Too many women...

[Lily]

Gator, what compelled you to look for a wife among RW?

[Gator]

Lilly,

Quick version.

I had two relationships with local AW during and after my divorce.  Both ended unsatisfactorily. 

My ex-wife, who remains a good friend today, said "Try the Internet".

I did and a few days later I saw a banner "Meet Beautiful Russian Women".  Clicked on it.  I love travel and had been interested in Russia ever since my first trip there in 1987.  Add "Meet Beautiful Women" to the equation and I was booking my flight two months later to combine romance with a travel adventure over 30 days.

Captivating, especially after meeting a fantastic Moscow woman who liked me.    Imagine that!

After we separated, I tried AW again.  It did not take long to return to Russia and rediscover RW.  I believe I have found the one.

[KenC]

Thanks all for the birthday wishes!

Lilly,
I know you asked Gator, but I want to answer too.  Contacting Lena via the Net was a natural extention of my contacting AW via the Net.  Being naive and inexperienced with foreign women, I treated her just as I would have any other woman I was interested in knowing.  Phone calls and emails progressed to a point where meeting was necessary for the relationship to continue evolving, so I went to visit her.  There was absolutely nothing different from my Internet dating of AW except the distance of the flight!  Silly me, I thought that if I could be charming, interesting, respectful and honest, that was all I needed.   Either I found the most gullible RW ever, or my "plan" worked or we were meant to be together, because 8 1/2 years later, I still get to be charming, interesting, respectful and honest!
KenC
(Be careful with that Marylin Monroe voice as Lena tends to get rather jealous!)

[Lily]

Thanks all for the birthday wishes!
 (Be careful with that Marylin Monroe voice as Lena tends to get rather jealous!)

I think I would not stand Lena's competition for any man . Btw, tell her my kindest regards..actually it was exactly her photo in your avatar that initialized my closer attention to RWD and finally got me on board!

[DKMM]

OMG a marylin monroe voice done by a RW would absolutely kill me.   

Just kidding Lily I know you're taken.

[Jazzyclassy]

OMG a marylin monroe voice done by a RW would absolutely kill me.  

Just kidding Lily I know you're taken.

How do you know for sure that Lily is taken , you can hit on her I allow you dearest DKMM,

Marylin Monroe is waiting for you DKMM:))

[Jazzyclassy]

Coming back to the topic

what I understood is that for each individual person it works different methods for some  there is no need to meet load bunch of women , for some only 1 is not enough .... well that is just life

I have another question , what if when you are traveling for many visits and you tell each woman that she is not the one you meet, and she is like well ok I understand and bla bla bla, but when some time passes and you decide to choose her, she will just tell you no I do not want you cos you visited not only me and well she will remember that thing her wounded pride and ambition to be the only one in your search for example

and there is one more thing why they always say that women make choice not men , but why on this board it  is all so different , not women are choosing , Men have taken away that ability from them , why?

[TwoBitBandit]

I have another question , what if when you are traveling for many visits and you tell each woman that she is not the one you meet, and she is like well ok I understand and bla bla bla, but when some time passes and you decide to choose her, she will just tell you no I do not want you cos you visited not only me and well she will remember that thing her wounded pride and ambition to be the only one in your search for example

The agency girls know what's going on, they know that the guys are meeting lots of girls.

For girls from other methods... it's usually on a "don't ask don't tell" policy.  They usually suspect that you're meeting other girls, but early in a relationship they really have no business asking and they know it.  Unless your relationship with a girl starts to get serious, what's the point in discussing it?

Think about it: wouldn't you want your future husband to know that he met tons of girls and chose you out of all of them?  Or would you want it to be the case that you were the only one he asked?  It sounds romantic to be the only one, but it is neither realistic nor good.

and there is one more thing why they always say that women make choice not men , but why on this board it  is all so different , not women are choosing , Men have taken away that ability from them , why?

Because we can.  There are twenty decent Russian women that would consider marrying a foreigner for every foreigner worth marrying.

Women still do a lot of the choosing.  Beautiful and intelligent women will always have choices, even in this game.  There's a particular blond Russian neurologist that I was really into but wasn't quite enough into me...

[Jazzyclassy]

        Think about it: wouldn't you want your future husband to know that he met tons of girls and chose you out of all of them?  Or would you want it to be the case that you were the only one he asked?  It sounds romantic to be the only one, but it is neither realistic nor good.

