Too many women...

[Photo Guy]

I think it makes sense to stop looking at other prospects,
when you have found that special woman. How do you
know she's the one? You have to know what you want,
based on all of your previous dating. And you have to
use your intuition, your sense of 'rightness', because
you may need to make the decision after just one
date. I don't mean the decision to marry! 

I mean- you realize a particular woman has a lot
of potential, is your 'type' and has moral fibre,
good ethics. You should be able to quickly sense
those qualities.

If you get the feeling she may actually be the one, stop
your search. Focus on her. If you find out she's
wrong for you, then go back to your search- maybe
your next trip to the FSU, ...or Bangkok, etc.

[timothe]

I occasionally play a video game Civilization IV and in this game, when a new invention is discovered, some famous guy will offer a profound verse. 

This thread reminds me of what Leonard Nimoy said when the skill "Hunting" was discovered....

"If you chase two rabbits, you'll lose them both."

On my 2nd trip to Moscow, that is exactly what happened to me.  I even compounded the error by having #2 translate for me on a date with #1.  (Talk about stupid... :selfharm:)

In the writing stage, there isn't anything wrong with writing more than one lady, but you might have some problems juggling your trip if you decide to visit more than one.  Some men can do that well....I could not.   

[DKMM]

Well watch for my upcoming trip then, because i'm somehow trying to juggle six or seven.

[Kvinna]

Lily stated that she would assum she was not the only one  is THAT you call like "the best"

there is something resonable in this case. If you know that a man come to visit not only you, you may not feel some obligation and duty toward him, so you can refuse any time to meet him in person, just because you are lazy or tired, as well as you are not obliged to follow him anywhere or set his time, and so on
it is like with your Moscow pals: if you wish to meet them you go and meet, if you don't wish, you don't go and meet them

[mirror]

there is something resonable in this case. If you know that a man come to visit not only you, you may not feel some obligation and duty toward him, so you can refuse any time to meet him in person, just because you are lazy or tired, as well as you are not obliged to follow him anywhere or set his time, and so on
it is like with your Moscow pals: if you wish to meet them you go and meet, if you don't wish, you don't go and meet them

  1:1 ...it is excellent answer. 

[BillyB]

Thanks Bruno for the information. 

Elen is married.  Great.  I guess this means that newbies should not hit on Elen.

My participation is relatively recent here, so I am ignorant of Elen's history here.

Gator, if it helps you understand Elen better, she used to be Hellen13, Helen13, Hell13, etc... on another forum you once moderated. Yes, she's the woman that's married, doesn't tell anybody and flirts with 10,000 guys on the internet.

[catzenmouse]

there is something resonable in this case. If you know that a man come to visit not only you, you may not feel some obligation and duty toward him, so you can refuse any time to meet him in person, just because you are lazy or tired, as well as you are not obliged to follow him anywhere or set his time, and so on
it is like with your Moscow pals: if you wish to meet them you go and meet, if you don't wish, you don't go and meet them

I've seen plenty of posts from guys about going all that distance, money spent, etc. and that meeting many women was and is the only way to do it. I do see their point but they should also realize that the lady who may initially agree to meet you my also feel that she is just a quick stop on your adventure so would not feel bad about deciding to not be bothered with you on your multi-women visit.

Don't be surprised or upset when this happens. Like it has been said many times before. Until you meet and decide to progress together you do not have a relationship.

Keep your options open, have a plan in place to follow if this happens, and go with the flow of events. Mostly just enjoy your time in a wonderful country!

Ken

[Elen]

Gator, if it helps you understand Elen better, she used to be Hellen13, Helen13, Hell13, etc... on another forum you once moderated. Yes, she's the woman that's married, doesn't tell anybody and flirts with 10,000 guys on the internet.

I have a permition signed by my husband to do that 

[Totoro]

Uhm... seems that my problem has sparked quite a discussion!
But after all the final decision rests with me... and I've decided to limit contact to the 3 women I like, hoping to find out if there is only one that stands out for me. And yes, I have told them about the others (well, I have only told 2 of them... couldn't bring myself to tell that to I. yet).
So, in the worst case, in 3-4 months from now I'll have to visit 2 ladies in 2 different cities (I. is coming to Italy anyway, on vacation ^_^). With some luck, in such time I can make up my mind better. Let's cross my fingers and see what happens!
Thank you everybody for your support, it's been good to read about past experiences, and it will undoubtedly help with any future visit.
Can't remember who brought this thing up... but the reason I'll go to Russia is to find a girlfriend and possibly a lifelong partner, not for sex only. If I want just sex I go to Amsterdam: nearer, easier and cheaper ^_^

[mirror]

