Tips for living with an RW

[KenC]

DNA?  Not every RW is a Blues Fairy, a Lilly or Galina.  I knew a dozen other RW before I met "the one" woman with the qualities I treasure.  I don't think it's woven into all RW DNA. There are quality women in every walk of life. Some of us are just more fortunate than others and grateful for such a gift.

 my short list  12 steps or "Tips" for men married to RW.

1. Be a promise keeper.  Don't say it, just do it.
2. Keep it simple, Truth is truth, she can sense dishonesty from miles away.
3. There are no excuses, don't put yourself in a place where you need to give one.
4. She loves to talk so learn to love to listen.
5. She loves to listen so learn to talk.
6. She knows much more than she will ever reveal.
7. Don't ever break the trust between you, it is nearly impossible to heal such damage.
8. Whisper some sweet Russian phrases into her ears and watch her show a different side you have never seen before.
9. Be creative in the bedroom, She loves to try new things.
10 Don't offer to cook her dinner, just do it well, cook from your heart and soul and she will love it! Bring flowers and light the candles!
11. She will depend on you for everything!
12. BE DEPENDABLE

Mishenka

Have you ever been married to a RW?
KenC

[Jet]

I did have one RW before I met my wife inform me right up front, "I don't cook and I don't want to cook!" 

What were you doing talking to my wife?!? 

[catzenmouse]

I must be married to the exception then...

Elena is an excellent cook but though she is happy to cook it always works out that I do more of the cooking than she does. Okay with me as I love to cook so no worries on either of our ends.

[Misha]

My wife feels that cooking is her thing and the kitchen is her domain.  The only time I'm allowed to cook is if I'm going to make lasagne or cannelloni.

I did have one RW before I met my wife inform me right up front, "I don't cook and I don't want to cook!"  I think she was an exception to the general rule that most are quite adept in the kitchen.

My wife would smother me in my sleep if I did not do my share around the house. We tend to split duties 50/50. Those weeks that I cook, she washes dishes and every couple of weeks we trade. I am the one who prepares breakfast.

[Gator]

My wife would smother me in my sleep if I did not do my share around the house. We tend to split duties 50/50.

50/50 is my goal.  Now we are at 80/20 - me the 80.  Please advise.

[Ooooops]

My wife would smother me in my sleep if I did not do my share around the house.

 

And I think it's only fair.   

[Misha]

And I think it's only fair.   

I do too 

[KenC]

50/50 is my goal.  Now we are at 80/20 - me the 80.  Please advise.

Simple, stop doing 30%! 
KenC

[Jet]

50/50 is my goal.  Now we are at 80/20 - me the 80.  Please advise.

Seems like you are doing better than many if you've gotten up to 20% in two months (+/-) of marriage. 

[Gator]

Simple, stop doing 30%! 
KenC

But in the beginning they are helpless in many ways.  

Plus I don't want to starve.  I find her standard cuisine rather boring (too many years of cooking just for herself and her two young children).  She is starting to show some interest in learning new recipes, and if I cook, she cleans (rather, teaches her daughter  ). 

And to be fair, she wrote in her profile that she does not like to cook.  I thought originally that she did that to repel men seeking a traditional housewife.  No, she does not like to cook (and obviously direct and honest).


As Jet says, it has only been two months.  Tomorrow, the kids start going to various summer camps into mid-August.  We'll see what new changes that brings.

[Ooooops]

Plus I don't want to starve.  I find her standard cuisine rather boring (too many years of cooking just for herself and her two young children).  She is starting to show some interest in learning new recipes...

May I offer some unsolicited advise (I came from the Country of Advises after all )?   Try to go to different restaurants - Asian/European/Mexican/etc  and may be some dish will strike her fancy enough to try that recipe at home?

PS.  I love to cook and I'm really good at it judging by my guest's empty plates at my dinner parties.   

[groovlstk]

50/50 is my goal.  Now we are at 80/20 - me the 80.  Please advise.

I had exactly the same experience during my wife's first two months here, but once she had her confidence and that sense of "it's not his home, it's our home," things evened out.

[Ronnie]

Many things can be substituted for.  Time, it seems, is not one of them. 

