What age would be preferrable to RW?

[Hub]

Isn't all this argument about whether or not age gap marriages are doomed to failure pretty much a foregone conclusion.  Of course they will fail; upon death. 

In that case, the man will just have to find another wife.

[WHHatton]

Isn't all this argument about whether or not age gap marriages are doomed to failure pretty much a foregone conclusion.  Of course they will fail; upon death. 

In that case, the man will just have to find another wife.

[Hub]

In this and other threads, I have posted critically upon the abilities of RW to think critically and objectively, and argue logically.

But in this thread I think that Anastassia is not being given a fair shake.

She has pointed out that someone does not have to be directly involved to know something about a subject.  For instance, few of us were involved in WWI, yet we can still know much about it.

She is actually much closer than most of us are to WWI to the problems involved in RW - AM relationships.

I give great credence to her experience in this matter.

This means that I value her opinions on this subject.  
She has presented the facts as she has seen them and has given clear and logical arguments in this matter.  She has presented a lot more evidence to support her assertations than have those who have argued against her.  And she is right in that she is mostly the only one who has been asked to present evidence.  One person telling only of their own situation is not really anything like general evidence.

Only when someone is insistent that we follow their opinions and beliefs and agree with them, do I have problems.

RW are generally not good at sticking to facts and logical presentations.  So, lets not put down so hard on someone when they are actually being pretty sharp in their writing and going counter to the general case.

[I/O]

She has presented a lot more evidence to support her assertations than have those who have argued against her.

Ehem...What evidence? Hub, you have missed the point, or appear to have missed the point.  I don't see too much arguement here in favour of age gap marriages or for that matter relationships.  Challenging an evidence base is NOT speaking in favour of the opposite.  Big difference.

Further, IME and with the Russian women I know personally, I can't altogether agree with the assertion that Russian women won't generally argue on the basis of logic. Sure you may be right at times, but I know from experience that I have had a couple of them cut me to the floor with cold hard facts and logic. A lesson hard learned for me in face to face situations a long time ago.

I/O

[WHHatton]

None of us here and most likely anywhere have any real hard evidence about AM/RW marriages and their age differences, no one has any hard evidence about these relationships during the courtship stage, all we have is what people here tell us.

I will accept what AnastasiaAsh says as her experiences but others have different experiences and should not be dismissed because they are different.

[AnastassiaAsh]

Well, I/O, you remind me of my uncle from CA  who is a laser physicist, his motto in life (it seems very often  ) is Prove it, Nastya, prove it!    

I/O you said it yourself that you are inclined to the same opinion, we are just stuck with this evidence. As WHHatton said, nobody will ever get any hard evidence, or there will always be people for who any evidence won't be enough...whatever. We voiced our opinions, people will come to their own conclusions or decisions...

Meanwhile I have a business to run where people pay for my advice and trust me immensely because they heard about me from others who I helped, or read my posts on the boards. I don't think my business would prosper if my opinion (on any topic) didn't seem reasonable to those people and most of all if with my help their situation didn't improve considerably if not totally.

Hey, respectable gentlemen with successful big age gap marriages, does anybody want to start a business, to offer your advice in big age gap relationships for money? Seriously. I would be only happy to see your success there, and see how people follow and listen to you, and see some positive results and relationships/marriages not fall apart...

[AnastassiaAsh]

- - - - - -
Not trying to be a spelling cop here, but you keep typing pur se.  Just what the he!! is pur se?   Anything like per se?

Well, while our walking encyclopedias like Sandro and Mir are not here, I can explain this. 

He meant 'per se', from Latin, which means 'by, of, for, or in itself or oneself. As I understand he meant that big age gap relationship(s), in itself, and big age gap marriage(s), in itself, are two different things.

oh, i have just noticed, that you, Hub, know it already and you are kind of smiling there. 
But that's ok, I/O, I am sure we are all guilty of spelling mistakes. 

[WHHatton]

AnastassiaAsh,

 Are you a trained counselor, Psychologist or Psychoanalysts or are you counseling people on your own?

[I/O]

But that's ok, I/O, I am sure we are all guilty of spelling mistakes. 

Anastassia: Literature and writing have never been among my claimed skills. If I was asked for advice on this whole subject in either a professional sense or a personal sense, two things I would always say is there is higher risks with large age or linguistic gaps.  If I was asked to justify it, I couldn't and would only say it is my opinion. Nothing more.

One of the areas that is often not discussed in all of this is whether or not both people involved are simply gambling or taking a calculated risk. To my way of thinking, jumping into an age gap marriage early is simply gambling, to work through the issues (So far as it is possible to see) both together and seperately, then arrive at a "yes we will" conclusion is IMO taking a calculated risk. I spend my life doing the latter.

BTW, your uncle seems like a smart man, unfortunately I have no way to prove that.

I/O

[jen]

Hi Anastassia,

I was just wondering if there is anywhere here on the board where you have written up any "case studies" of the issues faced by some of your clients? That is, specific examples of problems couples had that illustrate what you are talking about? I am guessing not, since I am sure you are concerned about protecting the privacy of your clients, but I was just curious. I'm not challenging you to provide "evidence," I would just be interested to hear more about your experiences.

j.

