Age Gaps - A different perspective

[tim 360]

I think we all wish Turbo the best and as Jack put it,  "They are both adults."  And so they are; so it is their mutual decision to make.  A newbie should not stumble upon this board and conclude that a 38 year age gap is the normal or even possible so it is good that many did step-up to point that little point out.  Certainly this age gap is one of the largest I have heard of,  but it is the 2 people involved who make the relationship (however brief) and not the people on the sidelines. 

But,  overall (from the sidelines) I find it to be bittersweet.  Something like that O'Henry Christmas story.  It has a touch of the tragic.  He has searched far and wide and found the love of his life in a distant land,  yet nearly 4 generations seperate them.  Their time together will be limited by the march of time and the limitations of life itself.  It is such a span that it could become a void in a short time. 

Rivercardo began this thread on age gaps which is a topic which has been debated here to death.  Although it is rather simple.  First it is the female who decides if the age gap is Ok with her...not the guy doing the deciding.  She bases her conclusion on many factors which we guys usually cannot fully understand nor appreciate or comprehend.  And most never will.  It is a mysterious process.  It has as much to do with how she "feels' as to what her logic thinks.  Here in the USA or worldwide some girls at 25 will think a guy of 29 is OLD,  too old.  Like ancient.  And some will be very happy with the "right" 45 year old guy.  It is a matter of preferences and the qualities which the guy has,  yet moreover it is the woman who decides.  Men can debate this on the internet all they want.  It is folly.  Afterall,  it is the woman who is "the decider".  You guys who "think" you make the decisions and selections have alot to learn.  She either selects you or rejects you.  Pretty simple stuff.  Like Life 101. 

TG,  I sincerely wish you the best.  I hope you have found the joy you have been looking for,  Cheers, tim360

[KenC]

Turbo,
Quick question for you.  In reference to your 38 year age gap with VWRW you said:
"I can't disagree that it is a bigger gap than usual but there have been bigger gaps that have worked quite fine. "

I have never heard of a successful long term marriage of an American man to a Russian woman where the age diference spanned more than 38 years as you claim.  Care to elaborate?
KenC

[El Rock]

I'm just  picking  little bits and pieces of this " jealously "  thing    that this guy has a girl 38 years  younger .

I guess y'all think that being  gay is OK   , but this is not ?
I am guessing that  you all think gay is OK ,  I could  not care less .
I used gay  cuzz it's in the realm of relationships ,   weird ones .
Who gives a phuck  ?
I ain't wasting my time , commenting on a thread  about this .
A  waste on board space , time , energy and so on

[KenC]

I'm just  picking  little bits and pieces of this " jealously "  thing    that this guy has a girl 38 years  younger .

I guess y'all think that being  gay is OK   , but this is not ?
I am guessing that  you all think gay is OK ,  I could  not care less .
I used gay  cuzz it's in the realm of relationships ,   weird ones .
Who gives a phuck  ?
I ain't wasting my time , commenting on a thread  about this .
A  waste on board space , time , energy and so on

El Rock,
No that would be reading your post that would fit into that catagory.  If you are not going to read the thread so as to know what is gong on in it, keep your childish comments to yourself.  What are you 5 years old?
KenC

[KenC]

Turbo,
Quick question for you.  In reference to your 38 year age gap with VWRW you said:
"that it is a bigger gap than usual but there have been bigger gaps that have worked quite fine. "

I have never heard of a successful long term marriage of an American man to a Russian woman where the age diference spanned more than 38 years as you claim.  Care to elaborate?
KenC

[Aya]

Hello everyone  
I'm new here, in fact this is the only topic i've read on this forum so far, but it seems pretty interesting  

