So, you bought a new family car............

[Jet]

Hey Gon,
Glad to see you're still around!

Good luck with your little dilemma brother. My story is virtually a carbon copy of Vaughn's only Liliya decided on an '06 Elantra leftover instead of an '07 Toyota which she commutes 56 miles each day in. Car wash every Saturday, no matter what. I get to climb behind the wheel when it needs gas or an oil change 
It is fully her car and she's racked up nearly 10,000 miles on it since driving it off the lot last summer. She feels that if she's careful and maintains it, there's no reason to let it sit around collecting dust.

[Phil dAmore]

This so reminds me of the ongoing debate Nina and I have regarding the use of the washing machine.  She doesn't want to use it for fear it will wear out... I maintain I didn't buy the thing to look at it.

Why not let wifey drive the old beater, and after she experiences being stranded a few times due to mechanical failure she may come around.

Women. Can't live with 'em.  Pass the beer nuts.  -Norm, from Cheers

[Bluebell]

Just for the record, I think buying and selling cars is a man's responsibility.  Especially so when his wife is of a different culture and social/economic background.  I listen to my wife's input as to the type and make of the car she would prefer but I make the final decision.  Having bought and sold more cars than I can even recall. she must have faith in my judgement.  Besides, women tend to get emotionally attached to them any way.  If I had listened to Lena, she would still be driving the Caddy STS that she learned to drive on in America 9 years ago!
KenC

So true! I have already decided never part from my little convertible car that Coco bought for me last year 
I will just let him drive new cars, anyway, who wants to get accustomed always to a new one? Seems that women are more loyal creatures (and sillier when it is about technical things) 

Seriously, Gon, you simply drive the new car, it is for that, for driving. In Eastern Europe people are not used to change cars so often, they use less the new car so it would last for longer (some people have 20-25 years old cars, still in ok condition). Sooner or later your wife will understand that safety and economical reasons matter more than a shiny, not used toy. Also, explain to her that until she herself is not an authority in car (or any other ) matters, better if she listens to you in such things.

[philb]

Its kind of amusing to see the unmarried guys exclusive with the hardline "be a man" replies.
I actually agree and never relented the issue but as the married guys, who noticibly took less a hardline in replies  , know there is a balance between keeping harmony and being a hard arse.

Yeah, there recently seems to be a few "experts" here whom are not married, never have set foot in the FSU, or have never even dated a girl from the FSU.  Go figure.

[macman]

Well,  keeping harmony with a woman is universal - married or otherwise. . .

I'm single and was thinking that she might want to keep it new as long as possible by keeping it in the garage because it might be her first and/or last new car.


 

MM

[Daveman]

Nahhhhhhhhh, keeping harmony is overrated...

My unmarried, non expert arse still says...

Take the keys off the rack, go get in the NEW car, and drive away!  If she wants to go, she'll chase you down... but, keep the speed JUST out of her reach for at least a few blocks before you let her catch you and get into the car... 

[groovlstk]

Its kind of amusing to see the unmarried guys exclusive with the hardline "be a man" replies.
I actually agree and never relented the issue but as the married guys, who noticibly took less a hardline in replies  , know there is a balance between keeping harmony and being a hard arse.

Not to stray too far off topic, but I sometimes think the "RW love a strong man" is one of the most misinterpreted cliches around.

I know without a doubt there's nothing more loathsome and less pitiable to a RW than a weak man. A guy who gets scammed often gets scammed until his wallet is empty, he gets wise, or his girl gets bored - never because she pities him or decides "enough is enough."

The unfortunate guy who gets a GCG attached to his liver has this parasite fall off only when she's satiated by a green card.

I think a lot of guys, particularly those who've been raised since the "enlightened" 60s, hear that RW appreciate a strong man and decide it means he must always be the boss or that he must make all the family decisions. And that his little RW will not only agree with him 100% of the time, she'll love him for his decisiveness and strength.

Hogwash!

If you think these women can be pushed around even a tiny bit, think again. Being strong and decisive means being able to compromise and to pick your spots so that she will trust your judgment on truly important issues and won't think you're simply being a bully when you make a family decision. Unless she's a wallflower, she'll have strengths also - and only a petty and insecure man would discount her strengths and try to suppress her out of fear.

