Age Gap - bull's eye

[IAmZon]

I wish there were concerns  that could be answered almost completely?

I would like Age Gaps to one of them.  The Age Gap thing ... I think I have finally gotten my arms around.  This is a private question, with an individual answer that is different for everyone.  I offer my thoughts:

Age matters.  Age does not matter.  It depends who you are.  It depends on how the elements that constitute age live in you: personality; physical attraction; fashion sense; humor; responsibility; etc... 

It depends on how honest you are with yourself. (most of us are not very honest at all) What is it that you TRULY seek.  Physical beauty is a turn on.  Immaturity, incapability is a turn off.

It depends on what is natural for you ... what league you are in.  In some environments 40 and 50 year old men are commonly with much younger women - even in the US (the entertainment industry; high level executives; politicians).

What makes this question vexing.  Is the surprise and craving to have something from the FSU that OTHERWISE would not be available. Certainly, there is a greater responsivity of younger women to older men in the FSU. 

But it comes with obvious costs.

I met a guy this weekend that was a wide as he was tall, with a gash on his face that would have rivaled any pirate.  He showed me a photo of his FORMER wife and two kids.  SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL (20 years younger) As I got to know him, his story unfolded ... he married a RUSSIAN girl he met in his travels.  She became pregnant and they married.  Everything was OK for TEN  YEARS!!!  As soon as her permanent residency was established ... divorce.

WOW.  Ten years.  That is dedication to a goal.

A pretty young girl does not make a old man young, or a ugly guy good looking.

The answer to the AGE GAP issue as it relates to AM seeking a RW should be governed with the same sense as AM govern relationships in the US.  What league are you in ... what is natural for you.

Finally!  I will not consider the AGE GAP question any more ... anybody with me?

[Lily]

I hope your post relates both to the cases where the man is older, and where the woman is older? 

Now to the point. First, age is the thing that a person can not change. Moreover, np one is not guilty of being out of age. Every will come to it. Therefore one should not regard the age as an excuse of being unfit, have a bad smell, being judgemental, rude, arrogant, etc.

I believe that age is a factor that can either facilitate or complicate things in life. For instance, if one is 25, he or she can regard the age as a factor assisting in getting an entry level job at most places. At the same time, all conditions being equal, if one wants to apply for a caregiver's position, the same age may be regarded as a disadvantage. A 45 year old may be not considered for the former but may be welcome at the latter.

Of interest for the forum members here would be obviously chances at opposite gender. As rivardco mentioned, there is all about physical attractivity, humor, fashion sense, maturity. I would add that this is also about charm, alertness, vigour, style and class. Did I mention age here?

I think that people should understand that their age is not good or bad, it is just the thing that can make some things either easier or more hard to achieve. Probably we can tell that after some 50 years of life, the male body starts fading and likely needs some more work from its owner (I realize it may not relate to all men but I only tell by my own father's example). One should work hard to improve the situation, it's right, but who says life is easy and fair ?.
 
Yes the body will resist, but isn't a person stronger than that? Age is just a vexing thing. Beat it and don't let it beat you.

In attraction, age stops working FOR you at some point. After some time it starts working AGAINST you. No less, but luckily no more than that!

I understand that I may not have answered the question, but I just laid out my thoughts on the age subject.

[ScottinCrimea]

It all depends on what your partner is looking for and needs and at what age you acquire those qualities.

[Crow331]

Age has never been a factor in who I date ... I have dated as much as 15 years older or 13 years younger ... it's all about chemistry!

[Jazzyclassy]

  ... it's all about chemistry!

              

It is not all about chemistry at all

a little bit wrong statement if it was all about chemistry , you would not be sitting in the internet and  finding the answers in the forum for how to create an  ideal stable relationship believe me:P

For me personally Age gap is important

I want to grow old with my partner , I want for our kids to be able to play with their father , for him to be active enough for them and for their age

Of course I want to be sexually attracted to him and mentally , spiritually too, I want our minds to develop together,  I would like to have equality even in the age matter, 2 up to 6 years is fine with me even 7 is ok but not more, that is just personally my wishes

It comes from the childhood my mom and dad have 2 years gap so practically no age gap , it is simply my vision of ideal marriage , full of harmony and peace, when  2 people were born in the same period of time, they got a lot of things in common to discuss, the same problems, they were observing the same changings in the life of the World, just physically they were  almost in the same stage 

I took that model as my own , for me it is great and amazing and I see no other way for me, just cos  it would be difficult for me to have a big age gap cos what are we talking about my dad is only 56 y.o  and all men in that approximate age starting from 40 and more I consider to be like my potential fathers or brothers in the other cases, and that is relatives age I simply can not cross this border , limit which is set in my mind in my soul.

