KenC's T/R 10 years late

[AnastassiaAsh]

Of course the same cannot be said for Lena's extended family and even neighbors of her parents.  Many seem to think that Lena should bring them expensive gifts every time she visits home.  One of Lena's parents neighbors has been a total pain in the butt since Lena left.  They constantly ask to borrow money, food items and even gas for their car.  When the subject of repayment is brought up, they say "why? You have a rich son in law in America, we are just poor Russans."  It is sad really, because all the prosperity that Lena's parents have attained through their own hardwork and efforts is usually dismissed and others just think they are just getting big bucks from me.
KenC

Sorry about this situation Ken, I know exactly what you mean. The only way - is not to lend money. My parents suffered this so many times back there in Moscow, even so many years before the whole marrying the foreigner thing. You become isolated and cut off from your own neighbours that way, but surely it is better than being abused. It's a sad situation. I haven't seen this happening here because mostly i think people count on themselves, or are ok living poorly, or others say 'no' and it's the end of story.

[KenC]

Sorry about this situation Ken, I know exactly what you mean. The only way - is not to lend money. My parents suffered this so many times back there in Moscow, even so many years before the whole marrying the foreigner thing. You become isolated and cut off from your own neighbours that way, but surely it is better than being abused. It's a sad situation. I haven't seen this happening here because mostly i think people count on themselves, or are ok living poorly, or others say 'no' and it's the end of story.

Anastassia,
You know there was a time in America when it was perfectly acceptable to borrow an egg or two from your neighbor in order to complete a dish you were preparing, but not any more.  It just isn't done any more here. 

I know I gave a negative example above, but for the most part, there is a sense of neighborly behavior found in Russia that hasn't been seen here since the 60's.
KenC

[Ooooops]

I've just started reading this thread, so please bear with me being belated    First, KenC, I'd like to say that you make a very good looking couple.     Second, I thought it was very funny that you couldn't figure out how to open "fortochka" (small window partitions) to cool off you flat.      Back to reading...

[KenC]

I've just started reading this thread, so please bear with me being belated    First, KenC, I'd like to say that you make a very good looking couple.     Second, I thought it was very funny that you couldn't figure out how to open "fortochka" (small window partitions) to cool off you flat.      Back to reading...

Thank you Oops,
I hope you enjoy the story.  I did feel like an idiot when the window concept was pointed out to me.  Too much technology can makes us stupid.   But the real basis for this misunderstanding is the difference between the two cultures.  We Americans have been taught to conserve energy for many years (to only use the bare minimum) where as utilities in Russia are free or very low cost no such conservation is necessary.  An American would not even think to use such a wasteful amount of energy as a solution.  At least not this American.
KenC

[Ooooops]

I'm still reading... 

We Americans have been taught to conserve energy for many years (to only use the bare minimum) ...

If it's yellow let it mellow if it's brown flush it down...   

[Ooooops]

I turned to my terp and asked her how the system worked to buy things here.  Well, she explained that the shopper needed to walk around the counters and write down the numbers of the items they wanted to purchase on a piece of paper, but not take the item with them.  Then the customer had to present their list to the cashier and she would look up the cost of each item, total your list, and collect your money.  You then had to take your receipt from the cashier and present it to the clerk manning the particular section where your item was located and they would give it to you.

Never heard or seen anything like this.   You must of been lucky to witness such idiocrasy!     But say, doesn't it make a great story?   

[KenC]

Never heard or seen anything like this.   You must of been lucky to witness such idiocrasy!     But say, doesn't it make a great story?   

Oops,
I thought so too.  Keep in mind that this was ten years ago and many changes and advancements have been made since that time.  There were some western style supermarkets in Tver on my wife's last visit home. 
KenC

[ScottinCrimea]

I still see many places like this in Ukraine, my experience specifically with hardware stores and clothing material stores but not with food stores.  You find what you want, get papers from the slaesperson listing them, go pay at the cashier, bring your receipt back and they either go get what you want or give you what they have been holding for you.

