social security number

[Son of Clyde]

There is a ton of confusion on that other board about a post I made about getting a ssn for my fiance.

I have only one basic question, do we have to be married and is the ssn received at the time we adjust her status?

The I-84 (hope that is correct) she received at JFK may allow her to work during the initial 90 days but she does not yet have a ssn.

Does it mean she can work without a ssn during the first 90 days?

I already know of someone who owns a cleaning service who may hire her but I need to know if it is ok for her to work.

 

[jb]

Clyde,

Your g/f is allowed to work during the 90 day K-1 if she has the EAD stamped on her I-94 POE entry stub, but she can't go to work without a SSN.  You will need to allow a couple of weeks for her to get into the system and then go down to the SSA and apply for the SSN.  She does not have to be married to recieve a SSN, but the SS card when it arrives will have the notation on it; "Not valid for employment without EAD".  When she applies for a job she will have to show both documents (I-94 and SS card) to the prospective employer.

I hope that answers your question.

[jb]

Further, Clyde, the EAD stamped on the I-94 is only valid only for 90 days, or until you marry, whichever comes first.  After you marry the girl you will need to file a I-765 for the 2 year EAD.  This should be filed at the same time you file the I-485 AOS.

[jb]

Clyde,

I just read that thread you referred to "on the other board" and it is so full of bad information I can't believe those guys ever got anything done.

First of all, the SSN doesn't cost anything, there is no fee for that.  The temp EAD stamped on her I-94 is all you need to apply for a SSN, once she has a SSN it always stays the same, she will have to inform the SSA of any name changes when you marry, but the number doesn't change.  The $145.00 fee they referred to is the filing fee for the, good for 2 years, EAD, after you marry.

After you marry and go through the AOS process and she gets her green card, you will have to "Adjust" her status with the SSA, she will get a new SS card without the notation requiring the EAD.  A landed immigrant has the right to work.

Clyde, I also read your thread where you expressed reservations about the relationship.  About how demanding she is and how she can't stand your snoring, doesn't like where you live, etc., trust me on this, unless she turns her head around completely, don't marry~!!!  You need to be 100% sure of this, not 75% sure, otherwise this woman will make your life a 100% hell on earth after she has a marriage certificate in hand.  You are an undemanding person, she is a very demanding person, she thinks you are loaded with cash and can afford thrice annual trips back to see mommy, and on and on....  Marry this woman and she will own you, body and soul.

How bad do you want to be miserable?

[Son of Clyde]

Thank you, jb.

I told her 5 times to get the EAD stamp but I don't know that she did.

I have seen the I-94 (the white card inserted into her passport) but will have to see if the EAD is stamped on it.

I went to SSA this week and they would not touch it, saying immigration will issue the ssn and they want to avoid her having multiple ssn's.

I just don't think the woman wanted to be bothered late in the day. Maybe Irina is not entered into the system yet. It will be 2 weeks on Friday.

[jb]

Clyde,

BICS does not issue SSN's, Social Security Administration does that.  Ask to speak to a supervisor if the clerk at the window gives you static.  Many of these lower level clerks don't know sh!t from shine-ola.  The computer systems between BICS and SSA are linked.  Once she's in the system, if she has the temp EAD stamped on the backside of the I-94, it should show up within a few weeks.

[ielocal]

Clyde,

I just read that thread you referred to "on the other board" and it is so full of bad information I can't believe those guys ever got anything done.

 

Don't know when you read the thread but the "expert" who was positive was contradicted with other's actual experience.  But anyways, have you read of any of the POE's doing the EAD stamp other then the one in JFK in New York?

[PeeWee]

Clyde,

I just read that thread you referred to "on the other board" and it is so full of bad information I can't believe those guys ever got anything done.

First of all, the SSN doesn't cost anything, there is no fee for that. The temp EAD stamped on her I-94 is all you need to apply for a SSN, once she has a SSN it always stays the same, she will have to inform the SSA of any name changes when you marry, but the number doesn't change. The $145.00 fee they referred to is the filing fee for the, good for 2 years, EAD, after you marry.

After you marry and go through the AOS process and she gets her green card, you will have to "Adjust" her status with the SSA, she will get a new SS card without the notation requiring the EAD. A landed immigrant has the right to work.

