Her first week here

[ScottinCrimea]

I've been rather busy this week and haven't been able to provide a running report, so I'll ry to recap how things have been this first week:

Monday:  Her flight arrived at 11pm after 25 hours in transit. Of course I picked the wrong escalator to wait by and she was one of the first to exit, so by the time I figured it out she had already passed and collected her bags.  Luckily we found each other, but she was about ready to call a taxi.  I can only imagine what the other people thought as they saw me standing there, flowers in hand, waiting for someone who never seemed to have arrived.  I got her home and settled and called it a night.  She said that there was only one problem with her passage through JFK and that was that they had forgotten to affix one stamp so she had to return and point it out to them.  Otherwise she said everyone was very courteous.

Tuesday:  I thought she would want to use this day to rest after her trip, but instead she spent the day painting the kitchen cabinets and generally rearranging the kitchen.  I reluctantly went along, understanding her need for nesting in her new environment.  In the afternoon I took her for a drive since she really hadn't seen much of the area on the drive the night before.  We purchased some foodstuffs because she wanted to make her fantastic borscht that I had been missing.  Her initial observations on the US related to the clean air and the nice roads.

Wednesday:  Today she repainted the cabinets, washed all the kitchen walls and all the windows in the house, washed the curtains and started to iron them.  I know better than to suggest she relax.  I did manage to get her to kick back a little in the evening so I could do some barbecuing for her.  This is not exactly how I had planned to spend our first few days together, but I realize we have plenty of time to get her adjusted to things outside the house and that she first needs to feel comfortable inside.

Thursday:  She resumed cleaning and ironing the curtains.  Now I always thought I kept a pretty clean house, but after her efforts I understand otherwise.  I don't know when was the last time I actually saw someone iron their curtanis, but the change is definitely noticeable.  As the day progressed, she began to get more and more quiet.  Of course I made the mistake of giving her some space. Finally she blurted out, "I want to go home!"  I knew that the homesickness would hit at some point, I just wasn't expecting it so soon.  A large part of it was missing her daughter.  She also was upset with me because I hadn't yet taken her out to show her specifically how to drive to certain places.  I felt there was plenty of time for this but of course I am still not totally proficient at reading her mind and didn't understand that she wanted this NOW.  She needed a sense of independence and this comfort with driving and with knowing her way around.  She was also feeling a bit overwhelmed with the unexpected realization that things really are different here than in Ukraine.  She likes to have a sense of control and she didn't have this here.  We managed to talk things through and by evening she was feeling a lot better.  Fortunately, I had gone through these same feelings when I first moved to Ukraine so I could empathize with her.  she now understands better what I went through at that time and has a greatere appreciation for me.  she says, "I didn't realize that thigs were so different so I didn't understand why you couldn't do simple things."

Friday:  I took her out driving today, but first we had to resolve her discomfort with a few things.  She had noted that the lines in the road were different than in Ukraine and didn't understand what some of these meant.  The idea of the median "safety lane" for turning left was confusing to her.  She couldn't understand why there were multiple traffic signals at intersections and which ones applied to her.  She also felt that we had many more traffic signs than she was used to and it would be difficult to learn them all.  I took her to the website for the Washington State drivers manual in Russian and showed her the signs with their descriptions in Russian.  She said, "Is that all?  I thought there were many more!"  I then took her to a website showing the international traffic signs she was used to and she saw that in reality they had many more, so she felt much better.  The actual driving was interesting.  She is really quite a good driver, but we had some confusion when I told her to turn left in the lane with the turning arrow.  She tried to turn from the right hand lane which caused me a little anxiety until she explained that she didn't know the word "arrow'.  the next interesting thig was on the freeway when I saw she was straddling the line between lanes. I told her she needed to choose one lane or the other and she said, "Why?  There is no one behind us."  Anyone who has driven in the FSU knows that the concept of a traffic lane is a foreign one.  Once we got our communication clear and her understanding of some basic differences down she did great.  And we even managed to accomplish this without a stroke on my part or a good-bye on hers so I consider it a success.
     At this point she is settling in pretty well.  She has made numerous calls to her mother, daughter and friends and they have been supportive.  She has the number of a Ukrainian woman who lives near us but has no interest in contacting her yet.  We are fortunate because we have been together for over 3 years so we don't have that adjustment to deal with in addition to the cultural ones.
     I'll go into the next couple of days in another post. I'll try to add a few more of her observations and some fun experiences we had over the weekend.