[Ooooops]

Phew, finished reading!     Well, it's always interesting to read about something very familiar from foreigner's perspective.   Gets pretty comical at times...   

Congrats on your long-lasting love story, Ken and Lena, and may it last many-many more wonderful years.   Cheers, vashe zdorovie!   

Can I ask you how often do you go to visit Russia?   I've been pretty bad about it - only 3 times in 15 years....   But there are so many other interesting places to go and only so much time...   

[KenC]

Phew, finished reading!     Well, it's always interesting to read about something very familiar from foreigner's perspective.   Gets pretty comical at times...   

Congrats on your long-lasting love story, Ken and Lena, and may it last many-many more wonderful years.   Cheers, vashe zdorovie!   

Can I ask you how often do you go to visit Russia?   I've been pretty bad about it - only 3 times in 15 years....   But there are so many other interesting places to go and only so much time...   

Oops,
Glad you enjoyed the story.  It is quite a handful to read from front to back now.

Lena has been back 4 or 5 times now.  You must consider that she refused to leave the country before she got her green card.  She told me that even with an Advanced Parole that she could be not allowed back into the US.  I (like a typical man) thought she was full of it!  But she was correct.  In some cases, if the person had ever been "out of status" they could be turned away with or without the Advanced Parole.  Not that she ever was "out of status" though.  She still didn't ever want to take the chance.

Also Lena's Mom has been to visit us at least 6 times and her Dad has been here 3 times.  I never seem to be able to go back.  When Lena is available, I am not because of my work and vice versa.  When we are able to travel together, she always prefers some place other than Russia.  Go figure.  Hawaii and the Caribbean over Russia?  :noidea:  Who would have thunk it?
KenC

[Maxx2]

Oops,
I thought so too.  Keep in mind that this was ten years ago and many changes and advancements have been made since that time.  There were some western style supermarkets in Tver on my wife's last visit home. 
KenC

This brings back a memory of my first visit to Russia in May 2001. I was in a grocery store that was divided into several sections. Each of these sections were behind a glass encased counter. The shopper would point to the item desired and the clerk would write on a small piece of paper the amount. This paper would be taken to a cashier and paid for and the cashier would give a receipt of the payment. This was then given to the clerk behind the counter for the desired item. There were lines for all of this. Also by the entrance door was a young man in a grey uniform carrying a submachine gun and looking bored. I remember one time standing outside one of these places waiting for my wife at the time (I was married in Russia) to finish shopping. One of these guards approached me and asked me something in Russia. I suspect he thought I was a lookout for a criminal gang that was about to descend and rob the grocery store of Vodka, cheese and cash. I showed him my American passport and his eyes got big and he walked away.

Also I remember a year later going into a Russian equivalent of a Best Buy. My wife had to check her purse into a guarded locker before entering the store. While in the store we had at least 3 people shadowing us every where we went. Even in the major appliance area. As if I was able to shoplift a washing machine. We bought a new color TV to replace the old Soviet model that barely worked. It was interesting to me how we got this bulky thing home. My wife stood by the side of the road with her fist held out at a 45 degree to the ground. Within a minute a car pulls up. She talks to the driver. Together we load the TV into the trunk and tie the trunk lid down as it can't fully close and off we go to her place. The driver is paid a few hundred rubles and seems happy for getting it. 

I found the Aeroflot fights interesting. Being loaded into cattle cars and being towed out into the runway by what looked like an old Dodge truck. Then up a stairway into the back tail of the plane and to my seat. One of the passengers gets out a sausage and a knife to cut it with. Also a bottle of alcohol spirits to share with his friends. After the flight being herded back into the cattle car and waiting to be towed back to the terminal. There is a delay. I hear some women and children giggle. I look out the window and see two airline workers carrying a drunk man who was passed out from drinking too much spirits. The man is set into a bench seat passed out. The people are staring at him but not with disgust. Their faces are smiling with a bemused humor. I can only think he reminded them of a dear relative.         

Russia is an interesting place. 

I haven't read this report yet. Thanks Ken for writing it.


