Opinions please

[phantom]

Hello,

I've been checking out a few of the agencies, and have contact with a lady through one of them, one of the reputable ones, and I was wondering, I'm 41 and she's 24, is that too young, or is that an okay age?  We've talked by phone several times and exchanged several emails, along with video conferencing, so I know that she's real enough.  We've been talking of meeting, now that I have my passport and the agfency can get me my visa, although she would like to meet during her vacation.  But, before I proceed, is 24 too young, as I'm 41?

[ScottinCrimea]

My opinion (since you asked) is that "too young" depends a lot on the individual.  Maybe the proper question is "Is she too immature?".  Only you can decide that as you get to know her better.  One thing that I think we all agree on is that generally the risks and difficulties increase in proportion to the age gap and a woman with an age roughly 24 or less is its own risk factor.

One thing that requires caution with a woman of this age is that it is easy to focus on the hot young body at the expense of evaluating her other assets or lack thereof.

[I/O]

Phantom: The fact you are asking this question now and not before starting communications with this youngster is the thing which concerns me the most. I suggest you have doubts enough to go public with your thoughts and that in and of itself IMO answers your question.

I have a 17+ year difference with my wife and frankly, for us that is plenty enough difference. Others have gone further than us and age gaps are always a hot topic, but I would say that if any guy has the slightest doubt he can match her youth at every turn and then on top of that stand aside whilst providing some mature leadership in the process, he should take steps, big long ones. (Thinking Forrest Gump here)

I/O

[phantom]

My opinion (since you asked) is that "too young" depends a lot on the individual.  Maybe the proper question is "Is she too immature?".  Only you can decide that as you get to know her better. 
One thing that requires caution with a woman of this age is that it is easy to focus on the hot young body at the expense of evaluating her other assets or lack thereof.

No, actually she seems quite mature, as I have correspondence with about three ladies, me and her actually have had some long conversations, more than the other ones, and get along pretty well.  She is quite lovely, but her personality shines in my book.

Phantom: The fact you are asking this question now and not before starting communications with this youngster is the thing which concerns me the most. I suggest you have doubts enough to go public with your thoughts and that in and of itself IMO answers your question.

I have a 17+ year difference with my wife and frankly, for us that is plenty enough difference. Others have gone further than us and age gaps are always a hot topic, but I would say that if any guy has the slightest doubt he can match her youth at every turn and then on top of that stand aside whilst providing some mature leadership in the process, he should take steps, big long ones. (Thinking Forrest Gump here)

I/O

I was curious as to what the age difference is normally, as I really like this one and have intentions of meeting with her and staying in Russia for a month, or so.   We get along pretty well, but a meeting will really decide here.  So, as a "Newbie" I was curious, and looking for opinions and what everyone else thought and knew.

[William3rd]

IF you have to ask, I think that she is too young for you. . .  even by the sacred formula of 1/2 your age plus seven (27-28), she is too young for you.

But- the real answer is what you think in your head. . . .

[LiveFromUkraine]

IF you have to ask, I think that she is too young for you. . .  even by the sacred formula of 1/2 your age plus seven (27-28), she is too young for you.

Damn, I could have went younger than.   


Thomas

[William3rd]

If you want to do a trade in. . . . . . . .

but then, your wife
may have
a sharp, sharp knife. . . .

[Gator]

Phantom,

Please read these threads first and return with unanswered questions.  There are more threads if these do not not cover the topic.

Somehow we have avoided this topic for a few months, and it would be grand to keep it that way.

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=5461.0

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=5714.0

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=5662.0

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=5732.0

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=5784.0

[Gator]

I almost forgot.  Here is the story of a man about your age and a UW a little younger than your object woman.

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=5725.0

[I/O]

I was curious as to what the age difference is normally

There is nothing "Normal" about international relationships in the early stages. Later it becomes more so. I would be the "Pot calling the kettle black" to condemn age gap relationships, but I think it is fair to caution you there is many pitfalls. Too many to describe here in detail, however some of them include her readiness to settle and depart from some of her youthful socialising, not to mention her home and family. Many relate to the guy and specifically whether or not he is secure enough within himself to "own" the situation whilst sharing it with someone who is supposed to be his equal partner......And in the process giving her the freedom to be who she is, that is, a young woman.

Have you seriously thought through what it might be like when you reach 71 and she is 54, still being pretty much in her active years. I'm right in that boat and we discussed this long, hard and very openly for a very long time before I was really prepared to go any further. Too many guys take a lazy approach and think, "well it is up to the young woman as she has more to lose by going this way". Frankly I think the guy has a lot to lose and runs the risk of spending his golden years very unhappy. These are the sorts of risks one needs to consider when entering such a relationship. They are real and will arrive soon enough.

How will you handle it when some 30 Y/O wouldbe stud walks up to you in a club and asks if he may dance with your daughter? Believe me it will happen if you are married to a younger hottie. Can you laugh it off and tell him he is welcome to dance with your wife and when you have a daughter of suitable age you'll give him a call? How will you answer the check out clerk when she says "Isn't it lovely to see a father buying nice things for his daughter and grandson"?

