Women are goofy

[Turboguy]

I got this message from my gal today.  It is funny in one way but I am not sure how serioulsy she is taking it.   Was curious to see what you guys have to say.

Here is her message:

yesterday I watched a program on TV about russian women which have married to american men.Theise women are in slavery now.American people need russian women only for slavery.Of course,you won't confess in those things but I did not sleep all night and today I was listening my friends,they was telling me about it all day.Agency AFFA have a bad reputation.)

[virginiajoe]

Turboguy that was some e-mail she sent you.In a way when you think about it.It is true in some aspects.But I don't understand why she would think you would do that to her! That does not make sense at all.Maybe they are talking about Russians who come here to work.Especially here in Va Beach,it's a shame these poor women have to clean up after stupid,dirty tourist who trash the hotel rooms,I know they are making good money here,but I kind of feel sorry for these kids.
Some people also think that Russian women come here and become prostitutes and strippers.It does happen though.Back to your original thought,yes women can be goofy and quite hard to understand.That reminds me of a phone call me and Irina had when she was in New York.I told her I was getting ready to eat dinner,so she said she would call me back,she never did,so I sent her a e-mail to ask her if something was wrong,and she replied,it sounded like you didn't want to talk to me,after we discussed it,she said she misunderstood me and didn't mean to be rude.I think she meant to say she didn't want to interrupt my dinner.The langauge translation can be a problem sometimes.
Man it must be tough being away from your lady,I can relate.I hope everything works out for you.I am curious to see her next e-mail to you.It's a shame America has such a bad reputation world wide,but hey there are still some honest,hard working,good people here who just want a family and to be happy.Take care and good luck.
I just thought of something else why would she not sleep after watching this?She should know you are a honest person and would not deceive her.That is something else that concerns me.It will be interesting to see what she says in her next e-mail to you.

[wxman]

That is a tough one indeed! Sounds like she needs reassurance that will not happen to her. Maybe it is best she talks to a RW on this site who lives in US, which will help her get a better understanding of what life is, and will be like for her when she arrives in US. Since you are American, you will be biased, so if she hears from someone who made the same trek, it will ease her fears.  

[Turboguy]

Thanks wxman and Joe.   We have had messages going back and forth for the last hour.  I think she is going to be ok.

This was her last message to me before she crawled into bed at 2 am her time.
*********************************

Ok,you are right I can't loose anything.May be I have not anything but I have the main thing - my freedom.Good night Ray.Possibly I will not sleep well but I will just sleep.Let I am naive but I want to love you

**********************************

Thanks for the suggestion about having her contact someone.  I did suggest that and it may have helped a bit.    Jet had given me his wife's e-mail address a while back and my gal was going to contact her in case she had questions about the police report or other parts of the visa application.   They are both from the same town and went to the same school.  I suggested she could contact her and it was an address she had before this came up.  I think she will be ok though.   Actaully it just occurred to me that Jet's wife is over there in the same town with my gal right now.  Humm,  well I think it will be ok.  I think it is just the jitters.

[Journeyman]

Turboguy,

I ran into this same kind of thing several times with RW.  You are seeing a confluence of several things:

1.  Russian tabloid TV.  They run something like this every couple of months.  America is a particular target for these TV reports since fewer RW have any first-hand or second-hand knowledge of life in America, versus Europe, Turkey, Japan, etc.

2.  You met through AFA.  Among RW in both Russia and Ukraine, AFA has an increasingly bad reputation.  What your RW is saying is very true.  I took an AFA tour years ago, and even then, their reputation among the local Russian women was shakey, at best.  AFA is now widely held in contempt among RW.  As soon as AFA concludes their "maiden" tour to a new city in the FSU, the local women turn against it en mass.  Yes, many women still come to the subsequent socials, but with a new perspective and modified agenda.  This condition has developed because a significant percentage of the men on AFA tour DO treat it as a sex tour, and regard the local RW accordingly.  Not all men, but many do.  You might not be aware of this (as I was not at the time I was on my AFA tour), but the women are, and they all share their stories with each other.  Some RW I met through other agencies also shared their AFA experiences with me.  Very disturbing.  Thereafter, the RW see AFA as supplying men who have a largely insincere agenda.  RW hold most AFA tourists in great suspicion, even if they are willing to attempt a relationship with the WM they met through AFA.  Any subsequent negative incident can quickly "confirm" their suspicions.  Including such reports on tabloid TV.

3.  Normal Russian behavior.  Whenever a RW feels threatened, if she verbalizes her reaction, she will go on the offensive in a way that few WM can appreciate.  She will accuse you of anything and everything.  Your are an instant mortal enemy.  The devil incarnate.  This kind of reaction is almost instinctual for a RW.  There are many different "philosophies" as to how to respond to a RW when she goes on this kind of a rant.  That is a whole other discussion, but I think you can probably figure that out for yourself.

4.  You are a man, and, by definition, cannot be trusted.  She will trust almost anything another RW will say on any subject long before she believes you -- even if the RW is a stranger, or near stranger.  American women talk about their "sisterhood," but it is nothing compared to the support network RW have between themselves.  Don't ever underestimate the influence her friends will have on her.

