Swisskids' Excellent Ukrainian Adventure!

[Swisskid]

Where Are These Guys?


I have decided that Airbus 330's are the coolest planes I have ever flown on yet.  They have individual wired remote controls in the arms of your chair and you can watch movies and TV selections on a nice little monitor in the back of the headrest in front of you or listen to digital radio through the little headsets they give you or play games.  Cool, Multimedia.  This flight won't be so bad.  

Oh yeah, forgot about the litte kid tap-dancing on my back every 20 minutes....

We get to speed and I settle in for the long haul.  Try to take a little nap but not happening.  As soon as I start to doze off, "junior" behind me starts stomping the back of my chair.  His parents are passed out.  

I watch "There Will Be Blood".  Weird movie, typical formulaic Hollywood fare with a historical twist.  Ok, I guess.  Meal is actually edible.  I am impressed by the flight staff.  Listen to music the rest of the trip and try to doze off but it's not gonna happen with Mr. Happy Feet sitting behind me.

Finally we approach landing in Amsterdam.  I realize that I probably should have used the head before we landed but too late now.  I am near the back of the plane and it takes a long time for everyone to de-plane.  I really gotta go now....

Finally I make it to the door and it is a long walk to the terminal.  I get to the terminal and take a glance around.  I am supposed to meet Taz and crew here.  I do not notice anyone who looks like they are looking for somebody so off I go to find a head.  I do my business and find a monitor to see where my next gate is.  

Taz told me it would be tight between flights as I only had about an hour and this is a large international hub airport.  I go back by the arriving gate and look around quickly and do not notice anyone who looks like they are looking for me.  I do not know what Taz, JD, or myrddin look like but Taz has my picture.  He'll find me.        

Arriving gate looks pretty empty so I get moving as it is quite a hike to another part of the airport to my next departure gate to Kiev.

I start walking and end up falling in behind about a 5'10" Dutch Airlines stewardess who is moving along at a nice clip.  She is your prototypical stereotype of a tall Dutch blonde and has legs up to her neck and of course is wearing a mini-skirt uniform.  

I think I like Europe so far....

We go by a Formula One car sitting in a display in the terminal and there is a gorgeous brunette in a racing suit asking passers-by to have their picture taken with her.  No time to stop and gawk.  The stewardess moves right along and I fall in about 10 feet behind her and match her speed.  She is blazing a nice trail through the crowd and I am near my departure gate in about 15 minutes.  I come around a corner and there is a huge line.  It is my gate.  I fall into the line and within a minute we are packed in like sardines with luggage.  Security is extremely slow and the line is thick and long.  

Finally I get through security and I am pulled to the side.  "Your jacket sir".  They confiscate my small bottle of Chalula Hot Sauce that I got at the Jose Cuervo Cantina in the Detroit Airport.  

"But I bought it in a secure area of the airport and it is a sealed bottle".  No dice.  

(Luckily I still have 2 bottles of habanero sauce in my checked bags.)

Slowly we make our way to the plane and again I am near the back.  Man, this plane is crowded.  There is a commotion near the front of the plane and an announcement is made over the intercom.  "We will be delayed momentarily while 2 passengers depart the plane.  They are drunk"....  Wow, that was informational and to the point.  They weren't kidding because they opened up the belly of the plane and got the drunks luggage out and off we went.  

These airlines are efficient, I thought.

I scope out the plane and do not notice anyone who particularly stands out looking like they are looking for someone.  It is pretty much a full flight.  I'll find these guys when we get to Kiev...

I try to doze off but again no luck.  

In a couple hours we land in Kiev.  

I am here.  

What am I doing here?

I really did it!!!


Boots on the ground.

 

We de-plane and I am getting nervous now.  I enter a large room and it is very crowded.  Lots of people jockeying for position in what I assume is passport control lines.

I look around and still do not notice anyone who looks like they are looking for anyone.  I should have asked Taz to send me a picture of himself so I knew what HE looked like.

I get in a line and ponder the situation.  I have no phone that works in country yet because Taz has my SIM card that I am buying from him.  My US phone is useless.