Clyde, I also read your thread where you expressed reservations about the relationship. About how demanding she is and how she can't stand your snoring, doesn't like where you live, etc., trust me on this, unless she turns her head around completely, don't marry~!!! You need to be 100% sure of this, not 75% sure, otherwise this woman will make your life a 100% hell on earth after she has a marriage certificate in hand. You are an undemanding person, she is a very demanding person, she thinks you are loaded with cash and can afford thrice annual trips back to see mommy, and on and on.... Marry this woman and she will own you, body and soul.

How bad do you want to be miserable?

Your last paragraph makes a lot of sense to me, jb. I don't think any guy needs a RW calling the shots in his life time. Those women are strong but in my opinion the man has to be the strength and in the center of the family. It has something to do with respect from her for you. I started out that way, with her running the show and calling the shots. I soon learned that if we were both to be happy that I was the one that needed to have the upper hand. I took it and since she has been more responsive to me and I really think she respects me for it.

 

Three days, guys, and I am off the the Motherland.

 

PeeWee

[Journeyman]

jb, and others,

While we are on the topic of employment, and the need to get a SS number, does anybody know if self-employment is a viable route for a newly-landed RW (e.g., house-cleaning, dog walking, translation, etc.)?  And I am referring to the same issue here -- getting underway legally, with or without a SS number, and other documentation.  

Journeyman

[Journeyman]

jb wrote:

Clyde, I also read your thread where you expressed reservations about the relationship. About how demanding she is and how she can't stand your snoring, doesn't like where you live, etc., trust me on this, unless she turns her head around completely, don't marry~!!! You need to be 100% sure of this, not 75% sure, otherwise this woman will make your life a 100% hell on earth after she has a marriage certificate in hand.

Clyde, I can tell you from personal experience with this kind of behavior regarding a RW's behavior after arriving -- jb is right.  My ex-fiancee was the scamming type (GCG), and the first thing she did after arriving was to try to take charge and get the upper hand by reducing me to a wimp with constant criticisms, complaints, cold-shouldered-ness, etc.  It was her way to keep her distance romantically, and also to "tame" me as best she could to manage the situation toward her ultimate aim -- the right to stay in the US (on my dime).  Please, please, please, make no excuses for her behavior.  She is not nervous, homesick, worried about the future, etc.  She is out to control you.  This is THE pattern.  I can't say that she is a GCG (like mine was), but something is very wrong.

At the time this was happening to me, it was really tough for me to come to terms with it (the reasons for her bad behavior).  It was my first serious relationship with a RW, and I was indeed green.  It was years ago, and I had never seen any of these discussion boards before -- warning about this kind of behavior in a RW after arrival.  Before arriving in the US, my ex-fiancee was very "agreeable" and never seemed to speak a harsh word.  Immediately upon her arrival, her change was like Jeckyl and Hyde.  I couldn't believe it.  In shock, I staggered about for a few days to get my bearings.  After counting the many months invested in the relationship, remembering the always-sweet demeanor she had exhibited previously, and realizing the many thousands of dollars I had spent, etc, etc, it just didn't matter.  She had lied.  The whole relationship had, for her, been an act.  It is hard to imagine that any person could do that to another (and basically prostitute themselves in the process), but it happens.  It happens too often.  

Like jb said, unless you have absolutely NO reservations about her on or before the 80th day, don't do it.  Don't get married -- even if she warms up a little bit.  And, again, don't make any excuses for her behavior (as it would only get much worse).  Any normal gal will be on their BEST behavior upon arriving.  You've labelled yourself as a "nice guy".  That's OK.  I know a lot of nice guys.  Often they bend, but usually don't break.  Don't let her break you.  Like jb said, you'd be paying for it for years.

Journeyman  

PS.  Even though it was years ago, my ex-fiancee also knew about how to use the false DV charge.  She accidentally "exposed" her knowledge when I told her that I was going to send her back to Russia.  Such scheming is now common-knowledge in the FSU.  

[Son of Clyde]

There is no problem with the sexual issue.

I will not go into detail but it is fine, no withdrawal from her or me.

It is an adjustment problem. From my letters she thought I could afford to buy them more personal things (gifts) and she never asked about whether I was wealthy or not. I always said I make a decent salary. It is a decent salary for a family of three.

I plan to buy them gifts over time, not all at once. I bought the kid a wristwatch and he was very happy. She does not want me to buy her anything until she better understands the budget issue.

I do think I need to buy the kid and her a computer of their own and put it in her son's room. He can play his video games till the cows come home and she can fight with him over her use of the computer.

