Argument between my friend and me

[prince_alfie]

Alfie, i have contact Kvinna... if she agree to help, she will contact you... give her all the contact information that you know ( already e-mail address and phone number )... but explain about the shared room, the lack of money, the travesti behaviour, etc...

Kvinna can speak or wrote in Russian... a language that these guy is certainly not able to understand and will maybe not block...

In so case, i believe that preventive attack is better that wait the "crash and burn"...

Thanks, I don't have any current details about the lady's residence (in fact, they are both on ldslinkup website). So all I have to go by is a few photos and what not.

[Kuna]

Alfie,

I must agree with the other members and I feel that YOU are responsible to alert this girl to what she is getting into.

I'm shocked that you played matchmaker for this guy and I remember in your earlier posts you almost defended the process and his decision to marry a girl from FSU. It sounded foolish in your earlier posts and with the new information it's now just horrendous!

What everyone needs to realise is that these girls are not meat.  They are not carboard cut outs and they are VERY VERY human. This is not a game and any girl immigrating will be heavily challenged enough even in a loving and stable environment.  This is NOT a loving and stable environment.

He will not be telling her the truth.  He is desperate and dysfunctional.

Your friend is totally inadequate to marry a girl at home let alone a girl who will be leaving her family, friends, life and entire support network at home, and she will suffer greatly if she is issued with the K-1.

YOU have a moral responsibility to stop this!  Get her phone number from his old telephone bills... get her skype account...  find her email address... as a last resort contact the immigation officials in your country and alert them to this pending disaster IF he continues on his current path.

It doesn't matter how it's done...  You need to warn the girl of all the facts and I'd urge you to find a solution and take Bruno up on his offer of assistance.  If you don't do the right thing now you will be very much responsible for the outcome, but the girl will be the only one that suffers!

I sense that you are not a bad person but you have done something bad here.  YOU must correct it!

Kuna

[prince_alfie]

Alfie,

I must agree with the other members and I feel that YOU are responsible to alert this girl to what she is getting into.

I'm shocked that you played matchmaker for this guy and I remember in your earlier posts you almost defended the process and his decision to marry a girl from FSU. It sounded foolish in your earlier posts and with the new information it's now just horrendous!

What everyone needs to realise is that these girls are not meat.  They are not carboard cut outs and they are VERY VERY human. This is not a game and any girl immigrating will be heavily challenged enough even in a loving and stable environment.  This is NOT a loving and stable environment.

He will not be telling her the truth.  He is desperate and dysfunctional.

Your friend is totally inadequate to marry a girl at home let alone a girl who will be leaving her family, friends, life and entire support network at home, and she will suffer greatly if she is issued with the K-1.

YOU have a moral responsibility to stop this!  Get her phone number from his old telephone bills... get her skype account...  find her email address... as a last resort contact the immigation officials in your country and alert them to this pending disaster IF he continues on his current path.

It doesn't matter how it's done...  You need to warn the girl of all the facts and I'd urge you to find a solution and take Bruno up on his offer of assistance.  If you don't do the right thing now you will be very much responsible for the outcome, but the girl will be the only one that suffers!

I sense that you are not a bad person but you have done something bad here.  YOU must correct it!

Kuna

Thanks for your advice, Kuna. Very helpful. I guess that I overlooked my friend's drawbacks and "vices" in general as I try to be more forgiving in this instance. I tend to have a wide tolerance for all types of people but it's good to get some advice on this issue. I will getting working on rectifying this situation. Thanks for the help!

About the matchmaking, I pretty much advised him that considering international relationships was a possibility after he saw that I was going that route. So he pretty much went and found this gal on ldslinkup.com (not a dating site par se).

I didn't find the girl but we have become acquaintances of a sort. I have been encouraging to my friend mainly because I thought that I would be very excited to see that someone would be willing to take a REAL trip to the FSU. I guess perhaps that that wasn't such a good idea but hopefully my friend won't be yelling at me for interfering. After all, we have a business that we conducting with a computing/video game project (Jooky knows more about this since he has talked with my friend over the phone before).

[Kuna]

I have been encouraging to my friend mainly because I thought that I would be very excited to see that someone would be willing to take a REAL trip to the FSU. I guess perhaps that that wasn't such a good idea

Alfie,

In another thread jb flamed you over a "romantic" approach and while his tone is tough his messages are sound.

To encourage someone who's clearly inappropriate for this journey because "you would be very excited that someone would be willing to take a REAL trip" is immature.  I think you can see that now.

A "Brutually Optimistic" attitude like you claimed to have in the other thread could also be seen as immature.  You need to seek reality not fantasy.  It's not a game, it's incredibly serious because other people's lives and feelings are involved.

but hopefully my friend won't be yelling at me for interfering. After all, we have a business that we conducting with a computing/video game project (Jooky knows more about this since he has talked with my friend over the phone before).