Gator has posted some links whilst I am tapping away slowly as usual at my keyboard and you certainly would do well to read through them but ignore the stupid arguements which so often break out on this subject and focus on the reasons people get so animated about it. My summary thoughts from short experience are that I am loving every bit of it but when looking for a life partner, there are easier options than going the age gap route.

I/O

[phantom]

I read the post on the links that Gator posted and what everyone else has been saying with their advice and experience.  It's something to definately look at and to give a lot of thought to, which I have now really been doing, as I want to make the right choice in this situation.

[Yozhik]

Top reply I/O!!

If I may also throw my 2 cents worth in.

My fiance and I only have a 9 year difference which to some people may seem plenty but we have the situation where she is quite mature for her age and I refuse to act my age except when at work!  So in the end it works for us just fine.

A large gap in my opinion would be hard work but...it has also worked for plenty of people before.

Hope it helps.

 

[I/O]

Ya-Aus-Hick

9 years is considered pretty much normal by the vocal crew here at RWD.(Me included) Stretch it out to 15 or 20 and they start jumping off their perches. If you read around a bit, you will find it one of the most contentious topics dealt with here and the reasons are not so much morality, but trying to get through the heads of wishseekers that the risks of age gap relationships are extremely high. We have a couple of extreme examples here and one of them is smart enough to admit his situation is an exception and an aberration, whilst the other tries to justify the ridiculous as normality.

The people here are generally a tough bunch with a real streak of decency and therefore hate seeing the uninformed get themselves into trouble when it can be avoided. Dating site hype is the greatest danger to the freshman. "All these lovely young Russian hotties, just love to marry a guy 30 years older than them" and so forth. Utter BS...!!!

I/O

[Gator]

We have a couple of extreme examples here and one of them is smart enough to admit his situation is an exception and an aberration, whilst the other tries to justify the ridiculous as normality.

There are more, but flying under the radar.

Reminds me of a interesting age gap story.  My Moscow woman's best friend is married to a man 5 years younger than her.  In addition, he is very thin if not frail.  When she took her young son to see the doctor, her husband walked in too and the doctor questioned why she was bringing both of her sons. 

RW seeing them together comment that it is odd and that they would prefer an older man.  Nevertheless,  he is a good provider and has landed a well paying IT job in Australia where they have emigrated. 

[I/O]

There are more, but flying under the radar.

Uh Uh, the RWD radars are beeping away just fine, but so long as the "flyboy" keeps just out of shooting range, we'll let the radar keep an eye on him and leave him in peace.

I/O

[BillyB]

Ya-Aus-Hick

9 years is considered pretty much normal by the vocal crew here at RWD.

Yozhik, Your relationship is more than normal compared to most here. There was an age gap poll some months ago and about 85% of the couples had a 10 or more years age gap.

[Bruce]

41 year old Westerner and 24 year old RW is the norm for most of the married guys ie.
15 years or so.  Best of luck - and I sure hope you change your icon!

[Yozhik]

Gents,

Thanks for the replies and the confirmation that my relationship was normal, not that I ever had any doubt of that. 

I fear though that I have been misunderstood in regards to the purpose of my post so if I may ellucidate as to the correct sentiment I intended to convey.

My fiance and I only have a 9 year difference

My post used the word only in an effort to reflect my belief that the age gap that we had was minor in relation to some couples.

I was in no way trying to convince anybody that my relationship was above the norm, in fact compared to a lot of the guys on here, my situation is positively humdrum in comparison!

My post was merely offering my opinion which I thought was what the original poster was requesting.

I hope this clears things up.

In addition: Age gaps are not just reserved for WM/RW relationships. A Russian colleague of mine was in his mid 50's and had a 22 yo girlfriend.

Cheers,
Yozhik

PS: Just for you Bruce, I will see what I can do about the avatar! 

[ScottinCrimea]

Much more important than YOUR age is HER age.

[KenC]

Much more important than YOUR age is HER age.

Scott,
I don't agree.  I think there is a sense of security in the mind of the RW when she selects a mature man.  This is something that we have never mentioned (to my recollection).  This may not even be a conscious decision made by the RW, but subconsciously she may feel safer taking a chance on a mature man as opposed to a young buck that may not be as stable. :brightidea:
KenC

[I/O]

I think there is a sense of security in the mind of the RW when she selects a mature man.  This is something that we have never mentioned (to my recollection). :brightidea:
KenC

KenC: I think that is a "Given".


I/O

[Gator]

A Russian colleague of mine was in his mid 50's and had a 22 yo girlfriend.

Fairly common.  Russians refer to such men as sponsors.  Americans tend to think of such men as covered in a yellow and red candy wrapper.  There are even "introduction" sites for people not looking for love - it ain't eharmony!

http://www.sugardaddie.com

http://www.sugardaddyforme.com

[Bruce]

Not you Yozhik - your avatar is great!  Phantom - who is that anyway?  Is that supposed to be U2 lead singer on acid or what???

[phantom]

Gator, those links were something, I never seen those before.   Bruce, yes it's U2 lead singer, he seems to be on something.

[phantom]

Okay,

Now I'm back with a couple of questions.  I'm still thinking about this, gonna be making a descision here soon.  But, okay first question.  What if we have a few things in common?  As she knows the age difference, what are things I should discuss with her?