[KenC]

Anastassia,
Damn!!!! And I have been giving away all my "wisdom" for FREE all these years when I could have been charging for it!!!!
 :selfharm:

This thread has become more and more silly.  You, I/O and I all agree that age gap marriages have more risks involved than marriages of those with more common ages.  I know I respect you and also respect I/O.  I more than accept your credibility in the area of age gap marriages and marriages  between RW and AM in general.  God Bless EVERYONE!
 
Now can we move forward and talk about the subject?
KenC

[I/O]

Now can we move forward and talk about the subject?
KenC

Which was.....?

I/O

[AnastassiaAsh]

Anastassia,
Damn!!!! And I have been giving away all my "wisdom" for FREE all these years when I could have been charging for it!!!!
 :selfharm:

Exactly!    

[WHHatton]

Come on KenC I am curious what kind of professional training AnastasiaAsh has which qualifies her as a counselor.

[KenC]

Come on KenC I am curious what kind of professional training AnastasiaAsh has which qualifies her as a counselor.

Read her impressive website and then ask.
KenC

[ScottinCrimea]

     Well, I looked through Anastassia's impressive website and here's what I found: She mentions in her introduction that one of her majors at the Institute of Foreign languages was psychology but it's not mentioned in her resume, not is there any mention of further training in this.  She advertises herself as a "Personal Relationship and Cultural Consultant" , not as a psychologist or counselor.  She is wise to use the word "advice" rather than "counsel" because then she would be running foul of the licensing laws because she is not certified in any form of counseling.  It seems here opinions are based on her experiences in the form of a relationship consultant rather than through any formal training.  But, especially with psychology, that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

[AnastassiaAsh]

AnastassiaAsh,
Are you a trained counselor, Psychologist or Psychoanalysts or are you counseling people on your own?

And why? Are you a patient? 

[WHHatton]

And why? Are you a patient? 

Me? In need of counseling? No!
Medication sure.
Psychological help? Maybe.
Advise from friends and family? Occasionally. 

Help from a young woman such as yourself? Not a chance.
   

[AnastassiaAsh]

Advise from friends and family? Occasionally.     

Well, WHHatton, it is really nice to see that you are so confident! But now I am wondering how possibly could it have been that you so mature, experienced and thorough have not noticed me during your ten trips to Russia…    

[ScottinCrimea]

Anastassia, I happened to notice that psychology was not one of the courses that you got an A grade in. 

[AnastassiaAsh]

AnastassiaAsh,
Are you a trained counselor, Psychologist or Psychoanalysts or are you counseling people on your own?

WHHatton, as far as my educational background (as well as my waistline), you may sleep peacefully.  I would like to believe my husband will never be ashamed of it. 

On boards like these we all can count ourselves (at times) psychiatrists and (at times) patients.  The most important thing is to resort to common sense. It is true, common sense is different for different people, however, the support men are going to pay for her and her new boyfriend will be in the SAME currency.

[WHHatton]

Well, WHHatton, it is really nice to see that you are so confident! But now I am wondering how possibly could it have been that you so mature, experienced and thorough have not noticed me during your ten trips to Russia…    

No offense but why would I have "noticed" you?

As for being experienced that is something which come with time. Perhaps as you mature you will come to understand this.

While I did not grow up in Russia I have spent a great deal of time there over the past 9 plus years including 3 trips this year .

[WHHatton]

WHHatton, as far as my educational background (as well as my waistline) (Interesting is your size/wasteline something you are concerned about, I do not seem to remember saying anything about this?), you may sleep peacefully.  I would like to believe my husband will never be ashamed of it. 

On boards like these we all can count ourselves (at times) psychiatrists and (at times) patients.  The most important thing is to resort to common sense. It is true, common sense is different for different people, however, the support men are going to pay for her and her new boyfriend will be in the SAME currency.

Interesting comment would you care to explain exactly what you mean?

[SANDRO43]

Well, while our walking encyclopedias like Sandro and Mir are not here

Anastasya, I AM here, but were I to correct all the spelling and other language mistakes here at RWD, I'd have no time left for my normal life (aside from my "Ignore" rating reaching stellar proportions ).

He meant 'per se', from Latin, which means 'by, of, for, or in itself or oneself.

Quite so, my dear walking "dictionary" .

[AnastassiaAsh]

Anastassia, I happened to notice that psychology was not one of the courses that you got an A grade in. 

Scott, that doesn't mean I got B for it.  Some of the subjects didn't have a grade, but rather 'passed the course' or 'not passed'. This one is passed.

If you have noticed, my diploma is with honors which means that there is a pretty small percentage of Bs, and even those I got during my first year.  What counts the most is the last 3 years, attendance and of course final state exams. If you have very few Bs and all As for the final exams, then you will get "with honors". At the same time if you have absolutely all As but get one B on final exams, then you won't get 'with honors'. And actually there was one lady who we knew very well and thought that she would get 'with honors' no doubt, but she got B for the final and it didn't work out...

Only four other ladies from the whole university got with Honors that year. And just for the info: there are about 37 subjects in my diploma and overall about 8000 hours.

Maybe this is close to Magna Cum Laude. I am not sure.