Any suggestions on guiding this guy?

[Daveman]

You know,  it's not that something here really rings 'untrue', but it simply rings 'WEIRD'.  Perhaps this guy is a greedy millionaire. Zhena seems to have seen the documents to prove this.  But also, this situation just seems completely bizarre.  Almost like it's a cookie cutter "made for reality TV" about a Mail Order Bride being abused by Evil American Millionaire Cheapskate. 

I'm certainly not saying that he didn't hit her, or spend the night in jail, or that it's NOT a DV case, but man, this is just weird.  Everything seems to have fallen into place too conveniently. All the precursors simply bizarre. Fact stranger than Fiction?  Maybe.. but I don't know. I have a nagging feeling that something just isn't right... the story is not complete... something is ... missing.

Oh well, what do I know.  Pretty much nothing. 

Dave

[ScottinCrimea]

Bruno, you have it wrong.  Like I told my wife, I'll give you 50% sperm with X chromosomes and 50% with Y's.  What you do with them after that is entirely up to you.

[BC]

Maybe.. but I don't know. I have a nagging feeling that something just isn't right... the story is not complete... something is ... missing.

You are quite right.. what is missing is 'relationship'.

Think this guy is going to let her open the mail or 'his' bank statements?.. That is an 'early on' test..

I must admit I was a bit annoyed the first time..  Took about 30 seconds though to think about it and accept the fact that we were married...

[Bruno]

Bruno, you have it wrong.  Like I told my wife, I'll give you 50% sperm with X chromosomes and 50% with Y's.  What you do with them after that is entirely up to you.

If you wish a male, give her 100% of Y... How? Hospital and artificial insemination !!! Of course will not work for Joe... since they don't make it for free !

In any case, i feel that Joe have marry only for have a male child who can prolong the existence of his name for a generation more... maybe it will be a good idea to cut the balls of so guys... we have already enough idiot on these planet... imagine if they begin to reproduce !!!

[Zhena]

You know,  it's not that something here really rings 'untrue', but it simply rings 'WEIRD'.  Perhaps this guy is a greedy millionaire. Zhena seems to have seen the documents to prove this.  But also, this situation just seems completely bizarre.  Almost like it's a cookie cutter "made for reality TV" about a Mail Order Bride being abused by Evil American Millionaire Cheapskate. 

I'm certainly not saying that he didn't hit her, or spend the night in jail, or that it's NOT a DV case, but man, this is just weird.  Everything seems to have fallen into place too conveniently. All the precursors simply bizarre. Fact stranger than Fiction?  Maybe.. but I don't know. I have a nagging feeling that something just isn't right... the story is not complete... something is ... missing.

Oh well, what do I know.  Pretty much nothing. 

Dave

Yeah,life is a strange thing at all-everything happens. I didnt create this story myself This is what happened,believe or not. I suppose this guy is sick,but thats not exuse to abuse someone. I just feel for that girl,shes really in a difficult situation now. All she needs now is to get some monthly payment from him as the baby will be delivered soon and she needs to rent a flat. But there will be a big fight,I bet.

[Muj]

BC and Bruno,

Good points.  Joe would never pony up for the artificial insemination.  Some of you other guys, wise up !

[BillyB]

It's a shame things turned out the way it did. There were opportunities for the situation to end beforehand. The husband did offer his wife airfare before and after marriage to return home. But the wife said she has nothing to return to and she proceeded knowing of the husband's "issues" before marriage. Since they got married, he applied for AOS and her temp green card was on the way. He was buying a new home since he felt his old home was inadequate for his new family. Although he was criticized for wanting a boy instead of a girl, he seems to have wanted a better home for the family.

I suspect the wife help escalate the argument that led to DV. If so, I do not think highly of her for doing that since she has lately promoted her husband as a person needing help and she's 8.5 months pregnant putting her unborn child in harms way.

The law should deal with the husband accordingly for his DV and I will not sympathize with the wife if she sticks with her husband after what happened.