[Jet]

I felt there was plenty of time for this but of course I am still not totally proficient at reading her mind and didn't understand that she wanted this NOW. 

Well, damn Scott, she's been here nearly 3 full days by this point, what's the holdup?   

Sounds like you're doing fine together 

[bgreed]

Scott, great to hear that Ella finally arrived!!!!  I am looking forward to the time when Elena gets here and I can go through all of this .  Like I told you the more you describe Ella the more I think she and Lena are very much alike.

Tomorrow I get on the plane for Ukraine to get married so I'll have a story to tell.

All the best from Lena and me I'll be looking forward to more of your story of your new life together.

[jb]

Scott,

Your driving anecdote sure brings back memories.  None of them good, BTW.

Painting kitchen cabinets and washing walls is all too familiar. 

It does sound as if you need to sharpen your mind reading skills a bit, otherwise everything sounds pretty normal to me.

[I/O]

Scott: Glad to see you launched this thread.  Making for interesting reading as I have been banished to my office whilst they gleefully vet all my old photos.  (No prizes for guessing what she is looking for)

I/O

[Gator]

Scott,

And you married and lived with your lady for a long time in her city!!!  

Is the "I want to go home" nothing more than her thinking aloud during a brief period of feeling down and missing her family?  

Thanks for sharing.  Reports such as yours will help us wannabe marrieds such as me.

I assume the problem is not the adjustment to her man.  She did that in Ukraine, and you passed with Gold Medal marks!!!  The adjustment problem derives from her loss of:  family connection, everything familiar, and sense of stability and security.  

I can understand that it would be easy for a man to become frustrated, impatient and doubtful.   Scott, you impress me as a patient, intelligent man who will do whatever it takes to enable her adjustment.  

I have a relevant observation to share.  At a dinner party five years ago, an eminent psychologist listened to my story of RW.  After five minutes, she had enough and concluded that a woman coming here has much more to lose than I would in bringing her here.  She advised that I show complete devotion to include understanding, respect, and comfort (and somehow hide any concerns and impatience).  That opened my eyes at a time when I was narrowly concentrating on avoiding scams.  It gave me a new attitude, one which sincere RW found comforting.  

Over five years I have slowly learned what the psychologist meant (and somehow she comprehended based on a five minute discussion). 

 

 

[KenC]

Scott,
I am enjoying your report here.  I am confused a littel though.  Why did you have a difficult time conveying the word "arrow?"  I thought you were fluent in Russian?  What part of the country are you living now?  I know you're from CA, but unclear where you are now.
Best of luck.'
KenC

[SANDRO43]

I am perplexed by your wives' addiction to repainting your kitchen cabinets. As I see from US furniture catalogs, they are usually made of polished wood and/or laminate-faced panels as here, and repainting them would either spoil them (wood) or make repainting a rather difficult (laminate)   ???

[catzenmouse]

Scott you might want to check with the Psychic Friends Network every morning so you can get a step up on that mind reading... 

Scott: Glad to see you launched this thread.  Making for interesting reading as I have been banished to my office whilst they gleefully vet all my old photos.  (No prizes for guessing what she is looking for)

I/O

Most likely something like this to hang prominently in the house! 

[Kuna]

Scott,

Loving your thread and VERY MUCH looking forward to reading more when you have some time to post...

I'm here mate.. listening... and learning...  so I'll just sit back and shut up...

Congrats on Ella's arrival... and finding her at the airport.   

Kuna

[ScottinCrimea]

I/O,  Maybe what they are looking for is photos of you when you were thin and had hair.  LOL
I brought all of my old photos with me to Ukraine so she has already examined them in detail.  I kept the various family pictures which by necessity included my first wife and various prom photos, etc which showed high school girlfriends but any photos showing anyone I might have dated subsequent to my divorce were carefully weeded out.  I saw no need to try to impress her with the quality of women I had to choose from before choosing her, especially since she tops them all by far.

Gator, yes, the "I want to go home" was her thinking aloud. It was not done in a demanding way, but more of a melancholy manner.  Actually it's good that she was able to express these thoughts out loud so that I could respond to them and give her the additional comfort and reassurance that she needed at that time.  Much better than to have her let it build up inside and come out with some truly confusing behavior.  It is indeed a great advantage having spent a significant amount of time with her and in her city.  We don't have the need to adjust to each other.  She remembers my frustrations when I was first there and realizes that this is not unique to her, which gives her some comfort.  I also am able to better relate what she is going through and try to head things off.  I think her greatest frustration is loss of control over her life and her desire to understand everything NOW. (sound familiar everyone?).  The psychologist was right.  She requires complete devotion, unconditional love, understanding and much patience.  She needs to know that your life revolves around her and that you are willing to adjust things to fit her, not to force her to adjust to fit everything else.

