social security number

[Journeyman]

Clyde,

Remember, everything you do (or allow) now may also be setting a precedent for what comes later.  

Journeyman

[PeeWee]

Clyde,

Remember, everything you do (or allow) now may also be setting a precedent for what comes later.

Journeyman

True. My ladies Russian lawyer warned me not more than two weeks ago. "Don't spoil her." The best thing to do is make her beg for everything. That way you are starting at ground zero. They you throw her a bone every now and and again and she really appreciates it. If you start off by giving her the moon. Then next week you have to give her the stars. And soon you run out of stuff to give and there she goes off to the next big Santa Sugardaddy.

It's true.   PeeWee

[Son of Clyde]

Oops, she does not like the sheet sets and the down comforter smells like geese.

We have to return most of the stuff tomorrow.

This is loads of fun. Is it typical RW behavior?

The $108.00 in groceries started as just a trip to the grocery store for some buttermilk and bread.

[Journeyman]

These stories about shopping are, for me, reminiscent of about half of the RW I have dated seriously.  It is also one of the things that I find most disturbing about RW.  Whether it is the daily henpecking, challenges to your manhood, ultimatums, etc., RW always seem to seek ways to gain control of a man (which, if they get, also diminishes you as a man in their eyes).  Lovely.  However, spending money -- your money, that is -- is also a way for them to secure additional control over you and the relationship. All women do this (Russian, American ,etc.) to some degree.  However, RW take the cake in this department.

Frankly, the more time I have spent with RW, the less I find to commend them.  This matter of shopping is another item in the list of things that continues to diminish their desireability in my eyes. I have never met a more materialistic and acquisitive bunch of gals.  Yes, I have met a few exceptions, and so I am not yet crossing RW off my list entirely.  And it does seem that RW tend to spend money less readily after she begins to perceive money (within marriage) as also "her money."  As such, I would imagine her spending habits would also serve as a good barometer of her commitment to the marriage.  

I am also in agreement with those who say that it is probably best for a man to bring home at least $100K in order to deal with his Russian wife's expectations.  I recall the comments of a Russian gal I dated for a while.  While walking around town, she said, "You must buy new sunglasses."  I replied, "My sunglasses are perfectly good."  She answered, "They are not most beautiful sunglasses.  I will find new sunglasses for you, and you must pay at least $100, or they will not be beautiful."  Good thing I had my sunglasses on at the time, as I know I rolled my eyes upon hearing that.  :cool:

Journeyman

[PeeWee]

These stories about shopping are, for me, reminiscent of about half of the RW I have dated seriously. It is also one of the things that I find most disturbing about RW. Whether it is the daily henpecking, challenges to your manhood, ultimatums, etc., RW always seem to seek ways to gain control of a man (which, if they get, also diminishes you as a man in their eyes). Lovely. However, spending money -- your money, that is -- is also a way for them to secure additional control over you and the relationship. All women do this (Russian, American ,etc.) to some degree. However, RW take the cake in this department.

Frankly, the more time I have spent with RW, the less I find to commend them. This matter of shopping is another item in the list of things that continues to diminish their desireability in my eyes. I have never met a more materialistic and acquisitive bunch of gals. Yes, I have met a few exceptions, and so I am not yet crossing RW off my list entirely. And it does seem that RW tend to spend money less readily after she begins to perceive money (within marriage) as also "her money." As such, I would imagine her spending habits would also serve as a good barometer of her commitment to the marriage.

I am also in agreement with those who say that it is probably best for a man to bring home at least $100K in order to deal with his Russian wife's expectations. I recall the comments of a Russian gal I dated for a while. While walking around town, she said, "You must buy new sunglasses." I replied, "My sunglasses are perfectly good." She answered, "They are not most beautiful sunglasses. I will find new sunglasses for you, and you must pay at least $100, or they will not be beautiful." Good thing I had my sunglasses on at the time, as I know I rolled my eyes upon hearing that. :cool:

Journeyman

I heard something simular to that a few weeks ago. It was clothes. "You should by the best, most expensive clothes, they will last longer." I think there is some logic to that. Russians do have a different concept of money. They try to spend it all while we try to save it all. This causes friction and makes us look cheap in their eyes. There is nothing like having your lady call you "cheap" when you suggest that she could save a few bucks if she changed her spending habits.