Part of the moodiness is her lack of understanding of American customs. I have a very good interpreter who has met Irina in person and would know if anything was not right. So far everything that has happened has had a logical explanation when discussed.

 

She is now understanding my need to set a budget. I will get the kid's bicycle in due time.

[BC]

My wife didn't ask either but we did talk at length about my 'normal' lifestyle in detail and I told her when I proposed that all I could guarantee is a warm comfortable place to sleep and food on the table.

It's easier to be happy with low expectations.

I still hate going to the mall though.

[KenC]

Clyde,

I don't know if it is a general attitude, as I can only share my experience with my Russian wife, but don't think that the argumentative attitude is temporary.  My wife is stubborn and does not shy away from letting her opinions known.  After 6 years of marriage, I wouldn't say it is an adjustment thing, but more of a perminant character trait.  It does get under my skin occasionally too.  My general advice is, if you see some traits that are uncomfortable for you now, do not think they will go away or even improve, assume they will at least stay the same or get worse.  I feel for you as the clock is ticking on your final decision.

KenC

[Son of Clyde]

Ken,

It is rumored that you may be of Russian/Ukrainian descent.

If it is true has this helped you any to better understand your wife?

Just curious.

[PeeWee]

This is a very good thread. My opinion of a RW has them as a take charge, strong, personality. Add to that a woman who has been flung into a foreign enviornment, one where she is literally off balance and as a result her insecurity is at an all time high. Of course she is going to try to establish some control of her situation. Either she is going to see you as her source of strength and salvaiton or her instincts are going to kick in and she is going to handle it. As I said, RW are survivors because their culture has made them that way. She will do almost anything to insure her survival in a strange environment, with or without your help. Amplifly this if one or more children are involved. You, as the man, need to be so strong and directive that she clearly understands who it is that will bring her the security that she now needs.

She stills thinks that you are like your Russian brother in many ways, if you have not yet proven to her otherwise. She might suspect that when the chips are down you might respond in a way like our Russian brothers might respond. Get drunk, beat her, or abandon her. She has learned to take charge and she will try.

I was told by a RW now living here in the US that I need to be careful not to spoil my new partner. It is easy to do, especailly if she is fighting to take charge or is a demanding individual. I tend to generalize, you all know that, but here we are talking in generalalities anyway, therefore I will take that liberty.

PeeWee

[Maxx]

Journeyman your words were like a trip back into time for me. Only mine came in as a K-3 wife with the false DV charges two weeks after I filed for the divorce after 4 months of USA marriage. Like you I did not know about any of these risks as imigration message boards were only about how quick you can get your loved one into the country. There is a Russian saying 'a man marries his fiancee not his wife'. This is true unless she is waiting for a K-Visa.  

KenC, jb make some good points about certain personality traits not going away in time and perhaps getting worse. Argumentativness seems to groove in deeply in a woman's brain. 

Maxx

[jb]

I was merely giving Clyde a "heads up", not starting an argument.  Clyde needs to be 100% sure this love affair is the real deal, a lasting relationship.  75% will not cut it, 95% will not cut it, 99% will not cut it.  It needs to be a 100% mutual[/b] "this is the love of my life" relationship.  If she is not as into Clyde as much Clyde is is into her, then he needs to rethink the whole thing.

Russian women are not for everybody.  If you get a good one, life is wonderful, get a self-centered, greedy, demanding woman, and your life as you know it will go down the toilet.

[BC]

amen

[KenC]

[user=130]Son of Clyde[/user] wrote:

Ken,

It is rumored that you may be of Russian/Ukrainian descent.

If it is true has this helped you any to better understand your wife?

Just curious.

Hell yes!  I'm 100% Russian and stubborn as a mule too!  Understanding is a lot different from being OK with it, though.  My Grandparents would argue for hours over trivial things.  My Mother was the prototypical Russian wife, tough as nails and unbendable opinions.  But again, just because I understand it and have experience with it, does not mean I like it.

Just for the record, Lena really didn't show this side very much before we married.  I admired her strength and resolve and still do, but the bickering over BS wears on you.  In my opinion, a timid guy will get eaten alive by the type of RW we are talking about.

KenC

[PeeWee]

Ken,

It is rumored that you may be of Russian/Ukrainian descent.

If it is true has this helped you any to better understand your wife?

Just curious.