KenC:  There are moments when teaching someone to drive when even English words fail you, let alone Russian ones.  I'm now living in a city just north of Salt Lake City.  My father has a home here where I grew up and one in Texas.  He has a separate apartment in his home here that we use since we are putting all of our investment into our property in Ukraine and have no desire to purchase a home of our own here.  I agreed to work as a trainer consultant for a large international medical data/informatics firm with offices here. I worked for them about a dozen years ago and developed a medical software system that has expanded beyond what I could have imagined and is now used by over 600 groups including all of the major universities.  Too bad I didn't negotiate for a piece back then!

Sandro:  My cabinet are older than what you are seeing and were actually made of real wood.  I had painted them before, but of course this was not adequate.  What you need to realize is that while men are content to mark their territory by simply finding something to pee on, a RW needs to make the nest her own.  If it hadn't been the cabinets and the curtains, it would have been something else, and probably will be later.  What AM need to realize is that no matter how well you try to prepare for her arrival, there will be something that needs replacing or changing and it's best to agree and cooperate.  Of course she will do the same with your person.  The second day here she cut my hair and all of my clothing has been washed (whether I had just done this or not) and ironed.  ( I didn't even know I had an iron).

I'll post an update soon.  Life is good!

[Simoni]

IThe second day here she cut my hair and all of my clothing has been washed (whether I had just done this or not) and ironed.  ( I didn't even know I had an iron).

Next she will start hunting for those almost invisible "spots" on your clothes and start attacking them!   And expect your white underwear to be BLEACHED overnight.  It's not good enough just to add bleach to the washing 

Congrats on surviving the long wait, and for this opportunity to share you home with her...just as she did for you.

[groovlstk]

Finally she blurted out, "I want to go home!" 

At least she waited a few days before saying this, my wife said it within 5 hours of her arrival in the US But thankfully it hasn't been repeated since.

Glad to hear things are going well for you guys.

[ScottinCrimea]

On with the update:  Friday evening I took her shopping.  We bought ingredients for her to make a plof to bring to a family outing the next day. She noted all of the prepackaged and canned foods and noted, "they have many foods for lazy people".  I've always thought it interesting that in Ukraine they will spend 30 minutes preparing food from fresh ingredients while in the US they will spend 30 minutes at their job to have the money to buy prepared foods.  I also took her shopping for clothes and cosmetics, which definitely got her in a good mood, paying dividends later.  She is very familiar with cosmetics such as Maybelline and L'Oreal because these are available in Ukraine, but they are much cheaper in the US.  For example, the same lipstick that costs $5 here will cost $15 there.  Something you guys with ladies still in the FSU might do is have her give you a list of cosmetics such as mascara, lipstick, etc with the specific colors or numbers and bring them with you when you come.

Saturday: This morning she got me involved in the nest fixing process by having me paint the deck. I'm sure just one of many projects she has lined up for me.  Every year the women in my family have a "ladies only" weekend up at our family cabin.  this year they allowed me to crash the party for a few hours to bring Ella up and introduce her to everyone.  Ella didn't feel comfortable staying there without me or for an extended period, and I had my fears that my mother and sisters would start telling "Scott" stories or otherwise corrupt her.  Our cabin is up a canyon on a large trout stream and the setting is gorgeous.  Some of the area reminded her of the mountain and forest areas of Crimea.  The family meeting went very well and they made her feel welcome.  It was really strange for me because I have had essentially two lives:  my Ukraine life and family and my US life and family.  It was kind of surreal to see these different worlds coming together.  It was also interesting to see the mannerisms of AW and RW side by side.  I'm hoping to take some time before the weather gets too cold for just the two of us to spend some time there.  Even though I have access to Russian music, TV, movies, etc over the internet, she hasn't really been interested in using these yet, though from my own experience this will change as she begins to miss all things Russian.