[Gator]

Jazzy,

You are not unique.  Almost all young women feel the same as you.  And if one studies the Russian dating sights, where RW seek RM, the preferred age range is about the same as the woman's plus 5 years.

Yet, consider the failure rate of marriages between similar aged individuals.  Having similar ages does not guarantee happiness.

Also, it is part of the Russian culture, more than in America, that some beautiful RW use their beauty to attract older RM for the sole purpose of sponsorship.  In America, we would call the women "mistresses" and the men "sugar daddies".

A joke I heard once has some truth in it.  One woman criticized another woman about the advanced age of her boyfriend and said, "He's old enough to be your father."  "Yes, but rich enough to be my husband." 

In relationships with a large age disparity, how many are this case:  a woman marrying just for money and the man just for beauty.  I assert in most cases where the couple have taken the time to get to know each other, there are many connections other than beauty-money.  And chemistry is a name for these connections.  And the issue of whether these connections exist sufficiently to overcome the age gap is something for the couple to decide and everyone else to keep their noses out of.

[CaptB]

Jazzy,

You are 24........so 6 years age difference "seems" to be an upper limit......where you are at "now" in your life. At this time you may not consider a man of 38 years of age. As you get older.......your perception will change. A man of 38......is a difference of 14 years.........the same age difference between my wife and I.......she 41 and I....55. From our meeting........"age" was never an issue........accept for me. I have never been comfortable with more than a 10 year difference. It was "my" parents who convinced me that our 14 year age diiference should not be an issue. They have friends who just celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary.......with a 19 year difference in age. As you are "young".......I will not
influence your views. I know what it was like being 24........you have no idea what being 55 is like.........you will have to wait another "31" years to gain that knowledge 


Capt B

[CaptB]

P.S.

Rivarco,

It would be more meaningful to have a discussion of "age".......if we new where you were coming from with you views...............ie.....posting "your" age in your profile 


Capt B

[BC]

At 43 I married a woman 17 years junior.  All's quite well now almost 5 years down the road but we are aware that the issue will creep up on us as time goes by. Other adjustment factors decrease and normalize over time.. this one certainly will not.

[SANDRO43]

It is not all about chemistry at all

Wrong, it also is .

[BC]

Wrong, it also is .

Does have a somewhat phallic structure... hmm...

[Gator]

helpful if we new where you were coming from with you views...............ie.....posting "your" age in your profile

I think Rivardco answered that question before you asked it when he wrote,

Finally!  I will not consider the AGE GAP question any more ... anybody with me?

So why did I post?

I liked somebody's answer a long time ago when asked why do men go to Russia and bring home younger women.  His answer, "Because they can."  Which is the same answer to why dogs lick their balls.  Was that you KenC?  

[SANDRO43]

Does have a somewhat phallic structure... hmm...

Well, if YOU are structured like that, then your post-unzipping manouvres deserve an applause and a contorsionist's trophy .

[BC]

Well, if YOU are structured like that, then your post-unzipping manouvres deserve an applause and a contorsionist's trophy .

Well is much better than this version...

[I/O]

Jazz: All credit for taking a view of what you are comfortable with and sticking with that. If you are comfortable with an age gap of not more than 5 - 7 years, that is certainly your right.  I see no problem whatsoever.

When I first seriously considered this whole idea, I was near to 40 and sat down and thought very long and hard about what was realistic and what might be workable.  I read and dismissed much of the nonsense about all these Russian women in their 20's marrying men 30 years older and such.  My conclusion was that given I would still like to have children, it almost had to be a lady of less than 35 but not younger than 28 for general compatability reasons. Thus I was prepared to accept someone of up to 11 years difference, but my ideal was perhaps more like 7.

The history is posted well enough elsewhere, but surfice to say I was rather surprised to receive contact (Serious contact) from a Lady of 23 (at the time) and although I communicated with her, in my opening response, I advised her that I did not consider there was ANY possability of a romantic relationship.  I did not give my reasons, but I think she was just smart enough to figure out why I was thinking this way.

