Would you marry a woman with a child?

[I/O]

her ex may come with a bottle of beer and potato chips, stand on his knees and ask her to be a family with him as he had time to think and he wants a family now...

Highly doubtful. More likely he'll roll over in bed, kiss his wife and thank his lucky stars his fling married and moved abroad so he can't be held accountable and likely won't open the door to a "Hi Daddy" from someone he doesn't know sometime in the future.

I/O

[Catman]

Yes it's a different situation but we only exchanged a few letters so far so it's a little early to tell. She says they had a relationship(I don't know how long yet) and he left when she was pregnant, not to be heard from again. Also she says she is a nurse(I imagine nursing too) and also a sports therapist.
A beer and potato chips? So that's whats been missing all this time. Thanks for the big tip Serebro! I will be like Casanova next time I go to Ukraine

[Gator]

I recently have started writing a few girls, some from Ukraine, some from Russia, all very attractive. One girl from Ukraine has a 4 month old son. So far she has become my favorite. I checked yes on the poll. I'm 40 without children but like kids and have no problem with this. I just hope that if this gets serious and I visit her that she will not be the survivor type only interested in a provider father.

Your post prompted some astute comments from mendeleyev.  While I agree with 90% of what he says, I disagree with walking away.  The important point is that this woman really appeals to you, independent of her baby.  Also, I admire the woman's decision to not abort, a very popular method in Russia, and this suggests that she has solid family values.

As you fear, she may indeed feel some desperation.  A 4-mo baby does not allow her to do anything other than be a full-time mama.  These women usually have a family support group; however, if the family is already struggling, then a baby just adds to the woes.  You will learn when you meet.  Just don't rush into anything as there are some issues. 

So you are expected to be a "provider."  So what?  She hopefully realizes the error of her ways and will look for much more than a provider - love, understanding, stability, and reliability - all the things she missed with her past mistake. 

The key is whether she wants you to be the good father and to have more children.  If she does, you have much more than a survivor-provider coupling.  And I can not think of a better age than 4-months to do this.  The kid will know only you as his/her father. 

Meanwhile you will have skipped over the only part I did not relish about fatherhood - mother's discomfort in third trimester and baby is a vegetable.  You will probably miss diapers too considering the timing, yet you should change a few when you meet her to get the hang of it - it will impress the mother.

So I say keep talking.



 

[mendeleyev]

I can see Gator's point about the abortion which is so ingrained in the culture.  Like Gator I also admire her decision to keep the baby.  Just keeping your eyes open means you must ask yourself if her decision was influenced by the fact that Ukraine (as does Russia) pays mothers for newborn babies and the government has also increased the monthly subsiidy for supporting newborns.  (http://www.travelgalicia.blogspot.com/2008/03/ukrainian-government-pays-to-women-of.html)

I'd worry more about her emotional state.  Even is she has learned from a mistake, is she ready after such traumatic events of being dumped while pregnant, having a baby alone, and now facing the prospect of raising a baby alone, to see you as a peer to be loved and appreciated on a personal level....without falling into the temporary trap of you being a saviour.

None of us wish to ruin the opportunity for a young lady to find happiness in her life.  You however are not there locally to see how things play day to day and need to have confidence that your investment emotionally-mentally-financially-and in time spent making it happen is not grasped as a simple temporary solution to a long term situation.

[Catman]

Thanks guys. The girl is 27, the 4 month old is a boy and she tells me she would like a daughter in the future. Her parents are helping her. We have only exchanged a few letters so time will tell. I also admire her for not having an abortion.

[joe rockhead]

To answer the question:  It is the same answer to most of life's issues... "well... that depends..." it depends on the woman, it depends on the child, it depends on my confidence in my financial position and how ready I am to deal with many of my friends and family being very critical of my choice (this would definitely cull the herd). 

In the survey I answered no, because a yes is just to difficult to explain and there wasn't a selection for maybe.

[Serebro]

Highly doubtful. More likely he'll roll over in bed, kiss his wife and thank his lucky stars his fling married and moved abroad so he can't be held accountable and likely won't open the door to a "Hi Daddy" from someone he doesn't know sometime in the future.

I/O

well, many women with kids on Russian women forum told that they had problems with their exs after they had to tell them that they wanted to move abroad and they needed their signature on papers.. suddenly men became aggressive, envious and jealous and either threatened them or remembered that the child is theirs or asked for money for their signature...

[Catman]

I am writing to four girls, two from Russia, two from Ukraine. Today one Russian girl wrote me that she has a five year old daughter, I'm guessing she has not told me this right away thinking I might run away but I will not. It is not hard to see that she is very classy, beautiful inside and out. I now take into consideration what you say Serebro, that the girls with children might even be put at risk by their ex for asking permission for the child to leave their country. I think it is too early to ask if they can get this permission from their ex but also do I want to keep writing her for a long time, go to Russia and start a relationship only to find out they can't leave. In my search for a RW I tend to lean towards women with a child thinking they are maybe more inclined to have a solid family life. It is really unfair to RW who have a child, who has never had any help from the daddy and then cannot leave. I'm not sure now what to do or what to think of this. :noidea:

[catzenmouse]

Catman,

 It is a topic that you will need to address directly with the lady. She will either need to have full custody of the child or have an official document from the father which gives his permission for the child to leave the country.

 Don't worry about the possibilities before you know what the situation is. It may be no problem or a big problem. We fell somewhere in the middle but leaning towards a big problem. After a bit of time the father did give his permission and we are here as a family now.

FWIW,
 Ken

[2tallbill]

Would you marry a woman with a child and why?

Bumped from 2008

[ML]

I would marry (back in the day) a woman with a child under age 3 or above age 18.