Uhm... seems that my problem has sparked quite a discussion!
But after all the final decision rests with me... and I've decided to limit contact to the 3 women I like, hoping to find out if there is only one that stands out for me. And yes, I have told them about the others (well, I have only told 2 of them... couldn't bring myself to tell that to I. yet).
So, in the worst case, in 3-4 months from now I'll have to visit 2 ladies in 2 different cities (I. is coming to Italy anyway, on vacation ^_^). With some luck, in such time I can make up my mind better. Let's cross my fingers and see what happens!
Thank you everybody for your support, it's been good to read about past experiences, and it will undoubtedly help with any future visit.
Can't remember who brought this thing up... but the reason I'll go to Russia is to find a girlfriend and possibly a lifelong partner, not for sex only. If I want just sex I go to Amsterdam: nearer, easier and cheaper ^_^

It sounds lovely. You could hear our advices and now we (russians and ukrainian) are happy. The most of us is serious and you must know that.

Good luck!

[Jazzyclassy]

I do not know maybe I am the most silly and the most desperate romantic person  here on this board but my boy traveled to Moscow only to visit  me that is for sure and it is maybe cos we are young and not spoiled by those crazy international queue dating which some people have , we just knew that for him it would not be acceptable to meet some other girls while coming to me and for me it would be nonsense and just not serious intentions

I do not know what will happen during this 1 year it will  be 2 years in september since we met , who knows but we just were lucky that we committed to each other  from the start and wanted to meet only each and nobody else......

[Daveman]

I do not know maybe I am the most silly and the most desperate romantic person  here on this board

I don't think so.  Most of us have romantic dreams and some stronger than others.  I wouldn't be comfortable making a trip specifically to meet many ladies, or even two.  That method simply does not fit within my mindset.  Others have a different idea and it works for them.  I agree that anyone should take a number for an agency or two as a 'backup' in the case the meeting with the one lady doesn't go well.  Then you can simply meet others in more of a normal 'dating' type of atmosphere and see if you have some common interests and attraction.

Also, regardless of how practical we seem to think FSU ladies are, they can become infatuated in letters and have big big big dreams of romance and love with a man prior to meeting.  Not all I'm sure, but some do.  A friend of my girl had this happen to her very recently.  Her friend and an American guy had been communicating for several months in email and phone.  Speaking about life and family together, can't live without each other... all of these things.  It was time to plan for the visit and something happened.  When I was in Russia, I spoke with him on the phone back in the states and he professed to me his undying love for this girl and asked me about travel there, and expressed his concerns about 'safety'.  Of course I told him he'd have no problem as long as he treated travel to Russia no differently than travel anywhere else (use common sense).  He seemed like a normal guy.  But, a short while after this, he told his girl that he cannot visit her because someone will kill him because he is American. Can you believe that?  I can't imagine that he really believes that nonsense.  At any rate, she was and is very distraught over it.

I'm sure this little story doesn't apply to you Totoro, but it helps reiterate the point others have made of not making any promises that you may not keep or giving her any illusions that there is something between the two of you if you are going to meet more than one lady.

Good luck,
Dave

[Kvinna]

I do not know maybe I am the most silly and the most desperate romantic person  here on this board but my boy traveled to Moscow only to visit  me that is for sure and it is maybe cos we are young and not spoiled by those crazy international queue dating which some people have , we just knew that for him it would not be acceptable to meet some other girls while coming to me and for me it would be nonsense and just not serious intentions

I do not know what will happen during this 1 year it will  be 2 years in september since we met , who knows but we just were lucky that we committed to each other  from the start and wanted to meet only each and nobody else......

but if you won't like him, what will you do then?
you will be oblige to waste your time with him merelly according to Russian hospitality. as when he have a lot of dates you could merelly drop him dead right here right now

[catzenmouse]

... me thinks somebody has been taking WAAAAAY to many "bitter" pills ...

[WmGO]

ACHTUNG! NEWS FLASH!

I am pleased to see that Kvinna has OFFICIALLY ENDORSED WMVM for AD standards of acceptable conduct for WM. Of course, it is common sense for it to be acceptable for men who travel half way across the world to meet more than one woman. But I am glad that WM now have the offical AD stamp of approval Thanks Kvinna!

We have made a lot of progress this week!

[Kvinna]

ACHTUNG! NEWS FLASH!

I am pleased to see that Kvinna has OFFICIALLY ENDORSED WMVM for AD standards of acceptable conduct for WM. Of course, it is common sense for it to be acceptable for men who travel half way across the world to meet more than one woman. But I am glad that WM now have the offical AD stamp of approval Thanks Kvinna!

We have made a lot of progress this week!

hey, not only for WM, but for RW as well

[Daveman]

hey, not only for WM, but for RW as well

But let me ask you this.. why, even with Russian Hospitality, would a woman continue 'date' a man if she doesn't like him??  I would prefer to know the truth the moment she knows for herself that I am not a good match for her.  I would not think she owed me anything if we met and had zero chemistry together,... even if she were the only woman I went to meet... which is why we carry the number of an agency or two to meet other ladies.