Perhaps she played me like a fish with a carefully baited hook.   Who knows.  But over time she gradually convinced me that there was the possability of a workable relationship which could be based on genuine love and respect.  There is and I am glad she persisited, all be it very cautiously and VERY politely.  She always said that she was happy to remain friends, but also made it clear enough that if I was willing, she considered there could be much much more.

I am the first to say that I have and will long have some reservations about the effect an age gap can have on certain aspects of the relationship.  That is simply being realistic.  My conclusion was ultimately that those aspects would need to be managed watchfully.  Eventually I became comfortable enough with the idea and thought WTF, I am in.

She says now, if ever the subject is discussed, "We have will the fine marriage, you will look, I will see you" LOL  Translated...(We will have a fine marriage, you will see because I will show you) BTW, I don't think it is all up to her to prove to me it will be fine.    Time will show, I'm glad I'm in this, but I am realistic enough to see some difficulties in the future. I don't think an age gap relationship is for everyone and I do think those who get involved in such a relationship need to spend a lot of time working through various issues before they get too lost in the romantic aspects.  At the rate our visa process is going, it will be well in excess of 2 years from meeting to marriage and frankly, I think that is plenty soon enough.

I/O

[Kuna]

It all depends on what your partner is looking for and needs and at what age you acquire those qualities.

This is the only truth...

I knew I wanted children but I needed someone who'd experienced life and could inspire me to THINK.  Aiming too young would have made it more difficult to find the intellectual connection I was looking for (but not impossible) and aiming too old would have put my fatherhood dream at risk.

I'm 38 and I tried to stick to an age range of 29 to 32. "My girl's" profile caught my attention and meeting her captured my imagination.  She was 27.  Not too young, but still has the parenthood desires I have.

I think if a large age gaps works for you it's great! It obviously comes with higher risks and different challenges - especially later in life.

The only thing that frustrates me is when some men with large age gaps claim age was never a factor or was even a negative on meeting.  If this is true then fine but I think most men persuing a large age gap WANT a large age gap.  There's nothing wrong with it if both partners have compatible ideas on the subject AND understand the additional risks.

I'd just suggest to men looking for a large age gap that they should date a few "very young" girls at home.  If you still want a large age gap GO FOR IT!  If you can't date young girls at home there's nothing to suggest you'll be able to keep on at home either!

Kuna

[ScottinCrimea]

Jazzy, You're at that age where you have very strong opinions about everything and think they will never change.  That's fine, I was there once, too.  You have the wisdom of a 24 year old.  I remember how my father used to just smile and nod his head knowingly at many things I said when I was younger.  Now I find myself doing the same with you and others in the younger stages of life.  Wisdom grows with experience and time, nothing else.  I think if you take the time some years in the future to look back on some of the things that you are firm about now and some of your comments, you will smile to yourself, just as I do now when I look back on how little I really understood when I was younger.  It's the same with your views on the age gap.  The views you have expressed about your personal preferences are fine and no one should have a problem with that, but I'm suspecting that over time those views will change, just as will your views on many things.

[KenC]

I think Rivardco answered that question before you asked it when he wrote,

So why did I post?

I liked somebody's answer a long time ago when asked why do men go to Russia and bring home younger women.  His answer, "Because they can."  Which is the same answer to why dogs lick their balls.  Was that you KenC?  

uh huh.
KenC

[timothe]

I liked somebody's answer a long time ago when asked why do men go to Russia and bring home younger women.  His answer, "Because they can."  Which is the same answer to why dogs lick their balls.  

Thread winner!!  Give that man a cigar!

[BeenThereDoneThat]