As somebody pointed out, everyone's opinion about age gap, and about everything else, is subjective. Personally i think that a 10-15 year age gap is a must for a successful relationship and especially a marriage. Generally women mature earlier than men, at least here, in Russia. So by the time a woman is ready to settle down and create a family, usually men of her age still are the same air headed careless fun seeking individuals. In my opinion, it is necessery that the man should have a little more experience. I dunno if its just me, but someone mentioned earlier that a husband should be both kind of a father figure and a lover, i think that is true. I'm not saying that the man should always lead, hell no, it's just that it's very nice to have someone experienced near you who can help in any situation  
It sounds kinda ridiculous to me that girls would consider someone 5-10 years older than them old, none of my friends do I guess the girls aren't mature enough if they don't see the obvious advantages of having a more experienced person in their life
As for the woman growth and changes, if she's with a man, one way or another he influences the way she changes, and the man, even if hes older, changes with her too. It's just important that both persons develop in more or less the same direction and try to achieve common goals that they set for their family.
However some delicate problems may come with a big age difference, for example a woman's peak of sexuality at around 40, and if she has a husband much older than her, there might be some problems, but if the family is built on good communication, mutual love and care, then the problem is solvable, or if the man is healthy as a bull, it wont even occur in the first place

[KenC]

Aya,
Let me be the first to welcome you to RWD.  That is a heck of a first post too!  Mind giving us some info on who you are, why you are here and your current status?
KenC

[Aya]

Forgot to add: the older people get the less important the age different is, i mean it isn't necessery if you are 30-40 years old to find someone older. But for those of 18-25 it is crucial  Because women might already be serious about finding their love and marriage at such age, but men never are, they just wanna have fun

[Aya]

Aya,
Let me be the first to welcome you to RWD.  That is a heck of a first post too!  Mind giving us some info on who you are, why you are here and your current status?
KenC

Thanks I'm just a simple girl from Russia who is curious about things

[Nando]

What Aya says about a Russian or Ukrainian woman of 25 years old wanting to settle down and have a family supports the theory that somehow (in average) woman are a bit different from their counterparts in the west. And yes I met one like this in Odessa.
In western countries including mine both men and women of 25 years just want to have fun, discos and travelling. That is the reason why in my country the divorce rate of marriages before people reach their thirties is incredibly high.
I just remember my thoughts when I was 23 -31 years old and "oh I don't understand why this guys are married and have children" "what a boring live they must have". My life was working, driving cars and travelling at the weekends or holidays.
How people change...

[Turboguy]

Welcome Aya.  I hope you are able to spend time here and I hope you find a lot of topics you enjoy.  I am glad you enjoy this one.  Usually the ones that get really interesting are when one or a few guys think another is an idiot.  It gets to be quite fun.   You will find a lot of interesting things and a really good helpful group of people who really do care about others.

Back to Ken's question.   Don over at RWG for one.  He has been happily married for a while with a 40+ year gap.   You will also find larger gaps pretty common in AM - Asian women marriages.   I am sure there are lots more.

Rock,  your terminology made me think of a conversation we had in the office the other day.  I am planning a trip to Thailand.  The place we plan to stay is called Phucket.    We were laughing because there were several Thai city names that sounded like things you would not say in polite company.  The difficulties I am having in planning this trip could almost want to make me say phuck - et.  (just kidding)

[CaptB]

Rivardco,

A "ketchy title" for the thread.......but nothing really new. Many newbies ask this "age difference" question. It is a big selling point for agencies....tours.....etc. For those "asking"...before starting this process......there is no real answer......as it pertains to.......themselves. It may be answered............."after" you find someone. 20 years for one couple........may be a non-issue. 10 years for another couple may be quite a void. "Years" may not be the real issue. The real issue may be.....attitude.....interests......energy level....fittness......common goals.......and how these things may change over time. There is no definitive answer......even for each individual.........but only for a speciffic couple. Jb and I are in age difference group..........12 -14 year age difference. I think I can safely say for both of our marriages.........any such age gap has been a non-issue. All of us are over 40 y.o.

I dated women 20+ years younger than myself. Could any of those relationships have worked? Maybe. But at the time I was newly divorced. I was in my early to mid forties. One woman in particular was 23 (in the US). But after dating a few months.......I could see we were just at difference places in life. If I were 55 and she were 35.......maybe we would have been on the same page. The number of years is'nt as much of an issue as maybe.....your respective starting points. 55 and 35.......is a completely different package than 38 and 18. Both 20 years appart..........agreed. But the first couple may share education, divorce, children and similar life experiences. The second couple......do they share enough in common life experience? I think they are already starting-out in the hole.
25, 30, 35, 40 year age differences? Immpossible? Nothing is impossible........but definately
the odds are affected with an increase in age difference. What about the inevitable younger partner left behind after only 10, 15, 20 years of marriage? Tough questions. Questions that can only be answered.....by each individual couple.

