Ideal Age?

[catzenmouse]

It all comes down to the individuals involved and what they are comfortable with. I didn't know Elena's age when we met. What I did know was that we had some good chemistry to begin with and we had enough in common to want to find out more about each other. Our difference is 17 years and it works for us just fine.

Keep in mind that the bigger the gap the more issues are likely to come up and the more work it will be for the couple to be successful. Doesn't mean that issues won't come up anyway regardless of the difference just that there are more opportunities the larger the number is.

FWIW,
 Ken

[BC]

BC - ok advice for a newbie, but one has to look at the pictures to prioritize visits at some point.  I am sure you would (think about it).

Yeah, I'd peek if things looked promising.

[Jazzyclassy]

Bruce  I think you are very emotional in here , no need to react like that, are you blaming me for being young and thinking like I think , I stopped commenting on about all those people with their huge age gaps long time ago, why do not you allow  me to be myself in the first place?

I post much less especially for you so do not you worry

But my opinion is still the same, age gap it is rather important and serious issue and if people do not see it as something to consider , that is their own problems, if you want to be 70 y.o and your wife to be 30 ready to give birth( I exaggerate of course) , well that is a person's own choice, but do not expect everybody to follow this way!

[Simoni]

What I did know was that we had some good chemistry to begin with and we had enough in common to want to find out more about each other. Our difference is 17 years and it works for us just fine.

Good post, Catz.  You too, Bruce.

The reality is that the age difference in couples is not what is important. What is important is compatibility.

Here at RWD, with our international couples, the wife is typically 15-20 years younger.  And these marriages appear to be much stronger and closer than most marriages.

[Jazzyclassy]

Everyone has their own tolerance level. Lil and I are 10 yrs different in age. I worried about it being too much, but she didn't. Her Ex was 7 yrs older (incidentally so is mine) Her Mom was 2 years older than her Dad. My Mom is 2 1/2 years younger than my Dad. What does it all mean? who knows...  :noidea:

Jet, I was trying to say that in my surrounding and in my family none had any huge age gap, which influenced my vision of how marriage should look like. I think the topic of age gap is so much worn out, we all know there are a lot of lonely americans in their late 40s and 50s and 60s and a lot of lonely rather young eastern women, they happen to meet and create families , some  families like this survive some occur to be total scam, it all depends on situation, people , and what they want from their life.
Some women are searching for a better life and they know those Western men can give that to them, some really search for love and happiness , some are searching for something else, so it is really a matter of personal choice

You all keep telling you did not know the age of your future partner how come ? I mean how can you communicate with a person not knowing how old she was? :)rather strange reason to make people believe you just had chemistry and nothing else really mattered , well maybe .........

[catzenmouse]

You all keep telling you did not know the age of your future partner how come ? I mean how can you communicate with a person not knowing how old she was? :)rather strange reason to make people believe you just had chemistry and nothing else really mattered , well maybe .........

Jazzy, I've said this before here many times so please try to keep your facts straight before you comment.

I met Elena when I was in Omsk. We did not write or even know of each other before we met in person.

[Jet]

Jet, I was trying to say that in my surrounding and in my family none had any huge age gap, which influenced my vision of how marriage should look like.

I agree, in my surrounding and in my family none had any huge age gap either, and that influenced my vision at the beginning as well, but over the last five years I've come to see that the larger gap had very little bearing on the relationship overall. What was more important was our compatibility, as Catz pointed out 

[Rvrwind]

It all comes down to the individuals involved and what they are comfortable with. I didn't know Elena's age when we met. What I did know was that we had some good chemistry to begin with and we had enough in common to want to find out more about each other. Our difference is 17 years and it works for us just fine.

Keep in mind that the bigger the gap the more issues are likely to come up and the more work it will be for the couple to be successful. Doesn't mean that issues won't come up anyway regardless of the difference just that there are more opportunities the larger the number is.