As usual, another interesting topic on the board.
As we know, there is no simple answer or commandment or rule that says THIS IS the way to do it OR THIS IS RIGHT. It's all an individual situation that depends on the situation. I'm 41, never been married, have no kids, look young, feel young, am persistant on staying in shape, and I am heading to Kharkov in a few days to propose to my future fiancee, and she's 21 years younger. Did I plan it this way? No. Did I try to set acceptable (or what I thought was acceptable) age ranges (25-35)? Yes. So, here's my story in a nutshell, the short version. I've been to Russia and Ukraine several times. I've met about 1 dozen FSU women over the years, and I previously wrote to a few dozen. The first time I went to Ukraine several years ago, I used Confidential Connections, now UALADYS (Yes, great eye candy on that web site), and I got burned because they are largely a Scam. Reality set in, and I then knew all the stories that I read about the average joe finding Cinderella were in many respects exaggerated. I even found many Russian women that had very mean and quick tempers. And I thought, am I fooling myself with this escapade? So I regrouped, did more research, and continued my pursuit of a FSU woman. Now, I am closer than ever to having a fiancee that I will love for the rest of my life. Is she perfect? No, but neither am I. We all have our faults. But, she has many great features; great heart, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, is family-oriented, wants to move to the USA on the condition that we visit her family in Ukraine during holiday breaks when we can (and I respect this and her family values), she is educated (finishes her Masters degree in June 2008), she is beautiful, tall, well-proportioned, she is not materialistic, she only desires money for essential things like education, common toiletries i.e. body lotions, creams, etc, she is not a gold-digging jewelry lover, and most of all  there is repsect, trust, love and understanding between us. I also like the fact that she is a true woman and feminine yet strong. So why no American woman for me? Surely, there are thousand of great woman in this country. Well, in a nutshell, I got burned out with the expectations of American women. They often desire perfection in any man they seek. They often take for granted all the luxuries we have here and blessings of a beautiful country we have. Where buying a single dress for a Ukrainian woman is like Gold to her, buying a single dress for an American woman is like an appetizer while she holds her hand out for your paycheck and asks where are all the other dresses. Ok, let me interject here for all the guys that are thinking, wait, all American women are not that way. Ok, let me agree with those guys. You are right, there are many great American women here. It's the culture we live in that corrupts many. Of course our upbringing that we have in our family gives us the foundation of what kind of person we become. And in my girlfriend from Ukraine, I have found and have seen that respectable upbringing. I know, the nay-sayers are grumbling, well when you bring her here, she'll become corrupted like any American woman. Well, if she is in that mold, of course that is possible. But i know and trust her in my heart, and our relationship is based on a strong love and trust and understanding. Could I get burned after 5 years or 10 years? Of course. Could a tornado rip thru my home this summer? Very possible these days with so many violent storms. So what perspective do I put my FSU relationship in? I am 41, I have lived a great life, I have traveled the world, I have good health, and I do believe in God. There is only one thing missing in my life now; having a good wife and a strong family with a couple of my own kids. I would be happy if we had 10 or 15 (or even 20 would be nice) years together, and my desire is that she has a great life here in the USA even if I leave this earth first. I have good savings, investments and retirement options, so she will live fine even If I had the misfortune to leave this earth before her. So, I give her a good life here and all my love and respect, and in return she loves me with all her heart. What more can I ask? It is funny to hear all the experts and Psychs giving advice on what constitutes a successful relationship while divorce rates in the USA climb faster than any country in the modern world (latest census figures)!
So, follow your heart, stay in your league, plan financially for your future and the future of your family, listen to all advice, but then make a decision based on your goals in life, and goals of your possible future wife to be. And please guys, I repsect everyone's comments on here, and i only try to share my experiences for future FSU seeking guys. My answer was not meant to be an all-inclusive book, though my answer is getting longer by the minute as I peck away on the keyboard. I hope my experiences and comments are of some help to some guy considering and FSU woman for his future wife. The journey has been fun, and a bit crazy at times, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now, and it sure feels great! Thanks to all who post here, because without these message boards, I would have never of found my future wife. There is something for everyone in the FSU, and I must also say, I am a middle class guy with a good job, so you don't have to be rich to find love in this world. And we should all realize, that no matter what advice you follow, or which path you take, there are no guarantees in life. Have a plan and make a choice you can live with, and only then, you will know that regardless of whichever direction things go, that your life will move forward. God Bless to all!

[Jazzyclassy]

       Jazzy,

You are 24........so 6 years age difference "seems" to be an upper limit......where you are at "now" in your life. At this time you may not consider a man of 38 years of age. As you get older.......your perception will change.
       

