Teaching moment, learn from another's missteps Part 1

[Eduard]

I've always wondered why there seems to be an unusually high concentration of pretties in the former Stalingrad-Volshky area. Any explanations ?

Maybe it's something to do with so many Kazaki there? That girl that I knew was Kazachka...man what a beauty she was...

[SANDRO43]

Maybe it's something to do with so many Kazaki there?

Not the ones I had in mind, they are very European-looking .

[Taz]

@ Mark2353 - I'll be going back pretty soon. I plan to go to Ukraine in April. I am generally tired of dealing with the Russian visa junk. Send off my passport, wait a long time or pay a huge premium to get it quickly. All in all, it isn't worth it to me. I enjoy Ukraine as much, if not more, and my costs are reduced when I travel there. I typically can take a train or rent a car to where I want to go. In Russia most of the places I want to visit aren't easy to reach quickly by a train or to drive.

I happen to love Siberia and have made great friends there. In terms of beautiful women, I'd say Mariupol (Ukraine) is first and then Tomsk(Russia) are the top 2 I've seen. Of course there are some beautiful Moskvichka (women from Moscow) but I'd look in the other 2 places first. Moscow is quite expensive to stay in and Tomsk requires an airline ticket as I won't spend 2+ days on a train again just to get there. On the plus side I know Moscow quite well and Tomsk even better. Still I'll take the $700-$1000 cost savings and go to Ukraine instead. I'll use that money to return more frequently.

So if you are willing to go to Ukraine mid-April, look me up. That means send me a PM.

[Eduard]

Not the ones I had in mind, they are very European-looking .

I think you missunderstood me. When I said Kazaki I menat Kossaks (that's how it's spelled in Russian) You probably thought I was referring to people from Kazakhstan? We call them Kazahi. I can see how you would get confused with only one letter difference

[mark2353]

Taz,
I do have to go to Volgograd. However depending on how my date goes +/- there I might have lots of free time to go to Ukraine. Which is a place that I would really rather visit. So I will stay in contact and will let you know the status of my adventure. How easy would it be to fly from Volgograd to "Ukraine"?

[Eduard]

Actually many Russians are openly racist. I see women's ads all the time where they say "no dark skinned people" They mostly mean Arabs, Turks because those guys also like pretty Russian girls and persue them relentlessly. Some women will say "Slavic men only!"
But from what I've seen and heard personally, there is definitely a prejudice against non-European looking people. It might not be that much different than anywhere else, but Russians do not seem to try to hide it as people do in western society.

[Shadow]

Actually many Russians are openly racist. I see women's ads all the time where they say "no dark skinned people" They mostly mean Arabs, Turks because those guys also like pretty Russian girls and persue them relentlessly. Some women will say "Slavic men only!"
But from what I've seen and heard personally, there is definitely a prejudice against non-European looking people. It might not be that much different than anywhere else, but Russians do not seem to try to hide it as people do in western society.

There is a difference in telling you do not look for someone as a partner and being racist. Russians do not hide it because they were not told it is wrong to tell your opinion (as long as it is not about the government ).

[Eduard]

There is a difference in telling you do not look for someone as a partner and being racist.

I didn't mean just dating websites. I hear it all the time in real life when I'm in Russia.
And you are right - political correctness is a relatively obscure term in Russia as of yet.

[Taz]

I just returned from a trip to Ukraine. I'll be posting an update when I get a chance to finish writing it and proofing it but most importantly when I get a chance to heal from a pretty serious injury I sustained while there.

Let's just say I almost died while there and I am still feeling the effects from the injury. I am still not sure if I will recover any time soon. I am hoping I won't ultimately have any permanent damage from what occurred but I won't have a better idea until after the next few days. I am going to a specialist in the morning to hopefully ascertain the extent of the damage.

I am truly lucky to be alive. Based on the research I've done I probably should have died but thankfully my reactions where quick enough to save me. Unfortunately they were not quite quick enough to prevent me from being hurt at all. I'll post more details in the next week or so.

[myrddin]

Taz,
We all wish you a quick and complete recovery.

[catzenmouse]

We wish you quick healing and are thinking good thoughts for your specialist appointment!

Ken

[Taz]

Thanks to all of your kind words. I am going to get some rest. The details of this last trip will be something worth reading.

[Eduard]

I just returned from a trip to Ukraine. I'll be posting an update when I get a chance to finish writing it and proofing it but most importantly when I get a chance to heal from a pretty serious injury I sustained while there.

Let's just say I almost died while there and I am still feeling the effects from the injury. I am still not sure if I will recover any time soon. I am hoping I won't ultimately have any permanent damage from what occurred but I won't have a better idea until after the next few days. I am going to a specialist in the morning to hopefully ascertain the extent of the damage.

I am truly lucky to be alive. Based on the research I've done I probably should have died but thankfully my reactions where quick enough to save me. Unfortunately they were not quite quick enough to prevent me from being hurt at all. I'll post more details in the next week or so.

Taz, what happened? Hope you feel better soon!

[Taz]

My latest trip has been a very interesting trip. I returned to Ukraine for a little over a week. I originally had wanted to go for 2 weeks but the demands of work prevented it so I went for just one and plan to go back in a few weeks. I rented a car again and drove over 3000km in 7 days. As already mentioned I am literally lucky to be alive. I’ll delve into that a little bit later in one of the next installments. I went to a specialist today. They did a CAT (CT) scan. I’ll likely know the results by Monday at the latest. I’ll just say it was blunt force trauma and they doctor said I was truly lucky to be alive. It could take me a while to recover and I am in a lot of pain but I am taking a lot of meds at the moment to try and reduce it. Nothing seems to get rid of the pain but it does sometimes get down to not quite manageable pain level.