The woman at the passport control desk is young and attractive and friendly.  I pass through quickly when it is my turn.  

Now I am in a large room with 2 luggage carousels.  My flight is the first carousel.  I look around and still cannot notice anyone looking for someone.  Ok, did my luggage make it?

I am amazed in about ten minutes when both of my bags come plopping out onto the carousel line.  Halleluhia!  Luggage!!!

Now I am getting really nervous...  Where is Taz?????  I am about 6' 6" in the shoes I am wearing and I told him I would be wearing a black leather jacket....  I should be fairly noticable.
Oh wait,  pretty much everybody is wearing a black leather jacket.....Damn.

All I hear is foreign languages being spoken around me.  What if I can't find him?  What the hell am I going to do?  Don't panic.....  

I grab one of the free baggage carts next to the carousel and pile my 4 bags on it.  I guess I need to wander around the carousel and see if I can find anyone who looks like a foreigner.  I move to the left and start perusing the crowd and eavesdropping on their conversations without looking too obvious.

As I come around a pillar I spy a guy with longer type hair who looks like he might be a foreigner.  I ease my way over that way.  Then I see another who definitely does not look Slavic.

I get behind them and overhear "now we just need to find Kevin" and blurt out "I'M KEVIN!

It is Taz and crew.............  I am saved.

          
    

      

[Swisskid]

On The Road.

"You shaved your moustache off"

Apparently I look much different than the pics I sent Taz a month ago to send on to the agencies.  My hair is alot shorter and the moustache is gone but my upper lip now matches the rest of my face as I was outside in the sun alot in the weeks prior to my trip.

Introductions are made and all is well except for Taz' missing bag.  JD is apparently outside somewhere so I do not meet him yet. 

We wait in line for Taz to file a report for his missing bag and myrddin and I have a pleasant conversation. 

Suddenly a Smokin Hotkova in an airline uniform walks by with Taz in tow. 

"That chick was hot" I exclaim to Taz when he returns.  "Very friendly too" says Taz with a big smile. 

I like Ukraine so far....

I accidently go through the "red" customs queue which is for people who have items to declare.  The customs girl is cute and nice and asks me how much money I have.  I actually have $2500 cash on me but for some reason I blurt out "$1800".  She looks at my passport, smiles and waves me on.  I gather up me and Taz' bags from the Xray machine and pile them on the luggage cart. 

I have enough booze in my luggage to float a small battleship I think and I know Taz brought a big bottle of rum to make Mojitos.  I know we are over the limit and should have declared our liquor but they let us right through.  The Xray guys do not look like they are even paying attention to the screen. Cool. 

Now it is to the Avis rental car queue.  I excuse myself to find the head.  I find out it is down in the basement of the airport.  It is filthy and disgustingly dirty when I get down there and reeks of urine.  I do my business and get the hell out of there quick.  There is a babushka coming down the stairway with a bucket and rags when I go up the stairs.  Good luck, you are going to need it.

Myrddin and I grab all of the luggage and head outside while Taz deals with Avis.
As we are heading outside I think I hear my name paged over the airport intercom.  What is that about???  : - )

We are mobbed by taxi drivers but just keep saying "rental car" and they all back off.

We hang outside in front of the airport enjoying stretching our legs after 20 hours on planes.  I finally meet JD.  He is of course smoking.  I decide, what the hell and fire up one of the Phillie Blunts Chocolate cigars I have brought with me.  Smooth and sweet. Myrddin, JD and I relax and girl watch for a while.  The airport is hopping.  There is alot to watch. 

Here comes Taz and he has bad news.  They screwed up and did not get the car we ordered.  He had reserved a VW Passat Turbo-Diesel station wagon but all they have is a Ford Focus.

We get to the car and it is not like any Ford Focus I have ever seen.  It has a higher roof and decent room in the back seat.  Still, it is going to be a challenge getting all of our luggage in.  Taz is a master at arranging luggage and amazes us with his skill making most of it fit in the back. We are still going to have to pile a stack to the ceiling in the backseat between me and myrddin.  I end up with my carry-on bag on my lap too.  JD claims shotgun.  At least he moves his seat up to give me some legroom.

