Two Weeks After Arrival

[Turboguy]

I think corp makes some good points.    Everyone is different in how they handle their cash flow.   There are people who make lots and lots of money and have nothing.   There are people who don't make that much and can't spend what they get.

My salary and Clydes are about the same.   I do have an advantage that if it is ever not enough, I own the business and can just give myself a raise to whatever point I feel is necessary.    As it is, I often have 3 or 4 paychecks sitting on my desk cause I don't need the money.  The house I live in is paid for.  My pickup is paid for.  I have no debt of any kind.   Truthfully if it were not for all the Russian related expensed I could live on a few hundred a week.   i am sure that will change when Luda arrives.   I think there are guys who can handle having a russian woman in their life without big income and some who can be making tons of money and not satisfy one.    I also think that someone liviing in Baltimore needs more money to survive than someone living in Beaver Falls.   I think someone living in San Franciso need much more than someone living in Baltimore.    There are too many variable for jb's rules to have much meaning.

I think also that all russian gals are not equal.   I will be surprised if Luda wants $ 800.00 linens.   Actually if she does she is going to face some disapointment which is sometimes a good thing anyway.

 

[Photo Guy]

Yes, I agree. It is all about the ratio between income and spending.
For example, I am not rich, but my mortgage plus property taxes amounts to just $800 per month.

It concerns me to read about Clyde's $800 for new linens expense. Who would allow such a thing? You stop someone before they jump into the abyss.

There is hope here. Clyde wrote:
'Sounds like you have found a woman who understands the need for a budget.

I either have to make my woman understand this or send her back. When you spend more than you are taking in it is time for a talk.'

So, the obvious question is, have you taken time for that talk, yet, Clyde?  For the good of the relationship, you need to, in my opinion.

A lot of these problems can be smoothed over through an attitude of fun and romance. I mean, the tough changes and the necessary discipline can be accepted easier, if there is an environment of love.

[jb]

Everyone says Clyde should sit the woman down and have a talk with her because Clyde is bleeding money.  THAT"S THE PROBLEM!!!, Clyde can't talk to her on that level because she hasn't learned English well enough yet.

Jeeesh~!

[Photo Guy]

At the very least, he should pull her over to the computer screen, and type his message to her:
http://www.freetranslation.com/
Or do a three way phone call with an interpreter, just for this important heart to heart conversation about budgeting. Whatever it takes.

[KenC]

Everyone says Clyde should sit the woman down and have a talk with her because Clyde is bleeding money. THAT"S THE PROBLEM!!!, Clyde can't talk to her on that level because she hasn't learned English well enough yet.

Jeeesh~!

How the hell anyone can this far without being able to completely communicate is still beyond my understanding.

KenC

[Turboguy]

Oh, that is the problem.  Clyde, the word is Neyt.   If she wants to try English it is NO!    Just kidding. 

[KenC]

Oh, that is the problem.  Clyde, the word is Neyt.   If she wants to try English it is NO!    Just kidding. 

Actually, Turbo, that is rather good advice.  I know I have criticized Clyde for being so unprepared for his new family, but there is a time and place to say no, too.  I disagreed with his actions regarding the kids bike, and maybe the computer, but he says yes to $800 sheets?  Huh?

KenC

[Bruno]

I paid for her English classes as well.

So, i think that people need to judge with the information they have now and not some information from 3 year ago...

My actual girlfriend was not speaking very good english in the start of our relation 7 week ago... but now, we can chat without problem... she use the same bad english that me, so we understand each other perfectly... :D:D

[Bruno]

I have noticed that RW tend to make comparisons.

Her friend's fiance' showered her friend with gifts and would send $1,000 to her some months for living expenses.

...


She may also be comparing my living situation with other couples who have been married for years. I was not a couple until the end of July.

It seem that the expectations from Clyde's girlfriend was raised because the friend's fiance who send 1000$ to Ukraine... Maybe Clyde new to show your post to his girlfriend... this can calm down her and she will not more compare her relation with these from other... specialy when it have lead to a misluck...

Let's go Clyde, print the post from Ken and show it to your lady... she go forget very fast the story from his friend's fiance...

[jb]

In a few weeks she will hopefully have a job.

If her english is enough high for find a job, why it is not high enough for speak budget...

IIRC, Clyde said; "I know someone who has a cleaning service who might give her a job", (or words to that effect)  A person doesn't need good English to be a maid or janitor, if that were the case, 90% of the office buildings in South Texas would never get cleaned.

[Son of Clyde]

I don't think you read everything.

She wanted the bedclothes because of the heat and they had to be 100% cotton which is much more comfortable in hot weather.

Our room air conditioner was broken and I had ordered parts, so it was not yet repaired.

The temperature during the day was getting up to 99 degrees on certain days. The nights were hot and sticky. The polyester blend linens did not feel comfortable.

She detests polyester.

[Turboguy]

I think that all makes sense Clyde.   Truthfully if she wants $ 800.00 linens and they seem logical and you can afford them then I think that is a wonderful investment.   It sounds to me that there is some logic in that choice under the circumastances.   I hope Luda is happy with the new linens I bought her at K-mart, the bed in a bag for $ 79.00 but my air is working and that is a big difference. 

Frankly,  I love polyester and have been hanging onto my old Leasure suits from the disco era hoping they would come back into style. 