I really think that in courting a Russian woman, being strong isn't as important as simply not being weak.

[Daveman]

Nice post Groove... I can see exactly what you describe in my current g/f. She ain't no pushover, and it's something I really like about her.

 I think Gon's original post was much more tongue in cheek that I originally took it.


EDIT: removed a more serious post out of this more lighthearted thread...  will begin a new thread with it later...

[Simoni]

Being strong and decisive means being able to compromise and to pick your spots so that she will trust your judgment on truly important issues and won't think you're simply being a bully when you make a family decision. Unless she's a wallflower, she'll have strengths also - and only a petty and insecure man would discount her strengths and try to suppress her out of fear.

Very true, Groovisk.  Being strong does not mean pushing your woman around. In fact, that is the sign of a weak man, IMHO.

And RW won't take such crap very long.  I know of three RW who left their American men when the AM treated them like slaves...cooking, cleaning and sex is what they wanted, and women want a family and a life.

[Gon]

I think Gon's original post was much more tongue in cheek

Very astute.
I'm sarcastic by nature. The poll was posted more out of aggravation than anything else.
And a reality check.

Being strong does not mean pushing your woman around.

Well put and accurate. Something married guys will understand well.
The tough part is when you do stand your ground she will always see this as pushing her around. But your concept is correct.

[Yulz]

Gon, I'm not sure if anyone mentioned this (didn't go through the whole thread), but something tells me that she is trying to "save" the car because she thinks it will be the last car you, as a family, have purchased. As such, it will have to last long. And for it to last long it has to be preserved, i.e. stay idle in the garage. I guess a simple analogy would be, say, a Lamborghini. If you bought one you'd probably hang on tight to it, wouldn't let it out of sight and would drive it rarely. Err.. on second thought, not a very good analogy, but you get the point..
It's also a mentality thing. In the FSU, buying a car used to be a huge once in a lifetime event. So that might be the reason why your beloved spouse is being paranoid. Of course, she no longer lives in the FSU, and this thought process is not applicable in the US.
I think you should reinforce your opinion. But I think you also need to make sure you walk her through the reasons why exactly the car should be used on a regular basis. Otherwise, there will be a lot of grudge.
I agree with one of the guys who said above that the new car should in fact be used to a lesser extent if you do end up using both cars. The car won't depreciate in value as fast if you keep the mileage low. Mention to her, that the car falls in value even if it sits idle in the garage and it would actually be more benefitial for you to make full use of it. And of course, if it's a fuel efficient car, you'll be saving on gas!!! It's relevant these days Oh, and one last thing, try to use the public opinion card (driving a neat new car helps project a certain image to the neighbours/co-workers/friends); I'm sensing it might be a valid argument to her (especially if she is one of the women who makes you change your shirt right before you leave the house if it hadn't been ironed).
Hope this helps!

[Daveman]

Very astute.
I'm sarcastic by nature. The poll was posted more out of aggravation than anything else.
And a reality check.

Well as for me, I decided to step back, shut up and listen... this could very easily be something I could run in to head on...

[ScottinCrimea]

No, more likely you will run into it ass first. 

[Jumper]

LOL!!!!!!!!!

nice to see you back Gon

[jb]

This thread is TFF.

Nice to see you back Gon.

[Phil dAmore]

Not to put a damper on the humor of this thread, but it seems like a good time to post some observations I have made about RW as it relates to the whole 'strong man' issue.

Simply put, YOU, as the man are expected to have all the answers, all the time, make all the decisions and deal with any consequences.

As posted above, RW quickly lose respect for anyone they view as weak.  Understanding this goes a very long way toward realizing WHY so many RM are first-class *snip*s.  Better to be loud and wrong than quiet and correct.

Probably the single quickest way to lose the respect of an FSU woman is to utter the words "I don't know"  You're the man.  You're supposed to know.  Speaking from my own experience I can tell you that I spent a great deal of time and an absurd amount of my insurance company's money to learn that saying "I don't know" when you don't know something is NOT a mortal sin.  RW however don't seem quite so enlightened.