FWIW,
 Ken

Well said Ken & I could agree more.
There was a time, not long ago that I was on the other side of the fence. But in reflection of my own past relationships & those around me, I have come to realize that age don't really mean squat. It is the individuals in the relationship & whether or not the relationship will work.
Valya & I are 17 years apart as well & it works for us. I met tons of other ladies during my time in Russia, of all ages, & you know what. Every one was an individual, just like every one of us on this board. We are all different & that is what makes us all unique.
In relationships a certain amount of sameness is a desirable quality but also a bit of unsameness is also desired. Only with the right quantity of each can a relationship flourish.
Finding the right woman/man anywhere & holding on to her/him is not easy, doing it with all the barriers we have placed before us in our pursuits says much for the character of those who have been successfully married for 3 years or more IMHO, both men & women.
We are all different & the same & it is that which brings us together.

[BradSTL]

Jazzy--- one thought about all this--- its been mentioned here before, but to repeat:

Age differences begin to diminish as you get older.  The age difference between two people that are ages 15 and 20 is astonishing;  between 30 and 35 much less dramatic;  between 35 and 40 virtually non-existent.

I have noticed that many (certainly not all) profiles of Russian women vary dramatically when they reach 30 years of age.  They are more tolerant of dating men in their late 40's and 50's.  It seems to me that every year under the age of 30 will prompt them to be more restrictive on the age range of men.

Perhaps (as other have posted here) many people develop firmer preferences, maturity, and thought patters when they reach the age of 30 (some vary in this regard).

These are just loose observations of mine.  It seems to me that many Russian women live at home with their parents during their 20's, but somewhere after the age of 30 many leave home and establish their own lives.  This may be different in Moscow from the provincial/oblast cities and villages.  What are your observations?

[SANDRO43]

Hey, Sandro, good eyes!! Yes, that is an A Major. I finger it a little differently for my fat fingers and easier transitions to D Maj.

Isn't the usual transition an A 7th ?

Do you play?

Used to, then moved on to a keyboard and later on to an orchestra (MIDI, that is, I use a sequencer for orchestrations) .

[Taz]

Jazzy--- one thought about all this--- its been mentioned here before, but to repeat:

Age differences begin to diminish as you get older.  The age difference between two people that are ages 15 and 20 is astonishing;  between 30 and 35 much less dramatic;  between 35 and 40 virtually non-existent.

This is why I suggested using a PERCENTAGE of your age rather than a fixed number of years. It easily allows for this.

For me personally, I didn't know the exact age of the RW I dated in 99% of the time. I could guess based on her appearance but I could still be off by 5 or more years quite easily. I've almost never used agencies and about 90% of my relationships have been through meeting women on the street.

As for women with children. make sure you know what you are getting yourself into. You need to build a relationship with the woman AND her child(ren). No offense to RW but their children are some of the most spoiled I've ever seen. They make some of those girls on the "Sweet 16" show on MTV look like angels. In case you haven't seen that show, it is about girls how are going to have their sweet 16 birthday party. Typically they come from very rich families and are spoiled to the point of being obnoxious. Can you say Drama Queen? I can't tell you how many Russian children I've seen that would easily surpass the terrible behavior of the girls on this show. Check the show out sometime. It will give you a taste of what you might be in for.

I am not saying all Russian children are like that but there are far more than the women will care to admit. I strongly urge any of you considering marrying RW with children that you have a very frank discussion about parenting or that child will RULE your relationship when your new family arrives. To me this is a far more important issue than age gap. The stories I could tell in this area would make you seriously think twice about marrying an RW with children.

I know at least 20 RW who married American men here. About half of them had existing Russian children. About 70% of the had children with their new men. Of the women that had existing children, about 80% of them are incredibly difficult children. I don't know if the women specifically try to over compensate for dad (typically) not being around or that all the time they spend with the grandparents and get spoiled but I know I don't ever want to be a part of that again.

If I ever marry a RW with child(ren) again I will spend even far more time than I did with the child to have the best idea of that child's character. Don't just take her word for it when she talks about the child's character. This is another reason why you SHOULD learn the language so you can communicate with the child.

I will tell you right up front that it will ALWAYS be the mother and child(ren) AGAINST you when push comes to shove. It doesn't matter how bad that child is, when it comes down to it, blood is thicker than water in a Russian relationship. My Ukrainian ex's daughter tried to kill my son by strangling him and guess who she sided with? Her daughter! She thought that somehow my son who was much smaller and younger could have done something to warrant her daughter's reaction. Yea, my son didn't give her HIS toy that SHE wanted. Forewarned is fore armed here!

