Experiences with American women -- a question from jen

[Jazzyclassy]

Cos right now dear DKMMochka they have a prejudice about you and can not see good things in you , that is what I call stuck bones, when once they've seen you made a mistake , further more they will always try and bring you down

it is generation gap! do not pay attention to what they say , I usually paid attention even cried of their harsh words to me , a girl , oh like they ever cared, always told rude mean words to me , so what,they have no idea that all those preaching will return it is a rule of boomerang.

We all make mistakes and sometimes can not express our opinion in the right words but that is not the reason for the whole community of this forum to pour mud on one member for the newbies to attack him /her as well

Old people never will understand young ones, though they are considered to be smarter and could keep many things in their mind, cos if he is wrong , believe me Life will lead him and teach him , not you!!!!

well of course your comments will be taken , some people are percepting things very sensible like I do , some people do not give a toss, I think it is obvious that one should know what to tell this particular person , in order to have friendly communication and not how it is always with Ken C

bark bark ooo you do not understand what are you talking about , go and learn or something , bark bark bark

[Gator]

Catzenmouse wrote,

any time an AW challenged me I told her flat out that I was looking for everything that she wasn't.

That had to hurt.  Did they cry?  Nevertheless, some AW do deserve your response for their derogatory comments disguised as a rhetorical question.  

Ken, remind me never to get on your bad side.

The worst comment I ever received came from a man - a golfing acquaintance who had been overserved after a tournament.  A bunch of us were BSing, and he stated that he wanted to know more about me, saying that he knew only that I "dated Russian whores".  I replied, "Okay Carter, let us play a round someday."  Another man jumped in, "He is not Carter."  [I knew that but the offender is about 40 lbs overweight while Carter is 100+ lbs overweight.]   "Sorry, the two of you look alike."  We have not played that round together.  

[Admin]

Cos right now dear DKMMochka they have a prejudice about you and can not see good things in you , that is what I call stuck up bones( and crowd feel, one very smart gentleman told things about you and the rest of the crowd is willing to applause him and even bring you down more, in order to slave that gentleman....), when once they've seen you made a mistake , further more they will always try and bring you down

it is generation gap! do not pay attention to what they say , I usually paid attention even cried of their harsh words to me , to a girl ,( did they care that I am a girl and not a drunkard old fart? I doubt they treated the same) , oh like they ever cared, always told rude mean words to me , so what,they have no idea that all those preaching will return it is a rule of boomerang, all the negative will be returned, not by you or by me, but by somebody else.....

We all make mistakes and sometimes can not express our opinion in the right words but that is not the reason for the whole community of this forum to pour mud on one member for the newbies to attack him /her as well

Old people never will understand young ones, though they are considered to be smarter and could keep many things in their mind, cos if he is wrong , believe me Life will lead him and teach him , not you!!!!

JC,

I think you are overreacting.

What both you and DKMM just experienced, IMO, is some of the difficulties of communicating via written words on the internet. It is doubly (or more) difficult for those who are communicating in a 2nd language - and most of us try to allow for that difficult, but are not always successful.

Even in the best situation, misunderstanding occur - and it requires people to demonstrate tolerance and patience to work through those issues. Sometimes, people don't feel tolerant or patient and they bite somebody's head off - unfortunately.

In any case - hang in there and try to remain that same cheerful and effervescent person we see in your Greetings.

- Dan

[Jazzyclassy]

Dan, I understand everything I am always cheerful, just thought I 'd better tell it now then it would be even worse

Yes I even cried of bad words towards me being sad many times here, letting you know!

and I do not think it is childish , it is normal emotions

Everything is ok  though

[Gator]

Jazzy,

Old people never will understand young ones, though they are considered to be smarter and could keep many things in their mind, cos if he is wrong , believe me Life will lead him and teach him , not you!!!!

You are indeed very young if you believe what you wrote.  Us "old people" understand "young ones" more that you realize.  One day you will understand that fact, and that day you will mark your progression to an important stage of your life.  

I have seen in my own sons that sometimes they can only learn by making the same mistake that I made a few decades earlier.

JC, you should never blindly do what an older person advises; however, to ignore them is ....stupid.  And if you disagree with the advise, take a moment to understand why you disagree and then reexamine your position.  If you still disagree, you are probably on the correct path because us "old people" do not have all the answers and we for sure do not live in your shoes.