This thread serves a purpose to let people know to spend more time to get together and do not proceed when red flags are evident as the wife and husband in this story has done.

It is a red flag if a man is stingy with his money or tries to have his fiancee sign a "selfish" prenup.

It's a red flag is your man/woman does not disclose your relationship to her family/friends as the wife has done. Either she has no friends or family who values her, or she doesn't care about family and friends enough to tell what goes on in her life. Either way, it's says more about the person than his/her family and friends.

It's a red flag if your woman/man is talking bad behind your back even if the bad talk is true. That is a sure way to undermine your relationship. If you don't like the person to the point you have to talk bad about him/her, move on.

It is a red flag if your woman has parents/relatives who are alive and says she has nothing to go back to in the FSU if she separates from you.

Choose wisely by finding a person who has their life in order.

[DKMM]

Ladies and gentlemen, the true wisdom of BillyB shines on here:

Choose wisely by finding a person who has their life in order.

That is the most important piece of advice on this thread.

[Rim]

It's kind funny in a sad ironic way to see many of you guys hop into the poor woman bandwagon without knowing all of the facts. This type of "poor woman" mentality is how we've ended up with the lopsided domestic violence laws that we have today.

If what is alleged by this women is indeed fact, then the man in question might deserve a domestic violence charge, but we are so far from knowing the real facts of this situation that we are doing nothing more than speculating for our own amusement.

[groovlstk]

If what is alleged by this women is indeed fact, then the man in question might deserve a domestic violence charge

If she's telling the truth he might deserve a domestic violence charge?

[Rim]

If she's telling the truth he might deserve a domestic violence charge?

In my work I have the luxury (or burden) of seeing the people who report domestic violence. I've seen women who were pushed away by their husbands and fell to the ground and got bruised report their husbands for domestic violence and not mention the knife they were threating their husband with.

I never assume guilt based on a story from a first party, much less a third party.

It seems that many men enjoy seeing the demise of other men. I guess it could be a Darwinist trait in the joy of eliminating the competition.

There is rarely one party solely at fault.

[Muj]

BillyB,
Many mistakes by both partners in this marriage.  All marriages have the difficulties, the partners abilities to successfully or at least willfully resolve any difficulties determines outcomes.  We discussed the red flags in many threads and they both created some big ones, ie. not visiting parents for one.  But of course, can't drill these rules too much .  The prenup is a matter of consenting adults. 

Rim, who is enjoying this?  I'm not.  Actually finding some way to help this guy resolve this in a constuctive manner would have helped all.  Who knows what actually happened?  But the police basically side with the injured pregnant person and blame the uninjured bigger, stronger person.  Especially in the absence of any other observers.

[JusticePvP]

Nothing to say

[Rim]

Rim, who is enjoying this?  I'm not. 

I don't blame you at all because you are the one with closer knowledge of the situation and you are trying to help your wife's friend. However, I'm not for giving any advice of filing for a domestic violence injunction when we've not any first hand knowledge of the conditions within their household.

In my opinion, the existing domestic violence laws are not constitutional and just plane morally wrong when the person being filed against is presumed guilty until proven innocent. I can assure you that if your face ever gets on the front page of the paper as a wife beater then it doesn't matter how innocent you are, your life will never be the same. My perspective is that I would rather see a thousand innocent spouses (husbands and wives) get abused in the home that they have chosen for themselves, than one innocent person subjected to false domestic violence charges.

What is truly ironic is that from what I see in the court system, is that the people who should be reporting their spouse for domestic violence rarely do, it is in large part the people who are using the system who report domestic violence.

[William3rd]

Injuring a pregnant woman. . . . . beyond the pale of civilized behavior .

I would imagine that criminal charges are forthcoming and I imagine that the defendent will plead out rather than face trial on the merits. A jury will vote for the death penalty for him-even though that is not on the table.

This sounds a lot like the Fox case from a couple of years back.

There appear to be alot of red flags that this guy should have noted and heeded. Once he didnt, then the consequences fall where they lie.

[Muj]

Exactly Wm3.