[mspanky]

 I think age may play a part in a lot of large gap failures. Over 20 years. Why? Body changes and you start to slow down,health issues. Noone imagines why age may make a difference because they don't want to.   But take this example. As it is the other side.

 A 25 year old man marries a 40 year old woman who is very attractive. They have 1 or 2 kids before she hits 45. When she is 55 the man is 40. He still wants to do things she does'nt want to. He sees other men his age with young wives doing / He also notices he gets strange looks when he introduces "his wife". He sees her body aging while the women available to him are young and nubile.

 Same thing happen with many women. I know a Czech girl who married a man 22 years older. She was happy and relieved to marry him when she met him there. She is good friends with another Czech girl I know(so I'm privy to info). The marriage is at it's final stage. Why? Because what looked to be a great catch for her in the Czech Republic is no more. Now she complains about his body,his snoring, the fact he makes love in one position and has erectile problems, he's cheap(not really from my friends opinion, but Czech girl thought she was marrying a rich American) etc. I imagine had he been mega-loaded these "issues" would not be there as she would be much more excepting. This guy is by no ways poor.

  Reality is though she may not exactly talk about "age". The issues she has are mostly age related. The husband is trying his best to make it work from what I hear. I have never met him, but my Czech friend says he is a very good man. But taking a girl out of a poor desperate situation and having her see you as her savior with stars in her eyes in the Czech Republic (or anywhere) does not always translate into love back here after a few years. She quickly realizes young professional men at the top of their career are available everywhere.

   Now if you're the kind of guy who can date young women here(not just ask a girl for a date and she goes along for the free meal) I mean really date a young woman 20+ years difference but you want to go elsewhere for better personality and a little better looks than go for it!

 But if you're "old" old looking, body going to pot,health problems and don't look like Sean Connery, then think twice. The more time she has here, the more likely it will be your age makes a difference. Especially if she's very good looking and has a lot of good-looking young professional men hitting on her. If you live in the Boonies, that's fine. Where is she gonna go? Oops forgot. There's always the internet to meet men even if you are stuck at home. Think with the big head. Otherwise know it may be 2 years then the hottie goes on her way sometimes without even a "Thank you"!

[KenC]

Jet, I was trying to say that in my surrounding and in my family none had any huge age gap, which influenced my vision of how marriage should look like. I think the topic of age gap is so much worn out, we all know there are a lot of lonely americans in their late 40s and 50s and 60s and a lot of lonely rather young eastern women, they happen to meet and create families , some  families like this survive some occur to be total scam, it all depends on situation, people , and what they want from their life.
Some women are searching for a better life and they know those Western men can give that to them, some really search for love and happiness , some are searching for something else, so it is really a matter of personal choice

You all keep telling you did not know the age of your future partner how come ? I mean how can you communicate with a person not knowing how old she was? :)rather strange reason to make people believe you just had chemistry and nothing else really mattered , well maybe .........

Jazzy,
Good post and you are entitled to your opinion just as anyone here.  (I too wondered the same question regarding Ken's wife's age)

In every marriage there will be ups and downs, problems to solve and conflicts to resolve.  Adding a large age difference and a different culture to the mix will never make it any easier.  It is the love that the couple has together that helps them weather the storms.  Love is the glue that keeps a marriage together.  Little or no love could mean a train wreck at the slightest bump in the road.  A strong love can over come almost anything, including a large gap in age and any cultural difference.  My advice is to marry someone you love and make sure that someone loves you back.
KenC

[Teddy KGB]

At the very least: OLD ENOUGH TO GET INTO A FRIGGIN BAR!

So many of my 'almost 30' friends complain that their smoking hot and dumber-than-a-bag-of-hammers trophy gf's can't get into a bar with us to drink. Um. DUH.

[BillyB]

Pretty bad I'd suggest because it was falsely based.

I/O, you were given simple instructions to post a link to the thread so people could make up their minds on what I said if the issue is so important to you but I guess you don't think people make can up their minds on their own if what I said is so bad.