Sunday:  The morning was spent with me painting the deck and her working on the curtains.  they are full length ones and she has washed them, ironed them and then cut them to a better size.  She is now in the process of re-ironing them after which she will sew them by hand.  I compare this to the typical US idea of sending them off to be cleaned and pressed, and the difference in appearance is noticeable.  Today I took her to a real American event - the Utah State Fair.  I let her drive and she did quite well.  No panic moments, only the occasional reminders of which lane she needed to be in and why. Of course we saw the giant zucchinis, the various award winning animals, etc., but of most interest was watching the people.  She was surprised by the number of children and the fairly typical 4 child families, a rarity in Ukraine.  Of course the level of obesity was noticeable as well as the sloppiness of dress.  In Ukraine you won't see a man with his shirt tail untucked, but that is the rule here.  Of course the fair isn't the ideal place to observe the highest class of people.  Although there were a variety of foods for her to try there, she didn't want to eat anything as her stomach has been unsettled for the past couple of days. I found this typical of myself between the long flight and the change in food.  I even note some discomfort for a couple of days after I eat at McDonalds in Ukraine, I think due to the processed foods and ingredients.this usually settles within a week, but it's important to be aware of this so she doesn't worry that she has some American sickness.
     There was a rodeo that evening and this was especially enjoyable for her.  I hadn't been to one in years, either. She got a better perspective of what she had seen in American movies and actually got to see real cowboys and even a few indians.  Her favorite was the mutton busting, where small children try to hang on for dear life to a sheep.  It was actually won by a three year old.
     She has not repeated her desire to go home, so apparently I handled the issue well and it seems she is starting to feel more comfortable and not so overwhelmed.  She is also seeing a consistency in my behavior and support and realizing that the man she knew in Ukraine is the same here in the US and that she can rely on me and trust me to take care of her, both financially and emotionally.

[Jet]

Scott,
Thanks for posting this stuff, it brings back great memories  . My wife too was in awe of the selection of food that's "ready already", and I too found the interaction between my Mom, my brother's wife, and Liliya somewhat fascinating. I'm curious about your wife's thoughts on buying cosmetics where she can actually touch and try products before deciding to purchase them, this was a big deal for Lil. Good move on the pre-arrival photo editing too .

[Serebro]

Tuesday:  I thought she would want to use this day to rest after her trip, but instead she spent the day painting the kitchen cabinets and generally rearranging the kitchen. 
Wednesday:  Today she repainted the cabinets, washed all the kitchen walls and all the windows in the house, washed the curtains and started to iron them. 

:DThat's VERY unusual for the first day of her life in the USA.
Had you shown her the pics of the kitchen before and had you discussed the painting?!

[KenC]

:DThat's VERY unusual for the first day of her life in the USA.
Had you shown her the pics of the kitchen before and had you discussed the painting?!

Serebro,
Keep in mind that this couple hasbeen married for years, so all the relationship stuff is already on solid ground.

Scott,
I suggest you check out Trader Joes or Jimbos for natural foods, if they are in your area.  Lena buys the majority of our foods there and swears by them over regular grocery stores.
KenC

[Serebro]

Serebro,
Keep in mind that this couple hasbeen married for years, so all the relationship stuff is already on solid ground.

Yes, how about going sighseeing first?!

[KenC]

Yes, how about going sighseeing first?!

Serebro,
Good point!
KenC

[ScottinCrimea]

KenC,  thanks for the suggestion on the natural food stores.  I'll check out some in the area.

Serebro,  Actually I had arranged to have a week free when she first arrived but when we had to delay her arrival a week due to a screw up at the embassy that messed that up.  I need to spend the first part of every weekday working so it limits our sightseeing other than afternoons and weekends.  Actually it probably wouldn't have made much difference as her first priority is getting herself settled and feeling at home, not taking an extended vacation.  I think she still would have painted the cabinets.  It's not something we had mentioned, she just noticed them and wanted to paint them.  I really think she just needed one project to focus on.  Actually, I think it works out better the way we have it planned now.  To spend the first couple of weeks seeing everything might be a little overwhelming or give an innacurate picture of real life here.  I imagine it might be a more difficult adjustment when the vacation ends and reality hits all at once.  We have plenty of time to see the sights and we go to local places in the afternoons and evenings and more distant sights on the weekends.  That way we can stretch out the sightseeing and have something new to look forward to every week rather than compressing it all into a few days.  also, I really do think it makes a difference that we have been together for a few years.  It's more an issue of getting acquainted with a new home rather than with each other.

jet,  Actually she was able to handle and check out the cosmetics in Ukraine, the same as in the US, so this wasn't new to her.

