Turboguy's K1 Ordeal

[ConnerVT]

[user=130]Son of Clyde[/user] wrote:

Turbo, the bicycle could cost $150.00 - $200.00, and is not a necessity. Right now I want to purchase important things that are needed now.

The bicycle is important to him.  And he is at the stage where he's deciding if your entry into his life is a good thing or not.  Don't underestimate the power of your future step-son over your future happiness.

Mine has helped pull our family closer together.  He also has been the center of most things that have almost torn us apart.  Tread very carefully here...

[Bruno]

[user=130]Son of Clyde[/user] wrote:

Bruno, she does cook at home but I like to give her a break sometime.

What, Who, How !!!  Clyde, "shadow" is from Europa but we are not from the same country... i am not for the "orange" but for the "red devils"...

Turboguy wrote :

I think rings are a postive thing.  Any ring is good.  Luda was never asked.  I told her if he did ask to just say I wanted us to buy it together in America where I know the stores and when we can choose it together.   There is some truth to that.  I don't trust the stores in Russia very much.

Turbo, it seem that all is not in the right order... the K1 is a fiance visa, it allow you to mary your fiance in USA... in so case, if i was the CO, i have think the following :

So, the normal way is.... you meet her, you love her, you make the proposal and give the fiance ring ( if she reply "yes" ), you start the K1, she receive the visa, you marry her in USA...

So, at the last meeting, these where she was interviewed, why have you not take with you a ring in USA before meet her... i can understand and accept a proposal via e-mail, but since you was in USA and have see her after the proposal, why she was without ring...

Again one man who use the K1 like a test period... refused

Turbo, do you see where you have make the mistake... a fiance ring is not to buy together... it is buy by the man for his lady and he surprise her with the proposal and ring... marriage ring can be buy together... they are two different thing...

I don't like what happen to you, but i try to understand what the CO have can thing... they have doubt on the serious of your relation... now, don't give up... show that you are ready to "fight" for marry her... use all method who are possible and they go understand that you love each other really... give up, same a short time, can be the begin of the end... "fight" turbo and you will win the best reward... the love of your future wife...

[andrewfi]

I am not a dad, but it seems to me that the viewpoint of a kid dragged into a new world and a middle aged man with no kids might be very, very different. To what degree is the viewpoint of the middle aged stranger relevant to the kid?

I would think almost not at all, at this time.

Might it not be better to buy the thing now, to enable the kid to join with his new peer group, to be able to explore a little and to show that the old guy does not always say 'no'?

I mean, this can't be about the money? You made sure there was going to be plenty for this adventure did you not?

But then, I ain't a dad. But I was a kid!

[jb]

Son of Clyde wrote:

the bicycle could cost $150.00 - $200.00, and is not a necessity.

OMG~! You might have to actually spend real money on your new family???  God forbid~!!!  

[Turboguy]

the bicycle could cost $150.00 - $200.00, and is not a necessity.

OMG~! You might have to actually spend real money on your new family??? God forbid~!!! [/quote]
I am surprised you would consider that real money jb.   I guess i overestimated your value systems.   I am sure Son of Clyde doesn't consider that real money.   Still if he buys the bike and the kid spends a month in the hospital, with no insurance that would be real money in anyones book.

I think when you can a bike might be an important thing with him.  I have a feeling you could get a respectable one at WalMart for half that.   You might be able to start off taking him to some parks where you can keep track of him then keeping the bike off limits till he is aclimated.   I do think you need to keep them both happy

 

[Son of Clyde]

I have spent $450.00 on my new family in 3 days and it is only the beginning.

Would you give a 14 year old a new bicycle if he did not know the area, did not speak the language and was careless as hell?

He took over my pc in a matter of hours, what can he do with a bicycle in a strange new country?

He is a good, loving kid but also hyperactive and a bit careless.

I have seen him drive a shopping cart.

[Turboguy]

[user=130]Son of Clyde[/user] wrote:

Would you give a 14 year old a new bicycle if he did not know the area, did not speak the language and was careless as hell?

I would not even give him an old bicycle.   Heck, you should see me drive a shoping cart.   I can make him look like a little old lady.

[andrewfi]

Why not get the bike?

By the time I reached his age I was regularly travelling to foreign countries on my own. Working for a living and had already run my first business. Riding a bike is easy. Exploring is natural.

Why not buy a decent secondhand bike, get a street map and draw some boundaries. Spend an afternoon teaching him the street signs and you will be good to go.

BTW, my parents were always against me having a bike. It was my mum's phobia. Shortly after 16 years of age, on a borrowed motorcycle, I had an accident and broke my neck. I always thought it was because I did not have the road sense I should have acquired as a kid.