Maxx       

[Ooooops]

When we are able to travel together, she always prefers some place other than Russia.  Go figure.  Hawaii and the Caribbean over Russia?  :noidea:  Who would have thunk it?
KenC

Well, I can see why Hawaii could be more fun that Tver...   

I've always tried to combine trip to see my family and friends with something fun for my husband to do, so we'd usually spend a week in Moscow and then go somewhere else - Tallinn, Stockholm, Kiev, Prague.   Works pretty good. 

[KenC]

Maxx,
If you read my report, I describe a grocery store exactly the same as you did.  That is what brought about Oops' comment.
KenC

[Ooooops]

That is what brought about Oops' comment.

I guess my memory is trying to protect me from those damaging experiences and eliminates them from my brain...   

[Maxx2]

Maxx,
If you read my report, I describe a grocery store exactly the same as you did.  That is what brought about Oops' comment.
KenC

I figured that. I am confirming it.


Maxx

[steviej]

Ken, what a great story !!! You are so right, man. There are so many similarities in feelings, experiences, and even the character of the woman, between your story and mine. [FYI Folks: I recently published a thread called "So You Want a Younger Woman? True Confessions" in the "Starting Out" thread group. I realize now, it is quite a bit like a trip report, although it is more like Ken's, in that it is philosophy, romance, travel, and everthing rolled into one.]

Your comments about Lena wanting a "REAL Man!", her strong ideas about what that is, and you being, "My MAN!", is so much like my Ulyana. And I can see it in your photos, exactly why she decided it was you. Also, I think that you and I feel we put our best foot forward, and romanced our girl hard (and sincerely, always a gentleman), but that, to give a real RW credit, I think once you were in her radar, the ropes went out and you were reeled in ), just like me. There was just a point where my Ulyana decided, "That's the one!", and then, that was it - I was acquired while all the time I was feeling how I was gently moving things forward )

Lena seems to have expressed so many things similar to my Ulyana. I met my Ulyana 7 years ago, as you know, and married for 5. But, do they still make young RWs like this anymore? I sure hope so. Amazing women! My Ulyana had (and has) a very firm idea about what a "REAL Man" should be, and that I am indeed one, and I am her MAN, and it is in all capital letters. We still enjoy this deep harmony of souls, the soul of man and soul of woman, as much or more today as in our early years. It just feeds you and feeds you.

The mini-bar saga was hysterical !! Man, we went through the whole same thing. My Ulyana, she just loved, and was fascinated, with that damn mini-bar. She also just assumed that the cost was included in the room cost, and that the hotel just kept filling it up. She just emptied that thing every day ! )

When you quoted Lena as saying, "She said that if I preferred her to have “more curves” she could and would do that for me.  (It seems as I later found out that her Mom had convinced her that no man would want such a skinny fish as her) " I just flipped. That's almost exactly what Ulyana said to me, and for the same reasons. My mother-in-law thought that, as a "REAL Man" (me), I would want a woman with more curves. My Ulyana was (and is) very slender, and oh man, she just has a knock-out figure that stops men in their tracks. I couldn't imagine why Ulyana's mother thought Ulyana's figure should be any different, but that's a Russian mother for you Even to this day, when we visit her family, Ulyana's mother, in Russian behind my back, will still suggest that maybe I would like her to put on a few pounds. Ulyana understands now that I love the way she naturally is, and she should never feel she should change anything.

You also told a story about your Lena saying, upon your departure, that she understood you might need to see "other women" for your needs, during your absence, but that she would be faithful. My Ulyana said some things very similar. It has nothing to do with self esteem. Its two things. One, its just a different attitude about men and women than we are used to here. My Ulyana thought that it might be impossible for me to go, say, 2 months without sex, and she didn't want me to think that if that happened, that would change her feelings to me. And secondly, yes, she was also "fishing", for me to say, "Baby, you are, and will always be, the only woman I want my arms wrapped around". Now, I was a little more perceptive than you, and picked up on that. I told her, "Honey, really, I just don't need any woman but you." And you know what, she just beamed !! I had hit the target on that one. And it was true. After we fell in love, it didn't matter how many weeks passed between visits, I never had another "need" for any other woman again in my life, and still don't.

