you put a legally supportable Pre-Nuptual before this woman, etc., and how will the very much younger woman blend with your existing family?

Questions of this sort are probably second nature to the qualified Legal Beagle, but I would advise extreme caution to any love sick 50 y.o. before he jumps in bed with a super-willing 20 y.o.  As someone smarter than me once said, "If it seems to good to be true, it probably is."

[Leslie]

Well this topic has been beaten to death over and over again...

It is not about numbers.  There is no numerical formula.  It is about two people and their relationship.  It is also about how their family and friends view that relationship.

If the relationship is real it will last.  Large age differences do present difficulties but these can be overcome by compramise.  If as JB hints the guy is in lust with his wife's hard young body and she with his mature fat wallet - the outcome is predictable.

Other peoples opinions are another matter.  Often they can't be changed.  In my experience this has been a problem.  Certain members of my family and friends made unacceptable comments on our relationship.  Goodbye.  You live your life.  We will live ours.

By the way Natasha is 20 years younger than me...

 

 

[anono]

they're jealous

[BC]

As some here know I was not even looking for a RW, much less a younger one when I met my wife. (aprox. 17 years diff. 45/27)

Regarding kids, I had always wanted another child but had basically given up on the idea. Besides the risks of pregnancy with a woman my age, adding the risk of an orphan teenager was simply pushing the envelope too far.

Quite honestly this was a factor when I was considering the future of our relationship. We both wanted another child and our age difference sort of made the proposition feasible. Sort of like the icing on the cake.

Midlife Crisis hit pretty hard in the late 30's and into the 40's. I'll be the first to admit that it contributed to my feelings going into this relationship.

Isn't the "RW like older men" hype a bit irresistable for men in their 40's who might also want kids?  It's quite interesting that I was  aware of MOB before meeting my wife but I never seriously considered it.. was it because I didn't hear about being able to also marry a younger woman?









   

[Scott Jay]

Scott,

You may have mis-read me entirely.  I have no difficulties with age difference, per se. Certainly I have no room to throw stones, my wife is 13 years my junior as well.

The issue I hold with relationships that involve large age gaps has to do with how much time a man spends getting to know the much younger woman before he pulls the trigger and finds himself in a marriage that may not a good one.  One can find themselves in the unenviable position of being nothing but a visa mule all too easily.

 

Ahhh.  I did misread you entirely, jb, and it's good to have your slant.  You're saying that the geezer has to be more careful and take his time.  With that I agree.  He certainly must make sure the head on top of his neck is the one doing the thinking for him.  With my current girl friend I would have thought that being a green card mule was not an issue - she wanted a father for her children.  But then, I didn't have the experience, and when I went to visit her, her daughter, not yet 5, acted very strange, autistic almost, and I began to think that she wanted a man to help her raise a child with special needs.  So while the possibility of being a "mule" wasn't there, perhaps she was looking for a pack horse to help her with the heavy lifting.

A couple of months ago you chided me for looking for a mid-30s physician and you said it would be a year or two before I could bring her (and her family) here, and what business did I have as a 61 year old man with such a young woman.  I thought that was a criticism of a May-December romance.  And I think you (or someone who posted right after you) said "she's young enough to be your daughter."  My response summed it all up: "Yes, but my daughter is now 7."  The bottom line for me was that since I had delayed for so long raising a family, and since I was now doing it with a 7 year old daughter, where I have custody, I would just as well do it with an attractive young woman with one or two kids similarly situated, who could help me with the heavy lifting.

When I was with my girlfriend I thought that she as using her rather effective sexual prowess in trying to rush me into a decision.  It almost worked, and it still draws me to her.  (My translator told me later that he thought she was "average" in that respect for a FSUW.  If so it explains why the Russians fought the Nazis so hard.)

If I do go into this I will try to protect myself as best I can.  But a man can never protect himself from a woman who is willing to accuse him of physical abuse to secure her green card when going home is the alternative, and if she stays and gets her green card, she also can divorce me in a few years and I'll be on the hook for support and possibly half of what I made during the marriage.  So the big question is going to be whether the benefits (all of them, the young wife, the family, the sex, the help in raising my daughter) are worth the risks (equally big).  At least I will be going into this with my eyes open.  I just hope that the head on top makes the decision!

Glad to see you back, jb.