The guy is unlikely to ride across state and traffic in your part of the world is almost certainly more forgiving than in his home town.

 

[Photo Guy]

Turboguy,
Welcome back. Good to see you are alive and well and still optimistic!
Hang in there.

What about her plane ticket? What would you advise about setting up a plane ticket for a fiancee? Is there a type of ticket that does not specify a definite departure date?  What would you suggest for guys arranging a plane flight for his fiancee? Airfare cancellation insurance?

[andrewfi]

Usual advice is do not buy a ticket until you have the visa. Sometimes making a reservation can help when standing in from of the consular official, but they are not daft and usually know that a reservation can be cancelled in an instant.

[BC]

Photo,

it's a good occasion to use flyer miles. the tickets issued usually have the same restrictions as full fare tickets. Date changes long validity etc.

[Elen]

Yep! Turboguy's story is called at Russian - облом

Welll may be it's all  for better and it would be a test for their feeling Both possible results of this test - good or bad one - would be good for their future life.

Why not buy a decent secondhand bike

I would not advice to buy "secondhand" bike for 14 years old:? They have absolutely another view points at your "rationality" and see it like "greedeness"

Who does want to show up in new company at his 14 ages at "secondhand" bike?

[andrewfi]

Elen ~ In your world secondhand would be very different to Clyde's world.

[Elen]

You see in Clyde's world his 14 year old son will still have the same brains like children have in my world. Nothing "rational" expalnation for why new "father" buys him a secondhand bike. May be the boy would say nothimg but I'm sure he would have the same thoughts of "greedeness" in his head

[Bruno]

Elen ~ In your world secondhand would be very different to Clyde's world.

Yep, here, secondhand can be something other... by example a new bike who was in a light damaged box or used in showroom... some time, secondhand shop buy new product from shop who make faillisment... and shell it like secondhand...

My LCD screem is secondhand... never used by it was the show model from shop... result is 50% reduction... and i have always my 3 year garanty...

Western country are very difficult about product... The russian son go never know that it is a second hand since it is new...

[Elen]

You see boys that's thoughts of those who had not deal with 14 years old kids  and had not been a step father for them ( that the last thing does play its role as well in irrational behaviour of teenagers)

Well if the boy never guess then it'll be OK But  i just curiouse what 's a propose for that - to save money? And how much then for that would be an issue?
And BTW do you sudggest to buy a bike without boy?


Ps  Well for us "second hand" means somebody already used this thing and has nothing to do with damaged box

[Bruno]

Elen, what you buy like new in FSU is called secondhand by western men... when i have buy the birthday gift for Galina, it was the last model ( usual, they have not a lot of stock in FSU )... it was show outside box, with some dust... here, you have it at lower price, in FSU, it is like new and you pay full price...

I have see what is called second hand in FSU... so product is for the trashcan here... in some way, FSU is our trashcan... i have see in Nikolaev the second hand market for clothes... shoes with hole... it is the same type of product that we put in container for Africa... yes, you have some second shop for clothes in Belgium but it is more for luxe product or clothes that you use only one time ( hiring a smoking for a special occassion )...

You cannot compare secondhand in Russia and Western country...


Yep, i have sometime buy bike for Anastasia without her... usualy, it was a birthday gift... a surprise... child grow very fast and almost each year, it was need a new bike... and price can have some interest when you know that a very good children bike can be around 1000 euro ( shimano system for change speed, carbon cader, montain bike type with suspension before and after, ... )

[Elen]

You dont get that Bruno I'm not only about how good or bad that bike would look like (If it would be absolutely new - fine)

  But I'm also about how boy would react at the fact new father tries to "economize " at him. Didn't you understnd stiil that "greedeness" for Russians has some other mesure than for rational Western( especialy for greedy Europeans ) You can (and should) expect that your new wife will understand money issue and how it's rational not to waste money, especially now. But let try to expaline that to 14 years old and I would like to see what you get

Once more how much are you going to save?

 

good children bike can be around 1000 euro ( shimano system for change speed, carbon cader, montain bike type with suspension before and after, ... )

Really? And I read talks were about 150-200$ Well better then go and see what bikes have boys next to your house before you buy something you see like very appopriate thing and what may be has nothing in common with present days:P


 

[Bruno]

 

 

 

You dont get that Bruno I'm not only about how good or bad that bike would look like (If it would be absolutely new - fine) 

But I'm also about how boy would react at the fact new father tries to "economize " at him. Didn't you understnd stiil that "greedeness" for Russians has some other mesure than for rational Western( especialy for greedy Europeans ) You can (and should) expect that your new wife will understand money issue and how it's rational not to waste money, especially now. But let try to expaline that to 14 years old and I would like to see what you get

Yep, finance was a problem with my russian wife... i have try to make a monthly budget... money in a special place for school, money for food, ... by Russian woman cannot old money, specialy when they visit our numerous shop... so, some time, she have spend the monthly money in only one week, use the money for school, and same use the spare money of child... when i have say that she was crazy, she have reply : " you are so greedy, you have always your credit card " ... yes, i have always credit card but i need pay it back the month after... and her, she make the same the next month... so, i have give her some monthly money and i have make myself the budget, the spare for yearly trip, for the tax, ...