PeeWee

[Bruno]

[user=130]Son of Clyde[/user] wrote:

The $108.00 in groceries started as just a trip to the grocery store for some buttermilk and bread.

About grocery store, i have know the reverse problem... i send her buy some product and she is back with nothing... She was not able to choice between all the product and she have find all very expensive... of course, i was married with a woman from little city... this can change a lot...

The hell have begin with clothes catalogue and credit card... she have begin command a lot of thing that it was difficult pay back... Russian know the value of paper money but when they have a bank card or credit card between hand, they think that they can buy all, they don't understand it like cash money...

Some advice to give a bank card to RW but it is a bad move... give them the cash that you wish they spend... and believe me, they can good spare the cash money... other country, other method with money...

I have learn something from my married periode... no more credit card, no more buy when i have not the money... now, i life without need to pay something back and the life is more easy... credit is banned from my life and it is a good thing...

 

[Turboguy]

It might be interesting to do a survey sometime and find out if gals from the big city are worse than gals from the little cities.   If I ever do get my gal over here it will be interesting to see what happens because I just don't see her this way.   Perhaps I will be in for a big surprise.   It is not something I am particularly worried about.

[Bruno]

It might be interesting to do a survey sometime and find out if gals from the big city are worse than gals from the little cities.   If I ever do get my gal over here it will be interesting to see what happens because I just don't see her this way.   Perhaps I will be in for a big surprise.   It is not something I am particularly worried about.

Turbo, don't need a survey... a woman stay a woman... from little of big city change nothing... in the long term...

In the little cities, they have not all our big shopping center, beautiful photo catalogue, online shopping... but don't worry, they learn fast... the adaptation periode for "shopping" is not very long :?

[Turboguy]

I am braced for a big shopping trip if I can ever get her here.   We have spent almost a couple of months together and I have only seen her in a handful of different outfits.  (maybe 4)   She said she only needed one suitcase for everything she has that she wants to bring.   I think I will need some comfortable shopping shoes and a lot of free space on my credit cards.

[corncrowe]

I have learn something from my married periode... no more credit card, no more buy when i have not the money... now, i life without need to pay something back and the life is more easy... credit is banned from my life and it is a good thing...

Bruno,

I don't know what a credit card is because I don't have or had any.  I purchase everything with my debit card.  That could pose a problem because with credit cards there is usually a limit to how much they can purchase.  I may have to open another smaller bank account and put money in there...

But I'm not too worried yet, because I'm at least six months away from a meeting with anyone.

Jon

[Photo Guy]

RW spend lots of money? Yikes.

Hmmm. What about this idea: From day one, give her a limited amount of cash per week or per month. Cash at first and then shift to a debit card in her name. She'll learn that there's a limit to the cash, and as I told 'L': ......'Money does not grow on trees.'

[PeeWee]

I am braced for a big shopping trip if I can ever get her here.   We have spent almost a couple of months together and I have only seen her in a handful of different outfits.  (maybe 4)   She said she only needed one suitcase for everything she has that she wants to bring.   I think I will need some comfortable shopping shoes and a lot of free space on my credit cards.

Try not to attend the shopping trips, unless you enjoy shopping. I hate to shop. She asked me to go with her while we were in NY. I refused. I then let myself be talked into it and I hated it. And I got to carry all of the bags and I got to pay for it. I realize that it not a wise move to prostest paying for whatever it is that she is buying and there is no such thing as "a loan" in her mind.  She is going to spend your money. But that is not why I don't go shopping. It is just flat out boring to me and I tend to get both stressed and irriated at some point in the adventure.

I thought that it might be a good idea to just give her some cash and let her have at it. I learned then that if you give too little that you run the risk of appearing cheap. If you give generously and she does not need that much that it will either get spent anway or it goes into a secret future shopping trip fund. I'm not sure of it but I suspect it. The bottom line  is that shopping is the work of the devil. No good can come from it.

 

PeeWee

[Journeyman]

[user=134]Photo Guy[/user] wrote:

RW spend lots of money? Yikes.