Taz hooks up his GPS after a small problem getting the hood open and we are off!

Our vehicle is massively overloaded and the suspension is totally bottomed out.  We head out of the airport and turn onto the highway.  I immediately notice that the infrastructure here is in poor condition.  The asphalt roads are in terrible shape.  We feel most of the bumps because we are so overloaded.  By the end of the trip, however, I will have come to love and respect this car.  It is a tough little mother....

Little did I know then that in 10 days time, we will have put almost 4000 hard kilometers on this little Ford.

We get into the countryside quickly as Borispol is already 20 miles out of Kiev.  I am amazed at the sheer size of the farm fields.  The soil is very dark and looks quite fertile.  I am struck at how bleak the houses look as we pass through some villages.

We are all in good spirits and Taz puts the hammer down and we are moving at quite a good clip over 140kph.  We all talk for hours except for JD who is not very talkative.  He sure likes to smoke though. 

I notice that all of the trucks we pass are covered in canvas in the back instead of the standard steel trailers you see in the US.  I imagine it is a matter of economy for expensive resources.  I will make many observations such as this in the coming days. 

I am coming into this trip with the attitude of just having a good time and an enjoyable vacation observing and learning about another culture and if I meet some nice ladies, that is icing on the cake.  I understand that the odds of meeting "the one" are quite low on your first trip.

I am a student of history and I am very interested in the events that transpired in this region during WWII.  I hope to visit some museums and memorials on this trip and just kind of soak up the history of the region.  Of course, it is definitely better doing these things with a nice looking FSU woman on tour arm, but I think you get my drift.  I come in to this venture with my expectations realistic.  But I am determined to enjoy myself regardless...

After a while it get dark.  There are covered bus stops even way out in the middle of nowhere with people standing in them.  This country has mass transit down, I think to myself. 

We have been on the road for several hours now and Taz says we are making pretty good time.  The conversation has died down now and we are all getting pretty tired.  I don't think any of us actually got any sleep though.  We see militisia often on this road but so far so good.  That is all about to change.....


               

[Swisskid]

Milisia Up Close and Personal

We are making excellent time driving toward Zap where we will be dropping off JD.  This takes us a fair distance out of the way from our direct route to Mari but we will be losing one of our party, lightening our load, and I will get the front seat when he leaves so I do not mind the extra time on the road.

Taz is doing a fantastic job reading the road signs and speed limit reductions when we near towns and villages where the speed limit drops dramatically.

Suddenly we come over a small rise and there is a good old US-style speed trap.  2 cars of milisia and radar.  We are going slowly but we are waved over anyway. 

Now I get to watch Taz in action.  He speaks only English and moves slowly yet gives them what they want.  One of them tries to speak some English so Taz can understand.

"You, big speed"

Taz continues to play dumb like he does not understand.  They make him get out of the car.  This can't be good.......

They take him to a patrol car and after what seems an eternity, Taz comes back to our car and says in a low voice "These guys are serious, man, they want to throw all 4 of us in jail until Monday".  Holy Sh%t!!!  Taz goes back to the squad car and is gone another eternity it seems.  Finally he come back and gets in the car and we split out of there quickly.  It took a 50 hv note to get us out of it.  He tells us they were talking in Russian about how they should hold ALL FOUR OF US until they can get interpreters and we can appear in court on MONDAY!  (It is 2AM Saturday morning) 

We come to find out later from a reputable Ukrainian attorney that the milisia can hold us for up to 72 hours without charges.  $10 seems a small price to pay to get out of it but I can tell that Taz is pissed he got shaken down by milisia.  They were telling him the speed limit was 16 kph when that is not what any sign said.

Anyhow we are now back on the road after losing whatever good time we had built up.  I can't believe Taz is holding up so well driving since none of us has had any sleep in the last 40 hours. 