Capt B

[jb]

Well said, CaptB

[Zmejka]

You will also find larger gaps pretty common in AM - Asian women marriages.   I am sure there are lots more.

You really think russian and asian women can be comparable? Of course we're partly asian too but i think not so dependant. Don't you take into account the way women are being brought up here and over there, the style of life in general, traditions, beliefs? I would even get offended if my man would make such a comparison ???

[El Rock]

It is about a man with a girl  who is 38  years younger , that much I read several times times over
Yes  , I am 5  years old , you continue to attack
me , you will regret it .

Here ya go "OldMan" , this is where  you  need to be
http://www.rwguide.com/forums/index.cfm
This Is more your style

In case I'm wrong ,  oh well 

El Rock,
No that would be reading your post that would fit into that catagory.  If you are not going to read the thread so as to know what is gong on in it, keep your childish comments to yourself.  What are you 5 years old?
KenC

[KenC]

Back to Ken's question.   Don over at RWG for one.  He has been happily married for a while with a 40+ year gap.   You will also find larger gaps pretty common in AM - Asian women marriages.   I am sure there are lots more.

Turbo,
Don on RWG?  I hope you aren't referring to Donaz because he and his wife are in the 25 year range like us.  But if the "Don" you are referencing is another "Don", please share the particulars because I have never heard of one.  Just to make a point (to the members here), one sketchy story of "success" over a TEN YEAR PERIOD of chasing Russian tail does not seem to support your flippant remark "there have been bigger gaps that have worked quite fine."  It sounds like an abberation.  Hell, I have always said my marriage was an abberation at a measly 25 year gap.
KenC

[Turboguy]

KenC,  You have been warned.  El Rock will get you if you keep up that behavior.  

Zmejka, comparable in what way?   My only point was that large age differences are quite common in relationships between American Men and Asian women.   First off, I try to think of all people in the world as equal and not to think in terms like are Russian women better than Asian women.  Are whites better than blacks, etc.  Asian women can be very beautiful, some are very intelligent.  It is probably easier to find a highly educated RW in the International dating scene than in the Asian scene.  

No, not DonAz.   There is another Don

Youth was not a target in my search.  Just the person I met and who turned into someone very special for me happend to be younger.  It was not important to me if she was 27, 37 or 47.  

If someone was looking for a wife from the Philippines someone my age could have a choice of all the 19 year old gals he wanted if that was his goal.    That was the only point that I was trying to make.  

[KenC]

It is about a man with a girl  who is 38  years younger , that much I read several times times over
Yes  , I am 5  years old , you continue to attack
me , you will regret it .

Here ya go "OldMan" , this is where  you  need to be
http://www.rwguide.com/forums/index.cfm
This Is more your style

In case I'm wrong ,  oh well 

El Rock,
You have no idea how foolish your statements are.  Turbo and I have been here for a long long time, me from this forums inception.  You have been here for what? A week or two?  You have no clue as to the back history of what we are speaking of here and yet you are going to tell us how to run this board? Give me a break.  If you don't like a thread, don't read it and let Dan worry about his bandwidth, OK?

I got a chuckle out of your "jealousy" accusation too.  But in making such a ridiculous statement you show your true ignorance of the facts in this thread.  Please take the time and really look at my avatar and tell me what I have to be jealous of?

As for the other forum you suggested; been there done that and have a long history there too(up until getting banned for speaking my mind)  It is you, my fine fellow, whose posting style would fit better there than here.  Stay here and enjoy a more mature attitude that is usually displayed here as opposed to "there", but also know what it is you are speaking of before you start to criticize.
KenC

[KenC]

KenC,  You have been warned.  El Rock will get you if you keep up that behavior.  

Uh huh, I see that and I had better be more careful!

No, not DonAz.   There is another Don

If you are using this to support your statement, "some Don guy on another forum" just aint gonna cut it in my book.

Youth was not a target in my search.  Just the person I met and who turned into someone very special for me happend to be younger.  It was not important to me if she was 27, 37 or 47.  

