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[ScottinCrimea]

JC, Believe it or not, I agree with you.  It's just appearing more and more like one of those, "My situation is different" kind of relationships we've talked so much about.

[DKMM]

How is my situation different?  Out of the 3 guys on RWD that have got engaged this year, 2 did it "my" way.  And I haven't even done it yet, I can't wait to hear all the crap if I actually do get engaged in 4 weeks.

[Mir]

I can't wait to hear all the crap if I actually do get engaged in 4 weeks.

I bet you are gona do it just to hear the crap

[catzenmouse]

DKMM,

 In the end if you and she are happy then nothing said on an internet forum should really matter. But, don't discount the thoughts expressed here. Remember we only know your side of this AND only what you have chosen to share. Damn hard to make a fully informed review of something when you are not fully informed right?

 Use your head, (yes, the one above the waist) and go with your feelings. Best of luck to you both and I hope it works out the way you both hope it will.

Ken

[KenC]

Yeah ok don't worry.  Not all the facts are fairly presented, for instance I've known her since February and already my courtship with dear E is twice as long as my own parents was.  Many of my family friends were married after 1 week of meeting, all are still happily after it.  That's my culture and I'm sorry if other people are poor at picking mates, but don't apply your failures to me.  But that's ok I'm not really here to defend whether or not I think I'll be ready next month if I plan to propose.  I already seen what you all did to MaxxumUSA when he went through with it so I don't really care about those kinds of opinions. 

yup I'm desperate Ken, clearly a 29 year old man fully aware of himself and set in life is crazy for considering marrying a 27 year old girl he's known for several months.  I should wait because you said so... thanks but I'm capable of making my decisions.

I'm happy to hear what people have to say, but don't insult me.  Some people are jealous here and I'm sure glad I'm not one of them.

Fwiw, I don't recommend going this quickly for most people but for me it works.  When you know, you know.

DKMM,
There seems to be some conflicting information posted by you.  In other posts you wrote:
i got to the door and a girl came in that could have been her (afterall the photos are not always so accurate.  So I said hello and then “oops sorry you aren’t her” in English which totally confused this poor girl.  Anyhow I go outside and there she is.  Wow what a beautiful girl.  I catch my breath and invite her in.

You couldn't even recognise her!!

I gave her the mp3 player I bought her which she liked very much and gave me a kiss on the cheek.  It was a different feeling than the last time I did this because I barely knew this girl.  We had exchanged maybe 10 emails total prior and honestly I did it with the intentions of a warmup to Tver.

Shows you were not really into her or knew her at all.

Plus I couldn’t really tell if she was into me,

We caught a cab back and I think I tried to kiss her.  She didn't pull away but didn't reciprocate either

Boy that sounds like true love to me!
You are in total denial of the truth.  If you think I am jealous of you, you had better take another look at my avatar dude!  And we have been married for almost 8 years now too.

You will do whatever you want and we will all sit here and watch the train wreck coming.  You have every right to screw up your perfect life.  Good luck as you will need it.
KenC

[DKMM]

I am not discounting opinions on here.  Catzen I appreciate the words, and yes of course I'm making my decisions based on what I read on here.

Ken, that jealousy comment was not directed at you.  We are in pretty different situations though so I don't know if our frames of reference match too well.  Still, I know you've been there and done that which is why I value your opinion even when I disagree.

Yeah I didn't know her too well before we met that's true.  But I still talked to her quite a bit on the phone outside of the emails before it all came together.  But how well can you know someone you haven't met?  Not very... and its been over a month now since i met E in person.

That girl that walked in did resemble her!  It was a strange moment to be sure.  I had been in Russia for less than 2 hours at that point and already I was messing up.  Ahh it brings me back just thinking of that moment meeting her, I would give anything to have just another dinner with her right now.