And when you said, ".  It was my first real experience in just how picky a shopper she really is. .. " Oh man, how true that is. My Ulyana, she is just like a Russian submarine on prowl when it comes to shopping. She told me, "Shopping is just hunting for women." Isn't that great? She is so picky about shopping, and she seems to know everything about which fabrics are which, what is good, what is not, what colors go together, what don't, etc. and so on.

I feel like my girl, and I see the same the way you describe your girl, is what the whole love affair is about between the Western man and the FSU ladies. I believe any truly good man, any "REAL Man" from the West, can find his FSU pearl if he follows some general rules (I don't mean tactical rules, which are discussed elsewhere).
1. Be a REAL Man
2. Always be a Gentleman
3. Each and every one of these girls might be the woman you want to marry
4. Show her you are capable, confident, and absolutely dependable in being able to take care of business and to be able to do your part to be able to care of her. (And, of course, this must be the real you, you must really be this man). You will get way  more in return from her.

There was some discussion earlier in this thread about a woman "throwing" herself at a good man, with the idea of marriage, and making that seem negative, which to me it is not. I say that understanding now a lot more about the FSUW character. With a real girl, marriage to a good man is an important, maybe the most important, thing for a woman in life. For a Russian woman, it is a goal. And when these girls have a goal, they know how to focus on it and go after it.

One thing that disturbs me a little in some of the threads in "Starting Out"and perhaps "Experienced" is the guys doing the WMVM who seem so paranoid, and disparaging, of any of the possible "bad" girls, with so little energy and emphasis of being the right kind of man they should be for the GOOD girls. I think their energy and attitude should be focussed on realizing that girls like Lena and Ulyana are there, so don't let the bad apples distract you or disturb you, or give your character a bad edge. Be the man you should be that's going to attract the kind of woman you want. Believe me, these girls can read a man that way, I think. They can sense it. They don't care if the last 20 women tried to pick your wallet, what kind of man are you for her, in real? That's what counts.

Well, in the end, of course luck never hurts, but a REAL man gets the good women. And some of the guys here need to focus on being a better man themselves, and less on how some of these girls are "bad", if you see what I mean.

Thanks for the great story!

[KenC]

Stevie,
Thanks for all your kind words and I am happy that you enjoyed our story.

You are probably correct when you say Lena was fishing for me to tell her that she was the only one for me. But I was too dumbstruck by her words that she thought it would be OK to see other women to take care of my manly "needs" or simply just too dumb to pick up on it at the time.

You also hit upon the reason I am still here at RWD: to help guys to become as successful and happy as I have been for the last 10 years.  I welcome you to that same position here too.  You will find that RWD really does have an abundance of happily married couples which is so cool.
KenC

[KenC]

HE'S BAAAAAAAAAACK!
I thought today would be a good day to continue this story as it is the first day of the tenth year of our marriage.  I took a long break from this as there were many other interesting and much more current trip reports being posted.  The story ended at the point where Lena was issued her visa.  So, I will pick it up at that point.

Coming to America
Things moved along at a very fast pace once Lena got her visa!  We talked and decided that a flight 2 weeks out would be the best choice.  Now that I think about it, that was a tremendously bold move on her part.  Think about it for a moment.  She went from not knowing if she would receive her visa and of course like most Russians was very pessimistic regarding actually receiving it, to jumping on a plane in the span of two weeks.  There was absolutely zero hesitation on her part too.  Her ability to close the door on the only life she had ever known in order to open another door to her unknown life with me astonishes me.  More now than then.  What a gutsy move!

The plan was for Lena to fly from Moscow to Chicago where I would meet her and accompany her on the flight from Chicago to Detroit.  I did purchase a round trip ticket for her.  Not that I ever thought she would use the return trip ticket, but I wanted her to have the security of knowing she had the option to do so.