5.  Your large age difference.  I have also dated a few somewhat younger women (up to 20 years younger).  However, your relationship (involving a 30? year age difference) will be extremely susceptible to charges of almost any kind -- including less-than-angelic motivations.  She, and others, will always harbor some suspcions.  You will have your work cut out for you.

You girlfriend's behavior is explainable, and understandable.  I wish you well, but it will not be the last time you encounter this from her.  Not by a longshot.

Journeyman

[Turboguy]

I talked about this someplace before but when I was there a few weeks ago she met me in Moscow and while she was waiting she had her medical exam for her visa.   She mentioned to me that there were a few small children in there getting exams for visas and I said, they are probably being adopted my an American couple and that it was very popular in America to adopt Russian children.

She said, Yes, I have heard that, they take them there and kill them and harvest  their organs.

I assured her that it was not the case.   Life is such fun sometimes. 

[Photo Guy]

My first reaction is to advise you to have one of your RW friends here in the US phone your gal to reassure her. When I do a three way call with my interpreter and Larisa, my terp often explains things to Larisa. I encourage Larisa to ask our interpreter any questions about life in the US.   Doug

[Turboguy]

Thanks for the suggestions Journeman and PhotoGuy.   It has been an adventure getting to know her and I think we will be fine and I am sure it is not my last adventure.   I really wonder what it will be like when I am there and hopefully if all goes well we get down the the last day or two before our trip together to America.

I have noticed a lot of what you said Journeyman.   The first few times some of the thngs really bothered me but I learned enough about her that I just let her go and get it out of her system.   She has a way of complaining about one thing, when something else is bothering her.  I just let her go and sooner or later the real problem comes out and we can deal with it, usually pretty quickly. 

 

[virginiajoe]

You are both only human,many things are going to be different for her once she is here.I think you both will do fine! It will be your duty to take care of her.Just let you know that you are here to help here and to protect her.Hell Irina didn't even know the name of all the trees here in Va Beach,it was all so new to her! I think this will be the most amazing time of your life,It was such a honor to introduce Irina to all of this and so hard to say goodbye,just think turboguy how lucky you are man!
I know I have alot to look forward too,I saw pictures of the Live 8 concert in Red Square in Moscow and I can't wait to take pictures of it myself! Just remember how lucky you are to have her love and to be with her,I wish you both peace and a happy life together.

[Donna_Pedro]

Theise women are in slavery now.

 

I think the idea behind the show is to scare RW from marrying abroad. Which partially makes sense.  I just dont think that the people  who made this show thought about women's wellbeing.  They just did not want them to go and take  a good gene pool with them. You know people in Russia  dont want to have kids and now westerners are  picking up the cream of the cream of  russian gene pool.  So I think the idea behind this show is to stop women from marrying abroad. To the other hand,  a lot of women marry complete strangers just to get out of Russia, and they   end up in slavery. Not in chains of course, but in a different type of slavery.  RWA is full of horror stories. As I said before - a lot of people given a chance  would excercise control over their partner. And a helpless woman who can not fully function in a society - does not speak good english, does not drive, does not know anything about the culture - is an easy target to people to take advantage of her. Anyway, you should appreciate that she shared her concerns with you.

[Jet]

  Actaully it just occurred to me that Jet's wife is over there in the same town with my gal right now.  Humm,  well I think it will be ok.

 

The offer is still open . Liliya is over there until Aug 2 and I'd be happy to pass along her # by PM if you like.

The jitters seems to be going around these days :?. I had dinner with a buddy (who does not post here) last night and found out that his relationship to a lady from Tula is about to implode due largely to her having jitters and not being able to decide if she can leave her home/family. Her interview is set for the last week of July. This guy has most certainly "gone the extra mile" so it's all up to her now.

 

Journyman: excellent post!

[Turboguy]

I may take you up on that.   Liliya is not coming back on Delta throgh Atlanta is she?   Luda and I will be on that flight if she is.  August 2nd is when we have tickets.

[Turboguy]

Jet, it does seem to be going around.  I was talking to someone else whose gal is coming in a few weeks and I guess she has been having nightmares.    I think Luda is ok, but aprehensive.    I got fewer messages today than normal and they were not quite as (warm, romantic, happy whatever word fits.)    I may pm you.

[Fiorella]

[user=54]Turboguy[/user]

recommend your girl to go to  http://www.russian-fiancee.com/rus/forum forum - there are lots of girls who are happily married to american men. And try to calm her yourself.

[Turboguy]

Thanks Fiorella, I appreciate that.  Right now she does not use the internet at all but I will try and see if I can get her to check that out.  The suggestion is much appreciated.

[BC]

I personally would be more worried if there were no jitters.

We all reach the stage where fantasy ends and reality hits..   and end up asking ourselves "what the heck am I doin?"

Normal imho.

Giving up everything for two suitcases, one carryon and a ticket to the unknown is very tough... Been there, done that.

[Turboguy]

I agree BC.   I think as she gets down to the last few weeks she is turning into a nervous wreck.  She has not said exactly that to me but she is definatly on edge.