Every dog has her day.  Mrs Ronnie's day was Friday.  After many years of life she for the first time, drove herself alone to class.  I told her to call me when she arrived so I could stop worrying.  When she didn't call at the moment I expected, I called only to learn that she hadn't called yet because she was still trying to get the car centered in the parking stall!

It has been difficult for me to drive her to class, then pick her up.  The time, the gas, the interruption in my work.  So now, the burden just got a little lighter for both of us.   But please don't ask me if she passed her second attempt at the driving test.  (I'm sure she's learned now that when the DMV examiner says, "go left here" she doesn't mean "drive on the left-hand side of the road").

[KenC]

Man, you guys are giving me flashbacks.

I now remember schleping Lena back and forth to her school when she first arrived.  What a pain in the butt.  That's why she was mobile in the matter of a few weeks!  A few driving lessons with me and armed with her International license, she was out and about on her own very quickly.

Lena can never be accused of being a domestic godess by any stretch of the imagination.  My son and I were rather neat and orderly in our home together, but Lena did take exception to the cleanliness of the counters in the kitchen for example.  She felt the two of us males needed a "woman's touch" as to what constitutes "clean."  One thing you guys might consider is to allow your woman to show her superiority in such areas.  It worked well for me over the years.
KenC

[steviej]

Many things can be substituted for.  Time, it seems, is not one of them. 

Every dog has her day.  Mrs Ronnie's day was Friday.  After many years of life she for the first time, drove herself alone to class.  I told her to call me when she arrived so I could stop worrying.  When she didn't call at

Oh man, what a great story. Indeed, I've been through the same. My wife had never driven a car in her life before she got here. All trains, subways, buses, and ... feet! I became her personal driving instructor, and its a miracle I lived to tell about it 

Based on someone's advice, I bought her an old car that didn't require comprehensive insurance, and wasn't going to be a heartbreak if she cracked it up. Well, now she's a good, careful driver and I don't worry so much anymore (I still always worry some), but guess who has the old car now?? Me! Yep, once she became a competent driver, then I switched to worrying about mechanical problems on the road. So, now my wife has the new car, and I drive the clunker.

[steviej]

50/50 is my goal.  Now we are at 80/20 - me the 80.  Please advise.

In the 5+ years Ulyana and I have been married, I've never cooked a meal, never washed a dish, never did a piece of laundry or anything, unless my wife has been out of town. It's funny, its nothing we ever discussed. It just happened. She moved in and took over. She's not fussy at all. Her cleaning is what is minimally required, she cooks simple and fast, etc. She doesn't spend all day doing it. She does things quickly and then moves on to other things she enjoys more, especially painting (she's quite a good artist, by the way - we've sold several of her paintings). But she clearly took everything over. She's a very traditional Russian girl in this way. If she wanted help, she would expect me to pay and get additional help for her. But she doesn't want to see her husband doing it.

[vwrw]

Tip #1 The woman is ALWAYS right.
Tip # 2  If the woman is wrong, see rule #1.
Tip #3 Do NOT resist acculturation: do, eat, and wear what she says you should do, eat, and wear.

[Vinnvinny]

Tip #1 The woman is ALWAYS right.
Tip # 2  If the woman is wrong, see rule #1.

I dont agree .........

 

[Aloe]

I've been going through some letters of our 4-year correspondence with my now-husband and found my very last letter, just before departure, entitled "Four easy tips for living with Blues Fairy" , quite amusing - I think those of you who are just embarking on a relationship with an RW may find it useful, too.
___________________________________________________
My sweet Darling,

Thank you for your amazing letter.  I wish I could reciprocate it with equal force of language, but being the practical little bitch that I am, I decided to use this last written opportunity to formulate a few important things about me which will hopefully help you in your daily struggle with your new status.  You must know, my Love, that I am very aware of the huge responsibility and risk you are taking upon yourself and I am determined to do everything in my power to make it work.  

The below tips are the result of years of close self-observation and may, if used properly, make your life with me a lot easier:

1. Mood swings: whenever you find me especially cranky, grouchy, angry, pissed-off etc., you should first check whether I am not 1) hungry; 2) cold; 3) in pain.  A gentleman never gets angry at a woman who is experiencing physical suffering. Therefore, when you register a bad mood in me, first eliminate the above conditions; feed, warm, heal where necessary; and then continue discussing the original subject.  Because in 95% of cases, the reason for my crankiness will be either hunger, cold, or pain, or any combination of the above.