Gentlemen, this sh!t is getting old and for the last few weeks it's been sounding like a broken record with all the repetitious crap thrown out by grown men.

Surely some of you guys are intelligent to know that when you insult someone's intelligence, belittle them or call them names, you are going to turn a thread into your personal agenda and get a reaction. Do you not understand this and are purposely trying to get a negative reaction or are you just plain dumb?

For the past few weeks I see old guys calling each other names and insulting each other because they are insecure that there opinions can't stand alone against other opinions so they feel insults are needed. Guess what? This is not the "MY ADVICE ONLY" forum. Everyone is allowed to put forth an opinion withint rules and if you don't like it, don't get defensive and insulting. Submit your opinion and hopefully the people reading will understand who's got the better knowledge/advice. Have faith in what you say instead of getting insecure. Certainly I've never felt a need to tell people to believe what I say simply because I've got more experience with RW than the next guy. Would you like it if I ridicule what you say and pull rank because I don't like your advice? I certainly don't always like the advice coming from the guys who's only had one relationship with one RW because RW definately aren't the same

I know some people come to the internet and be somebody they're not. Rich, handsome, well liked, and smart. I'd like to believe you guys here are not pretenders and are the same people in real life. So if your much younger wife who's short on wisdom and life experiences compared to you says something you don't like, I'm sure you insult and belittle her too. But your experiences of having a rough ride of a marriage may not translate well in your advice here because most posters here don't act like you and will not get the same reaction from their RW. Seriously, does some of your wives tell you to get away from her and encourage you to spend time on the computer so you can instead take your attitude and frustrations on guys on the internet? It may be hard for you to believe but some men are married to their RW a shorter time but have spent more time with their wives than yourself. Those guys occasionally stop by RWD and give insults advice. Yes, people other than yourselves can give valuable advice just to help others without getting an ego boost and a pat on the back some seek here. My first priority here is not to be popular or make friends but to help others and when I'm married, I will continue to help others, no strings attached.

I haven't posted much in the last few weeks since I've been busy but I've read most of the crap and it seems some people still don't have a clue to why there is all the excess moderator activity lately. Whether or not I like his advice, I respect TG for a lot a crap he's received and deflected over the last few years. He held back and prevented many threads from really getting ugly. I'm sure some of you just think he's a wimp for holding back. I understand he did dish out some insults a few weeks ago and of course those that have insulted him in the past do not receive well the same sh!t they give and the result is a lot of locked threads. Besides the insults, there's too much back patting and coming to the rescue of each other by the posse creating an additional 1 to 2 pages of unnecessary comment distorting the threads most of us just want to read without the static. Sometimes two people get into it but why should others join in? You don't have any faith your buddy can handle it?

Next time before you tell other posters they don't have a clue or no experience, get educated about who you're speaking to. If you want to appoint yourself a leader here, you need to solve the problems instead of being part of it. If you want to offer your opinion or counter argument and sneak in an insult as if you don't know any better, think twice before you hit "post". Like the moderators, my fuse has gotten short for ignorant people who "advertise" they know better. If you feel ticked off about this post of mine and it struck a nerve with you, then maybe there's truth to it.

[groovlstk]

It is the love that the couple has together that helps them weather the storms.  Love is the glue that keeps a marriage together.  Little or no love could mean a train wreck at the slightest bump in the road.  A strong love can over come almost anything, including a large gap in age and any cultural difference.  My advice is to marry someone you love and make sure that someone loves you back.
KenC

In my experience this is spot-on, any of you guys in the search phase please print Ken's words out and memorize them.

The difficulties your fiancee/wife will endure when she arrives are many and varied and the patience you must exhibit while supporting her through this period will be stretched in directions you never knew existed. If there is not strong mutual love neither of you will weather the difficult times, regardless whether you have a 2-year or 20-year age gap.

[KenC]

Wow, Billy, you must not be into football to write such a novel!  But I guess it is Sunday and it is time for preaching.  While you are momentarily off your soap box, I will take time to comment on your usual tripe.

I/O, you were given simple instructions to post a link to the thread so people could make up their minds on what I said if the issue is so important to you but I guess you don't think people make can up their minds on their own if what I said is so bad.