Finally we arrive in Zap and pull up to JD's hotel.  It is a welcome chance to get out and stretch our legs and an added bonus is an ATM in front to finally get some local currency.

We say our goodbyes to JD and since we are now about starving, Taz suggests we hit Mickey D's.  In the US I never eat that crap but he assures me I will be pleasantly surprised by the quality over here.  I am so hungry an army boot would taste good right about now.

We drive a ways and there it is....  food!

 

[Taz]

Dang it! Quit posting stuff. I keep getting sucked into reading it and I can't finish my stuff. Between you and myrddin, I'll never get my stuff finished. Aren't you supposed to be working on weekends now or something?!?!?!?   

<JK>

Enjoy reading it anyway even though I already lived it. 

[Swisskid]

Only the drive-through is open at this hour.  Taz recommends the "Big McTasty" burger and I take his advice.  I get the regular fries and Taz and mr get these home fry type fries.  Taz offers me to try some of his home fry-style fries and they are quite tasty. We inhale our food and it is actually all quite good.  Nothing like the corporate death food they serve in America that is all marketing and no substance.  Hits the spot.

We are back on the road and we still have a hell of a long way to go.  I think it is almost 4AM by now. 

The car is riding a little better now and I am in the front seat so I am a happy guy.  We actually have some semblance of suspension now.  If those milisia were US cops there is no way they would have let us continue on down the road as overloaded as our vehicle was before JD got out...

I am puzzled that we have been driving all night yet I have not observed one animal from the road.  Not one deer, squirrel, skunk, raccoon, possum, fox, rodent, or even a bird.  Then it dawns on me where I am and the horrible famines this country has endured.  The animals are all EATEN.

Taz puts the pedal to the metal and we are moving right along for a good period of time.  It is really DARK in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere in southeastern Ukraine.  Great stargazing.  We will take advantage of this fact later in the trip on the way back to Kiev.

We are still on the road when the sun starts to come up.  We come to a little crossroads where we need to veer left and there is a cool little castle.  Taz stops so I can get some pics.  I promised my 6 year old daughter I would take some pictures of real castles for her.  I don't think this is a real castle but I am taking some pictures anyway.  We all enjoy the break to stretch a little bit.  Locals are starting to congregate along the road waiting for the bus to take them to town...  We get back on the road and the sun is rising over the highway to Mari...

       

[Swisskid]

Taz - you and myrddin are almost 2 days ahead of me.  I have to catch up!!! :crackthewhip: :crackthewhip: :crackthewhip: :crackthewhip: :crackthewhip: :crackthewhip: :crackthewhip: :crackthewhip: :crackthewhip:

[Taz]

Aren't you supposed to be asleep now? 

I am enjoying the trip down memory lane though. That morning was really calm. It was the calm before the storm. A whirlwind of women! A vortex of vag.... It was all a lot of fun. That little castle is where that hot chick was at 5:30 or so in the morning.

[myrddin]

Ditto.  There was more than one hot chick, too   

[Swisskid]

   I remember, Smokin Hotkovas waiting for the bus on the other side of the roundabout from the little castle.   

[Taz]

One of the few times I was actually willing to ride a bus. Considering I HATE buses that is quite a feat!

Where is the next trip report? Get to work you slacker!!!

[Swisskid]

I was hoping to get some yardwork done today but since it is 104 frikkin degrees outside maybe continuing the trip report in the nice cold AC is not a bad idea!

[Swisskid]

Finally We Arrive

We finally roll into Mari at about 6AM after leaving the airport in Kiev at about 6PM last evening.  No one has gotten any sleep on the trip.  Most of us are now going on 48 hours with no sleep at all. 

As we get into town, the streets are totally deserted and my first impression is
"what the hell kind of post-apocolyptic Mad Max kind of place is this???"

The city itself is overgrown with weeds which apparently are not cut here.  The buildings are the Soviet-style built for utility, not appearance.  The infrastructure is in terrible shape. 

Like I said, that was my first impression.  This impression would change dramatically in a few short hours.