I sent her a little money a week ago because she must take the train to Moscow and arrange an apartment in N.N. and has other expenses.    Today she asked me if i sent her the money to calm her down about the tv program which she told me about 2 days ago. 

She is ok though.  She said today she would just go with me and if she gets kidnapped so be it. 

[Turboguy]

I have to retract my statment about sending the money.  I guess the bank called her and said they have money for her today.  I did not send money today and don't use the bank.  She does not know what it is or why they called and if I did not send it she considers it "strange and terrible"   What ever it is, it sounds fishy and I agree with her that she should not touch it.

[Jet]

 I did not send money today and don't use the bank.  She does not know what it is or why they called and if I did not send it she considers it "strange and terrible"   What ever it is, it sounds fishy and I agree with her that she should not touch it.

 

LOL! This happened to us once before Lil arrived. She called and thanked me "for the card and the money". The problem was, had hadn't sent a card or money . It turned out that her Ex had sent it, and gone to the trouble of finding someone to translate a short note into english and sign my name to it. He knew that he had f*#%d up so badly that she would never accept it from him and he was feeling especially guilty. As soon as she figured out where it really came from, she had it returned to him by a male relative (the local postmark blew his cover ).

[Son of Clyde]

Turbo,

I think she has a case of the jitters. She will see negative things because her friends (and the media) will try to influence her. After time she will calm down knowing they were wrong and she will go with her true feelings.

You almost have to expect this to happen. She will be sacrificing her family and friends and way of life to move here with you.

My fiance' had the same things happening but when she saw I was always there for her she realized that I was telling the truth when I said I would love and protect her and make sure she was safe and never alone. I will only leave her alone while I am at work or until she has made some friends. My family has offered to help and spend time with her during the day.

[solomon]

I got this message from my gal today.  It is funny in one way but I am not sure how serioulsy she is taking it.   Was curious to see what you guys have to say.

Here is her message:

yesterday I watched a program on TV about russian women which have married to american men.Theise women are in slavery now.American people need russian women only for slavery.Of course,you won't confess in those things but I did not sleep all night and today I was listening my friends,they was telling me about it all day.Agency AFFA have a bad reputation.)

As I mentioned in a PM, have her rent a copy Pulp Fiction and fast forward to the gimp scene. You could rest assured that you would never hear from her again.

[virginiajoe]

I would not advise to do that,though seriously,here in Va Beach,VA a resort town it's a shame that we have young Russians,Eastern Europeans doing jobs like working at Dairy Queen and cleaning nasty hotel rooms at the beach that the tourists get drunk and trash.No wonder they feel this way about us,the young American kids here in Va Beach are spoiled,they don't even want to work at these jobs.It is almost slavery,I feel sorry for them,at least they are making some money and can take it back home with them or Western Union it back to Russia or their home country.
But think about it,if you really love your woman you want let her work some b.s. job that will make her look like a slave.It's a shame America has such a bad ruputation around the world.We are all not stupid,greedy idiots.

[jb]

Joe,

I'm sorry you have such a low opinion of the women coming over as wives from the FSU.  All of the successful marriages I'm familiar with here in our part of the country, of the women who chose to work, most all hold professional positions.  They are high school and college teachers, business managers, and hospital department heads, etc.,,, not a slacker or a slave in the bunch.  Two of the women we know have choosen to be homemakers and stay at home to raise their children, which ain't a bad gig either.

All in all, I'd say the FSU ladies who come to make a go of it, those who really want to make a successful marriage, not just dig for gold, are very level headed gals who would do well no mater where they are.  I think you are confusing Russian college students on a summer job with real serious immigrants looking to build a new life in a new country.

[Turboguy]

It seems to me that I have heard of a lot of gals coming over from the FSU who had high educations and for a while were doing meanial jobs until the got situated and got Americanized.  

There are a lot of highly eductated gals that come over.   I am sure it is an extra motiviation.   I thiink if you were a doctor living in Kazan and were making $ 100.00 a month and knew that in San Francisco you would be paid $ 250,000.00 there is more motivation to come over.  There are still a lot of shop girls, factory workers, and others that also come over.   I think jb is a little overly statis conscious sometimes  He probably would not waste his time on those types and therefore does not even know they are there.

[jb]

T-Guy

It seems to me that I have heard of a lot of gals coming over from the FSU who had high educations and for a while were doing meanial jobs until the got situated and got Americanized.

I don't know of any women who have worked meanial jobs after arrival here, I can't imagine any husband allowing his wife to scrub toilets for extra money.  Some have worked as clerks in department stores while they learn english better, but not the sort of work Joe describes. WRT status, yes, I have become accustomed to a certain level of living standard, and I would share that with my bride, I don't clean motel toilets, I wouldn't expect my wife to do so either. We don't need money that bad.

I think if you were a doctor living in Kazan and were making $ 100.00 a month and knew that in San Francisco you would be paid $ 250,000.00 there is more motivation to come over.

That's not going to happen without complete and total retraining.  Of all the college and university degrees coming out of the FSU, the medical and legal degrees are the least transferable.