Mayan paradise

[vwrw]

Did anyone pay attention to
From DKMM:
Challenges are fun and worthwhile, but 11 days is a longggg time.

Do you guess why 11 days spent in a new place and accompanied by a lot of fun seemed to DKMM as a long time? Have you noticed that when you enjoy doing what you do… time passes very quickly?

From Gator:
Are you looking to have children soon?

A good question. I would like to reformulate it a little. Are you looking for to be a father for a…years old girl soon (I do not remember who old J is).

DKMM, I work among the Russian men who have their flashy Mercedes, boats, motorcycles… for 9 years. They do not chase girls. They do not need to do it. Girls chase the men. All the men do is to come in a nightclub (during last 5 years…until now I never heard one to call nightclub as “disco”) and to let girls to chase them. Usually the men change the girls each 3-4 weeks. During the 9 years I saw only a few girls who were able to keep the men’s attention more that 3 months. Each time when I see how the men treat the girls I wonder what makes the girls to desire relationship with the men (most of them are married).
   
From DKMM:
It seems j is just used to being chased after by men the world…
I am burning through cash though... the more I spend the better mood she is in (doh!).
She will tromp around our room with nearly nothing on with that model body and I would just act like nothing was happening.  She seemed to like that actually, enjoy the non attention she was getting.

After “chasing” of men, the things she is used to are:
1 – If men do not pay attention to her it means he is a cool guy.
(From DKMM: I'm already used to how she looks and it doesn't turn me on so much anymore after 8 days in a row. I this case you can easily to image how much it doesn't turn wealthy RM on.)
2 - If men do not pay attention to her and spend money it means he is cool guy and likes her.

I think (but I am not sure) she tried to be beautiful and be a little arrogant to show you she is a cool girl and spent her money on you to show she like you.
 

[Gator]

VWRW,

Some good points.  Yes, J is young, only 21.  She has already accomplished a lot for her age if you read DKMM's previous T/R  (Estonia).  DKMM is different in a good way from all other men she has known, and most women like such.


DKMM,

You did spend a lot of money, even after factoring that J paid for much of her half.  Many posters will think “too much”.  I disagree with "too much" for the following reasons:

1.  You had previously met J in Russia/Estonia on two separate trips and did not use the green lure then.
2.   This was a special holiday – New Year’s, Mexico, breakthrough opportunity, etc.
3.   J paid for about 33% of the total costs (and again this is a FIRST in RW dating – you should receive an award).
4.   I too spend more than most.
5.   It is never "too much" if you enjoyed yourself and you can afford it.

Grand holidays do set a precedent.  J may not only expect the red carpet next time, she may be more than disappointed if you throttle back.  When seeking a life partner, it is good to find a woman who understands the value of money, the benefit of investing vs. spending, and the risk of speculation.  You also want to avoid someone who is so frugal that they could never enjoy the occasional splurging.  It also helps to have someone who can help you deliberate life decisions such as money.

On holidays I tend to stay at 4-star hotels (it is still a step up to most RW) and the occasional 5-star if it is something special.  In dining I alternate between going native and the 5-star experience because I enjoy fine food and exotic food.  I abhor detailed inflexible itineraries so sometimes the hotels are a step down because of changing plans.  This and the native dining requires an adventurous woman.

I would never rent a Porsche, yet would pay $300 for a round of golf.  And at your age I would have rented a Porsche and played one hour of tennis for $15.

[DKMM]

Thank you all.  The comments are all spot on.

I did ask about children.  She said "my mother had me at 19, but I'm almost 22 and still not even close to having one."  I said I'm ready for them but I don't want them for a while (which is one reason I go for younger women) and she said "of course, you just turned 29..."  so even though we have only 7 years between us, in absolute terms she is still quite a bit too young to be ready for marriage.  This is in contrast to what she told me over the past year about wanting to settle down with someone, tired of the disco scene etc. (she didn't even understand the word nightclub so i started using disco) and needing someone she could rely on.

I did encourage her to take the dancer job, but i'm fairly certain she was saying that trying to brag about it, like i would be impressed.  Yeah it would be fun to go visit them!  But I'm focused on finding my mate, so that would be a waste of time.

vwrw, you have some good insight that's very appreciated.  I can see now why those guys buy the flashy things to attract girls there... I think its silly.  I have more money than most of them, but no way would I turn into one of those idiots just to play around.  I really don't get the married ones...  J hates those guys, but its all she finds in Moscow (thus why she was with me).  Poor J doesn't understand how wealth = invested assets not income, which is especially surprising given her profession.  I wonder if most RW don't understand this very basic concept.  AW golddiggers do, not the trashy ones but the educated ones (had my share of both).

I agree Gator, I wasn't planning on spending that much.  Its just that I got caught up in the moment.  You can tell why from the photos... I don't want to set a precedent.  We could have stayed in the Ritz and drove a hummer around all week if I wanted but that would have set the WRONG idea!!

[vwrw]

From DKMM:
J hates those guys, but its all she finds in Moscow (thus why she was with me). 

DKMM, there are not many men who have their flashy Mercedes, boats, motorcycles…in Russia. If a girl always finds those guys it means she is looking for them. I do not know what she wanted from those guys…their love…their respect or their money…but I surely know that she hates those guys because they did not gave her what she wanted.
Why she was with you? You know, a hope such a thing which always to die the last. I think she HOPED to find in you the guy who will give to her what she wants. What a young, immature girl wants… it is always easily to define by her eyes. If you do something and see a joy in her eyes it means you do what she wants.