[jb]

Scott,

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I get the impression that this simply IS an extended vacation for her.  You do not have long term plans to live in the USA, not going to import the kidlet, not going to buy a house, not going to buy new furniture, not thinking about getting diplomas evaluated, not going to settle down and live as the rest of us do, etc.,,, someday soon, you and she will return to Ukraine to live out your days in wedded bliss.  It's not as though she should make career plans and settle in for the long haul as an American resident cum citizen, like the rest of our wives need to do.  With that thought in the back of my head, I guess you just need to make her time here as pleasant as possible.

Good luck on that.

[ScottinCrimea]

I knew that it would be important for my wife to have a car of her own when she arrived. My brother had a GMC Safari minivan that he was planning to junk because the transmission had gone out, so instead he gave it to me.  Actually it's in pretty good shape. I replaced the transmission and fixed up a few other odds and ends.  When my wife arrived and saw the van, she thought it was much too large (which it is for only two people) and worried that she wouldn't be able to park it.  So okay, I bought a smaller car for her, a used Ford Thunderbird, that she is much happier with. I'll probably just sell the van down the road.  Monday we were at the DMV getting the titles transferred into her name and registering them.  I joked with her about what her friends in Ukraine will think when they hear that she owns two cars.  There was no problem with registering them in her name with her legal resident status, and adding her to my insurance was surprisingly not a problem either, even with her Ukrainian drivers license.  She has 6 months in Utah to get a state license, so there's no hurry on that.  I think we'll get her a state ID in the meantime.  IN the evening I took her to a local technical school where they offer ESL classes.  It's really a great deal as it costs only $10 per semester.  I joked that she will probably end up learning more Spanish than English there. The testing for new students to see where to place them was tonight.  She was quite nervous about this as she still has some insecurities about her language skills.  the test lasted approximately one hour and we were told that the results would be available the next evening.  She commented that she didn't understand every word but she was ablt to figure out what they wanted.  When we got home I pulled some trout out of the freezer and fired up the smoker. (Based on some excellent advice given her previously).

Tuesday: I bought her a new sewing machine today as she loves to sew and is an incredible seamstress.  She spent the first part of the day playing with this.  She got the curtains all ironed and sewn, the cabinets remounted and now I'm waiting to hear what her next project will be. Of course she checks me out each morning, identifying those invisible spots and wrinkles. I had to talk her out of ironing my pants this morning.
     In the afternoon we went to get her test results.  The range is 0-7 and she scored a 7 which put her at the advanced level.  This was a great reassurance to her.  Her classes will be 2 hours every evening Mon-Thurs. They told her she may be too advanced for the class and to hold off buying books until they see how it goes and how they can possibly customize things for her.  Interestingly, while there we met a woman from Sochy who lives only a few miles from us and said that there is someone she knows from Ukraine in our same city and many other Russians and Ukrainians scattered around the area.  This woman stated that she had been living here and taking English classes for a couple of years (her English still isn't near as good as my wife's).  She said she spoke almost no English when she first arrived and her husband speaks essentially no Russian.  I'll be interested to hear more about how all this worked out for them.  I think my wife really enjoyed having someone to speak Russian with other than me and I think it will help her a lot to have a Russian friend or two.  She made my wife laugh when she talked about her recent birthday.  Apparently she had a bit too much to drink so lay on the floor to sleep. Of course their American friends thought this rather strange, but I thnk anyone who has been to a real Russian celebration would find it strange if at least one person didn't do this.
     She hasn't done a whole lot of cooking the past couple of days but instead is sampling various American dishes.  Of course she loved the smoked trout.  I'm fine sticking with the beef jerky.
     Overall, our relationship is fantastic.  She seems happy, more relaxed and at home and any thoughts of wanting to return seem to have faded.  She has been spending some time with my father and they get along great, as do she and my stepmother.  It helps that they are so welcoming and accepting.  My stepmother never had daughters so she sees Ella as the opportunity to have this experience.
    

[ScottinCrimea]

Scott,

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I get the impression that this simply IS an extended vacation for her.  You do not have long term plans to live in the USA, not going to import the kidlet, not going to buy a house, not going to buy new furniture, not thinking about getting diplomas evaluated, not going to settle down and live as the rest of us do, etc.,,, someday soon, you and she will return to Ukraine to live out your days in wedded bliss.  It's not as though she should make career plans and settle in for the long haul as an American resident cum citizen, like the rest of our wives need to do.  With that thought in the back of my head, I guess you just need to make her time here as pleasant as possible.

Good luck on that.     