[Jazzyclassy]

Gator I understand this  , I know, yes I am very young so to say , if you mean that I do not have enough mature brains or anyhow, maybe so , but I am learning ,  it is hard for me in any case, cos I do take it seriously close to my heart, I have grey hairs already

 very young old old old soul person

[Gator]

Jazzy,

If you truly feel stressed, I suggest meditation.  Start with something simple such as breathing exercises.   It is amazing what a few minutes of observing your breathing will do to your soul.  Many "old people" need to do the same.

[Jazzyclassy]

thank you for advice

[catzenmouse]

Hello, the question was about AW being jealous no?

Man you guys have a strange way of twisting my meaning around.  First of all, i'm saying that those jealous old AW and guys that are stuck in unhappy marriages are the ones that are jealous.  Where do you get such crazy ideas from that I'm suggesting KenC was jealous?  My point was that if you were without this chance like a cranky old AW, you might be jealous too.  (which is an impossible hypothetical scenario).

And how did you take what i wrote to mean I'm marrying a RW to make other's jealous? 

I'm beginning to question both of your capabilities to comprehend written words.

Question all you want dude. Read what you wrote. You did suggest that KenC would be jealous of the happy people. How is that twisting your meaning around?

[jb]

I never had any problems with friends discussing my relationship with a foreign woman in a negative manner. 

I have a small number of men I consider to be friends, and I have many acquaintances who's opinion I don't give a fig about.  I don't make friends easily because of my natural distrust of mankind, especially those who seek me out to become my friend as that usually costs me something.  My real friends like me for, I hope, a host of reasons beyond who I'm married to.  They wish for me to be happy and successful.  They accept my wife because she's part of the package. 

As far as the jealousy thing is concerned, I see more jealousy on the part of other RWs, they seem over quick to judge based on apparent wealth, i.e., clothes, cars, houses, vacations taken, etc., than the AWs we know. 

[KenC]

Hello, the question was about AW being jealous no?

Man you guys have a strange way of twisting my meaning around.  First of all, i'm saying that those jealous old AW and guys that are stuck in unhappy marriages are the ones that are jealous.  Where do you get such crazy ideas from that I'm suggesting KenC was jealous?  My point was that if you were without this chance like a cranky old AW, you might be jealous too.  (which is an impossible hypothetical scenario).

And how did you take what i wrote to mean I'm marrying a RW to make other's jealous? 

I'm beginning to question both of your capabilities to comprehend written words.

For a guy that posts in riddles, I would not be so quick to throw that stone!
KenC

[KenC]

Jazzy,
Come on, it is just a message board, don't take it so seriously!

On old age:  You have to remember that us oldtimers have survived our youth already.  We were once young like you, but you have yet to be old like us.   There is a saying here in America, "if only I knew then, what I know now."  It is used in reference to youthful mistakes in the past.

Maybe I keep on your butt because I was so similar when I was your age.  Maybe a bit worse.  When I was your age, I was certain that I knew everything!  The older I get, the more I realize that I still don't know sh!t!

There is much to be said for youthful exuberance.  If one could only harness that energy and couple it with experience, then you would be the perfect person.  Sadly, that isn't how it usually works.  That wide eyed innocence usually turns into a skepticaled eyed cynicism due to real life experiences.

Keep your chin and your exuberance up and don't take everything so seriously or you will turn into a cynical old person before your time!
KenC

[KenC]

I never had any problems with friends discussing my relationship with a foreign woman in a negative manner. 

I have a small number of men I consider to be friends, and I have many acquaintances who's opinion I don't give a fig about.  I don't make friends easily because of my natural distrust of mankind, especially those who seek me out to become my friend as that usually costs me something.  My real friends like me for, I hope, a host of reasons beyond who I'm married to.  They wish for me to be happy and successful.  They accept my wife because she's part of the package. 

As far as the jealousy thing is concerned, I see more jealousy on the part of other RWs, they seem over quick to judge based on apparent wealth, i.e., clothes, cars, houses, vacations taken, etc., than the AWs we know.  

jb,
I don't know about you, but I think this jealousy is very prevalent from RW to other RW here in the states.  More so than jealousy of RW of AW.  There seems to be a big competition among RW in general.
KenC

[I/O]

Jazz: I/O is grumbling again.  Some of your comments have been "Over the top" in this thread.  You've had a couple of "Olive Branchs" extended to you and if I were in your shoes, I would like to think I'd be just smart enough to take hold of them. BTW you are a helluva lot smarter and better educated than I was at your age.

Remember there is a lot of gold in these "Old" hills if you look for it.  Sometimes the "Rocky" surface hides it a little, just look a little deeper and you'll see it.