My flight arrived early in Kyiv which as great. Turned out the passport control line was the slowest I’ve ever encountered. I stood in queue for about 45 minutes. They only had 3 agents on duty to handle the load. There was a floater that would take airline crew members only. Once the crew was gone, he’d leave rather than help out with the load. By the time I got to baggage claim, all my stuff was gone. The next plane’s stuff had arrived and my suitcases had vanished. I finally tracked them down after about 20 minutes of searching and asking the less than helpful staff there. Thankfully I can speak Russian or it would have been longer.

I was able to contact a woman I had previously met; Lana. She was the woman I had a chance to go ice-skating with that JD treated pretty poorly. I ultimately was able contact her after the fiasco with the phone card and JD.

I contacted her on short notice about possibly meeting me in Kyiv. I asked her to meet me at the end of the month but she said she couldn’t. I was sort of bummed out about but she said she could come the first part of the month. Apparently her work is very busy at month’s end and she couldn’t leave. Her vacation isn’t normally until end of summer but she was able to arrange sick leave on short notice. She was responsible enough to wait until after the end of the month so as to not overload her co-workers. Even thought it was a little bit of a let down, I still appreciated her strength of character to not let burden her coworkers needlessly.

She asked if we could stay a day or two in Kyiv so she could relax after the long train ride. I said if she really wanted to we could. I was having difficulty with an apartment in Kyiv where I could park a car but finally found one. I arrived earlier than her so I had a day to kill. While I like Kyiv to some extent, I prefer other parts of Ukraine a lot more than Kyiv.
I had arranged a car rental with a different company than who I normally. Just before I arrived, I was told the car I had reserved several weeks ago wasn’t available. They were willing to give me a bigger car instead of the one I rented. Turns out they also wanted to charge me more as well. Even though I was promised a particular car and reserved it well in advance, I was stuck with a bigger car at a vastly higher price. I tried the agency I normally use but they had nothing available on a 2-day notice except for something really expensive which is what I already had.

I arrived in Kyiv and got the car. It was a pretty big car for Ukraine, a Ford Mondeo. It had a very big trunk and pretty new but a color that was sure to stand out, gold. I’d have preferred black or silver. Gold isn’t a very popular color and I prefer the car to blend in more. I prefer the darker colors that are less of a target for police and thieves. The rental agent was anal about pointing out chips in the windshield, scrapes on the door, etc. so I knew I better be extra careful about any damage to the car.

After getting the car I headed to the apartment. Nobody was there to meet me so I waited for about an hour or so. Finally a lady arrived and I paid and sent her on her way. I unloaded my rental car. It was a very nice apartment in the city center. Not smack dab on Kreshatik but about 2km away or just 2 metro stops. I realized I needed to get a local phone card so I could phone my date; Lana. Unfortunately all the earlier delays with luggage, passport control and the maid for the apartment meant most places were closed when I went to search for a local phone card.  I finally found a place to buy a card and immediately called my date. She was pleasantly surprised to hear from me. It was about 11PM at night and I felt a little guilty calling so late but she was glad I did. I told her I’d meet her at the train station.

[Taz]

I went back to the apartment and got some sleep. Lana arrived at the train station the next morning. While putting on her nice leather boots, the zipper broke. This is like a traumatic even for RW when they footwear malfunctions. She’d obviously paid a lot of money for her boots and was really upset the zipper broke. I can understand her dismay.

So what could have been a nice meeting started off a bad foot (pardon the pun). I of course arrived with flowers and dressed nicely for the occasion. I could tell we needed to do something immediately about the boot situation. On the way back to the apartment we stopped at a market I say to see if we could find a place to fix her boots. We walked from kiosk to kiosk trying to find a repair place. Little did I know this would begin the footwear odyssey from hell!

I took her back the apartment and asked her if she wanted to freshen up. We then talked and I suggested maybe we leave Kyiv immediately that day rather than the next. She really wanted to get her boots fixed so after she freshened up; she decided that we should look again for a place to fix them. I understood how important this was to her. It was a matter of inconvenience AND image. She wanted to look good and having a boot falling off your foot didn’t exactly help her image.

We weren’t having much luck finding a place to repair the boots in Kyiv. Every place we stopped at the master (head repairman in Russian-speak) wasn’t home or couldn’t get to it for a day or two. I again suggested we head on to Odessa. Finally she acquiesced to my suggestion.

Odessa was a nice half-way point driving to Crimea which was my ultimate goal. The roads from Kyiv to Odessa are likely the best in Ukraine and probably better than any I’ve seen in Russia as well. It is often a 4 lane road as close to the autobahn as you are going to see in Ukraine. It is one of the few places where you will often see cars running 220 – 250 km/h (or kph [kilometers per hour]). It is also one of the few places where you can run that speed and not be killed by the terrible roads.

I pointed the car south and headed out of Kyiv. We finally hit the good roads and let the car rip. She was a little freaked out at the speeds I was running; typically 130-180 km/h. Sometimes a bit faster but I was pretty cautious with the snow tires on the car. I didn’t want to exceed their speed rating. They were actually great snow tires on the car; Nokians. Awesome tires in snow and ice and run them on some of my own cars.

We didn’t get more than an hour down the road (at least 3-4 to go) and Lana was already squirming in her seat. I know the potty dance when I see it; after a few children you learn the signs. As a gentlemen I of course asked if she wanted to use the facilities. Without hesitation I heard an emphatic “DA!” Of course you can’t always find one when you want one. A few more minutes went by and the potty dance became more active. At last we found one but it looked too nasty to use so I told her I would find a better one before she even had a chance to get out. I definitely banked a few more brownie points with that one.