Look why are you pestering me with your comments about my opinion? that is my opinion , it seems to me dear Gentlemen each of you sees necessity to blame me for being young that my views will change  and bla bla bla, where is your respect towards youth? Shall I blame you that you are old a? why you want so strongly  to change my mind, what is the profit of it

Right now my views  are like that and stop blaming me that I am young and not wise and that I will smile back on what I was thinking and so on , I am absolutely not comfortable  with your bothering me all the time about what you think of such girls like me,

Of course I know cos I wont date old men and will consider that only in a very very very no- way -out case ( like if I am and a man of like 35y.o  are on the desert island and I know that there is no chance for me to go back to civilization then of course I will  have to create a family with that one guy who left there , cos I want to be  mother and to have children and family) . And you  are all here very mature  men but date young girls, of course  my point of view is irritating to you , But IT IS MINE , please relax and eat Cadbury chocos, I do not know how to more politely tell you really:P

     Jazzy, You're at that age where you have very strong opinions about everything and think they will never change.  That's fine, I was there once, too.  You have the wisdom of a 24 year old.  I remember how my father used to just smile and nod his head knowingly at many things I said when I was younger.  Now I find myself doing the same with you and others in the younger stages of life.  Wisdom grows with experience and time, nothing else.  I think if you take the time some years in the future to look back on some of the things that you are firm about now and some of your comments, you will smile to yourself, just as I do now when I look back on how little I really understood when I was younger.  It's the same with your views on the age gap.  The views you have expressed about your personal preferences are fine and no one should have a problem with that, but I'm suspecting that over time those views will change, just as will your views on many things.     

here is  another one was pointing at me, I wonder if you have nothing else to do just to teach me and  to try and change my mind, hey I am not trying to change your mind so leave that to me , to my life, Rivardco asked for opinions about age gap , I told mine, so what is your problem dear gentlemen ,why each of you took the chance to poke me once again by telling me how strange my opinion is , I will tell you it is not strange, it is conservative and traditional and nothing special with my opinion,

Once again if you want to justify the fact that you date girls who can be potentially your daughters why do not you speak to yourself and find what your age and wisdom gave you , leave my opinion to me, am not trying to make it yours


Thank you so much in advance

[Crow331]

It is not all about chemistry at all

a little bit wrong statement if it was all about chemistry , you would not be sitting in the internet and  finding the answers in the forum for how to create an  ideal stable relationship believe me:P

Mmmmmmmmmmm Cadbury chocos

I've had great relationships in the past, 15 years older, 13 years younger, as I said ... many were for 1+ years ... I certainly didn't come to this forum to find out "how to create an ideal, stable relationship", I already know how to do that. I've just never been "ready" to do that. I've loved my single life!!!  But now I am ready and I'm just exhausting all possibilities before choosing MY "Ms. Right". That might be in Russia, that might be here, but I'm keeping all my options open. As someone once said, I'm not trying to find someone I can live with, I'm trying to find someone I can't live without!

You're welcome to check me out

http://www.holostyak.com/view/1085614/Dan/

Oh and you hit the nail on the head when you said <b>"For me personally Age gap is important" </b> .... yes, for you Personally, but for me, it IS all about chemistry

[I/O]

I wonder if you have nothing else to do just to teach me and  to try and change my mind, hey I am not trying to change your mind

Yes, I do rather think a lot of the condecending, "When I was your age" comments are not necessary.  On this one Jazz, I am right with you.  You know what you like and what you want, yes that might or might not change with time.  Who cares.  Live it how you see it and do whats right for you, whilst listening to good advice.  The "When I was your age" style of comments are not advice and as such are pretty much unproductive.

FWIW

I/O

[Elen]

You're welcome to check me out
http://www.holostyak.com/view/1085614/Dan/
Oh and you hit the nail on the head when you said <b>"For me personally Age gap is important" </b> .... yes, for you Personally, but for me, it IS all about chemistry

I did check What a pity that you belive that "she" MUSTbe between the age of 25-37* ( * not older than you)    for to have a chance to check if there could be any chemistry

[Crow331]

Elen, the only reason I really say that is because I would like to have children ... if I put it on a timeframe, even if I met someone tomorrow that I was crazy in love with, I would not rush into marriage. So lets say I got married 1 year from today. Then you spend a year or two with someone you love, enjoying each other's company, travelling etc. Then you decide to start a family, which takes another 9 months+ ... so you are talking 3 years down the road to have a baby ... if I meet someone 37, that would make the woman 40 before she has the baby. Kind of late to be doing that for woman. Sure women can have babies later, but what happens if at 40 she finds out she is too old to have a baby??  I would be devastated!!  So I think even 37 might be too old for me, but I am giving her the benefit of the doubt ... my opinion.