[KenC]

That's OK Turbo, because the leasure suit fad just hit Beaver Falls last week, didn't it?

KenC

[Son of Clyde]

Disco Fever just hit Baltimore.

It's 1976 all over again.

[ConnerVT]

Here we can buy a window A/C in the supermarkets for less than $100.

[KenC]

Conner,

Why that would make too much sense!  Better to buy $800 sheets!  Gee, for 800 bucks one could probably buy an air conditioner that would cool the whole apartment down.  Nah, that doesn't make any sense at all.

KenC

[RacerX]

[user=134]Photo Guy[/user] wrote:

It's my understanding that the first few weeks of her arrival are one of the toughest time periods for the international couple. Right?

I was thinking a little about this after reading some of the "trip reports" from several of the guys whose fiancee have recently come ashore.  Seems there is two camps on this issue: those who do indeed experience the turmoil of a lady who is trying to adjust to her new surroundings (not including your adjustment!) and those who are in la-la land.

As I go back and look over their prior K-1 experience, I've noticed that nearly all of the ones who report pre-marriage bliss are the same ones who are one-week-wonders (or nearly so) - and it makes perfectly good sense: they are still on vacation, only it's America instead of the FSU.  The ones like Clyde and many other of us, that have gotten to know our fiancee considerably better before she arrived, are just in a latter stage of adjustment.  

Maybe we should broaden the concept a bit and just say what Clyde and others are/have experienced is perfectly normal and occurs within the first few months of the fledgling relationship.  Soon or later things almost always iron themselves out and the couple begins a more "nomal" relationship.

Hang in their Clyde!

[ConnerVT]

Sorry, RacerX, but I don't fall into your statistic.  My (not yet) wife and I had a well established relationship when she and our son arrived in the US (one year together, many extended trips to Russia, living together as family).  And we had little strife between us after her arrival.

We had (and still have) little disagreement about money, as we always treated it as "our" money (even before she arrived).  We generally agree on what renovation needed to be made to our home (and I typically take the lead on those, as I do much of the work myself and am more familiar with what materials are available).

The one area we initially had stress was between our young son and myself.  He was accustomed to "running" his previous home, and found himself face to face with a new alpha dog.  My wife discussed what we needed to do to make our family work, and we try to stay on plan.  Now most days, everyone is happy.

I'm certainly not a one week wonder.  It takes communication.  Good communication between people who think alike, and wish for the same goals.


KenC -- Sorry to throw common sense into the discussion.  It's a New England thing, b'jeezum...

[jb]

Racer,

My wife and I also do not fall into the catagory you described.  We knew each other quite well after dating several months/years.  I used to travel to the FSU 3 or 4 times a year and spend 2-3 weeks at a time with her and this doesn't count the 6 months I spent in country when we first met.

I don't agree that ladies who know their husbands well are more prone to to adjustment problems.  I'd say offhand, and I have no data to back it up, but I think the biggest problems lie in the communicatons area.  My wife spoke good English before she arrived and her transition was very smooth.  She did, and still does, experience trouble understanding some accents, especially with those with a heavy Spanish or some of the backwoods west Texas accents, but in general she hasn't had that much trouble.

[KenC]

Racer,

Make it strike three with me.  Lena and I knoew each other well before she came to the US.  It was almost a year before she came over and over a year once we did marry.  Her English was good when she arrived.  She had lttle problem adapting to America.  Her main difficulty came after a year of marriage and that was caused mostly by social isolation without having her friends and family close.  She also had to adapt to being the woman of the house and wife as she had never been married or lived seperate from her family before.  Pretty normal adjustment issues.  The same as a woman American or Russian.


jb,

It is interesting what you say about the Mrs. not understanding accents.  I have a lot more trouble than Lena.  She has a very good ear for understanding the accents.

KenC

 

[jb]

Here we can buy a window A/C in the supermarkets for less than $100.

LOL, Conner, common sense indeed.

I maintain an insurance policy against such breakdowns.  If my A/C unit takes a big dump and heads south, I just get the adjuster out here and he will order a new unit.  Actually I'm hoping the A/C heat pump/compressor will die sometime next winter and I'll get a new unit out of the deal.

I realize renters are not able to insure the landlord's property against failures, but it's certainly a cheap hedge for homeowners.

[jb]

Ken,

The problem with a lot of Tex-Mex's is that they neither speak English or Spanish, we laughingly call it Spanglish, but it's awful and very hard to understand.

[ConnerVT]

My wife has an easier time understanding the people she's met whom English is their second language, than many of the native English speakers.  We Americans speak too fast, and use too many phrasal verbs and pop cultural slang.

But she is worried that she won't understand our son in a few years.  I tell her that happens in every generation, no matter what country you're from...

[BC]

wow.. took a bit to catch up on this thread.

One thing stands out though.. Clyde picked the 'upscale' store where he had an account and she was looking for quality. End of story. Certainly not her fault.

I wouldn't sleep on polyester either.. good down comforters and a nice day cover add up quickly.

Photo,

Doing a 3 way kitchen/bedroom call to a terp to communicate the basics may be a last resort but even still a sad state of affairs remains. I sorely hope you are not seriously considering such irrational crutches to jumpstart your future relationship.

[RacerX]

Racer,

Make it strike three with me.  

I wasn't so much referring to this board, where about 10 guys account for the majority of posts, but elsewhere where the membership is a bit more diverse.