Some thougths by a newbie!

[diverboy70]

Hi

I am a quite new quy to this "pursuit" and have mostly been an eager reader of all of the knowledge that all of you guys have managed to compile at one place. Let me first of all appologize for misspellings and other errors in the English language, as I am from Finland and have Swedish as my first language.

I started this "search" in february this year. As most? of the guys I got lured into this by the promise of a young and beautiful new wife, what a beautiful promise for a quite depressed a newly divorced western man. Boy, was I wrong! and how easy is it to fall into that pit 

Since I have an avarage intellect, at least i think so myself, I was quickly taken out of these fairy tale storys by the agencies, thanks guys! The process went from "believe it all to believe nothing to use your *snip* ing common scense" After all dating a FSU woman is not so far away from dating any woman anywhere the world. i must also say that the reason i even concidered this way is that I live in a very small community where the choise of available women not are very substansial. I must also say that I have dated a number of women locally and also in Sweden semisuccesfully, but nothing ever felt really right.

Anyway, I have surely written a hundred women, but I never really got the feel that "this could be something". Mostly a lot of "You are my future" and falling in love in two letters. Or too poor English knowledge to have a reasonable conversation. I am a firm believer that communicatio is the key to success in a relationship. I know others here donīt put that much stress on English knowledge. But for me it was essential, I didnīt want to make a very har quest even harder!

So finally I ended up communicating with this 24 years old girl from St. Petersburg, just straightforward communication, no talk of love or relocaton whatsoever. She has been an au pair in Belgium for one year and almost speak better English than me. We have been talking on the phone (msn) for a couple of weeks now. I feel that she is a very sincere girl, cute, and intelligent. So I have decided to take atrip to see who she really is. i try not to have any expectations on this trip. And honestly I take it as much as a holliday trip, since st petes is a very nice city. But off course there is that thought, "what if she is it?" I know most of the experienced guys here recomends the WMVM but this is strictly a WOVO thing or maybe WMVO I see the logic in this approach but it is just not for me!

Now get me right, off course I have some expectations of this trip, otherwise why should I go. But I also see it as an learning experience, it doesnīt matter how good all your advices are, nothing beats the real on the ground experience. How do I interact in this new environment and so on. (By the way I am an quite experienced traveller in other circumstances) So this is not a very expensive trip for me, apr. 500 euro for the flight and three nights in a hotel.

But now I want to know what you more experienced guys thinks of my logics of picking just this girl to visit. I will put plus and minus according to what I think.

+ Found her on an reasonably reputable site Bride.ru (wrote her first)
+ No talk of love or commitments whatsoever, but I have stated my goal clearly of finding a life companion
+ Fluent english
+ Talk on the phone, almost daily
+ Growing interest and longer calls
+ a lot of help from her side in arranging my trip
+ Growing interest after starting to arrange my trip
+ Sent me photos of her family and friends
+ phone, adresss seem to be correct
+ She knows I have a child on half time in the same age as her au-pair child

- too young for me, she is 24 and I am 38
- No commintment to anything but friends, however this is slowly changin

Please fill in the minuses, because Iīknow I canīt really see it objectively 

Anyway I am going there June 20-23, and it will be fun, whatever the result of it will be. I am going there with the attitude of having a good time. If it works out between us, great!!! If not, I really got to sea this beautiful city with a knowledgable guide

This is my way of getting my feet wet for the first time! And no I am not in any way "in love" but very interested and hopefully in the begining of a long journey

And lastly: My hat of and: Thank you so much all of you veterans that care enough to stay here to warn us newbies her for all the pitfalls in this pursuit!

 

[Gator]

Diverboy,

I see only pluses, no minuses, in what you have revealed.

There is no need for a WMVM plan considering your close proximity.  So this is almost like dating a local girl.  Do not sweat the age difference.  The age is acceptable if you are physically fit (in fact, the difference of 14 years is near the average for married couples at RWD, IIRC). 

Do the two of you share a common goal regarding children?   How about other goals, e. g. working?  Having aligned goals is very important and something to confirm during your three days together.

What are the legal requirements for her to move to Finland?  I knew one RW who travelled freely to Finland.