Taz says it is a little too early to be calling Lana.  He gives us a tour of the city.  We see the main downtown area, the university area, he points out some restaurants we may want to take our dates too, explains the layout of some of the main streets, and points out some markets and stores we may need to visit.  We stop at a US-style supermarket to load up on some supplies.  We are told to drink only bottled water so we all buy a big jog of water.  Taz teaches us how to tell the water with "gas" from the regular water.  I am have never been a fan of naturally carbonated mineral water but I am by the end of this trip.  They have dozens of brands of mineral water and regular water to choose from.  I get some of both.  The mineral water is quite good with the gas.  I guess it is an aquired taste that I never had before.  I end up drinking quite a bit of it by the end of the trip.

I am struck by the fact that beer is cheaper than soda here.  My kind of place!  I quit drinking soda over 2 years ago.  I learned to brew beer when I was in college and since then have been a bit of a beer snob, drinking only imports and micro-brews instead of the mass-marketed crap beer (Budweiser) that sells so well in the USA.  The beers here are sold in half-liter and liter bottles.  No 6-pack, 12-packs, or anything like that.  I select a couple of bottles that look interesting and add them to my basket. 

 
   

   

[Swisskid]

Taz takes us to the liquor aisle and schools us in the finer points of Russian and Ukrainian vodka.  He highly recommends us buying some Nemiroff vodka, especially the hot chile and double-honey flavor.  He indicates that this particular vodka is so popular that Russians actually travel to Ukraine just to buy this vodka.  I spot a 5 pack of little sampler bottles each about 3-4 shots.  5 different flavors of Nemiroff vodka.  Perfect.  One of the little bottles is the chile flavor.  It is all packaged in sturdy cardboard and appears it can hold up to the stress of airline travel in checked baggage.  I will buy a couple of these 5 packs of Nemiroff vodka to take home before I leave.

By now it is late enough that Taz is comfortable calling Lana.  He speaks to her and we meet her at near one of the apartments.  I immediately recognize Lana from her profile on the Agency "A" website.  In fact she was one of the 12 I informed the agency I was interested in.  Attractive TALL blonde.  I believe her profile had her listed at 5' 10".  I can scratch her off the list.  She is Taz' girl.

We all make introductions and Lana is very nice.  Taz is a lucky man, I think

We find myrddin's place and help him unload.  He is 3 floors up and there is no lift.  After that we head to my place uptown a ways near the university district off of Prospekta Lenin.  I luck out and mine is on the first floor just inside the front door.  It is a funky little place.  The studio apartment has been remodeled very uniquely.  The floor is black and red ceramic tiles.  It had red brick interior walls with adobe between the brick columns.  It has a metal ceiling and there is a nice granite bar in the kitchen area with new granite countertops.  It has a gas water heater and A/C.  New leather furniture.  I like it.  This will do.

We offload my stuff and Taz says he will be back to pick me up about 11:45 or so.  I have my first date at noon.  I thank him profusely and he goes off with Lana.

I have not slept in 48 hours but I am still wired.  My brain is racing and I am trying to calm down so I can hopefully get a little sleep before my date.  I start to unpack and pour myself a big glass of water.  It is still cold from the store.  There are ice cube trays in the freezer so I throw all of the cubes down the sink and make new ones with the bottled water.  I get all of my stuff organized and lay down on the bed to try to sleep.  Finally I doze off......

Next thing I know I hear Taz pounding on the metal door of my flat.  I forgot to bring an alarm.  Apparently he has been beating on the door for some time before I finally woke up.  I think I was dead to the world for a couple of hours.  Anyhow we are now running late.  I quickly throw on a sweater and head to the bathroom to clean up and put in my contact lens.  I am ready in about 3 minutes and look and smell presentable enough so let's go. 

I try to open the bathroom door but the inside knob is apparently stripped from the inside and does not turn the mechanism of this big metal door.  I am trapped.  Finally Taz comes back looking for me and lets me out of the bathroom.  Now we are really late.