Excuse me all to hell, but who are you to "instruct" anybody?  You want to support your argument?  Look it up yourself!

Gentlemen, this sh!t is getting old and for the last few weeks it's been sounding like a broken record with all the repetitious crap thrown out by grown men.

It seems to me that it is you, BillyB that has derailed this fine thread with your usual crap.
ll because I so politely pointed out that you did not have the experience to match your opinion.

"With all due respect, Billy, you have no clue until you begin your life together here in this country.
KenC"

Surely some of you guys are intelligent to know that when you insult someone's intelligence, belittle them or call them names, you are going to turn a thread into your personal agenda and get a reaction. Do you not understand this and are purposely trying to get a negative reaction or are you just plain dumb?

Boy, Billy, you make it so easy to point out that you are guilty of what you accuse other when you do both in the same paragraph!

For the past few weeks I see old guys calling each other names and insulting each other

Like you just did?

because they are insecure that there opinions can't stand alone against other opinions so they feel insults are needed.

Does this mean you too are insecure?  I had that thought when you constantly remind us all of what a stud you are, how rich you are and how hot your fiancee is.  But maybe I'm wrong?

Guess what? This is not the "MY ADVICE ONLY" forum.

I guess it is the BillyB forum? 

Everyone is allowed to put forth an opinion withint rules and if you don't like it, don't get defensive and insulting

.
Like you just did above?  Or when you suggested my marriage was "bumpy?"
 

Submit your opinion and hopefully the people reading will understand who's got the better knowledge/advice. Have faith in what you say instead of getting insecure. Certainly I've never felt a need to tell people to believe what I say simply because I've got more experience with RW than the next guy.

That may be the only thing you don't do Billy, but then maybe it is because you have such little experience?

Would you like it if I ridicule what you say and pull rank because I don't like your advice? I certainly don't always like the advice coming from the guys who's only had one relationship with one RW because RW definitely aren't the same

I know some people come to the internet and be somebody they're not. Rich, handsome, well liked, and smart.

Are you talking to yourself?

I'd like to believe you guys here are not pretenders and are the same people in real life. So if your much younger wife who's short on wisdom and life experiences compared to you says something you don't like, I'm sure you insult and belittle her too. But your experiences of having a rough ride of a marriage may not translate well in your advice here because most posters here don't act like you and will not get the same reaction from their RW. Seriously, does some of your wives tell you to get away from her and encourage you to spend time on the computer so you can instead take your attitude and frustrations on guys on the internet?

  Is this a little fantasy you cooked up in your little brain? TFF!

It may be hard for you to believe but some men are married to their RW a shorter time but have spent more time with their wives than yourself. Those guys occasionally stop by RWD and give insults advice.

You're kind of losing me here with your incoherent thought process, Billy.  But think about the fact that a guy that is already married is more cautious of giving marriage advice than you, who have yet to get married.

Yes, people other than yourselves can give valuable advice just to help others without getting an ego boost and a pat on the back some seek here.

Billy, there is no one here that blows his own horn (?) any louder than you!

My first priority here is not to be popular or make friends but to help others and when I'm married, I will continue to help others, no strings attached.

Good thing too, but the "help" is questionable when you advise on things you don't know or have yet to experience.

I haven't posted much in the last few weeks since I've been busy but I've read most of the crap and it seems some people still don't have a clue to why there is all the excess moderator activity lately. Whether or not I like his advice, I respect TG for a lot a crap he's received and deflected over the last few years. He held back and prevented many threads from really getting ugly. I'm sure some of you just think he's a wimp for holding back. I understand he did dish out some insults a few weeks ago and of course those that have insulted him in the past do not receive well the same sh!t they give and the result is a lot of locked threads. Besides the insults, there's too much back patting and coming to the rescue of each other by the posse creating an additional 1 to 2 pages of unnecessary comment distorting the threads most of us just want to read without the static. Sometimes two people get into it but why should others join in? You don't have any faith your buddy can handle it?

Really Billy!  You need to focus on one thought at a time!  I know it is difficult, but try.  OK?  People who share like opinions tend to support each other.  I can understand why that concept is foreign to you.