The timing was perfect as Lena was on summer break from the university.  The couple of weeks allowed her little time to say her goodbyes to friends and family.  Everyone except her parents were shocked that she was leaving Russia because of her very patriotic ways.  She also did not share "our story" before this time.  A lot of Russians have this overwhelming pessimistic outlook that if they share their hopes and dreams, that it will insure that they will not happen.  I think Lena spent almost every night having dinners and spending time with friends and family, saying her goodbyes.

I shared with my children the fact that Lena was coming to be with me.  I honestly told them that I had no idea where this would lead long term, but that I was excited about the possibilities.  My son was at home with me as he too was on his summer break from college.  neither of my kids displayed any negativity regarding Lena's arrival.  Quite honestly, they knew me well enough to know I wasn't asking their permission but rather informing them of what was going to happen.

Lena had a good first flight without any problems.  I flew to Chicago to meet her.  I have a small bouquet of red roses and wait for her to clear customs.  In Chicago, there is a wall of maybe 12 glass doors at customs.  Above the doors in 5 foot red letters is the repeated message "NO RE-ENTRY.  I am standing at the back of the crowd waiting for passangers, just observing.  I am trying to be cool, but in reality my heart is ready to burst out of my chest from pounding so hard.

I finally see Lena walk through the doors!  She is carrying two smallish sports bags.  As I continue to observe, she goes directly to the guard just outside the doors.  I watch as they have a rather animated conversation.  Lena is pointing to the doors and the guard is pointing to the steps.  This goes back and forth for a while until finally Lena returns to the custom area through the glass doors.  Yes, the doors directly under the 5 foot red letters saying "NO RE-ENTRY".  Later I learned that Lena had forgotten her purse in customs and some how convinced the guard that she was the exception to the "no re-entry" rule!  No way was she going to walk up the steps and around to the regular entry.  Yep, that's my girl, rewriting the rules from the moment she stepped foot in America!

A few moments later, she reappeared through the doors with her purse in hand.  After a warm kiss and embrace, Lena was offically in America.  We had time between flights and caught something to eat.  I remember she had her first Ceasar salad and enjoyed it.  i was shocked to find that all her "luggage" was the two small bags.  They were atheletic bags that were 12" X 12" X 24".  How on earth could someone pack their life into two small bags? 

Our flight from Chicago to Detroit was uneventful and we arrived about 8PM.  It was so nice to have her with me that I was just in a state of contentment.  In my "dream state" I missed the cop at the side of the road as I zoomed on by.    After giving the officer my license and registration, he asked me why I was speeding.  I honestly told him I was distracted because Lena had just arrived from Russia.  As he shined his flashlight on Lena, he understood all too well!  No ticket was issued and he asked me to please slow down.

There was no big fan fare when we arrived at my home.  My son and his girlfriend were there and we all had some light chit chatting.  Lena was dead on her feet and we went to bed rather quickly.

[ConnerVT]

KenC, thanks for the continuation of the story. 

A few moments later, she reappeared through the doors with her purse in hand.  After a warm kiss and embrace, Lena was offically in America.  We had time between flights and caught something to eat.  I remember she had her first Ceasar salad and enjoyed it.  i was shocked to find that all her "luggage" was the two small bags.  They were atheletic bags that were 12" X 12" X 24".  How on earth could someone pack their life into two small bags? 

Damn!  My wife can't even do that when she goes to visit!  On this last trip, we had to pay for the extra 20 lbs she had in her second suitcase.

When my wife and son arrived for the first time in America, I had flown over their to escort them back.  I had been visiting about every two months, headed to Russia with two suitcases, and coming back with only one.

When the time came, we arrived at JFK with six suitcases, each weighing nearly 70 lbs; three carry-on bags of about 35 lbs, a laptop computer case, a toy laptop computer case, a large pocketbook, and a sleeping 5 year old boy.  Getting off the plane, my wife carried her pocketbook and the boy, and I wrangled everything else. 

After going through the required checkout in the INS office, it was time for us to collect our checked bags, and then head off to a different terminal.  To this day, I swear the best $20 I ever spent was given to the JFK skycap who saw us coming, loaded all of those bags on his large cart, then found a minivan NYC cab to drop us off in front of the JetBlue terminal!