Alfie, there are always consequences to our actions and if your friend is upset at you then you and he will have to deal with it.  If he's violent, dysfunctional and financially incapable of conducting this pursuit in an ethical and reasonable manner then HE has the problem, not you. What's important is that an innocent party isn't hurt because you thought it would be exciting or because he is totally incapable of fulfilling on the promises he will have to make.

Do the right thing and everything will be better in the end!

Kuna

[viking]

It seems to me that there are two aspects to this. One fairly immediate and the other more long range. If this man is prone to be violent, then the first order of business is this womans safety while he is over there. I think that maybe he will be on his best behaviour to try and woo this woman to become his bride. If not and he treats her badly then she will know right away and get rid of him or maybe even call the police. That should put an end to his plans quickly.

When he returns, and if this woman accepts him, he still needs to go through all the paperwork for her visa. This is when Alfie has the chance to find out her phone or email address and make her aware of what she is getting into. And he should do this. If she is a typically RW, she will not yet have fallen in love and the emotional impact of her realizing the truth about this man will not be great. Yes it would be better for her to know now before things even get started, but better late than never.

[William3rd]

I dont suppose it occurred to anybody here that the whole thing may be just a story? That there is no hotdog eating guy living in a Frigidaire box in New York with a DV problem?

If true-
Moral obligation of introducer- high.
Legal obligation- probably nil.

Contacting immigration/consulate and attempting to interfere with a fiancee visa due to a "defective" petitioner? Outside the scope of their review.

Not a good idea. . . .

I cant believe I actually responded to this thread

[Bruno]

Thanks, I don't have any current details about the lady's residence (in fact, they are both on ldslinkup website). So all I have to go by is a few photos and what not.

From previous post, you say that you have e-mail her... so you have her e-mail...

Kvinna is located in Moscow, not really next door from her... all the help she can give is distance help... Kvinna is ready to help ( her words are "i will try" )

Now, the advantage of Kvinna on you is very simple... she can wrote in Russian and he will not understandt what Kvinna wrote... a RW writing to a other RW, he will think that it is a friend letter... the action is to warm the girl...

Now, about the situation itself, i have always promote that RW was for everybody, not only for the elite class... that a simple gardener like me have so much chance that a other... but all have limit... i have a life contract for work ( stability ), a low medium income ( some minimum resource ), just hire these week a new house with several bedroom and garden for my future family...

Your friend cannot feed himself correctly, he is short  in money for trip, he share a appartment will a other man... how he will make when she will be in US ? Share a hotdog between two of them, 3 people in the appartment... and what about a trip back in FSU for visit family ( yearly expense when you marry a FSU girl )... and i don't speek about a possible violent behavour... and strange sexual hobby ( is it compatible with his religious belief ? )...

Now about you... we have already too much bad people in the professional sector of marriage agency who know nothing about matchmaking... yourself have no experience with it... why the hell you begin game with the life of other people... and you have no excuse, you are enough long here for know that looser are a plague in these business, you have read enough for know how it work... what you have make is similar to give a gun to someone who cannot use it and who is mentaly instable... he will hurt himself and hurt several other in the process.

Forum like these are not make for the old timer who are already married... but for people like you and your friend, for learn BEFORE start the process... You have follow the trip report of Kuna... perfect trip... but himself say that he was helped by post on the RWD... he have read before start and not after a "crash and burn"... and more, you say that these guy is a friend... real friend help other for spare problem, not for guide them to hell... if these guy was my friend, i have use all my energy for stop him and certainly not help him to follow these road now...

[Bruno]

I dont suppose it occurred to anybody here that the whole thing may be just a story? That there is no hotdog eating guy living in a Frigidaire box in New York with a DV problem?

Maybe it is a story... but what if it is true ?

William, you have work several year with marriage agency... i am sure that you have see your share of looser... when i was running my site, some western men have explain me that they was using credit for finance trip and meeting in Russia... i have advice these men to stay home... but i am sure that the majority of them have go to Russia...

[prince_alfie]

From previous post, you say that you have e-mail her... so you have her e-mail...

Yes, but however my friend does "filter out" stuff from her e-mail too. If I were to e-mail her, then she would tell my friend pretty quickly (not a secretive type of gal) so I would be ferreted out.

Presume anyone familiar with the Landmark forum?