[diverboy70]

Gator!

I must first of all say that I am very glad for you reply, because of your vast experience in this field. i am also glad to hear your conclusion, So I am maybe not totally off here 

About children, she has been an au-pair and by here by her voice on the phone that she loved the children  We have not discussed children between us, not got that far yet. But she has said that off course she wants her own children. And so do I   I have had far more concern of her accepting my son. But that seems to be no problem

About work, I really havnīt wanted to take up that. If she comes here we could probably take up a very succesfull business with russian tourists that would gain us both. But I donīt wont to give her a hook that could get her to loose perspective. Because playing that card right could make us both rich Anf that is NOT why I am here. That is a point both for her and me

And once again thanks Gator, I am a "concerned general" Maybe swedish expression. I tink i am on the right track but all input is allways wellcome!

[Faux Pas]

Diverboy,

I could only reiterate Gator's thoughts. There doesn't seem to be any minuses perhaps other than her young age. But she apparently is travelled and it seems you both have your eyes wide open. Again this is only deduced from the information you have provided. The WMVM vs WOVO ect. debate is a timeless one and without a victor. Don't give that anymore thought and go with your gut instinct. There are quite a few parallels in your trip and my first one. Mine has worked out well to date.

This forum is an excellent source for information and preparation of the "pursuit". But there is few "hard and fast" rules. My advice based on my similar experience is, keep your expectations low and go and enjoy yourself. If anything with this lady is to be, it will be. Such a relationship like any other needs fostering but cannot be forced. If the chemistry isn't there you still can have a wonderful time in St Pete with a wonderful RW. If it chemistry there as you suspect, prepare yourself for the ride of your life.

Good Luck

[diverboy70]

One more thing,

This thre day visit is more like a thing to see if there is any chemistry there Not a "thats the deal" Then it will probably be a year or two to confirm that. My abslolute impression is that this is not a girl that will leave her country on a whim, and to me that is just a good sign. You can only get a sincere girl by beeing sincere, you should be her prince in shining armour

Faux pas

I think you read my mind You are abslolutely right!! But what I am saying is that I am going there with some expectations, i just canīt go there as a "friend" even if that may be how we may end up. You must go there as a knight that wants his princess Whatever the outcome. And if the outcome is "just" frineds, fine! She may have some really attractive friends.

[KenC]

Diverboy,
There are so many men that come here with wrong impressions and questionable motivations.  You are not one of them.  You have all the correct concerns and seem to be going into this with your eyes wide opened.  Good luck on your trip and remember to have fun! Go Diverboy GO!
KenC

[Faux Pas]

Faux pas

I think you read my mind You are abslolutely right!! But what I am saying is that I am going there with some expectations, i just canīt go there as a "friend" even if that may be how we may end up. You must go there as a knight that wants his princess Whatever the outcome. And if the outcome is "just" frineds, fine! She may have some really attractive friends.

I agree wholeheartedly. My comment was keep expectations low. Not go without expectations. Absolutely keep your focus and intent. You are going to meet this lady that you may or may not have a future with. High expectations could likely disappoint you (or not). Be yourself have a good time and enjoy the lady. No other advice will be needed as to what happens next. You'll figure that out on your own.

[Kuna]

Diverboy,

I only see one problem but it's a big one...  Your trip planned for June 20-23 is more than a month away therefore we've got quite some time to wait before we get to read your trip report.   

Other than that it seems you've gone into this with your eyes open and your feet on the ground.  You sound well prepared and I think you deserve to have SOME expectations of the outcomes.

However, I'd suggest you treat your short break as an adventure in more ways than just meeting the lady face to face...  I know my wife was very happy that I had a genuine interest in countries culture and history.  These women (generally) are very proud so your proactive interest in them, their homes, friends, lives, etc will make her feel just a little more special... 

We tend to focus so much on ourselves in this search... don't forget to think about her, her feelings and reactions leading up to and during your time together.

Best of luck!

Kuna



EDIT:

By the way... I think the fact your girl has lived and worked away from home before is a BIG plus...  she'll have already experienced the adjustment away from home one time before and she'll already understand American soap operas are not the way real people live. I believe this has been a BIG factor in my wifes simplified settling into life here in Oz...