Next time before you tell other posters they don't have a clue or no experience, get educated about who you're speaking to.

OK Mr Edjumacation.  I politely told you that you didn't have a clue as to how it will be with your current fiancee here in America because #1 you are not married, #2 she is not here yet.  Please tell Ol Wise One, where I erred?

If you want to appoint yourself a leader here, you need to solve the problems instead of being part of it. If you want to offer your opinion or counter argument and sneak in an insult as if you don't know any better, think twice before you hit "post". Like the moderators, my fuse has gotten short for ignorant people who "advertise" they know better. If you feel ticked off about this post of mine and it struck a nerve with you, then maybe there's truth to it.

Or maybe it is such a load of crap that it hardly worth it?  Fortunately (unfortunately?) my home team allready won and I felt up to correcting you.  It is Sunday, and I am feeling charitable.
KenC

[I/O]

I/O, you were given simple instructions

:hairraising: Arrogance and sheer pomposity at it's best. Good job you moved closer to home in your search for a wife, you'd be eaten by most RW in about 5 seconds if you tried that one on.

I/O

[BillyB]

Here we go again at RWD for the 100th time. A smart a@@ comment is made from one of the usual suspects. A response is given by the recipient of the comment. The posse comes out and team up on the recipient of the smart a@@ comment and/or defend each other and soon another thread gets locked. You guys don't get it do you? You don't know when to keep your mouths shut. If you keep acting like children, you will be treated like children.

Ken, next time save yourself some typing and simply tell us my post struck a nerve and we'll get the point.

[KenC]

WhatsamatterBilly, cat got your tongue?  There is no need to gang up on you Billy as you are quite easy game.  You never answer direct rebuttals to your silly points and completely evade conflicting information.  You constantly make inaccurate accusations and of course lob those bombs at unnamed targets.  What a man! 

You're better off sticking to the newbie section where no one has your number.  They all will be impressed with 1,000 letters to fill a wife vacancy strategy as your game don't play with the people in the know.
KenC

[dneid]

Isn't the usual transition an A 7th ?Used to, then moved on to a keyboard and later on to an orchestra (MIDI, that is, I use a sequencer for orchestrations) .

Hey, Sandro,
In a lot of pop and rock and blues, A (whatever, maj, 7th, etc).  I was working ona blues progression in A.  So, we need a I, a IV, and a V.  So, we go A maj --> D maj --> A maj --> E maj --> D maj --> A maj.  There are several other quick change mods, but this is the basic 12 bar blues in A.

[Mod5]

If you feel ticked off about this post of mine and it struck a nerve with you, then maybe there's truth to it.

Obviously, they do, it did, and there is. 

[I/O]

Obviously, they do, it did, and there is. 

I am not in the habit of challenging moderators in this or any other forum, but honestly, this has got to go down as the most ridiculous and baseless post by any moderator I have ever seen. That is simply absurd. Another poster commented about a bunch of dorks, which I thought at the time was a bit tough, now I am not so sure.

I/O

[Mod5]

I am not in the habit of challenging moderators in this or any other forum, but honestly, this has got to go down as the most ridiculous and baseless post by any moderator I have ever seen. That is simply absurd.

Whether or not you have any respect for BillyB is not my concern. His observations were accurate (starting 3 pages ago). Over the past several weeks, every time trouble erupts in a thread, the same short cast of characters are always present and always operating under the same M.O.

Another poster commented about a bunch of dorks, which I thought at the time was a bit tough, now I am not so sure.

I/O

You are entitled to your opinion, just like everyone else, and it caries no more or less weight than anyone else's.

[Photo Guy]

LOL

To those of you who are arrogant: You are arrogant.

To those of you who are rude: You are rude.

To those of you who are dorks: ...at least you are not
rude and arrogant.

To those of you into verbal battering: You are abusive.

To those of you with wisdom: Thanks for that.

For those with a sense of humor and civility: Kudos!

To those of you into the blues:  Very cool! 

A shameless plug for my music:
http://www.douglauber.com/Music/HTMLmusicPages/Music1a.html

Peace. Good luck in the New Year!