We are not specialy greedy, we think about the future... RW have some difficulty to think more far that today... when they have money in hand, it is like fire, they need use all and directly... make a lot of gift to friend and have hunger until the next coming of money...

Now, a child don't take care on how much is the price of bike... he wish a bike and wish receive it...

Really? And I read talks were about 150-200$ Well better then go and see what bikes have boys next to your house before you buy something you see like very appopriate thing and what may be has nothing in common with present days:P

Elen, you have several type of bike... usually, young from 14 year like more a strong mountain bike... something light and strong who allow them to make some acrobatie... a very good moutain bike is not cheap... of course, you can buy a heavy russian bike with a frame in steel ( minimum 20 kg ) without speed, ...

Belgium like Holland are two country where bike is used a lot... a easy and fast way to move, same for adult... if you use your bike each day, a good one is needed... with some confort... more, the reglementation for security is very strong and you need a lot of gadget for security...

During my stay in Nikolaev, i have only see twice time a bike... and always child... young child on adult bike not able to drive correctly... bike in russia is not so usual that by us... if you make 40km each day by bike, you need a high quality bike, not a cheap bad one...

[ConnerVT]

You shouldn't argue with Elen on this one, Bruno.  She's very much right on this topic -- you now both are arguing a language misunderstanding (and neither of you are speaking your native tongue).

[Bruno]

You shouldn't argue with Elen on this one, Bruno.  She's very much right on this topic -- you now both are arguing a language misunderstanding (and neither of you are speaking your native tongue).

It is not a language misunderstanding but a culture miss understanding... i know both country, i was married with RW... with child... i know how act RW when they are in western side... and i know how act russian child when they are here... Anastasia was a wonderful girl, but the "russian" spirit have lead to several problem, specialy at the school...

But i agree, i don't argue with Elen... i give the topic back to the K1 from Turbo

 

[Elen]

 Ok Bruno There is no need to expalin me what tipes of bikes exist there - Believe me I have fed up with such talks when a couple years ago my child dated some boy who was crazy about mountain bikes:D ( and we have "a mountain" close to our house where bikers spend the whole days. So I do guess that bikes may be different. )

  The point was if you could afford then better buy a new one and choice should be made by the boy. If you can't - then to my mind let it be his mother but not you who  would explain him that you can't afford a new bike and why it's so. Just an advice.    May be all is not in that light like I see it and you really manage to get an "ideal "teenager" in addition to your ideal wives I wish you are such happy;)

PS I don't see teensager's "muddled brains" like pure Russian problem


 

[BC]

Will second getting back on topic..

Clyde, the operative word is 'we' meaning you and your future bride decided.. not 'I' spent..

Drop I,me,myself, (I forget the gramatic word for these.. personal pronoun or such? %) from your vocabulary.

[Shadow]

Just to continue the off-topic topic for a moment. I agree with Elen on his one. The boy wants to show he just arrived from Russia and make friends. Last thing he needs is his 'new friends' making fun of him driving an old model. Not done when you are a teenager. To solve it just put a budget what the bike should cost maximum before going to the shop. Have some amount in the back of your mind to avoid being greedy on the last $50. Then let him choose from the new and 'slightly obsolete' models.

BC is right that Clyde should drop the singluar and replace it with plural. While he is the one paying, the decision should be mutual. Either you both say yes or it does not happen.

[Son of Clyde]

Turboguy, it was probably unfair of me to sabotage this thread. I apologize. I was hoping to take some of the stress off of your situation. My situation gets stressful everyday even with them here sitting next to me. When your lady is safely in the US the ordeal is never over until she has adjusted to life in this country.

Everyday there will be small stressful situations. I'm not sure if your lady has children but I am blaming myself when she gets moody and in some cases it is a problem with her son and not with me.

I hope when your appeal is due that the CO will take a second look. Many relationships blossom or fail when the fiance' is in the US and must adjust. Right now with Ira, she can't deal with Baltimore's heat and humidity. Tomorrow it may be a different issue.

Her son found a unicycle in my basement so for a few days this will be his new second hand bicycle substitute. Surprisingly, he is doing well with it and knows how to land properly when he loses balance. I told him to practice on the grass not on the street.

I had use of my pc for a few minutes this morning before he took it over.