Dave

[Photo Guy]

I do not know maybe I am the most silly and the most desperate romantic person  here on this board but my boy traveled to Moscow only to visit  me that is for sure and it is maybe cos we are young and not spoiled by those crazy international queue dating which some people have , we just knew that for him it would not be acceptable to meet some other girls while coming to me and for me it would be nonsense and just not serious intentions

I do not know what will happen during this 1 year it will  be 2 years in september since we met , who knows but we just were lucky that we committed to each other  from the start and wanted to meet only each and nobody else......

Jazzy,
You were not pragmatic. You and your boy were foolish, silly, unreasonable, infatuated, another bad example for
the newbie readers...
...and I SALUTE YOU!  (because you 'succeeded')   
...yet another example of 'breaking the rules' and succeeding through an attitude of
'commitment'.

[WmGO]

I agree, what is good for the goose is good for the gander

I think the main thing is for the man to not mislead the woman that he is only traveling to meet just her if he is really going to meet more than one. Honesty and full disclosure is important.

Of course, the FSUW ladies are meeting more than one man over the course of a year themselves so it is not reasonable for them to expect a man to take such a big risk to meet only them after he has traveled a great distance and is spending his vacation time pursuing a dream with such small odds of success....it is only wise for a man to try to increase his chances of success by meeting more than one lady....it may not be romantic but it is certainly being realistic....

Daveman, agree -  the lady should be honest as soon as she realizes that she does not have a romantic interest in the man. In that event the two should just agree to be friends and the lady should offer to help the man in any way she can to assist him in salvaging his trip as opposed to just leaving him to fend for himself in a foreign land....maybe even introduce him to some of her girlfriends  

[Kvinna]

Of course, the FSUW ladies are meeting more than one man over the course of a year themselves so it is not reasonable for them to expect a man to take such a big risk to meet only them after he has traveled a great distance and is spending his vacation time pursuing a dream with such small odds of success....it is only wise for a man to try to increase his chances of success by meeting more than one lady....it may not be romantic but it is certainly being realistic....

oh great deal, sometimes women don't know what to do when several  men going to visit her almost at the same time, but as we now know those little gender secrets we can no care about a such tiny problems

[WmGO]

da, da, da

[Gator]

Daveman asked,

But let me ask you this.. why, even with Russian Hospitality, would a woman continue 'date' a man if she doesn't like him??  I would prefer to know the truth the moment she knows for herself that I am not a good match for her.

There are some strange men out here, believing that young beautiful RW will fall at their feet, and they are in a state of denial after rejection. 

Such men really irritated my ex-fiancee, as I expressed in another thread:

A man disrespecting her right to not like him.  It is unfortunate that he flew a long distance and is disappointed.  However, she is disappointed too.  Best to move on quickly.

One wonders how many such women have been placed on some Blacklist for contrived reasons.

[mirror]

oh great deal, sometimes women don't know what to do when several  men going to visit her almost at the same time, but as we now know those little gender secrets we can no care about a such tiny problems

It is a pity not all RW know about a wish WM to visit many RW in same time.The most of them are really naive and innocent.The most of Russian girls doesn't read this forum. It is very good job to write about that in russian forum for russian girls about real examples and real cases!

I think we must write more about WM in your forum.

[Jet]

I do not know maybe I am the most silly and the most desperate romantic person  here on this board but my boy traveled to Moscow only to visit  me that is for sure and it is maybe cos we are young and not spoiled by those crazy international queue dating which some people have , we just knew that for him it would not be acceptable to meet some other girls while coming to me and for me it would be nonsense and just not serious intentions

You are not the most silly, but you may be in the top 5 
Liliya and I did it much the same way, only I flew her to London from Moscow and I flew from Miami. We met in the middle 
Lil and I felt the same way about the acceptability of meeting many in a single trip. I DO NOT advise others to follow the path I did because if all had not gone perfectly it could have been disastrous. Luckily we each turned out to be what the other was hoping for (and more) and 5 years later we are really enjoying married family life that grew out of that first meeting in July of 2002. Keep in mind though, that Maxx met his ex-wife about the same time I met Lil and we each used basically the same approach. There is always the possibility that our stories could possibly have been reversed. WOVO is romantic as hell, but it's also dangerous as hell 

[Admin]

It is a pity not all RW know about a wish WM to visit many RW in same time.The most of them are really naive and innocent.The most of Russian girls doesn't read this forum. It is very good job to write about that in russian forum for russian girls about real examples and real cases!

I think we must write more about WM in your forum.

This part caught my attention:

RW "are really naive and innocent."

Sofia, I confess that I have only known women from Ukraine - although nearly all of them claimed Russian origins - BUT - I would NEVER EVER describe RW as "naive and innocent." Just not my experience at all.

- Dan