Hmmm. What about this idea: From day one, give her a limited amount of cash per week or per month. Cash at first and then shift to a debit card in her name. She'll learn that there's a limit to the cash, and as I told 'L': ......'Money does not grow on trees.'

She will still think that, because you live in America, you should be able to buy whatever you want, whenever you want it.  How are you going to recondition her mind after 20 years of such brainwashing?

In addition, if she is, like most gals, coming to live with you for a better quality of life, she will expect that that includes buying things.  Maybe lots of things.  If you deny her that, she will likely view not only as though you are cheap (a mortal sin in the FSU), but also as a breach of contract.  Since many of them are expecting a lifestyle approaching that displayed on the imported US TV shows they see (e.g., Santa Barbara, etc.), be prepared.  If you think that she is marrying you because you are such a sweet guy, think again

Journeyman

[Turboguy]

Heck, right now I would be so happy to see her I couldn't care less what she spent and would be glad to shop till I dropped.   Of couse after she was here a while and when the credit card bill came, i might change my mind.

[Photo Guy]

Well.....maybe her shopping won't bother me so much, if I can encourage her to choose those short sexy skirts and high heels, ..then maybe it won't be so bad. I don't know about where you live, but here in Phoenix all of the stores at the mall have ...very sexy girlie-girl  clothing. Even the mannequins look attractive. Ha.   Doug  

[Maxx]

[user=130]Son of Clyde[/user] wrote:

Oops, she does not like the sheet sets and the down comforter smells like geese.

We have to return most of the stuff tomorrow.

 

Clyde, please tell us how much extra she spent after she returned the sheet sets and comforter. And please tell us how geese smell.

Maxx

 

 

[PeeWee]

Oops, she does not like the sheet sets and the down comforter smells like geese.

We have to return most of the stuff tomorrow.

 

Clyde, please tell us how much extra she spent after she returned the sheet sets and comforter. And please tell us how geese smell.

Maxx

 

 
[/quote]
You don't know how a goose smells? I got them crapping all over my yard and I can tell you first hand that they smell like goose crap.

 

PeeWee

[PeeWee]

RW spend lots of money? Yikes.

Hmmm. What about this idea: From day one, give her a limited amount of cash per week or per month. Cash at first and then shift to a debit card in her name. She'll learn that there's a limit to the cash, and as I told 'L': ......'Money does not grow on trees.'

She will still think that, because you live in America, you should be able to buy whatever you want, whenever you want it. How are you going to recondition her mind after 20 years of such brainwashing?

In addition, if she is, like most gals, coming to live with you for a better quality of life, she will expect that that includes buying things. Maybe lots of things. If you deny her that, she will likely view not only as though you are cheap (a mortal sin in the FSU), but also as a breach of contract. Since many of them are expecting a lifestyle approaching that displayed on the imported US TV shows they see (e.g., Santa Barbara, etc.), be prepared. If you think that she is marrying you because you are such a sweet guy, think again

Journeyman



[/quote]
Yeah, I think it is true. And to restate it. You never want to come off as being cheap. Nor do you ever want to inadvertantly put her in a position where she comes off as looking cheap. That is worse. I've committed both of these mortal sins but somehow I have lived to tell you all now about it. I have some slight advantage on this one, however, in that she has traveled to US enough times and visited my home twice and ridden around in my car to know that I am not living like TV people do.

PeeWee

[PeeWee]

Men, I am worried about our Clyde.  Clyde, you now need to rope, throw, and brand her before it is too late for you. And remember the test. Someone said it. Your manhood will be tested often and always. Fortunate for me I spent 6 years in the military so I am already preconditioned for these manhood tests. I stated out with her having the upper hand but I got it back last year  but she is fighting me for it and she is damn good at dominating any situation. But I am fighting to keep my nads out ofher purse. You naver want a women to be carring you balls around in her purse.

PeeWee

[BC]

I never try to buy anything for the household alone. I give an opin on a product but insist she makes the final decision. Letting her make mistakes speeds the learning process but don't say 'see I told you so' which will only put her on the defensive and you in the doghouse.