Of course it's also probably part of their own defense / denial mechanism, if YOU made the decision and it's wrong, well then it's not their fault is it? (Not like ANYTHING will ever be their fault.. even when it is, but that's covered in another post)

Just my observations over the past 6 years.  I could be wrong.. but I don't think so.

[rose]

Well, maybe by now I'm already too Americanized, but I see a car as a devise to get me from point A to point B. That's probably why I have a 98 Buick Lesabre - safe at HWs, reliable, good on gas, and in case if I'll decide to drive into someone or something I'll have less damage that the other side .

I think the habit to buy things and then not use them roots somewhere in the Soviet times mentality, when to have even a washing machine was a priviledge. One shouldn't be a slave of the things, things should serve one's needs.

If I would be Gon, I'd say: "Sweetheart, that's great! You think that an old car should be used, so take and use it! Meanwhile, I'll use a new one!"

...I know without a doubt there's nothing more loathsome and less pitiable to a RW than a weak man.

...Being strong and decisive means being able to compromise and to pick your spots so that she will trust your judgment on truly important issues and won't think you're simply being a bully when you make a family decision. Unless she's a wallflower, she'll have strengths also - and only a petty and insecure man would discount her strengths and try to suppress her out of fear.

I really think that in courting a Russian woman, being strong isn't as important as simply not being weak.

What a smart post!!! This is so true!!!
Finally there is a man who was able to understand RW's soul!!! (and he is already married )

[KimImpossible]

Some may remember me from RWG 3+ years ago.

      Subject of poll:
Background
Due to unforeseen financial stress family car is gone (loan in Ex's name, she files BR, I see a chance to get out from under hopelessly upside-down value vs. payoff situation and let bank take it. Ex is happy since its one less debt hanging in her name. Win - Win).
I see monthly expenditures eclipsing income and decide to grab a cheap car at an auction to get us by for while with no car payment.
1 1/2 years pass. Lower stress on budget has made things more bearable for all.
But alas, older car starts to have ongoing repair issues and is becoming unreliable. Still runs well but not good on gas (which just went up +$1 a gallon!) and has had some ongoing suspension issues etc.

Recent months
Wife has complained more and more frequently that car is a piece of sh*&%t and dreams we replace it.
She's right of course.
I respond like most any man, I try to resolve the situation the best I can and make my wife happy. Eventually we'd have got another car anyway. She just pressed me sooner. No complaints.
So, we go car shopping together. Wife is thrilled. Enjoys looking at newer cars and test-driving them. Is very excited we are doing this.
We choose a pretty nice car we both like. I could settle for less but she likes this model best for our price-range anyway (BMW would be her choice - not on my income). I'm excited. She seems happy and I like what we chose.
Transaction goes rough and I rob Peter to pay Paul in order to get a payment we can live with knowing new more expensive insurance will be in addition to the car payment.
We get the car home. All are happy for about 48 hours (it was a weekend).

Last few days
I mention that I plan to drive the old car for short trips to work etc. or where it makes sense but will drive the new car when I have more driving for the day to recoup that better gas mileage it has. This way we don’t ”use up” the new one as fast but still benefit form the purchase.
Suddenly all excitement over the event has ended. Apparently I was remiss that I didn’t mention WE WOULD ACTUALLY DRIVE THE NEW CAR when we bought it and it is supposed to sit in the garage as much as possible other than long-long trips or other special situations.
So after discussions and an insuing cold war in the house we are at an impasse.
Complaining about the old car non-stop leads to husband resolving problem with new car. But new car should not be driven. We should drive the old car that was the source of non-stop complaints instead. 

I am apparently odd and unusual in my thinking that we would buy a new car and expect to drive it. Even given that on some days the old one will be used in the spirit of “preserving” the new one longer.

Please vote accordingly
Bare in mind I am not wealthy. We are not in the position to make payments on a car + insurance and garage it as some can do.
So, given we live in the USA and in a city with about zilch for public transportation, am I unreasonable or unusual or untypical as an adult to expect we would drive the new family car we bought?

Please be so kind as to enlighten me by poll.
Much appreciated.

Gon."


 Sorry for the long quote but my husband never has had difficulties expressing himself verbally.