At last, nirvana in the form of a clean toilet. A quick pit stop and back on the road. Lana asks me if I am hungry and actually I was a bit. I had brought some organic oatmeal that was really tasty but prepared it for her in the morning but I hadn’t eaten a thing all day. I said yes I was.

She reached into her plastic bag and pulled out a feast. She had half a roasted chicken, oranges, winter apples (small and tasty) and a few other things. I pull out a bottle of anti-bacterial handwash and explain its use. I put some on her hands and show her how to use. It is pretty obvious she is really liking it and the concept of it. Your hands dry nice and clean without a towel. Really handy in the FSU. She then whips out a paring knife and proceeds to slice and dice all the food up into tasty bits. She then proceeds to hand feed me while bombing down the road at about 150 km/h. Talk about service!

After we are sated from our mini-feast, we engage in some interesting repartee. We catch up on what’s happened since our last meeting. While conversing, I can tell she is a bit tired. Apparently someone in her coupe on the train snored like a locomotive and she had a hard time sleeping. It is obvious she isn’t used to riding in a car. She ultimately comments on that. She finally says she would have rather taken the train.

Well it looks like my car plan maybe wasn’t the best choice at this point. The roads are usually pretty stressful. Lana really isn’t digging the ride but she does like the car in general. On we press to Odessa. Warp 9 Mr. Sulu!

Since we got a late start out of Kyiv, it is almost dark already and we still aren’t to Odessa. I’d like to get there while light so I can find a hotel I’ve never been before its dark. We engage again in conversation. After a bit she is obviously tired so I invite her to take a quick nap. She tries to but after a few minutes her head is flopping around and she wakes up. She says she’d like to sleep more but her neck is hurting. I pull out my handy neck pillow for the airplane and she is impressed as all heck. It allows her to finally get some sleep and I get a few more brownie points in the bank.

Finally we are at Odessa I wake her up. I need some help to try and find a small hotel with apparently almost no lights on the streets. We wander around apparently aimlessly for a while when I finally spot the hotel. It is like a beacon of light on a dark winter night. Speaking of winter, I was glad to leave Kyiv as the weather wasn’t looking good and Crimea looked much better.

I had reserved a 2 room hotel room with double beds. I walk up to the administrator and she actually finds my reservation. Hotel looks pretty small but comfortable from what I can tell. Reservation is in hand, all is looking good so far. This is Ukraine so nothing (or almost nothing) ever goes as planned or as billed. So far it is going too smoothly. My secret Spidey sense is tingling. Something is going to go wrong but I just can’t put my finger on it yet.

Stay tuned for the next installment. I need to take a few meds before I can continue. I want to finish as much of this while I can. The pain is pretty bad tonight. After all the poking and prodding the doctors and specialists did today I feel pretty worn down.  I am bored as heck at home and about the only thing I have strength to do is sit at a keyboard. If my post isn't quite as entertaining as before, just chalk it up to the effects of the meds.

[Gator]

I am waiting for the account of your accident.  It must have been something really dreadful because everyone knows Tasmanian Devils are invincible.  Thank God for pain pills!

[Taz]

Honestly I am trying not to think about it too much Gator. It was a pretty vicious attack. If I didn't have quick reflexes I'd surely be dead. No hype here, just the facts. Writing at the moment is sort of cathartic for me. It allows me to let go of some of the bottled up emotions. I knew I had been hurt pretty seriously at the time but I have pretty strong endorphins so I couldn't really gauge how bad it was immediately.

For example was once stabbed by a short little illegal Mexican while living in Arizona. I was out roller skating and he wanted my money. I had on shorts and a t-shirt and no money as I had no pockets. He didn't believe me and threatened me with a pretty big knife. He lunged for me. At the moment he did that I kicked with my skate and caught him the jaw which shattered it with pieces of teeth falling out all over the ground. I saw blood on the ground and assumed it was his. Not exactly, it was mostly mine.

He had cut me from just below my navel all the way up to my sternum. I think I had something like 100 stitches at the time. Only by the grace of God did he not hit any major bodily organs. I didn't realize how bad I was hurt until I looked down and saw all the blood soaking my shirt and shorts, running down my leg into my skates and then over them onto the ground. I damn near died from shock but fortunately didn't.

Don't worry though, we'll get to the gore pretty soon. 

[Taz]

I pay for the room and that was my first clue. It was cheaper than what I was quoted. I knew right then something was wrong. The administrator hands me the key. The lift actually works and we go to our room. I open the door for Lana and she gasps. I am thinking WTF! Maybe its cockroaches or something bad like that. No, it is the room itself. It is the tiniest bleepin’ hotel room I think I’ve ever been in my life. The room is exactly 6”longer than the bed itself and about 18” wider. Immediately to the right of the entry door is the toilet. I could literally touch the crapper and sink while sitting on the bed if the sliding door to the “bathroom” was open.

You could sit on the toilet and wash your hands in the sink and easily turn on the shower, wash your feet at the same time and fold your clothes on the bed. Only good thing about it was it was a double bed that seemed pretty decent with good pillows. Almost forgot the
“best” thing about it was there no window! The only window in that room was the Microsoft Windows on my laptop.

Lana was in total shock. All my brownie points went pouring out of the bank like a Jesse James heist. Thank god I had told her before hand that I didn’t know much about the hotel other than it was in the center of town, supposedly clean and that they actually had a room available whereas most every where else was booked or wanted $$$$ every night. All true points and my earlier conversation with her as to why I choose this hotel kept at least a few brownie points in the bank.