[Misha]

My abslolute impression is that this is not a girl that will leave her country on a whim, and to me that is just a good sign.

Living in Finland certainly makes things easier. Do they still have the overnight train from Helsinki to St. Petersburg?

[diverboy70]

Thank you all for your kind worlds,

I at least think she i worth a visit with some expectations. But as we all know everything can be shaterrer in one minute when meeting. I have this experience from dating Swedish girls. So believe me I am aware of this aspect. That is partly why I am not writing girls in kazakstan or vladivastok  however sweet they may be! With my marketing director sallery I can afford to have a non-working wife for a while, but realisticly I can not afford multiple trips to say Vladivostok and not a permanent housewife. I am actually looking for a bit more westernized women. I am used with very strong women and can handle them So for me a westrenized woman sould be quite soft anyway!

Anyway what i quess i am trying to say is everyone after oneself, someones should never go hunting FSW, some want the traditional types and someones want the ones raised up in todays IT.society. Myself wants one of the two later. And am prepared to take the extra effort for that!

[diverboy70]

Kuna

I am treating this mostely as a great adventure in all aspects! Yes I have some expectations, otherwise I would go to borneo expect the money! BUT I will treat here as a potential wife, whatever the outcome. I will give both her and me three days of overcomming our nervounesss and get to know eachother! I have no back-up plan and need none! For three days. She will get my full attention for those three days! If it doesnīt work out I can walk away not a ruined man. If it works out I can return not a ruined man
y busses
Misha

Havenīt  heard about the train, but there are daily busses!

[Misha]

Misha

Havenīt  heard about the train, but there are daily busses!

I took the train once, but it was over a decade ago so things may have changed since then The bus would be a good option as well. Have you been to Estonia? There were several boats going back and forth all day. Lots of RW as well. Haven't been back since 1997. Look forward to visiting once again. Tallinn was such a beautiful city. When I was there, it was quite cheap, but have heard that prices have gone up quite a bit since Estonia joined the EU.

[diverboy70]

Misha

Let me know if you are going on those cruise! I will join you! It is so slose to hear!

[myrddin]

I am treating this mostely as a great adventure in all aspects! Yes I have some expectations, otherwise I would go to borneo expect the money! BUT I will treat here as a potential wife, whatever the outcome. I will give both her and me three days of overcomming our nervounesss and get to know each other! I have no back-up plan and need none! For three days. She will get my full attention for those three days! If it doesnīt work out I can walk away not a ruined man. If it works out I can return not a ruined man

You've already gotten a ton of good advice, obviously.  She's young but it's clear you're not gonna rush things. 

I just wanted to say that meeting in person will answer so many questions so quickly you'll wonder why you worried about it.  I totally empathize with overthinking (you have no idea), but it sounds like you have the right attitude so try to relax and enjoy your adventure!

[Misha]

Misha

Let me know if you are going on those cruise! I will join you! It is so slose to hear!

LOL. Will do. My biggest challenge will be getting a visa for my wife. Otherwise, I look forward to visiting Estonia with her and seeing how the country has changed.

[diverboy70]

Sorry all for the lats posts last night. Shouldnīt have taken that last glass of wine   

Anyway I will compenate you for that with trip report of the St Petes trip!

[Al_C]

Don't let anyone tell you that going there for one woman is a bad choice.  Doing so makes the one woman feel special and wanted, whereas going there with three or four women lined up may lessen those feelings.  And since you have the optimum geography to not make a big time or money investment out of a trip, the one woman thing is especially ideal for you.

You have everything going for you.  You made a good connection with someone who is traveled and feels comfortable in other lands, and both of you have realistic expectations, not too big that you might be in for a let down, and not too small that the trip should never have been worth your while.

Don't worry about the age difference.  It is not really that big and is actually quite manageable.

The only downside:  There is so much to see in St. Pete that you will have to make some very hard decisions as to what to see and not see.  I was there for 12 days and had to make these hard decisions, so your decisions will be four times as hard.  I highly recommend the Marinsky Theater.