It's rather ironic that I was somewhat skeptical about this working out to begin with. I am a firm believer that everyone deserves a shot at the RW process. As a matchmaker, I didn't bother with doing background checks or anything because my interest was marrying off the person. Pretty much like in the Jane Austen novels and create windows of opportunities for everyone. Plus it's not like I'm inexperienced as 12 of my friends have been married off during the past 9 years. In fact, one of my American friends (different guy completed) is getting married happily (in a few weeks) with an AW which I set up and I am glad that it was working out.

Of course, Jooky knows my friend rather decently from our business/video game project. My friend I interpreted to be rather focused and driven type of guy (more than me anyways). I presumed that it would have worked out before but my skepticism is growing out slowly. I am not so sure lesser now than a few months ago.

I would like to end their relationship but perhaps the retaliation wouldn't be so good. After all, matchmaking all of your friends isn't an easy proposition either ways. Matchmaking (which started off more as a sportive type of approach) is still pretty much a hobby that I enjoy doing but I really didn't see too much of the consequences in a philosophical / psychological manner from the other perspective. My goal from many years ago was to marry off all of my single friends that I knew and then myself last when everyone else had been married off.

[prince_alfie]

Maybe it is a story... but what if it is true ?

William, you have work several year with marriage agency... i am sure that you have see your share of looser... when i was running my site, some western men have explain me that they was using credit for finance trip and meeting in Russia... i have advice these men to stay home... but i am sure that the majority of them have go to Russia...

Indeed, my friend decided that AW has too high of expectations for economic values. He basically is very pro-socialist so he strongly thought that since Ukraine/Russia was former communist country, that his girlfriend  wouldn't have any high expectations for financial requirements. Anyways for your reference, here is their hobbies and interests:

Examples of her interests:

Interests: music, dancing, hiking
Favorite Music: Pop, classical, celtic, eastern, and other, depending on the mood )
Favorite Movies: The Terminal, Wedding planner, detective, comedies, romantic comadies
Favorite Books: Detective, psychology
Favorite TV: I like to watch news, soccer and other things

and his interests:

Interests: Music, Sci-Fi/Fantasy, hypnosis, video games, politics, saving the world from conservatives and capitalists
Favorite Music: Lacuna Coil, Theatre of Tragedy, Nightwish, The Gathering, Queensryche, Genesis, Dream Theater, Depeche Mode, Duran Duran, Nobuo Uematsu, The Cure, Evanescence, Leaves' Eyes, symphonic metal
Favorite Movies: Lord of the Rings, The Matrix, Star Trek, South Park, Good Will Hunting, Ghost in the Shell, Dark City, The Last Starfighter, American Beauty, National Treasure, Crash
Favorite Books: A Prayer for America, The Marshall Plan for Novel Writing, The Hydrogen Economy, One of these days I'll read the Gor series, Venus Plus X
Favorite TV: 24, Heroes, Star Trek, South Park, Family Guy(It's back on! Yay!), Queer Eye(who dares me to put myself on that show?), Threshhold, The Nine

[BillyB]

I dont suppose it occurred to anybody here that the whole thing may be just a story?

I always think that when I read a story that seems unrealistic but Alfie has been around the forums too long for me to think he's a troll fabricating this for fun.

Alfie, I read your blog at this forum a month ago and seen pics of your friend and his gal. Seems like the woman's pic is missing now but I would say they matched up physically and they're only 3 years apart in age. What alarms me is that your friend flew out of town on the 13th and here you are today on the 16th mentioning their considering a k-1. Maybe this woman is perfect for your friend if she can make such a hasty decision too.

[prince_alfie]

Okay, for your reference the pictures are:


and

[I/O]

I am a firm believer that everyone deserves a shot at the RW process.

On what basis?  Because the earth is unfortunate enough to be poluted with "Oxygen Thieves" such as your friend?  Nobody DESERVES anything. Some people are smart enough to EARN the right to take on a particular challenge or pursuit. 

The notion that everyone deserves a shot at the FSU woman thing is about the most nonsensical arguement of all that I have seen and put forward in favour of this pursuit. The bottom line of this attitude is that the proponents have a very low opinion of the Eastern Girls. 

Not everyone deserves a nice home. Again, some are smart enough to get off their butts and earn the money to put themselves in a position to maybe have that nice home, but if they don't earn that money, they deserve nothing. If you are going to view the Eastern Girls as a tradable comodity as you appear to do, then at least have the decency to recognise that people earn the right to participate in trading.

IMHO the Eastern Girls are IT...!!  A class above anything I have known anywhere else (Yes that might annoy a few people) with some exceptions of course, but even most decent guys will admit they stepped up a few classes by getting involved with an Eastern Woman.  This being the case, the idiots as noted here have no right or business even considering themselves as being viable options for Eastern Women. 