Hell yes!  I'm 100% Russian and stubborn as a mule too!  Understanding is a lot different from being OK with it, though.  My Grandparents would argue for hours over trivial things.  My Mother was the prototypical Russian wife, tough as nails and unbendable opinions.  But again, just because I understand it and have experience with it, does not mean I like it.

Just for the record, Lena really didn't show this side very much before we married.  I admired her strength and resolve and still do, but the bickering over BS wears on you.  In my opinion, a timid guy will get eaten alive by the type of RW we are talking about.

KenC
[/quote]
This is good for me to know. I wondered why I sometimes found myself rehashing topics that had already been rehash before. I thought that she had memory loss and was telling me something that she had forgotten she had told me already. But now it appears that we are developing the BOB (bickering over BS).

PeeWee

[Journeyman]

So far everything that has happened has had a logical explanation when discussed.

Clyde, I really hope you are right.  True, this can be a confusing time, but not only for her, but for you too.  Earlier, I presented to you what might be your worst-case scenario (or nearly so).  Just keep it in the back of your mind for the next 2 months.

Meanwhile, I hope you might also find in her behaviors clear indications of genuine tenderness, emotional intimacy, thoughtfulness and caring toward you.  Does she consistently show respect towards you, and really seem to enjoy your presence?  Does she act like a friend, or like she wants to be a good friend?  If she cannot clearly display these kinds of behaviors to balance the negatives, you might need to think some more on things.

Even then, like many of the married guys are telling you, you will need to evaluate yourself, too -- figuring out if you are prepared to deal with her Russian ways: endlessly testing your manhood, status, and inner strength.

Most gals can keep from "being themselves" for a while.  You should begin to see the real her after about 6 weeks together (if not, before).  Good luck.

Journeyman

[Son of Clyde]

Just returned from 2 hours of shopping, $750.00 in linens and $108.00 in groceries.

She finds every nook and cranny to search through in the stores.

[PeeWee]

[user=130]Son of Clyde[/user] wrote:

Just returned from 2 hours of shopping, $750.00 in linens and $108.00 in groceries.

She finds every nook and cranny to search through in the stores.

Clyde,you never been shopping with a Russian woman before. They have taken the art of shopping and turned it into a science. They wrote the book "The Art of Shopping." I hate it. I did it 4 times. You have to be quick on your feet and able to hang on to your wallet, both at the same time. Man, I'd here a. "Hey, look over there." I'd look...but it was merely a distraction tactic. Bam! My wallet was snatched from my pocket like a surgeon removes a spleen. Slick and painless.

And then you get to carry all of the bags. Wlhen I complain of it I get the big puffed out lower lip and a, "You don'[t vant me to get the beeg muscles do you, Pee Vee? You carry bags. It is your job. Now give me wallet." 

I have had it with the shopping. Yet I do know that my opinion is highly valued. I get aske about everything. "What do you think about it? Should I buy it?" A suitcase. "how do I look." and she drags it up and down the isle of the store. Geeeez!

 

PeeWee

[corncrowe]

[user=130]Son of Clyde[/user] wrote:

Just returned from 2 hours of shopping, $750.00 in linens and $108.00 in groceries.

She finds every nook and cranny to search through in the stores.

Clyde,

Only $108.00 in groceries?  What, no kids?  I have two kids at home and our small bill is about $140.00 on Sunday.  Maybe you are trying to save money for that new bike...

Jon

[Maxx]

I remember going into a leather shop with Elvira to buy her a purse as her one was torn. She came out with two purses and a matching beige leather jacket, beige leather cap and matching beige leather purse. Then the next day we had to return to exchange one of the purses for some strange reason. The sales woman in this shop who knew me from the time I used to shop there before used to flirt with me and show me more than the usual attention. I think she thought I was single. So she meets Elvira and is eyeing us up pretty good. It was easy to see what I had married. Elvira was in her shop twice and was her usual demanding and unappreciating self. So all in all a black purse, a red purse, a beige purse, a beige jacket and a beige 'mack' hat all in leather. The shopping trip for the purse ended up costing me $330, glasses another $330, $200 plus for a day at an amusement part and a weekend trip up North about $500.  

And you should have seen her grocery shop! We may as well walked down the isles and have the grocery boys avalanche the stocked shelves into our cart. Her son would hookshot toys and goodies into the cart and would run up and down the isles looking for the next item to make a "basket" with.

I would say to her, "Elvira, you are spending allot of money".

She would say, "What? You marry Russian woman. You must pay".

Maxx