If your trip goes well, since you live in one of the few Western democracies that welcomes Russian tourists, why not follow it up with an invite for her to visit your country?  Figure on paying for her trip, though, since it is not likely that she can afford it; also you want to exhibit generosity.

[DKMM]

 

Misha,

Estonia has changed a LOT!!  Outside of Lower Town and Toompea you probably will be a bit shocked.

[Misha]

Misha,

Estonia has changed a LOT!!  Outside of Lower Town and Toompea you probably will be a bit shocked.

That is what I expect. It will be nice to see how things have changed.

[AW5724]

St Petersburg is a great city, just walking around the historic centre and the canals is worth the trip. Make sure you go to Winter and Summer palaces at a minimum.

If things do not work out with your lady but you like the thought of meeting other Russian women (which you will probably want to do when you see them in St Pete) then I highly recommend contacting Sergey & Lena at

http://www.arcadia-marriage-agency.com/main.htm

I used there services in 2006 and met several really nice ladies including one who I dated for a year. They work very flexibly so they may be worth giving a call when you are there so that they can explain what they do.

Also if you have time I really enjoyed a walking tour with  www.peterswalk.com

Only downsides are that accomodation is not cheap and visas expensive (in UK)

Andrew

[SANDRO43]

If things do not work out with your lady but you like the thought of meeting other Russian women (which you will probably want to do when you see them in St Pete) then I highly recommend contacting Sergey & Lena at http://www.arcadia-marriage-agency.com/main.htm

But I would suggest NOT to consider their Nr.5268, Oxana, also one of my Double Dealers (http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=1598.msg122702#msg122702) .

[diverboy70]

Ok, for those of you who might be interested I will post an update on the progress!

We had a really good weekend, and got an instant connection. But it was too short to get a real feeling, it was just a wonderful weekend feeling beeing newly in love;)

So anyway. We have been talking about two times a day on msn and Skype  since that. I will go back there next week for ten days. It seems to be some epedemic in here circle, with foregn guys, Her sister is dating an American, and one of her best friends is working in the scheychelles and has a Brittish boyfriend. So I have the feeling she is actively looking for an foreign guy.

I have also had long talks with her about what she is expecting and what I can offer. My conclusion of these talks is that she is primarily looking for a man that she can love. And happily for me she is looking for a guy of my characters Off course she will not want a trade down. She is living a good life in St:Petersburg and I can only offer her a small town life. This is also something we have discussed.  She is one of those girls you really have to do your all to get to leave "mother russia" If she ever leaves it is going to by true love

[DKMM]

The easy part is over!!   

[msmoby_ru]

If things do not work out with your lady but you like the thought of meeting other Russian women (which you will probably want to do when you see them in St Pete) then I highly recommend contacting Sergey & Lena at

http://www.arcadia-marriage-agency.com/main.htm

I used there services in 2006 and met several really nice ladies including one who I dated for a year. They work very flexibly so they may be worth giving a call when you are there so that they can explain what they do.

Hmmm - this site - another perspective. I always got concerned when I observed ancient profiles not updated - there were shots of ladies that were at LEAST five years old. I hadn't looked at the site for 1.5 years and there were at least four good looking women in their early fourties who have shots when they were in their mid thirties... when I first started looking. How do I know?.. The ladies were on other dating sites where one could circumvent the agencies..

examples..

If you look you'll find an attractive lady called Alexandra (page 5 of the 38+ category ) - now her photos are at least five years old..  and she is still to be found on dating sites at various ages !

http://russianladysite.com/d.cgi?6713D647249.72.751170646397

http://www.angelika.net/ladies/wl4864.shtml

or Sveta -page 2 - 4381  - another ancient photo

If an agency is truly reputible - WHY - do they do this? ....

and WHY do FSUW lie about their ages, and leave other profiles up which show another age...?!  Surely, IF they are really seeking a serious man - should they start with a lie ?!!

[SANDRO43]

and WHY do FSUW lie about their ages

There's a category of FSUW who never age: hookers !

Their profiles usually show their age at the time of registration, NOT their birthdate (from which their current age could be calculated and shown by site SW), so they enjoy an eternal youth .