[KenC]

Conner,
Glad you are enjoying the story. I guess I didn't know if anyone was still interested or not. Yeah, I think that was $20 well spent! It is a lot different moving a family of two than just one young woman that lived with her parents.  Some how I expected Lena to show up with the baggage you described.

I have one thing to say regarding Lena's packing habits.  That was then, this is now.  Now her shoes she takes on vacation would fill up the bags she brought from Russia!   While in Russia, she, like most RW, had limited funds and limited space for clothes and personal things.  She also didn't bring her winter clothes and her summer clothes just didn't take up much space.
KenC

[KenC]

Expectations

I really didn’t know what to expect when Lena arrived.  As per my usual MO, I was just winging it.  Some of it was typical women stuff.  Even though my son and I were very neat in our home together, Lena found things to show we needed a woman’s touch.  “Neat and orderly” were not her primary concern as was general cleanliness.  Not much has changed over the years either!  Lena needs the kitchen counters to be “hospital clean” but a certain amount of disorder is acceptable.  This is probably the area where we are least compatible.  No big deal as the man should give the woman free rein as to how she wants to run the household IMO.  So part of Lena’s first day was spent washing our kitchen counters and stove including any canister, wine bottle or nik knack that was exposed in the kitchen.

There have been many reports here on the acclimation of the RW once they arrive here.  Rather than go into every little detail and cute story regarding that, I would rather explore the misconception I had upon her arrival.  As I already said, I didn’t give it a lot of thought, but somehow I was under the impression that exposing Lena to America would be like the first time I took my kids to Disney World.  You know, the big eyes, mouth agape and a sense of wonderment.  :whirling: Man, was I wrong!

Our first trip to the local grocery store was a major disappointment for me.  It wasn’t a “super” store, but it was a relatively new grocery store with an extensive precooked section and leaned toward more of the gourmet type goods.  I kept waiting for a reaction from Lena and I’ll be damned if she didn’t act like she had always shopped there!  I ended up resorting to pulling out a few compliments from her regarding the store.  No sense of wonderment anywhere to be seen!  I have to say that I was much more animated about this store on my first visit there than Lena was.

What I didn’t plan on was Lena’s goal to just “fit in” to her new environment.  Now I know she had not experienced a store like this before, but she refused to be awed by it.  Keep in mind this was ten years ago and there just wasn’t any stores like this in her home town then.  This was just the beginning of my miscalculations regarding what would or would not impress Lena about America.

I remember taking Lena to a Kmart store in my area.  This was Kmart’s flagship store that was used for testing purposes.  It was the biggest and the best in the chain at the time.  I never did much shopping at Kmart, but they were a very good customer of mine at the time so I was familiar with their stores and merchandise.  I wondered what Lena’s opinion might be.  Of course she gravitated toward the women’s clothing and spent hours inspecting the merchandise.  A RW does not shop like an AW.  They need to “inspect” the clothing ie; how it is sewn, the thread count of the material used as well as the overall quality is as important as the “look” of the piece.  There simply is no room for an impulse buy in their world.  As we walked out of Kmart empty handed Lena’s only remark was “Rags!  All they sell here is rags!”  I took that to mean that the quality was not up to her standards.  This was going to be a lot more difficult than I had imagined.

The other big mistake I made in shopping with Lena was when we were shopping for a leather coat for her at my suggestion.  I made the mistake of taking her to a mega mall with a bizzilion stores.  I took her right to the leather store I had known to be of great quality and we found the perfect coat for her in about 15 minutes!  I thought, wow, that was easy!  Except we spent the next 3 to 4 hours checking every other store in the mall to insure that the original coat was the best possible choice.

Overall, I guess I was surprised more by what didn’t impress Lena as what did.  She was impressed by our roads, our nature, the overall cleanliness of public areas and the sense of safety.  Her ability to be nonchalant about new and very different experiences really blew me away.  Nothing ever seemed to phase her.  I took her to my very exclusive country club where many a date with an AW would make them tremble and Lena walked in like she owned the joint.  Not cocky, but not imtimidated in any way either.  There simply was no way she was going to be caught wide eyes with her mouth agape, ever!