We beat feet over to the agency and it is in one of those large Soviet-style apartment buildings.  There is no number on the front door.  We go inside and the agency is the first flat on the right.  In we go and meet the owner of Agency "A".  myrddin and my dates are there as are 2 smokin hot terps.  We are now in a room surrounded by beautiful women.  I immediately recognize my date standing in the kitchen area.  She is absolutely beautiful.  I go straight to her and she lights up when I do.  I look into her eyes and they are a beautiful deep sparkling sapphire blue.  Her smile just melts me in my tracks.  And the best part is we are looking into each others eyes from inches away because this woman must be standing at least 6' 3" tall in heels.  I am about 6' 6" in my street shoes.  I feel an instant chemistry with this woman and I think she does to.  We hit it off immediately. 

myrddin comments later that he noticed how it seemed like me and  Lady Z had hit it right off by our body language.

Lady Z is about 10 times hotter in person than her photo.  I had gone through the profiles and lined up the women from tallest to shortest on my list, starting with tallest.  I am very attracted to tall slender women and Lady Z was one of the tallest at the agency except for this other 6' 2" gal that looked like some East German Amazon chick with anorexia.....

I have to agree with Taz advice to JD that a guy should not put too much focus on the photos.  Many of these women are much nicer looking than their agency photos convey.

Lady Z is listed in her profile as standing 5' 11" but I think she is sandbagging.  She is every bit of 6' tall or more.  I later find out from her that she is very self-conscious of her height.  I tell her I think it is very attractive. 

I am ecstatic at the quality of my first date and I am getting great vibes from Lady Z.  We immediately say goodbye to the rest of the folks in the room and head off with our terp.  Terp A is a smokin hot little brunette who I later find out is a single mother and this is her first day on the job. 

There is a taxi waiting for us when we get outside and we hop in.  I open the door and hold Lady Z's hand as she gets in the back seat.  I get in and we both laugh because both of us have to crouch to fit in the small back seats of this taxi.  We snuggle right up to each other.  Terp A says that Lady Z would like to show me the sea.  I tell her that is a great idea.  Off we go...

It is a short drive and we arrive quickly.  I get out and take Lady Z's hand to help her out of the taxi.  We have really hit it off.  It seems so natural being with her.  I suspect she is noticing something too.  It is like we are on the same wavelength and she is putting off this aura.  Lady A is all smiles as we get out of the cab.

I pay the guy.  Terp A says it is 22 hv.  I tip the guy a 5 hv note and he looks at me like I am from Mars.  I have to put it in his pocket and say "for you, for you" before he understands.  Apparently cabbies don't get many tips around here...

Lady Z is as bubbly as a school girl.  She is so graceful in her movements.  She moves with a feline femininity.  It is intoxicating.  She is wearing at least 3" heels and stepping very lightly and gracefully.  I can tell she has spent a long time preparing herself for our date.  She is dressed in nice tight slacks that accentuate her slender figure and a blouse with a nice stylish jacket.  She smells heavenly.  She has even painted her long fingernails to match her outfit.  Her hair is strawberry blonde with blonde highlights and is just past her shoulders in length.  She weighs maybe 140 pounds and has the body of a model.  I would guess she's 34C upstairs.  I can tell she really likes me being a few inches taller than her and Terp A is picking up on our body language as well. 

We cross some railroad tracks and I help Lady Z step across.  We are already holding hands and snuggling with each other as we walk and I am only 30 minutes into my date.  I am walking on air.  We walk down to the pier near the sea.  We are chatting through Terp A the whole time.  Our conversation flows very naturally considering we are using Terp A.  We walk out down the pier and talk about all kinds of things.  It is just a delight being at the center of conversation with these two beautiful ladies.  The fisherman and other people on the pier are all staring at us, some smiling, some not.

Suddenly Lady Z wants Terp A to start taking pictures of us together and gives her  cell phone camera to her.  In my haste to leave I had forgotten my digital camera back at my flat.  Little did I know then that later on in this trip I would be very happy that Lady Z had made these pictures....