[Frank]

Hey Dave,  I hate to burst your bubble, but I'm not the well known Frank from other lists.  Really, this is pretty much the only place I've posted messages.  I don't really enjoy the internet too much.  Honestly, I am here participating because I miss my fiancee'.  So, I like talking about these women and wonder what nice things I'm in for.  As for age span, It really doesn't matter to me.  What matters to me is that I can relate on the same level of the gal I'm going to marry.  If she was 25 or 30, that would be fine.  It just so happens my gal is 39 and I'm 44.  All I can say is I am extremely fortunate I found someone to spend my life with.  That is what matters.  Now, if you want to get me wound up, just start talking about prenups.  That is something I don't like:)))))  If your going to jump in to the water, test the water first and then jump.  marriage takes commitment.  How can one be committed with one foot out of the water?  Just my opinion.    

[Dave_home]

Hey Dave,  I hate to burst your bubble, but I'm not the well known Frank from other lists.  Really, this is pretty much the only place I've posted messages.  I don't really enjoy the internet too much.  Honestly, I am here participating because I miss my fiancee'.  So, I like talking about these women and wonder what nice things I'm in for.  As for age span, It really doesn't matter to me.  What matters to me is that I can relate on the same level of the gal I'm going to marry.  If she was 25 or 30, that would be fine.  It just so happens my gal is 39 and I'm 44.  All I can say is I am extremely fortunate I found someone to spend my life with.  That is what matters.  Now, if you want to get me wound up, just start talking about prenups.  That is something I don't like:)))))  If your going to jump in to the water, test the water first and then jump.  marriage takes commitment.  How can one be committed with one foot out of the water?  Just my opinion.    

 Oh,  no I wasn't referring to you.  There is another member on here, and even though he didn't identify himself as Frank in his profile, or in any of his posts, it is his name. .... hahaha sorry Frank :-)  maybe he didn't want people to know? :-)  Oh,  he is known on this list as:  LookingforRW .      Anyway sorry for the confusion.    

 Pre-nups? ....well you're preachin to the choir here!  :-)  and I have debated this with guys who think it is a must. I think if a guy has to get a pre-nup, then he really shouldn't be getting married anyway. To me, is like you say marriage takes committment, either do it, or don't.   Take care Dave

[TigerPaws]

Dave,

 A prenup is but one arrow in a man's quiver and having one has nothing to do with commitment to a relationship. Premarital contracts are very common when one or both of the people getting married has a great deal to loose. My lady fully understood what was in our premarital contract before we filed for the K1 visa. I made very sure to have the contract translated into Russian and reviewed by a respected Russian legal firm in Moscow , my lady was free to speak with the attorneys and ask any questions so there could be no question she understood the terms of the contract.

 Is this kind of thing romantic? No, but if a man has amassed a sizeable fortune or anything else he cares about then a premarital contract is necessity in todays world as are protected trusts and offshore accounts. Of course if you have nothing to loose or are the foolish trusting soul then you take your chances, as for me I have too much to loose to take chances anymore.

 

[BC]

TigerPaws,

Would love to go into prenups in depth with ya but I wouldn't want to bust this age thread.  Maybe we could meet in the experienced thread and compare quivers?

Regardig age differences I think a lot has to do with the optics of a couple when they are together.. some seem to 'fit' together regardless of the difference and some don't.  

Doesn't mean it won't work, just that a closer optical 'fit' might make things easier.      

[Frank]

[user=101]Dave_home[/user] wrote:

[Dave_home]

Dave,

 A prenup is but one arrow in a man's quiver and having one has nothing to do with commitment to a relationship. Premarital contracts are very common when one or both of the people getting married has a great deal to loose. My lady fully understood what was in our premarital contract before we filed for the K1 visa. I made very sure to have the contract translated into Russian and reviewed by a respected Russian legal firm in Moscow , my lady was free to speak with the attorneys and ask any questions so there could be no question she understood the terms of the contract.

 Is this kind of thing romantic? No, but if a man has amassed a sizeable fortune or anything else he cares about then a premarital contract is necessity in todays world as are protected trusts and offshore accounts. Of course if you have nothing to loose or are the foolish trusting soul then you take your chances, as for me I have too much to loose to take chances anymore.

 I disagree very strongly about the need for a pre-nup for any man. I have many very good reasons for this, but like another poster said,  we should take this to a topic in itself....  I'll  write it and put it in the "Experienced" group.  I'll edit  this post when I have posted a proper reply to this subject. thanks Dave   UPDATE> I have posted some thoughts about this in the "Experienced" section under Pre-nups..