[jb]

DKMM,

You need to slow down and take a few deep breaths...  I'm pretty sure your gal is golden,,, but why don't you take the time to find out about all that stuff that makes her so great before you propose?  Two or three days together isn't much to base a lifetime on.  It couldn't hurt to waste another 6, 9, or even 12 months to make double sure you are in the right place.  After all, you are still very young and unlike a lot of the old geezers around here you have some time to spend on this pursuit.

Just a thought.

[KenC]

DKMM,

You need to slow down and take a few deep breaths...  I'm pretty sure your gal is golden,,, but why don't you take the time to find out about all that stuff that makes her so great before you propose?  Two or three days together isn't much to base a lifetime on.  It couldn't hurt to waste another 6, 9, or even 12 months to make double sure you are in the right place.  After all, you are still very young and unlike a lot of the old geezers around here you have some time to spend on this pursuit.

Just a thought.

DKMM,
jb put it in the right words.  E might be the catch of a lifetime, but with only 4 days together (Only 2 of them as a couple) you just do not have enough data to make the judgement.  Take your time, romance her, experience more time as a couple, see if she is as good as you hope right now and then later get engaged and live happily ever after.  I want her to be the right one for you, truly, but it is nuts to even think about getting engaged with such little face time.
KenC

[Kuna]

DKMM,

I've been watching the debate on the speed of your possible proposal and my opinion is swaying both ways...

From our PM's and correspondence I know you as a mature sensible and capable dude who I would expect to make good decisions.

At the same time I acknowledge the things others are saying about the speed that you're moving at.

The only thing that I would like to say is that you surey MUST know that a quick decision at this point WILL BE a high risk decision.  If you've sat and thought about it and you acknowledge it's a high risk decision but you're prepared to roll the dice...  then I think you're emotionally ready for the decision.

If you think you're decision at this point is logical and well calculated then you need to take a few deep breaths and reassess how much you know rather than how you feel.

Both you and I are in similar situations...  We've both met GREAT girls and we're both confident we'll marry (Our girls of course - NOT EACH OTHER)....  Tomorrow I leave for another holiday with my girl and over the last week I've had the wonderful opportunity to speak with her nephew and Brother In Law on the phone.

During my visit she will work most days... I'll play tourist.  At night we'll live a fairly conventional life.  Her family will be there for the first week and I've arranged a translator so I can spend some 1 on 1 time with her mother.

I'm certain My Girl is the one for me... but I'm excited and comforted we'll get more time together before moving closer to a Visa.

You're a logical guy...  are you being logical?  It might take the fun out of it somewhat but unless you're prepared to fail when making a fast decision you're opening yourself up to a mountain of pain. 

Fail to plan and you'll plan to fail!

Kuna

[DKMM]

Thanks for the words of wisdom big guy.  Yeah I admit I have more thinking to do, and more still. 

I know you'll do just fine on this trip, its a done deal for you.

[ScottinCrimea]

I've been following this thread trying to sort through everything.  Let me see if I have it straight:

You began communicating with E about 4 months ago.  You spent 4 days with her a little over a month ago and by your own admission didn't know her all that well before you met.  In the month since you met you have been communicationg via e-mails and telephone.  Now you are making your second trip to meet her with a $4,000 ring in hand.  Your plan is to either get engaged or break it off based on this trip.  You feel pressure timewise because the next time you can get away is in September so your preference is to use that time to get married rather than wait that long to go see her again.  Have I missed anything?

All I can say is I hope you know what you are doing.

[DKMM]

That's the brief summary, but I'm backing off from such declaritive statements like this trip makes or breaks it.  Forget the timewise pressure, that was more related to why I'm taking another trip with her so soon rather than I must get engaged now or next year.

I don't know why people keep saying 4 days (well JC said it 1st), i spent 5 nights and most of 6 days with her.  Its sounds trivial but if it was just 4 days, we would have just barely taken it to the next stage.

I'm still taking the ring just in case she's as perfect as she so far is.  I don't want to be with her kicking myself for not bringing it, and its fully refundable so whats the harm in bringing it. 