Before long she will probably be better at it than you are.

Feel fortunate that you live in the land where everything can be returned without questions asked.

[Turboguy]

The two amazing things about women's clothing are

1.  The less material there is, the more the clothing costs.

2.  The less there is of the gal, the more expensive the clothing she wants.

I am in the manufacturing business and for us the more materials we put in the more we have to charge.   Perhaps it is more a function of supply and demand.   The less there is of the gal and the less there is of the clothing she is wearing the more the supply of guys who are willing to foot the bill.   Humm, that sounds pretty logical.

 

[BC]

Men, I am worried about our Clyde.  Clyde, you now need to rope, throw, and brand her before it is too late for you.

PeeWee,

It takes a couple years of marriage with a RW to even start understanding how to deal with it.. Longer if you can't really communicate.

At this point your way will most likely lead to highway. Right now she probably needs strong emotional support to build a true relationship.. it's a very frustrating and confusing period.

[ConnerVT]

The two amazing things about women's clothing are

1.  The less material there is, the more the clothing costs.

2.  The less there is of the gal, the more expensive the clothing she wants.

Of course it's inversely proportional.  You forgot rule #3

3.  The less material there is on a women of less size, the more we want to see it! 

[Journeyman]

Men, I am worried about our Clyde.  Clyde, you now need to rope, throw, and brand her before it is too late for you.

PeeWee,

It takes a couple years of marriage with a RW to even start understanding how to deal with it.. Longer if you can't really communicate.

At this point your way will most likely lead to highway. Right now she probably needs strong emotional support to build a true relationship.. it's a very frustrating and confusing period.
[/quote]


I'd agree with both PeeWee and BC.  Here's how I'd put it.  In a way, for a while, she is going to function like a child.  She will be rather helpless, needy, nervous, defensive, demanding, selfish, making a lot of mistakes, and generally not knowing what to do.  

Don't make the mistake of trying to be a "modern man" and try to treat her like an equal.  She is not, nor does she want to be treated that way.  Yes, she wants and deserves respect and understanding.  However, you've got become the rock on which she can anchor herself and learn.  She needs to learn how to function in her new world, but she also needs to manage her emotions during this time, which will be exceedingly difficult for the normally hyper-emotional Russian female.  

Like parenting a child, you will need to be steady, reliable, kind but firm, set limits and keep them, acknowledge her frustrations and wants, but if it should not be possible for the normal couple and home, do NOT make it possible for her.  In other words, do NOT indulge her.  Make reasonable accomodation for her, but get her to make the effort to adjust and to accept the realities of her new world as an adult.  

Again, during this adjustment period, particularly for any gal under 30, she will need you to function in a bit of a parental way, without ever showing disrespect.  A very tough job.  If she's over 30, there will still be some of that for a while.  I've seen it even in 45 year old RW who land in the US.  They often revert to helpless, demanding children for a while.

Plus, as was noted above, you've now got to really figure out each other.  You still really don't know each other very well.  But remember that she will "cue" off of you in almost everything for the first 6 months (and possibly for up to 2 years), until she acclimates fairly fully to her new surroundings and feel fully competent (and is truly functional in her new society).  Actually, that might take up to 10 years, depending upon the particular gal.

All the while, you've got to be the emotional rock and show her how to manage life.  Don't let her emotional displays  sway you.  Again, rather like she's a child.  If you get upset because or when she's upset, you fail.  She'll tell you everything here is bad, and that she wants to return to her home.  Acknowledge her feelings, but don't hear it as a true or logical statement.  Her "growing up" phase will result in her saying all kinds of crazy and even nasty things.  Just like a kid, it's hard to "grow up (again)."  Then, if you've picked a good one, she'll eventually transition successfully.  You can exhale after a couple of years.

Journeyman

[BC]

Journeyman,

Good post. Considering all these things require good communications I wonder how it can work with a dictionary.

We had and still have a tough enough time going on the third year and her english was very good from the start.  I really do not think it would have worked out for us if this were not the case.

I know I wouldn't even consider a relationship with a woman I could not communicate well with. Considering the different mentality and cultural aspects to overcome and adapt to she had better speak english better than the girl next door.