She had no desire to stay in that room. I knew there were few other options. I didn’t want to deal with the issue as I was still jet lagged having arrived not that long before. I just wanted to sleep at that moment. I was pretty pissed off and she could sense it. Unfortunately at that moment she assumed I was pissed off at her because she wouldn’t sleep in the room with me. Honestly sex was the last thing on my mind at the point. She could have been a playboy bunny and totally naked lying on the bed and I would have preferred to sleep at that moment.

We go back to the administrator and ask to see a different room. They had a tourist “deluxe” and a business one. Both were pretty much the same EXCEPT they actually had windows. The business one even had a tiny desk. OMG! What luxury. I felt like Gilligan on Gilligan’s Island except this wasn’t a tropical paradise but I could have my own desk! Lana is not overly happy, I’ PO’d and want to sleep. We decide to just get another room like the first one.

I show her to that room. It is in a newer wing and appears quite than “my room” on the main corridor. I bring up my gear and it will barely fit in my room. Apparently I’ve brought enough gear to lay siege to a castle. More on that later.

We now have to resolve where to park the car. Apparently the nearest GUARDED parking place is a 20 minute walk back to the hotel once you’ve parked. My apartment earlier had a great place to park and the apartment was on the second floor so everything was pretty convenient. It looked like I’d have to park across from the all night mini-market. Just what I needed, a bunch of drunks coming out after getting some beer and barfing on the car. The that of leaving a car on the street in Kyiv, Moskva, Odesa, Piter, etc. is like letting a drunk blonde all asleep on your bed at a frat party…nothing good will ever come of it and the blonde will feel violated in the morning. I felt like sleeping in the car with a shotgun and some mace.

Lana told me to relax and not worry TOO much about it. Yea, easy for her to say, it was my 20,000 EURO (think 31,000 US at the current exchange rate) on the line if the car got stolen. We went to bed, our separate beds, with her still thinking I was PO’d that we were going to sleep in different rooms and I wouldn’t have a chance to get into her panties. I just wanted our 2-room (2 bedrooms) place I’d reserved. Twasn’t to be though. At least she’d sort of forgot about the boot issue.

Just as we got to her room, she said she was hungry. At this point I was dead on my feet and just wanted to be like the aforementioned blonde and be passed out on my bed just not anywhere near where I would be molested. I REALLY wanted to sleep. Driving at high speeds in UA and RU is like the motorized version of Russian roulette.

Gentlemen that I am, I turned to Lana and said “Get your own food BIATCH!” Of course I didn’t do that, I’m Taz, not JD! So I turned around and we went back to the car. Drove around aimlessly again while looking for someplace still open to eat at. I finally found a place that looked promising. She passed because it didn’t have “pierva bluda” or the first course. What this means is she wanted soup. Turns out Lana is a soupaholic in addition to being a maniac about shoe repair. Just kidding about the shoe repair. That is a mini-saga on its own.

I finally see what I remember from before was like a US mall. I steer her in that direction. We go in and most of the stores are closed BUT I can smell soup and so can she. We follow our nose like Toucan Sam, wherever it goes and we end up at this cafeteria. I despise Russian cafeterias as they are like e coli breeding grounds. In general I avoid them whenever I can. Lanochka isn’t going to be denied and she wants her soup.

Like a lamb to the slaughter I am dragged into this cesspool that passes as a restaurant. Frickin’ beets are everywhere. I grew up having to eat beets almost every dang day and now I hate them with a passion. There is beet soup (borsch), beet salad, another salad with beets and even more beets. They probably had beet juice but I must have missed it!

Finally I see something that I can actually stomach (or at least HOPE I can). It appears to be stuffed bell peppers. I’m in. I round up some bread, add a few blinchiki and meet Lanochka at the kassa (cashier) and pay. Even though most of the stores are closed or closing, the dining area is packed. Only one table is left. It is by some hooligans.

Actually it is inhabited by some teenagers and two girls that needed to be bitch-slapped into tomorrow. This one girl (#1) has a dried fish and keeps rubbing it on this boys head, through his hair and on his face. He keeps pushing it away but she keeps doing it to him. He is just minding his own business but she keeps abusing him. He is setting next to this other girl who just keeps telling him to be calm.

Well #1 isn’t happy that the boy is just trying to ignore her. She takes an almost empty Coke bottle and dumps what is left on his head. He’s done nothing to deserve this. He tries to remain as calm as he can. She comes to his side and starts rubbing the fish all over his now wet hair. This is hit for him. He tries to push her away but she keeps assaulting him. He pushes her away again and accidentally pushes on her breast. Wrong move for him. She takes two steps back from his chair, brings her leg back and kicks him as hard as she possibly can. This girl was about 18 years old and she isn’t a lightweight girl.

It moves his chair 2 feet easily and he is in a lot of pain. This was totally uncalled for. She then pounces on him and starts to beat the crap out of his face and head while he is still stunned from the vicious kick he took to the thigh. At this point I go get the security guard. As soon as she sees the guard, she leaves for a while until the guard walks away.

She is no highly pissed off at me for stopping her fun. She looks at me with daggers and all I think is try something and I’ll drop you like a sack of potatoes. I’ve seen what you’ll do to an unprepared boy and I’ll show you less mercy than you showed him. None of this BS about not hitting a girl because she sure as heck didn’t act like one. The boy is in obvious pain even after about 15 minutes. #1 had very pointed boots and did a lot of damage. She didn’t kick him just once either, there were 3 or 4 vicious blows to the leg.