It is a beautiful afternoon in Mari today and there is a nice spring breeze blowing out to sea.  We work our way back to the pier entrance, jabbering all the way.  I consider myself an outgoing person and Lady Z is as well so we find many things to talk about as we are walking.  The sea is calm today and the fisherman are catching alot of small fish. 

I suggest we find a cafe to sit and Lady Z agrees.  A short walk west of the pier is a nice outdoor cafe called Santa Barbara.  It looks perfect.

We find a table and sit down under the canopy.  Of course I pull out Lady Z's chair and help her get seated.  Chivalry goes a long way over here I suspect.  We order drinks and I ask Lady Z to recommend a good local piva for me.  She orders a vodka cocktail and Terp A orders a glass of juice.  For newbies info, you can expect that you will be paying for two guests drinks and food when you are on a date with a terp, your dates' and the terps'.  This is in addition to the $15/hr the agency charges for the terp.  It is well worth it.

We are having a delightful conversation and really enjoying ourselves when I hear a sound that sends a chill up my spine. 

We are next to the sea but there is a railroad that runs parallel to the road along the sea.  A train is going by moving very slowly maybe 5 kph.  The train is creaking and groaning very loudly and the uneven track connections are making a loud slow "clack, clack, clack" sound.  I suddenly remember where I am.  I wonder if trains on these tracks took Jews and Gypsies to their deaths at the concentration camps a few hundred kilometers next door in Poland.  I have heard that sound before in the movie "Schindler's List" and documentaries.  I imagine those tracks leading to Dachau.  My mind is caught in a moment of history and it is very sobering.  I watch the train go by with these thoughts.

We order some appetizers as Lady Z says we do not want to eat a meal here because the food made her sick once.  She is protecting me already....

We order a big basket of pistaccios and bowls of black and green olives to nibble on.  We are enjoying the conversation when a thunderstorm blows in and it begins to rain.  The roof leaks on our table so we laugh and scurry to another table.  Lady Z and I snuggle on a little couch while Terp A sits in a chair at the table.  It is a delightful afternoon with these two ladies.  Lady Z tells me she is a lawyer.  She also tells me she is 26 years old.  I had forgotten what her profile had said.  A little younger than I was looking for but who am I to quibble. 

I am 46 but look 5-10 years younger.  It is apparent that she is very interested in me at this point.  I am definitely interested in her. 

Terp A asks me if I would like to see Lady Z again and I say "absolutely"!

Finally we decide to leave and go to a cell phone store so I can see if they can get my phone to work.  We hail another cab and head back to downtown.  We get to the cell phone store and Lady Z indicates that she has to go in another direction as she has errands to run in town.  I hold both her hands and give her a big kiss on her cheek.  We agree to go on another date tomorrow.  Terp A tells me the agency will set up another date tomorrow.  Off goes Lady Z after I slip her some hv for cab fare.  I could not be more pleased with our first date.  I think she had a really nice time as well.  I see serious possibilities with Lady Z.  I have a thing for redheads too.  She has the entire package...         

     


               

 
   

 

[Swisskid]

Lady #2

The city now is totally different than it was when we rolled into town at the crack of dawn.  It is a bustling, vibrant city filled with people now.  There are vendors hawking their wares on the sidewalks and evey manner of bus, van, and streetcar stopping along the roads and picking people up.  Add to the mix taxis and private cars and all of the activity makes for a hotbed of activity.  I am amazed at the contrast from this morning.  This town is hoppin!

Terp A and I go into the cell phone store and they can't find a SIM card slot in my phone either.  I bought it off EBay for $23.  I will later figure it out (after I get back home) but right now I just need a phone that will take the SIM card I bought from Taz so I have communications.  A cell phone is a basic necessity in Ukraine. 

I decide to just buy another Nokia phone (my US cell is a Nokia) and I find a nice basic one for less than $60.  Sold!  The cell phone sales lady is very helpful and quite attractive herself.  I read in another thread a quote where someone said "you can't swing a dead cat in Ukraine without hitting a beautiful woman".  I have to concur this is a true statement. 