       

but that happens , if he found what he needs why would he go searching for more, wasting time ,money , emotions and health

do you think women need spiritually old and corrupted mind uncapable man? who had tons of girls before her? She wants a healthy husband to have healthy kids with  him , She does not need  for example a worn out psycho who is searching for his silly dream over years and is still not settled  who is living alone has no idea of family and of kids and is giving an advices how to act in this or that situation? oh only the same women as him can tolerate him ,cos the other women want to grow old  together with a man as I already said , let them make mistakes together , let them overcome things together ,
no matter that they  have not got so  much experience  for example

and what if he would never choose me after all those tons of girls? so you think I should just let him go and give him the choice oh darling go and be with that blond girl and just have sex with her and if you do not like her I will accept you back for example? Are you serious or what?

plus all those guys who got used to choose among millions of girls, it will be very hard for them to stick to one girl believe me it is very rare case when he finds the girl of his dreams and settle down with her, usually he keeps searching till his death  every time finding lacks and flaws of women trying to adjust them to his model of an ideal woman

          Beautiful and intelligent women will always have choices, even in this game     

that means that normal random girls have no choice , well thank you dear sociologist for such evaluation:P

[Gator]

Jazzy,

The difference between the extremes of “dating” and “commitment” is not black and white.  It is a continuum, and the grey area between the two can be delightfully interesting or uncomfortably messy.

There are no rules for that area because so much depends upon the two people, their values, and their feelings.   

In America if I found someone who really interested me and she seemed to feel the same, I would not date a second woman, even though we had not committed to exclusivity.  She and I might lose our interest in each other after our next date, and until then I focused on her, endeavoring to know her better while enjoying her company.  I certainly would not search for another woman other than chat with someone I met randomly.  Other men may differ.

Comparing the FSU situation with America, the time between the two extremes is compressed even though knowledge is much less.  That is not sensible.   Neither is love.

BTW, Jazzy, you are not “normal random girl.”  You are romantic and I hope that you continue to remain the same.

[KenC]

Jazzy,
It is all a matter of timing to me.  If a couple has not yet met in person, then they (both) are still free to seek out others as there is no real relationship until they spend some real time together.

On my first trip to visit Lena, we had no commitments and she assumed I would meet other women and I didn't assume that she would spend all her time with me either.  I did meet other women on that trip, but once Lena and I seemed to establish "something" between us, I quit meeting others.  I knew my attention would be on Lena and I didn't think it fair to the others as they had no chance.  Lena didn't demand that I stop seeing anyone else, but it was the right thing to do at that time.

If you are at the stage where you are just looking for a potential mate and have no commitments to anyone special, I see nothing wrong with playing the field (for both parties).  The men are free to meet other women and the women are free to meet other men.  I think this is a natural selection process for men and women.  I fully expected Lena to continue with her social life before we met as I continued mine too.  Once we entered into the grey area that Gator speaks of, then the scenario changes a bit.

After my first trip to see Lena, everything changed.  We both knew we had the potential for something very special, so I discontinued any further contact with other women as she also discontinued meeting any other men.  We were not quite a couple but not quite "single" either.  After my second trip (exclusively with Lena), the relationship took on a whole different meaning for both of us.  Even though we had no commitment (to marriage or even being engaged) we did have a commitment to see our relationship through to the next level (whatever that was meant to be).

When people here speak of WMVM or whatever, I always wonder what stage they are at in any budding relationships they may have already established.  I see nothing wrong with the man meeting many women or the woman meeting many men if they are not yet in a real relationship with anyone yet.  They are just playing the field and seeking a potential mate which I think is very natural.
KenC

[TwoBitBandit]

plus all those guys who got used to choose among millions of girls, it will be very hard for them to stick to one girl believe me it is very rare case when he finds the girl of his dreams and settle down with her, usually he keeps searching till his death  every time finding lacks and flaws of women trying to adjust them to his model of an ideal woman

I don't think that's true.  I know myself, and I know that I can be absolutely loyal to a woman.  Knowing that I'm only going to pick one, I want to be sure I pick the one I'm looking for.  It's like you say in Russian: семь раз отмерь, один отрежь.

[mspanky]

and there is one more thing why they always say that women make choice not men , but why on this board it  is all so different , not women are choosing , Men have taken away that ability from them , why?

[/quote]

  Jazzy, Women will always have a choice. Once her American husband brings a foreign wife here,if he is not up to par with who she wants you'd better believe as soon as she can upgrade she will.

American men have the choice on some Foreign soil. Foreign women have more choices on American soil. This is why many men will see many women to make sure they are making the right choice in a spouse. They are searching for a woman who really loves them and not sees us as a mule to get to the U.S. till something better comes along.