I'm sorry Turbo but your actions say different.  In fact, your actions show just the opposite.  you were on tour and meeting many fine "older" women and all you could think about is getting back home to plan your trip to visit your young hottie.  Over the years your actions have proved your disire to be with a much younger woman over and over again.  Hell, it isn't even a criticism, but let us be at least a little honest here!
KenC

[vwrw]

 So,  KenC you never heard of one who had 35+ age difference here…Thank you KenC for one more opportunity to say Turbo, you see I was right you are especial one!

[KenC]

So,  KenC you never heard of one who had 35+ age difference here…Thank you KenC for one more opportunity to say Turbo, you see I was right you are especial one!

VWRW,
You know I have to say that I do love your attitude!  I sincerely do wish you and Turbo the best.
KenC

[vwrw]

Over the years your actions have proved your disire to be with a much younger woman over and over again. KenC

And you got her. Turbo, it is one more reason to respect you! Many people do not manage to get their goals.
Thank you KenC.

[Turboguy]

Ken, as far as the Don from another forum, I am sorry, I feel no real need to prove anything at all to you but if you do drift over there and look at threads on age differneces, particulary a long one from a few months ago you will see some posts from him.  It has been a while, I remember his name is Don and I believe is user name is "Don"  but I am not sure.  I don't care enough to go look for it or a need to prove it to you.   That is where it is, if you want to see it I have given you directions.

Speaking of directions. 

It is about a man with a girl  who is 38  years younger , that much I read several times times over
Yes  , I am 5  years old , you continue to attack
me , you will regret it .

Here ya go "OldMan" , this is where  you  need to be
http://www.rwguide.com/forums/index.cfm
This Is more your style

In case I'm wrong ,  oh well 

My compliments to you El Rock.  You are almost as good at directing people places as Mapquest.  Based on the fact that in this thread alone you have told two of us "where to go" I am sure you will be livening things up a bit. 

VWRW, no you are the special one, I am the lucky one.  I love your attitude too.

[KenC]

Turbo,
You're right,you needent have to prove anything to me.  I only was asking for you to support a statement you made that I question (and still do).  Like I said, good luck and God bless but I still will hold you accountable for statements made here that I think will mislead others into thinking that there is any logic to what you are doing too. 
KenC

[viking]

I will say this again, for the umpteenth time. The age gap is truly dependant on the relationship between the man and the woman. I have had RW's in their late 30's tell me I was an 'old man'. (Ouch!!) I have had RW's in their early/mid 30's tell me that I looked handsome and was in 'good shape'. Some blew me off and others wanted to keep going. In all cases, I believe, these were not scammers but honest women stating their opinions. Everyone is different. My ex AW was 12 years my junior and we were married for 16 years. We all have our preferences but sometimes things just happen and all our planning, our list of wants and don't wants, our very careful must have's, just blows out the window because someone steps into our lives and it just works. Period. And sometimes worrying about what the future holds 2-5-10 years down the road prevents us from enjoying ourselves NOW. Crap, I may not be here 10 years from now!

My personal doctor is a drop dead beautiful woman of 31. She could put any RW to shame. Truly. We were talking about dating, relationships and I asked her if she had any friends who would like to meet me. We are talking AWs here now. We are talking 25+ age differences.Yes was the answer. Many of her friends cannot find a good honest guy. We are not talking marriage but friends, companionship and who knows what? I am looking forward to the weekend. I know the whole purpose here is to find a woman for life. And on this forum a RW for life. I would like this to happen for me. But I'm gonna take what is in front of me for the moment.

I guess what I am saying here is you wake up in the morning, gather yourself up, go out the door and experience life and if a smile or a twinkle in a womans eye catches your fancy, go for it. Don't be stupid and give her the keys to your safety deposit box day one, but go for it.

If Turbo and VWRW work together, leave them alone and butt out. Let them enjoy their time together. Turbo knows I would trade places with him tomorrow if I could. But I am not her man, he is. And bless his soul. And hers.

Turbo, you are spending waaaay too much time on the internet. Go ride a camel, topless. Tell VWRW to do the same. Give the locals a thrill.   Go have some fun. Now, I need to go back to work to afford my next trip. Maybe this time fortune will shine on me like it did for you and Groovy.