She resumes rubbing the fish on him. Then she’ll some up and whacks him on the head with her hand while he isn’t looking. Then she spits in the Coke bottle and pours it on his head. As if that isn’t enough she goes to an empty table, pours the leftover coffee in the Coke bottle and then pours that on the boys head. As if this isn’t enough fun, a friend of hers stops by and joins in terrorizing this boy who is about 2-3 years younger than her.

That’s it for me. I go get security again and he asks every one to leave. The boy is trying hard not to show how badly he was hurt but he is pretty obviously limping and holding on to the other girl who was sitting next to him. That appears to be the future generation of RW so get a good one while you can!

So Lana and I finally make it back to our rooms. I am even more tired by now as if that is possible. I’ve slept maybe 6 hours in the past 60 and that was only in Kyiv. My little cave rooms seems pretty appealing at this point and hopefully no noisy neighbors. I know the next day will be filled with more traipsing around to shoe repair places. I’ve already added several additional words in Russian for various types of shoes. By now I am the Russian version of Al Bundy! That’s about all for now. I need some rest.

[Taz]

Sure enough, I became the Russian version of Al Bundy. I feel like I now know every shore store or repair place within a 5 sq. km. area in Odessa. We drove and drove and drove and drove and...drove looking for shoe stores or shoe repair places. Even when we finally gave up on it searching any further and decided to return to the hotel, we still looked on the way back to the hotel.

Now I have to give Lana high marks here for her ingenuity. Clever lady that she is, she took some black thread and a needle and sewed her boots back together so she could walk around more comfortably. It was hard to tell it was even in need of repair. However it was a PITA each time she needed to take one off to see if the master could repair it. I finally said lets just find another pair of boots or shoes until we can get these repaired.

So now we went from shop to shop trying to actually buy something in earnest. No luck. Found one pair but it was too expensive and she didn’t want me to buy them for her. Meanwhile I needed some gas in the car. Pretty soon she became my lookout to help find the best price. Considering gas was approaching $5/gal, any savings added up.

It was almost noon by now. We either had to pay for another day in our dungeons or check out. I asked Lana what did she want to do, go to Crimea or stay more in Odessa. She wasn’t enjoying Odessa that much and I could tell. She said she wasn’t against leaving but what did I want to do. I wanted to get the heck outta there.

We went back to the hotel and mutually decided to leave. She was a bit hungry so I suggested we return to the area we ate at before. This almost proved to be a relationship ending move. I loaded up the car and off we went. This time I had to pay $5 to park the darn car whereas before it was free.

We walk to the same cafeteria and I was hoping there would be good stuffed peppers as before. It wasn’t to be. Lana of course wanted soup. I looked around and didn’t see anything I really wanted to risk eating since we’d be on the road for the next 5 or 6 hours (or so I thought). She had found soup she wanted and a few others things. I noticed a grill that advertised shashlik so I thought I was set. I moseyed over to the grill and ordered shashlik. No dice. I’d have to wait at least 30 minutes before they were ready to cook. That wasn’t going to work at all. I remembered a pizza place on the other side of the mall and thought I’d cruise over there and find something I felt like eating and was safer.

I went by Lana and said I didn’t see anything that was interesting to me. I handed her 50 griven to make sure her lunch was covered and told her I’d meet her were we sat the night before. I left for the pizza place. I ordered a pizza and they said come back in 15 minutes. I wasn't thrilled about the wait as I knew Lana would have her food already.

I went back and sat down with Lana. I was met with an almost icy-cold reaction. Uh-oh. What the heck just happened? Someone apparently emptied what was left of my brownie bucket while I was gone. Bloody ‘ell, maybe she’d eaten all the brownies herself?

Our previously lively repartee was pretty much stone-cold silence. I was trying to figure out what happened and was going nowhere fast. Finally I had to dash to get my pizza. I came back and started munching it to the deafening silence at our table. Lana was PO’d for some reason that I couldn’t yet determine. I needed to get to the bottom of this quickly or we were going to have a miserable trip. After the hotel room and her thinking I was peeved we weren’t going to be in the same room I had to curtail the damage and quick!

While sitting there she handed me back the fifty I’d given her. WTF? I asked why did you give it back. She said why would I pay for the meal if I didn’t want to eat with her. She said she had no idea where I was going or where to meet me. I calmly said I told her I’d meet her where we ate last night. She was sitting at that exact table now so I am pretty sure she heard it and acted upon it if not really cognizant of that fact.

She said I was very impulsive and left her all alone. Obviously I didn’t want to eat with her and had bailed on her. I said, no that isn’t correct. I didn’t see anything I wanted to eat and I didn’t want to make her wait 30 minutes for shashlik. I made an immediate decision to find food somewhere else so we COULD eat together. I did the best I could under the circumstances. Obviously she wasn’t buying it at this point and she I was too impulsive and I had abandoned her. I reiterated it was an executive decision that had to be made immediately. I plan very carefully and I am not that impulsive as she might think.

So now I had to black marks against and not rightfully so. I’ll accept responsibility for my own actions but don’t damn me for something I’m not guilty of. After much too long of a time, we finally left. Every minute there was killing our relationship’s chances and I could feel it. I was in a big hole that I shouldn’t be in but I was determined to crawl back out of it. At least she held my hand on the way out and wasn’t too distant. There was still a chance yet.

[AnastassiaAsh]

Ohhh, Taz, I hope you are recovering fast and doing better!    I am so sorry you got hurt so much.  Thank you for still writing such an interesting story for us. You are very loyal.