[KenC]

mspanky,
The RW always have a choice in Russia too.  They can choose to go with the AM or they can always pass on him too.  They may also have a choice between multiple AM too.
KenC

[mspanky]

Ken,

 Of course Russian women have choices also. But I think we can be honest here and say a lot of the choices of American men aren't exactly as prime as the women. Women have a tendency to talk themselves into settling for someone who is "good enough" as opposed to waiting for their "dream-guy" when "draemguy is a rarity.

   . Some hope to eventually fall in love with  the few choices of decent guys they may have to choose from. Others think they can upgrade as soon as they get here. Few women wait and wait for their soulmate to show up and be picky. For fear what they "really" want is not going to show up in a foreign country wife hunting..

   One girl on another board was very honest. She admitted the guys who came to visit were very dissapointing socially or physically. Many much older then she would have wanted.  She was very picky and took a big risk  her "dreamguy" would up. But said most women will not because "dreamguys show up very infrequently overseas. So they learn to settle for "good enough"But "dreamgirls are verywhere!

 

[KenC]

Mspanky,
Of course the RW could make the choice to stay in Russia and marry a Russian man and avoid all the "problems" with foregn men altogether!
enC

[mspanky]

Well,
]
 After watching American shows which make it look lie all Americans are rich and hearing how many Russians are living like kings abroad it's easy to understand why many women would preffer to take their chances and come to the U.S. if given the oppurtunity to see what could happen for them.

Adventure is part of the youth spirit and most young people tend to see the grass greener and want to experience it. I would think it is a small percentage of RW or any Foreign women who are motivated to meet AM via the internet, who would not settle for "good enough" in order to come to the U.S.

   Now if we are talking about RW who did not pursue AM,but solely met one by accident and he did not suit her, I imagine chances are very high she would be more than willing to turn him down and marry a RM since she is was not keen on trying to meet a foreign man in the first place.

   I have a friend who married a girl much younger than himself. Thing is he met her in another state not another country and she was more than willing to relocate.  As she purposely looked for her "MATCH' far from her location.

    She fell in love with his money, power and the chance he gave her to start life somewhat a new . She definately managed to convince herself she was in love with him and she now freely admits it to him. It seems women are capable of fooling even themselves!!!!!

    She pushed for the marriage to the point she gave him an ultimatum. Why? This man offered her everything she wanted at the time men in her area who had less money did not. She was impressed with it all and thought she'd live forever happy after. But now he is "too old,too fat,too boring...blah,blah,blah. He has not changed that much in the 5 years they were married. But she now wants something different in her life and her rose colored glasses came off. That, and the fact she will get a good divorce settlement and the greedy wench knows it. She is also now involved with a guy in his late 20's (a couple of yeras younger than her)who will most likely use her in the same way she used my friend. what goes around comes around!!!!!!

[KenC]

mspanky,
She will learn the hard way that the golden goose is gone and there is a limit to how far a divorce settlement will take her.  Watch and see her crash!
KenC

[Jazzyclassy]

Dear Gator and Ken C

yeah I already started to get used to these kinda statement that men usually go for many visits

well my boy will come to me for the third  time this early July and we already committed to each other after 1 visit:), I hope he wont meet somebody else here in Moscow when I will be in the toilet or something hahaahha

Special thanks to Gator for the compliment:)  that is so so so sweet:)

        BTW, Jazzy, you are not “normal random girl.”  You are romantic       

What Mspanky has been telling about those stories I think it happens so often that is why we are all so prudent and scared of such kinda relations
and Mspanky was trying to say that such situation occurred with that man and woman cos they both had no other choices and just had to marry  and then it happened that she was using him ,his money and so on , to be honest I do not think so ,it is not cos they had no other choices really , it is just happened it can happen even if the guy was having like millions of girls to choose from and finally he had chosen the one who occurred to be a scammer and user, that is just none is safe from such kinda situations , plus we all know how scammers can pretend to be genuine and then they just show up in their real light, show their real face

It is all a matter of case you can have tons of girls to choose and you can choose not suitable variant for you or you can have one person and he will be so nice for you , and vice versa

[mspanky]

mspanky,
She will learn the hard way that the golden goose is gone and there is a limit to how far a divorce settlement will take her.  Watch and see her crash!
KenC

 Ken,

 You're right. She will crash and burn. What she now "Thinks" she wants will be her downfall.

  jazzy, I am not saying this happens because they both have no choices. But because the choices they had presently were not packaged so well. Her youth and beauty were not easily available, his money and power,were not so conmon in her circle..