Jb, you have a pretty good memory.  Are you sure you're not really a RW in drag?  Actually the original plan was for us to float back and forth between Ukraine and the US for a few years before settling down in Ukraine for good.  Her daughter is in her final year of school and had no desire to learn English let alone visit the US.  As things now stand (subject to change at any time) we will extend our stay here to at least a couple of years.  The consulting job that popped up will provide some unexpected revenue and allow us to expand our office building from one floor to three floors.  We had intended to do that eventually, but by staying in the US a bit longer that can be expedited. We already have a friend in the government working on the architectural plans and approvals. For whatever reason my wife wants to work while we are here.  I think she feels it is one way that she can contribute to our future.  In a few weeks when she has her green card and feels confident with her English we will find something for her based on her education and skills that she will enjoy.
     Her daughter, meanwhile, has decided that she would like to come to the US, at least for awhile, so we will see about getting her a student visa in about a year when she finishes school there.
     So HOPEFULLY, if all goes as planned in a couple of years we will retire to Ukraine with rental income from our office space and a beautiful apartment, all debt free.  Add that to my retirement income and other misc investments and we should be living quite nicely.  It's that or stay here and continue to work for the next 20 years to manage the higher cost of living.  I think I prefer option #1.

[jb]

Jb, you have a pretty good memory.  Are you sure you're not really a RW in drag?

Flattery, sir, will get you anywhere.

Actually, yes, I do have a pretty good memory, it's about the only thing that tells me I'm not totally crazy,,,yet.

Your plan is a good one, I hope it works out that way for you.  And I also understand the consultant gig because I do the same thing.   I try to stay busy for at least 6 months a year.  This year it's more because of client demand, but I make more in a month than many people do in a year, so I can afford to be crazy if I want to be.

My point, Dr. Scott, it that your situation is unique to the usual scheme of things here.  Whereas my wife wants to be an independent and socially secure individual, I therefore try to grant her that which she can achieve, that independence and security to be her own success~!   I encourage her to be her own person.   I'm fully aware of my own mortality, I know I won't always be there to guide and help her.   However, it means she is tied to a job like the rest of the worker world.   I work around that hobble as much as I can.  She provides more joy to me in a day than I've ever known before.  She's the best.   OTOH, your wife is coasting, she is not obligated to get out there and find a job.  'Tis not on the same level playing field other FSU wives have to deal with.    Do you see my point?

Most of us are jealous.  Enjoy your time together in the States

BTW, my eldest stepson graduated from U of U, he has many photos of those mountain get-a-ways belonging to friends of the University.  I'm green with envy.

[ScottinCrimea]

You're right, jb, my situation is quite unique and it does put my wife in a position where some of the pressures are off.  Perhaps one of the biggest ones is the knowledge that she is not leaving her family and homeland forever and that this is just one step in the path to the future that we have planned for ourselves.  I think the chance for her to experience some independence within our relationship will be a positive thing and being here under these conditions gives her the opportunity to try new things with minimal consequences.  Having said that, I have seen that she is behaving as if her future were here in the US, not simply as a temporary vacation/ fun time and that says a lot about her.

One difference that I have really noticed is that in Ukraine, a lot of the pressures of everyday life fell to her becuase of my language limits or inexperience with the system there.  Of course this became much less as I became more acclimated, but she was still ultimately the one whose shoulders many things rested on.  Here, she is able to turn the responsibilities completely over to me and I am more than happy to assume them.  She seems much more relaxed and comfortable in this role and it really shows up in her energy levels and ability to devote herself more to me.  It's like I said before, with a RW, the more you treat them like a queen, the more they will treat you like a king.

I'm not going to do any more day to day commentaries as things are getting into a normal routine but I may comment from time to time on something interesting or unusual.  One thing interesting from her English class last night.  She met a woman from Ukraine in her late 20's who married an American and moved here about 2 years ago with her two children.  From what she says, he was quite terrible and she divorced him about a month after arriving.  she now works in a restaurant for minimum wage.  There are a lot of things I'm really curious about, for example how she managed to stay in the US, how she manages to live (She drives a new Ford Taurus and lives with her children in a nice area of our city).  How she has managed to function as even after 2 years of classes her English is fairly limited, etc, etc.  I can't even imagine how she could purchase a car or obtain insurance.  I do know that she is still driving on her Ukraine license, shich isn't legal after 6 months here.  Anyway, this sounds like an interesting case and as I get more information I may share it with the forum as it may give insights to a lot of issues.