[tim 360]

Hey Taz,  Wishing you a very speedy and painfree recovery from your injuries and thanks for posting you latest trip.  I hope things do get better for you, Cheers, tim360

[Taz]

Thanks for all the support from everyone. It is definitely heartening. On with the story.

Back on the highway but now the roads aren’t as good. It is later than I’d like and we won’t hit Simferopol before dark. We are heading east toward Kherson and finally we see the Black Sea. Both of our moods are lightened a bit. Lana seems to be less tired while riding in the car but still not exactly enjoying it. The first day was really rough on her. I know this stretch isn’t going to be much fun. The roads suck and I heard there was some major road construction.

Since I am going to be a day earlier than planned, I call my apartment contact (since he didn’t reply to email). He’s not home but I get his wife. I can hear the almost panic in her voice when I said I emailed before about a change in plan and I’ll be earlier. She says to call back. I wait about 30 minutes and call back.

Apparently the apartment I’d reserved isn’t available until later. She’s found another one but it is twice as expensive. Apparently my original one isn’t going to be available either. Ahhh, the joys of Ukraine. I tell her we’ll be there in about 5 hours. Boy was I wrong!

Things are going pretty well. There is always a “but” in Ukraine. The but here was things were great BUT I got stopped by the police. Damn gold card already was getting in the way. I was in the middle of a line of black BMW’s and I stood out like the black guy at a KKK rally but in reverse. Ok, I was the only white guy at the Million March in DC in this instance. Here we go again. About 20 minutes later I’m back on the road without speaking any Russian. Now Lana needs to make a pit stop, again and again and again. I swear this woman is either pregnant or has a bladder the size of a thimble. I am hoping the latter rather than the former. I don’t need a chick with a bun in the over unless I am the one who helped bake it in the first place!

Ok after too many numerous pit stops to mention, we are finally into Crimea. Then the next but occurs. We were cruising along pretty well BUT then we encountered road construction. This was a capital type project. In other words major capital expenditures to TOTALLY tear up the dang highway. Now it was dark and we are guided off the main road to drive through a GD field! I am not joking. I was driving through a rutted field better suited for a tractor than a car. There was mud and rocks and lots of stuff just waiting to tear up the car (and my wallet along with it).

It took forever to get through this and the truck (who I couldn’t pass) almost tipped over a time or two. I think I spent a good 2 hours on this 30 mile stretch. Immediately we are WAY behind schedule. At $5/gallon I am not going to hammer the throttle too much in this fairly big car.

We break free from the last vestiges and rubble from the construction zone and I decided to hammer it a bit anyway. I call the apartment contact and update our ETA. We make relatively good time but driving on crappy UA/RU roads when its dark isn’t my idea of fun. We finally hit Simferopol and it has rained not long ago. I already know this is going to be a MAJOR PITA! Simf has severe issues with road flooding. There is almost no drainage at all. A Lada in front of my picks the wrong path and immediately ends up in water above its wheels and a stalled motor. It takes me 45 minutes to get through Simf rather than the normal 15 or so.

We finally bust loose from Simf so now on to Sevastopol. I am relaxing a bit now. I know in that less than hour I’ll be able to relax and have a better time. Of course that was until the road was closed because of a bad accident. I ended up with the detour from hell. Finally get into town and meet the lady to help us find the owner of the apartment. What a CF that was. We drive to where we should meet and no lady.

Apparently someone messed up and we are at the wrong bus stop. We drive a bit more and finally meet the lady who owns the apartment. There is dog with her it appears but on closer inspection it is another lady. Good she was fugly.

We go into the apartment and Lana says she’ll wait in the car. I speak with the lady who owns the apartment but the pit bull, errr lady, keeps interrupting and telling me what a great apartment it is and the price is so reasonable, yada yada yada. I almost told the one lady to muzzle her pit bull. I calmly reply I am quite familiar with the apartment market in Sevastopol as I’ve been her many times starting about 10 years ago.

I explain that while it is a nice apartment, I originally had one rented for actually less than half the price. I negotiate a better price but I tell her I must confer with Lana. It does have a nice double bed but only a single bedroom. Lana of course will think…I know what she will think; a repeat of the hotel in Odessa.

So off I go to get Lana. She comes back with me. She is VERY impressed with the apartment. I take her outside and ask her if she could possibly stand to stay there for a few days. She said yes, BUT it is only one bedroom. Again those damn BUTS again. I offer to sleep on the couch but she says don’t worry about it. The apartment is fine.

So I go back in and close the deal. I move all our gear in. We are the first people in since the all new remodeling.  She seems to like it and we have a great place to park the car. We are in a pretty good location as well. She decides she wants the couch. Who am I to argue with her? She says she is a bit hungry so that can only mean one thing...SOUP!

[Taz]

Sure, where are you going to find soup at almost 11PM at night? I tell her we need to hurry or everything will be closed. We drive around and most everything is closed near us. I head toward the port. I know some places that will be open for sure. I find a place that I enjoy that has pretty good burritos and chili con carne. I ask her if she wants some SOUP that I really love. Soup? Did someone say soup? Her face lights up like a kid at Christmas. She’ll be glad to try the soup.

We arrive at the place. Walk in and it is absolutely jammed with people. I am reading the menu and I hear some English voices. There are 4 Americans looking totally out of their element. Turns out they were in the Navy and their ship was in port. None of them spoke a word of English. I order burritos and chili con carne. I return to listening to the sailors. After listening to them for a bit I walk over and ask if can help them to translate. I read of the menu for them and all the while they look at me like I have 2 heads.

Finally one sailor says “Dude, you speak better English than the CO on the ship!” I then make a mock Russian accent and say I studied in the US. I played with them for a bit before finally telling them I was an American. They were just dumbfounded. Lana was getting a kick out of it too.