It looks like he "forgot" to mention few details which caused my reaction to described above situation.
Detail Nr.1
Yes, I was against driving a new car to day care of his daughter because the situation with his ex doesn't let us breathe freely. Basically I didn't want her to know that we bought a car. I don't want to go into personal details here but trust me on this one-it would not be the smartest decisions we ever made.
Detail Nr.2
Since we  just bought a car (and it wasn't cheap) I figured we wouldn't be able to buy one more car for a while. The old car which is a piece of junk will be gone prolly soon. I was going to work so we needed at least one decent car running. So my logic was  "to have caring and loving relationship" with this car and make it last as long as it possible.
Detail Nr.3
At that time my husband (Gon) was having problems at work and he might happen to lose his job. It was the worst case scenario and in this case we would probably need to sell the car. My thinking was bigger mileage=cheaper car. So...can you guys follow my logic or I still seem unreasonable russian wife who has never had a car? BTW in my past I changed 3 cars and the last one was 2 years old Volvo.

Regarding me driving our old car. Im inexperienced driver since I haven't driven for a looong while and to drive this old minivan in bad condition is not safe for me, especially if take into account that we have 2 years old baby and of course I will be driving with her in that car.
What else I forgot to mention?....
Ah! Somebody said "And who is wearing pants in this family?!" Well....We are sharing them. Just kidding. Gon is the man in the family and Im gladly giving him the opportunity "to drive". 

[KimImpossible]

LOL!!!!!!!!!

nice to see you back Gon

Nice to see you never left. LOL! Say hi to your magnificent wife.

[Daveman]

Ah! Somebody said "And who is wearing pants in this family?!" Well....We are sharing them. Just kidding. Gon is the man in the family and Im gladly giving him the opportunity "to drive". 

LoL, Hi KimImpossible.. I just want to know.. did he take my advice and make you chase him down the street? and if so, is he still alive? Or maybe you a posting now because they still haven't found a body? 

Welcome to the board..

Dave

[KimImpossible]

Gon,
OK, now that I got everythng straight.

There are things that Russians just do not have a handle on.  This is one.  You need to over ride her inexperience here.  Be the man, and this is a man's decision.  Best bet is to sell the old car and remove the confusion in her mind.  She will be pissed for a while, but it will pass too.
KenC

Don't you worry KenC, he is the man last time I checked.    This Russian can handle it. LOL There was no confusion in my mind but there was confusion between me and my husband which has been resolved by letting Gon to be the man.

[KimImpossible]

I agree with KenC. Be done with it and take it out of the equation. Since your a horrible person anyway it won't make that much of a difference will it?

Ken

Being not agreed with your wife doesn't automatically make you a horrible person.

[KimImpossible]

But let's look at this from her perspective for a moment.  This is possibly her first "NEW" car.  I remember my first "NEW" car.  I wanted to keep the dang thing in the garage too.  So, I can sort of understand. . . 

Thank you for the support but it's not my first "new" car. Well thank you any way.

[KimImpossible]

Would explaining that you will be changing cars again in another 5 years or what ever your time frame is help?

And now I am scratching my head, did I really want to live with a RW?

Dale

PLease,scratch harder. It's not easy I would have to agree.

[KimImpossible]

This is one topic I just don't get.  Of course I'm not married yet, but I absolutely cannot see myself worrying over which car I'm going to drive or leave parked. I'll simply take the keys off the rack, exit the house, get in the new car and drive it.  What's she gonna do? shoot me with her newly found firearms collection?  The "LOOK" will be laughable in this situation as well.

I resign myself that the house, inside and out (except for my office and game room) will be hers to decorate, landscape, whatever she wants to do.. but vehicles are my area (unless the car is bought specifically for her to drive).  I just cannot see myself putting up with even the slightest bit of nagging or nonsense over a car, new or not.  I'll go get in it and begin driving away, and if she wants to go, she'll get in the car or stay home.  Anything else seems ridiculously absurd.

Another ditto on buying slightly used vehicles... let the first owner take the deprec. hit.

Dave

You are saying you are not married? I guess never was. It's not my responsibility to give you a lecture here but family life is all about compromise. "She is not gonna shoot" but you might be dead any way. LOL High level of stress can kill ya know.