Amusing how this critter is anti capatilism, but still likes his hot dogs.  If he wants the socialist thing so much, perhaps he should go to North Korea, marry there and stay there.  Yes I do think he deserves that.  Frankly this idiot's ideas and his advisory pannel reek of religious extremes and invariably these people bring themselves and their nations into disrepute.

BTW I thought $20k / year wouldn't cut it for a K-1 petition anyway.  How does he hope to get this through?

I/O

[prince_alfie]

BTW I thought $20k / year wouldn't cut it for a K-1 petition anyway.  How does he hope to get this through?

I/O

I already talked to him about that. Apparently he strongly avows that the K-1 cutoff for the "poverty line" guidelines is not a strict requirements. I pretty much nod my head in complete disbelief.

[Bruce]

My belief is that if she does not ditch him prior to her arrival in New York she will ditch him at the moment that best meets her objectives ie. after marriage so she can easily stay  .   Can pictures say anything.  This is another case of a truly mismatched couple  .

[Kuna]

Is it bad to hope that she is a GCG???

I know they're supposed to be bad but in this case maybe it's the best outcome?

Alfie,  two questions for you...

Are you writing to girls?

When's your first visit?

Kuna

[William3rd]

Maybe it is a story... but what if it is true ?

William, you have work several year with marriage agency... i am sure that you have see your share of looser...

You actually have to separate losers from the lower income guys. . .  in the early days it seemed that there were few of either. Later, the emotional losers increased exponentially and the financially limited were at a contant level.

I134 levels loosely follow the poverty guidelines and for military actually do follow the guidelines. For 2- 16500, for 3 20750. We usually went one level up on recs for joint or co spnsors.

[prince_alfie]

Is it bad to hope that she is a GCG???

I know they're supposed to be bad but in this case maybe it's the best outcome?

Alfie,  two questions for you...

Are you writing to girls?

When's your first visit?

Kuna

Yes, to answer you. I am writing girls for sure!

And I will report my trip as soon as I find enough to visit and make it worthwhile. Again, I'm trying to learn more about my possibilities before going over there. I prefer to be prepared and I don't like to jump into things.

And remember that being 30 years old, I don't have to rush into anything honestly. After I just started this venture for real since last summer and if it takes a few years then let it be that way.

[prince_alfie]

You actually have to separate losers from the lower income guys. . .  in the early days it seemed that there were few of either. Later, the emotional losers increased exponentially and the financially limited were at a contant level.

I134 levels loosely follow the poverty guidelines and for military actually do follow the guidelines. For 2- 16500, for 3 20750. We usually went one level up on recs for joint or co spnsors.

I guess that Eric just cuts it barely. But no adjustment for where they live in the US?

[Turboguy]

If I recall you said they live in Manhatten.  Making $ 20,000 and living in Manatten is like making $ 6,000 where I live and that is being generous.

Yes, Alfie, you have lots of time.  I probably have set the record for length of time in the persuit which should give me a plus on determination and a minus for pre RWD stupidity but no matter how long it takes when you really find the right one as I have the wait becomes more than worth it.  You will do just fine.  Your friend, well that is another story.

[Bruno]

Later, the emotional losers increased exponentially ...

About losers... Dave in the "diary of a mail order bride" is the perfect example...

Hmmm... i have begin upload it on Google video... not sure if the sound is good... maybe someone can check :

part 1 :

part 2 :

part 3 & 4 later, when i know that the two first part are good...

[jinx13]

 Bruno,

 I just watched part 1, everything is working fine.

 I have never seen this documentary, what year was it made? It's very interesting. So far I have seen the total loser Dave in his shabby apartment with the fiance the same age as his daughter...hmmm I wonder how that one will turn out? 

 I was surprised by the second guy though, also named David (common name for RW chasers I guess, it's my name too) he is 46, been married has a couple of kids, seems normal, nice looking guy, but then he goes and proposes to a girl after the 4th day together, what the ?  I just don't understand that type mentality, especially from a normal man who has experience with women.

 Ok, I'm going to watch part 2 now, please post the rest Bruno, I'm bored at work today, this will help pass some time 

[William3rd]

Please be advised that this scenario-plus or minus a few facts- is also posted on the other board by a poster entitled Return To Sender.

[catzenmouse]

 Well P. A. (aka Return to Sender), between the two boards do you have enough information now to do something real to warn this girl? Or are you still being "brutally optimistic" about her future with your friend?

 No matter what kind of naive spin you put on this I truly hope that you will catch a single tiny clue regarding your responsibility in this.

 I doubt it will and I doubt that you will do anything more than hang more noodles on RWD ears. What a waste and a shame this is. Maybe it is SNAFU in your world. I hardly think it is in hers.

Ken

[viking]

Bruno

Everything works fine and I find this very interesting. Go for 3 and 4.