Our food comes and I excuse myself. Lana smells the soup and likes what she smells. Then she takes a bite of the soup and instant 5 alarm fire. Her face goes red; ears go read, mouth opens up and then the unmistakably sound of OSTREE! This means spicy in Russian. She seems to really like the soup but is having a bit of trouble with its spiciness.

She does finish and really liked it but a bit too spicy for her. Her burrito arrives and she loved it. Ate it all and I could tell that even though it was a new taste, she was open to it. It’s getting late and time to head back to the apartment.

Arrive back at the apartment and a dog is lying in front of the door so that we can’t open it. I had a terrible experience with a dog before in Russia that required an extended hospital visit. I have no desire for a repeat. Finally get the dog to move away and we go to sleep; Lana on the couch, me in the bed.

Next get up early and guess what? She wants to find a place to repair her boot. So off we go again. At least here I am on very familiar turf. I cruise out to the big market only to find it’s closed. I have no idea what day or date it is as this point. I’ve pretty much lost track of days. It happens to be a day the market is closed. Here we go again I am thinking.

So now we are driving all over Sevastopol. I finally find a place advertising shoe repair that is open. After a few minutes of discussion with the lady behind the counter and explaining how dire the situation is, she takes it back to the master. He doesn’t want to fix it now but says to tell us to leave and come back later. Our story has been persuasive and the lady pushes him to do it for us now. We can hear it all.

She comes back with a smile on her face and says wait a few minutes and he will see what he can do. 10 minutes later the boot is back and usable again. Grand total…6 griven ($1.20). I spent more in gas and time than the cost of the repair by a factor of 100. Lana is really happy now and gives me a big spontaneous hug. She is thrilled to have her boots back to normal and wants to explore things. Regardless we’ve wasted a half day. It’s too late to really go anywhere special so we just cruise around Sevastopol for a while.

In the evening we go to Balaklava. We get there a little late but it is still pretty to see. We walk along the port and see all the expensive yachts there. A few years ago all you’d see where the local fishing skiffs. Now you see yachts there costing more than the average Ukrainian would make in 5 lifetimes!

We head back to S’pol. I see the sign for Khersones and she wants to stop. I explain that is isn’t open at night but we decide to drive there toward there anyway. What the heck, let’s burn up some more $5/gal fuel. After all it is supposed to be a vacation…

Surprisingly the traffic is absurdly busy heading that way. After about 10km of this I decide to bail out and head back to our apartment. On the way back I see a very nice supermarket and suggest we buy supplies. An hour and half later we walk out with a ton of groceries. We are pretty well stocked for the next few days for sure. Most interesting part was deciding on what “bacon” to buy. They all looked more like salo to me than bacon. In other words mostly fat and little meat. Back to the apartment at last and a good nights rest. I have plans for the next day.

My plan is to go to Sudak but that is on the other side of Crimea. I tell Lana let’s go early tomorrow as it is about a 5 hour drive depending on traffic and weather. Tomorrow is supposed to be a nice day. I am pretty happy we left Kyiv and Lana is visibly relaxing now. She is being more playful and starting to warm up to me.

[Taz]

We get up the next day fairly early but we don’t get an early start. Lana wants to eat before we go and I don’t mind. My plan is to go to Sudak but as they say doo-doo happens. On the way there, Lana decides she wants to stop at the little castle on the cliff near Yalta; aka the Swallows Nest.

Before we even get there Lana wants to stop at almost every lookout point along the coastal road we are driving on. I’ve been on this road more times than I care to remember but I still appreciate its scenic beauty. Downside is I REALL want to make Sudak today. The weather is awesome and it would ideal for walking around the fortress grounds.

Every 15km or so we are stopping for a photo op. Lana is also actively keeping an eye on fuel prices for us. She is damn good at economizing and I really appreciate it. I remember a gorgeous church up on a hill but it will be a bit of a detour. I decide to surprise and she is stunned by its location and beauty. More photos and back on the road.

She sees the signs for Yalta and remembers the castle there. So of course we need to detour. I wanted to stop there on the way back as it’s a beautiful day and I don’t want to waste the pristine weather on something not as important to me. I curve off the main road to stop by the castle.

We follow the winding road down to the sea and we find the entrance to the castle. They want us to pay just to drive down to it. I fork over a wad of griven so we can drive down there. By not it is pit stop time for Lana. She is immediately in search of a toilet. I try to find a parking place. Great, there are only 3 little slots and they are all occupied. I wait in the car by all the souvenir stands while Lana is on a recon mission for the toilet. Finally a black BMW (is there any other color for a BMW in Ukraine or Russia?) leaves.

I grab the spot and hop out. I start taking a few pics when after a few minutes some guy walks over. He asks me how long I am going to be. I said only a few minutes. He tells where I am parked is reserved for the restaurant only. Are we going to eat? I said likely not but is it ok to park a few more minutes. He surprisingly says ok.

Lana still isn’t back yet. Apparently she has hiked to the next oblast (region) to find a toilet. My parking guy is getting impatient that we haven’t left yet. It isn’t like there is anyone else looking for the parking space AND it isn’t exactly there is anyone else even there besides us that might even remotely resemble customers for the souvenir stands.

I decide to ask him how much just to get him off my back. I fork over another wad of grivna. Meanwhile time is slipping away and we aren’t even half way to Sudak. At last Lana returns. She now wants to browse the souvenirs. I suggest we take photos first while the light is still good. Nope, has to be the souvenirs first. Ok, souvenirs first and then photos. Sometimes arguing with RW isn’t worth the effort. I prefer to pick my battles carefully. I’ve already snapped the pics I want so it is her problem if she doesn’t have good light.