[steviej]

Ken, glad to see you are continuing the story - Thanks!!

... Her ability to close the door on the only life she had ever known in order to open another door to her unknown life with me astonishes me.  More now than then.  What a gutsy move! ...

She had a lot of confidence in her man, too, Ken. She was obviously sure that she had a "Real Man" who really loved her. Think she was right about that ??   

The timing was perfect as Lena was on summer break from the university.  The couple of weeks allowed her little time to say her goodbyes to friends and family.  Everyone except her parents were shocked that she was leaving Russia because of her very patriotic ways.  She also did not share "our story" before this time.  A lot of Russians have this overwhelming pessimistic outlook that if they share their hopes and dreams, that it will insure that they will not happen.  I think Lena spent almost every night having dinners and spending time with friends and family, saying her goodbyes. ...

My Ulyana was the same. While of course her family knew our whole story from the beginning, she never discussed any of it with anyone else. She had the same feeling about not wanting to "jinx" it! And she was always on her sisters *ss not to gossip about it!!

I shared with my children the fact that Lena was coming to be with me.  I honestly told them that I had no idea where this would lead long term, but that I was excited about the possibilities.  My son was at home with me as he too was on his summer break from college.  neither of my kids displayed any negativity regarding Lena's arrival.  Quite honestly, they knew me well enough to know I wasn't asking their permission but rather informing them of what was going to happen.

Me too. I made it clear that Dad's happiness does not depend on his sons' approval. However, my children were not living with me at the time. Your son was living with you? That must've been .... amusing .... LOL. What does a son do when his Dad comes home with his new wife, and she is a gorgeous young babe ! ??       Go to therapy??   


Also, I apologize if this was answered earlier in your threads, but how many times had you visited Lena before "popping the question" ? The fact that you could get a student visa instead of a K-1 in a way takes a lot of the, perhaps, pressure off the decision as to whether you will get married?? Or would you say that you and Lena had a solid purpose to marry when she came? How long after she arrived on her student visa did you get married?

[KenC]

about it!!

Me too. I made it clear that Dad's happiness does not depend on his sons' approval. However, my children were not living with me at the time. Your son was living with you? That must've been .... amusing .... LOL. What does a son do when his Dad comes home with his new wife, and she is a gorgeous young babe ! ??       Go to therapy??   

Yes my son lived with me after I divorced his Mom.  And yes, there was some difficulties with him accepting Lena into the family.  He just didn't "get it."  Which is easy to understand because a lot of people didn't "get it" or were too shallow to even look for "it."  My son was just concerned about his Pops.

Also, I apologize if this was answered earlier in your threads, but how many times had you visited Lena before "popping the question" ? The fact that you could get a student visa instead of a K-1 in a way takes a lot of the, perhaps, pressure off the decision as to whether you will get married?? Or would you say that you and Lena had a solid purpose to marry when she came? How long after she arrived on her student visa did you get married?

I never promised marriage to Lena prior to her coming here.  It was an invitation to her to experience my world and we would see what happened.  I didn't know this then, but Lena's Mom was drilling her on the daily phone calls with "Did Ken ask you to marry him yet?"  I was purposely evasive and Lena was patient.
KenC

[ScottinCrimea]

I can relate to your initial experiences with Lena.  I always enjoyed taking someone to Disneyland for the first time because it was so fun to see their expressions of surprise and delight.  I had expected that it would be the same with my wife when she came here, but I was also rather disappointed.  Our first trip to a Super Target, we left with nothing because everything from the food to the clothing was "synthetic". She enjoyed the cleanliness, the nice roads and the convenience of doing things but other than that, she was awed by nothing.  Her biggest complaint was how much waste she observed.

[2tallbill]

HE'S BAAAAAAAAAACK!
I thought today would be a good day to continue this story as it is the first day of the tenth year of our marriage. 

Ken congratulations, on your ten years!!!