[jb]

Interesting, vwrw,,,

One of the photos in the gallery that got my wife's attention was this one:






She called these girls "whores" because they were dressed to attract the attention of the rich new Russian.

To her, their intentions were very clear.

[Gator]

Yeah JB, and then they bounce from a one new Russian to another and at 30 are considered old in Russia.  Yes, 30 is old in the New Russian standards.  But not "old" to American men gawking at their slick photos on marriage agency profiles.

In contrast, DKMM's J looks wholesome in her photos.  And she comes from a good, proper family if you recall the earlier T/R. 

[jb]

I agree, DKMM's J looks like a winner.

Regards the others;

Yes, 30 is old in the New Russian standards.  But not "old" to American men gawking at their slick photos on marriage agency profiles.

This is why I caution the newbie, it's entirely possible he's chasing a retired hooker. 

'sway it is.

[Gator]

JB,

In a black and white world, "hooker" is probably correct although harsh.

In a grey world, there are softer terms such as "sponsored dyev", which has been the culture in Russia for a long time.  Most women resist sponsored relationships with married men unless they are desperate.

[DKMM]

Just to clarify, J doesn't only run into those types but sounds like a lot of them find her. she runs in certain circles because of her socio economic background and also her looks get a lot of attention from the high rollers.  In any case, she hasn't found a single decent guy in Moscow up to her standards (and lets face it, I just set that bar higher) which is probably why she is blowing up my cell with SMS's... A not so desperate girl with a good family to fall back on isn't going to fall for the new russian shtick.  I think I already addressed why she hates those guys, its because she does not want a physical relationship and they do.

If I go by when her eyes light up, then she wants from me: sharing my troubles.  Our best moments were when bad things happened to me/us.  I don't know why... I never experienced this with AW.

[vwrw]

From JB:
She called these girls "whores" because they were dressed to attract the attention of the rich new Russian.
To her, their intentions were very clear.

I think they were dressed to attract the attention of MEN and not only Russian men or rich men. I think they could like to attract the attention of DKMM as well. It is not fair to name girls as "whores" only because they want attention of MEN. I am sure your wife also loves your attention and you are man too.

[jb]

vwrw,

My wife only dresses to attract my attention, in that way, in private, she wouldn't be caught dead in public like that.  She's too old fashioned and conservative.  I believe she is right, these girls are after the attenton of rich men, purely.  If she is a girl for hire, or a girl looking for a sugar daddy, what's the difference?  A whore is still a girl that can be had by the hour, by the week, or by the month.

[Gator]

All this chatter about "working girls" is unrelated to DKMM's interesting story and distracting from it.   Not at all the same type of woman.  If anything, the shoes have been reversed and DKMM is the "kept man" (remember, J did pay).

DKMM,

The quantity of  the SMS's says it all Big Guy.  This woman is into you big time.  It is still holiday time in Russia, and she is probably showing the photos to her family and friends and everyone else.  She is enjoying every moment of reliving the time with you and is proud to be your "friend".

Who knows if there will be a followup chapter of the unique and interesting story of you and J.  Nevertheless, I suggest that you stay in regular contact with her.  Your goals and her goals may just converge in the future.

 

[DKMM]

None of those 3 attract me in any way at all.  In their wildest dreams maybe...they look like trash.

yeah her family and friends are looking at the photos its true.  I finally didn't talk to her last night for the first time since before the trip and soon after the SMS's rolled in.  I dunno, I guess I'm just gonna take it easy at this point and stay in contact, just like we did before we went. 

[BillyB]

In any case, she hasn't found a single decent guy in Moscow up to her standards (and lets face it, I just set that bar higher) which is probably why she is blowing up my cell with SMS's...

DKMM, is she SMS'ing you of where in the world she wants to travel next or is she telling you she could possibly live with a guy like you in America, a place she doesn't like?

[Kuna]

DKMM... Dude... my friend... 

Lots of positive feedback on J and I'd like to join in by saying her actions indicate an ongoing interest in you...

I am sure you understand though that all "hot" women get lots of attention but it's important for your own future to remain focused on finding the relationship YOU want.  It may be with J... it may not be.

Maintaining contact as suggested above is a good idea but if I were you I would continue to plan my next trip and even include her in some of the planning. 

Tell her you're still serious about finding the right girl for you... Remind her what you're looking for...  Ask her if she thinks there's more likely to find a girl like "that" in big cities or smaller cities.  My bet is that she'll say BIG CITIES and it's possible she'll see herself as this person.

I think she should feel your interest but she should also understand your seriousness about finding a partner...  The holiday was great fun but you want to find a partner that can share those fun times for many years to come right?

It's a difficult balancing act but ultimately you should keep your options open with her, and with future ladies you'll meet.  Options should stay open until you find someone (including J) who is as serious as you about a future relationship. Reciprocation is the key.  When one partner wants it MUCH more than the other I believe it usually ends in heartbreak.

I may be wrong but I'm working under the premise that ALL women are competitive in nature when it comes to partners and other women.

Just my thoughts...   

Kuna

[DKMM]

Yeah the SMS's and other conversations (having one right now) are strictly on the friendship level.  Apparently she meant it when she said she wanted to be friends, it wasn't a blow off... I don't think she's the one for me, I'm just not ruling it out 100% either.  I'm going to keep looking.  She's probably on the same page too.

I'm happy to make a friend, what could be better to have for a guy who wants to marry an RW?