Finally we complete our photo ops and pile back in the car. We make it back to the main road before without Lana inquiring about another pit stop for a toilet. I had been chatting with the guy who raped me for parking and he reminded me of something I’d almost forgot; the road to Baichisarai.

This road is pretty interesting. It takes from about sea level up to and over the mountains into central Crimea. To say this is a serpentine road would be an understatement. I ask Lana if she is interested and of course she is. I know already that Sudak is shot for the day but I haven’t said anything to Lana. It isn’t that important to her.

[Taz]

So off we go. It was about +12C on the main road. As our elevation increases the temps steadily decrease. While there was absolutely no snow in S’pol of Simf, it is obvious there is lots of snow on top of the mountain. The road sort of reminds of those in the US in Colorado while going over the Continental Divide. While not as high, the rapid change in elevation is comparable. It sort of reminds me of the road up Pike’s Peak except that road is MUCH wider.

This road is pretty much a single track road. Royal PITA when you meet another car. Meeting a truck on this road is like make love to a porcupine, it is done very carefully. Thankfully only 2 trucks to deal with on the way up. We keep climbing and climbing. I point out this beautiful waterfall to Lana. Of course we must stop. We take a few nice pictures and off we go. It truly was a beautiful falls. I’d guess about 30m high or maybe more.

We continue the climb and now the road is totally snow packed. Thank god we have snow tires on the car. First time I’ve truly had to use them. I am thinking going down is going to be pretty treacherous but the view is magnificent as we climb so it’s worth the trip. Well worth the trip assuming I don’t launch the car off the edge of the many cliffs. It reminds me a lot of the days I spent dirt bike racing on some of the cross country events. We’d sometimes be on the high and fast fire roads. One mistake and it could be your last one here.

Almost every turn is without a barrier. Most every turn now has a fatal or close to fatal drop if you blow the turn. After about an hour of solid driving we are almost to the top. Finally we crest the first major ridge. It looks like we come to settlement in Alaska. Where are the Eskimos? The people living here are definitely NOT ethnically Ukrainian or Russian!

I continue on past the ridge and across a vast plateau. I show Lana all the radar domes perched on the mountain peaks. Most are for meteorological data but also used for defense as well. There is a military detachment stationed up here if you look closely for it. They typically sleep near Yalta but work up here. A lot of comm towers up here too. We drive along this rutted road that has snow about 3 feet high to the sides of the road. One mistake and it’ll cost a fortune to get the car unstuck.

I drive over to another settlement I know of. It is more like a shopping area in the middle of nowhere. Not big but 2 decent restaurants. There are typically a few snowmobiles up here and today was no exception. They are Russian made and about 10 years behind the tech used in the US.

The buildings up here are the typical type you’d see in a very snowy and windy climate. They are single story with an outer perimeter that opens up to an enclosed courtyard. I point out the toilet to Lana as she was already doing her subtle potty dance in the car. I’d rather p!$$ on a tree than use the toilet here. Times like this I pity women. Russian toilets are typically do disgusting that I don’t know how the women can use them.

We go on into the restaurant. We have a pretty good meal and Lana was quite impressed with the food quality. Excellent lavash (type of Georgian bread). Actually the lavash was awesome. I ordered 2 of them and Lana thought I was crazy when she saw it arrive. It was the size of a Frisbee and twice as thick. I told her I wanted some for the road.

Exit the restaurant and go to the tourist trap, I mean souvenir stand. It is a scenic view though perched on the edge of the cliff. You have a wonderful view of the Black Sea and Yalta below. I then point out to her the funicular. What the heck is a funicular you might ask?

Glad you asked that question son. A funicular is sort of catch-all word in Russian, and it exists in the English language as well, for a variety of types of transport. Typically it is a lift in Russia/Ukraine that is operated by a rope or cable. Think cable car or ski lift and you get the idea. In Kiev it is sort of a tram on a hillside.

I invite Lana to take the funicular back down the mountain almost to the coast. She says sure until she sees the prices. Then she balks. She says that is too expensive and I’ve spent enough money on her already today. I explain it may be her only opportunity to ever do this so we should do it anyway. She feels very uncomfortable but I buy the tickets anyway. Only problem is we won’t have much time at the bottom. The day has already slipped away and the last car is at 4PM. I don’t even want to think how much a taxi would be back up to our car.

Lana resigns herself to the ticket cost and we get on the car. Pretty empty except for 2 other people. Lana starts to snuggle against me and I of course return the favor. It was a delightful ride there and back. I was listening to an interesting conversation on the way back up. A female military officer was chatting with the funicular attendant on the cable car. Apparently the attendant was inquiring if there was a particular Sasha in her command. The officer proceeded to give the young lass the rundown on Sasha and to tell her she would keep an eye on him for her. The officer was quite attractive even in her fatigues. First time I’ve even seen a RW in cammies and she definitely looked good. While no longer in her 20’s (likely late 30’s) she would have been smokin’ hot  in her 20’s.

Back at the top Lana says lets go on to Sudak. I calmly explain that now is a little too late. She says c’mon, let’s go. I again explain it will be dark soon and won’t be much to see. The roads are pretty serpentine there as well. We still need to get back down off this mountain without getting killed. It’s below freezing now and the day was warm enough snow could have melted and will now be ice. A 20% grade with snow and ice on it, switchback turns and no guardrail is NOT my idea of fun in a rental car in a foreign country. Thankfully I am used to driving in a snowy climate. Again I am glad that I made sure the rental car had snow tires.