But it could take more time and I have to verify that she's not just putting on a show right?  One might say I've slowed down and breathed a little in the past few days.  And we are becoming best friends as I talk to her now for hours a day.

[IAmZon]

That's good ...

I will strongly suggest to you that time will take on different meanings as you click off a few more years.  I remember feeling rushed when I was 25! I remember feeling OLD and WEAK when I was 33!  I remember feeling YOUNG and STRONG when I was 41!

Life is not like a line that ascends in one even and steady slope.

Feel no pressure.  Put things on NO timetable.  I commend you on being prepared, and thinking things through so thoroughly

[Zhena]

You know what DKMM-at first look I thought this is too quick decision too. Then my husband reminded me our own engagement terms We spent about a week or 8 days before and the proposal was made on the second trip actually. We still married and doing well So listen your heart first.

[Wayne B]

DKMM, I agree with Zhena.....that you must follow your heart.....you know that we all on RWD want to see success in marriage from everyone......and you also know the risks involved in a short amount of time spent together.......It can work but, you will have to work your ass off for this to happen....because you know that the odd's are against you....but.....then I would be telling you to do something different than I did.......and I am very happy for what I have now

[ScottinCrimea]

The successes happen most often when we act on impulses from the top down, not from the bottom up.

[DKMM]

Wow, I change my tune and then I hear it from the "other" side hehe.  No really, as much as this thread has provoked thought, I'm not making any decisions here.  Just going with the flow and we will see how it goes later.  If I do it, it will happen after we have spent 15 days together so that could be enough.  I'm not going to pressure myself though.

Scott, I don't really understand what you mean?  My impulse was that this girl is everything I'm looking for in a wife in every way from looks, personality, values, outlook etc.

[Daveman]

Wow, I change my tune and then I hear it from the "other" side hehe.  No really, as much as this thread has provoked thought, I'm not making any decisions here.  Just going with the flow and we will see how it goes later.  If I do it, it will happen after we have spent 15 days together so that could be enough.  I'm not going to pressure myself though.

Scott, I don't really understand what you mean?  My impulse was that this girl is everything I'm looking for in a wife in every way from looks, personality, values, outlook etc.

DKMM, you're a sensible and level headed guy. That comes through your posts clearly prior to meeting with this girl. Maybe you were struck with a little infatuation and we all get bitten with that bug - it's a good thing.  I think you've settled back into that sensible guy mentality again and it will serve you well.  This isn't your first trip, so I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir here, but I think the key to your success will be like you say, going with the flow, kicking back and relaxing. No pressure on yourself to make a decision, no pressure from her... just be together and enjoy the incredible journey. Have a blast.

I think we're all on your side brother, wishing you wonderful success.. 

Dave

 

[ScottinCrimea]

It wasn't a direct comment to you, just a general response to all those who are saying, "follow your heart".  While this is all well and good, logic and common sense come from the brain, but the conflicting signals from down below (Not referring to Australia) sometimes interfere.

Some in this pursuit follow only what their head says, some only what their heart says, and some only what their testicles say.  The key to success is to pay attention to what everything is saying, both good and bad, and not let one source override the others.

[Zhena]

Well said,Scottin But only DKMM knows the situation and he will decide,not us.

[ScottinCrimea]

Yes, but what part of his anatomy will he decided with?

[Zhena]

Yes, but what part of his anatomy will he decided with?

Only him knows that,not you anyway

[DKMM]

Scott I couldn't care less for those kinds of comments really.  Sex is easy, I sure wouldn't marry a girl for that only.  I thought we were mostly mature here.

Thanks Daveman, I will be sure to have fun at the very least.  I just bought a huge book of Dostoyevsky novels to bring in case. 

[ScottinCrimea]

DKMM, sorry if my last post offended you.  It was not my intention.  I also thought we were mostly mature here until I started reading Pike's TR.  My thought was only to reinforce the idea that you have to take all factors into consideration in this pursuit and not let one influence override the others.

[Zhena]

Pike