Back tot he topic: Less than an hour ago I had an interesting experience with my nearest and dearest (Local) female friend.  A lady a few years older than me whom I have pretty much taken care of since the passing of her husband some years back.  I finally got around to infoming her of our wedding date and her reaction was ammusing.  "I/O, I am so happy I could ................well.....just get drunk". (She never drinks) 

I/O

[Jazzyclassy]

I/O i am sure you were still smarter than me:)

yeah I think true friends will always be happy for their mates , no matter  what they think about any kind business and prejudice ,the main thing they know that their mate will be happy to accomplish his dream and they should only support and encourage him/her

[Bruno]

Old people never will understand young ones, though they are considered to be smarter and could keep many things in their mind, cos if he is wrong , believe me Life will lead him and teach him , not you!!!!

Jazzy, remember the text from the Jean Gabin song 

Young people think that they know everything... old people know that they know nothing, that life is a eternal learning process...

[Jazzyclassy]

Oui je me souviens:) merci  Bruno, est ce que je peux parler en francais avec tois:)

je pense que tous le monds sont d'accord

j'aime beaucoup les francais:)

[Bruno]

Oui je me souviens:) merci  Bruno, est ce que je peux parler en francais avec tois:)
je pense que tous le monds sont d'accord
j'aime beaucoup les francais:)

Nope... i don't think that people will agree that you post in French there... if you wish post in French, you have the French section of these forum... the main section is english and only english... using other language have lead to some fight in the past...

Ps: I am not French, i only speak French... Belgium and French people are two different species !!!

[Jazzyclassy]

Nope... i don't think that people will agree that you post in French there... if you wish post in French, you have the French section of these forum... the main section is english and only english... using other language have lead to some fight in the past...

Ps: I am not French, i only speak French... Belgium and French people are two different species !!!

 well I am sorry then:)

[CLB1973]

--was a dissatisfaction with American women (or women in your home country, if you are not based in US) the key thing that motivated you to begin searching abroad?

I would say most AW I dated considered "family" a punchline to a joke. Dating was reduced to nothing more than a pool of candidates who were looking to be charmed and spoiled and in return you would get easy sex (if I wanted it.) When I learned that RW/UW were family oriented, that was all I needed to hear since I had no interest in the US dating scene.

--why do you think these problems exist?  Do you think that feminism is responsible for these problems, as I have often seen discussed, or something else?  If so, what do you think "feminism" means or includes?

I think the men here created these problems. Feminism has some blame, but in general EVERY female I found "non desirable" due to selfishness, there was always a man behind this behavior that fueled it. Men pay a premium here for easy sex and most gals like another poster stated does not know herself well enough and what she truly wants out of life to avoid the static until she meets a suitable family oriented mate.

I will put it this way, the first time I hear a single woman say "I am looking for these "X" qualities in a  mate becuase I feel this will make him a good father "would be the first time for me.

[Blues Fairy]

Interesting thread, Jen, thanks for starting it. 

On a couple of occasions my fiance tried to say something about AW being "psychologically damaging" , but I cut him short both times since I hate generalizations.  Russian gals can be very damaging too, as a few posters on this board can undoubtedly attest.

But I concur with those saying that Russian women at least in the 30-40 age group were taught to be selfless, to prioritize collective over individual, to listen more than speak, to obey rather than voice their opinion, etc.  It was a normal Soviet upbringing that generated traits of character possibly more appealing to US guys than normal American upbringing.  I'm rather an exception from this general picture - perhaps because in my own family this repression of "selfishness" became so exaggerated that it caused active resistance.   My RW friends of the same age are, however, very selfless in their relationships with their Russian boyfriends and husbands.  Of which the latter never fail to take advantage. 

[jen]

Hi all,

I am still away from home with an awful internet connection, but I am checking in to read all the recent posts as I can.

Blues Fairy, you've added some new dimensions since you joined recently. Thanks for the thoughts, Blues and everyone.

More soon, J.

[ScottinCrimea]

Blues fairy, I think you hit on something very important.  Speaking in generalities of course, but the idea that RM take advantage of this selflessness while AM are surprised and delighted to see such an attitude may explain why FSUW women like AM and AM like FSUW.

[Blues Fairy]

Speaking in generalities of course, but the idea that RM take advantage of this selflessness while AM are surprised and delighted to see such an attitude may explain why FSUW women like AM and AM like FSUW.

The question is, how soon will AM start taking this selflesness for granted just as RM do. 

[BC]

The question is, how soon will AM start taking this selflesness for granted just as RM do. 

Happens all the time.  Many AM join this quest for quite selfish reasons.