2.  Make-up sex: reconciliation after minor and major fights may be difficult because we are both extremely proud ***holes, you and I.  But I believe the gentleman must always try to make the first step, that's how I was brought up.  So here's the tip: dragging me to bed actually works as the first step!  Nothing works better! Talking may come after - or it may not be even needed eventually.  

3.  Nagging: believe it or not, but I absolutely hate nagging and feel awful when I catch myself doing it.  Therefore, you are welcome to verbalize your protests and give gentle warning when you perceive that you're being nagged.  However, the best way to avoid nagging altogether is not to ignore my requests in the first place.

4.  "You're tough": paradoxically, the surest way to encourage me to be tough is to never take my toughness for granted.  The more you take care of me, the more I try to be as tough and self-sufficient as possible.  And in return, I will never take your care for granted, my Love.
____________________________________________

Any other similar "tips" anyone care to share?  Huh, experienced ones?  

Wow this is a VERY good manual on how to deal with my husband   He just has random mood swings, and it is a combination of conditions above, hunger, cold, maybe pain too, or 4th condition: he is upset over his own nagging. I find myself all the time, trying to figure out what's wrong again and how to deal with it. It's troubling sometimes because i feel like it should be the other way around, lol. But i simply cannot afford to go into a mood swing, cuz it will affect him and his swing will be a lot bigger and way way way longer, so i have to think twice before showing my own emotions. It is not always pleasant trying to live without upsetting his super delicate mood balance.

[Aloe]

Thinking back, it is usually him pouting over something, and i have to ask a dozen times over "what's wrong", cuz i got no idea what fly bit him today, and he keeps saying "nothing", until i annoy him into telling me what's really wrong. Is it the other way around in other marriages? (on a side note, i decided to not ask anymore, just let him deal with it, but i do worry every time what the hell is wrong this time?)

[I/O]

If she gets to the stage of mentioning (even thinking or hinting) something, anything, may be / have been better in Russia, tell her to p!ss off back there if it is so effing good. That assures silence for a while . Went through that stage a couple of years ago, lasted about 9 minutes until she realised I was serious.

[Shadow]

Tip #1 The woman is ALWAYS right.
Tip # 2  If the woman is wrong, see rule #1.
Tip #3 Do NOT resist acculturation: do, eat, and wear what she says you should do, eat, and wear.

Tip #4 If you are right it is to be forgotten at once. If you are wrong, it will be remembered for al eternity.

[vwrw]

i simply cannot afford to go into a mood swing, cuz it will affect him and his swing will be a lot bigger and way way way longer, so i have to think twice before showing my own emotions. It is not always pleasant trying to live without upsetting his super delicate mood balance.

His mood swings will become less frequent and less intensive as he ages.  Give him 30 years more  and biological changes inside his body will calm him down.

Tip #4 If you are right it is to be forgotten at once. If you are wrong, it will be remembered for al eternity.

 It is our female way to reinforce truthfulness of tip #1 in males’ mind.

[vwrw]

If she gets to the stage of mentioning (even thinking or hinting) something, anything, may be / have been better in Russia, tell her to p!ss off back there if it is so effing good. That assures silence for a while . Went through that stage a couple of years ago, lasted about 9 minutes until she realised I was serious.

In my opinion, when people really love, cherish, and value someone or something they treat the person/thing with care so that not to hurt it somehow. Statements such as “p!ss off back there if it is so effing good” can hurt one’s feelings if they are told by loved one. Such words are especially hurtful, if she understands you really meant it. I would certainly not recommend telling of such harsh statement to a person whom you love.

[GoodOlBoy]

In my opinion, when people really love, cherish, and value someone or something they treat the person/thing with care so that not to hurt it somehow. Statements such as “p!ss off back there if it is so effing good” can hurt one’s feelings if they are told by loved one. Such words are especially hurtful, if she understands you really meant it. I would certainly not recommend telling of such harsh statement to a person whom you love.

I agree with you completely vwrw!
Tantamount to: "I will send your a$$ back if you don't think or behave the way I want you too".


GOB