We get the phone all set up and test it and it works great.  I have phonage!  The store even throws in a 10 hv phone card for free to get me started.  We head back outside to our taxi that we told to wait for us.  We get in and Terp A asks me if I am ready to meet Lady 2.  It is now 4:45PM and my date was scheduled for 6PM with Lady 2.  She makes a phone call and we are off to pick up Lady 2.

Lady 2 is a girl in a hurry.  We pull up and she is there waiting and just gets right in the back seat before I can even get out to open the door for her.  She informs Terp A that she has only one hour for the date and she wants to go to a certain restaurant.  It is the one that Taz pointed out to myrddin and me on our early morning tour as the nicest (and most expensive) restaurant in town.  Fine.

Off we go and we introduce ourselves.  Lady 2 is much shorter than Lady Z.  She is 29 and only about 5' 4".  She is very beautiful as well but totally different than Lady Z.  Very exotic looking.  Long black hair and beautiful dark eyes.  Beautiful smile.  She is dressed in tight black jeans, black leather boots, a tight long sleeved black blouse, and a black tailored jacket.  The restaurant is not far so we arrive very quickly.

Lady 2 jumps out without waiting for me to get out and open the door for her.  I pay the taxi driver and again I get the Mars look when I tip him.  He is very happy with the 10 hv note I slip in his hand when he figures it out. 

We go inside and it is kind of dark.  There are no employees present so we just sit at the first table near the door.  Finally a hostess comes out.  She returns with menus.
I open the menu and see alot of big numbers.  I panic for a moment if I have enough hv converted.  I am finding out this is pretty much a cash economy over here and very few places take VISA.  I point to the biggest numbers and ask Terp A what they are.  She indicates they are weights of the dishes in grams and the prices are over on the other side.  Lady 2 notices none of this as her nose is buried in her menu. 

We order drinks and make small talk.  I ask Lady 2 what is good here as she obviously likes the food here or she would not have recommended this restaurant.  None of the things she recommends sound appealing so I just order a small pizza with meat. 

Lady 2 explains that she has relatives visiting from out of town and this is the reason that she has only one hour for the date.  They are from Russia in Rostov-on-Don.  Uh, that is up the road a little ways.  Mari is almost on the Russian border.  R-O-D is the first town down the road into Russia... 

While Lady 2 is quite attractive, I feel absolutely no spark with her.  Back home I might have made a run at her just to get her in the sack but that is not the reason I have travelled 1/3 the way around the world.  I am here to find a long-term partner leading to marriage.  It is obvious very early in the date that Lady 2 is not marriage material, at least not for me. 

So we continue our small talk.  I find that Lady 2 has previously lived in Egypt.  I forget what took her there but that alone told me she was a little too exotic for me.  The conversation stalled a little bit while we were eating.  I was surprised that Lady 2 ordered only a small seafood salad, as did Terp A.  She was putting off kind of a pro dater vibe so I thought she would order the most expensive thing on the menu. 

Lack of sleep over the past days was starting to catch up with me.  There are gaps in the conversation and I apologize to the ladies that I am quite tired and tell Lady 2 about our drive all night from Kiev and our encounter with the milisia.  We finish our meal and sip on our drinks. 

I can see now that the bar has been set so high with Lady Z that all future dates are going to be compared to her.  I have to admit I am still thinking about her while I am on this date with Lady 2. 

Finally the waitress comes with the check and I whip out my wallet to pay.  After I pay I am surprised when Terp A tells me Lady 2 had a very nice time and would like to go out with me again.  This surprises the hell out of me because compared to my first date, I thought this date was a bit of a dud.  She is quite attractive but the personality thing just is not happening.  I'll take a pass..... 

"I'll have to let you know"  I lie.  " We are supposed to go to the Crimea and I do not yet know our schedule"

We hail a cab and drop Lady 2 off at her building.  This time I do get out to open her car door in time and walk her to the building.  I kiss her cheek and make sure she gets inside OK.  Then we head back to the agency.                   

       

   

 

[Simoni]

I pay the taxi driver and again I get the Mars look when I tip him.  He is very happy with the 10 hv note I slip in his hand when he figures it out. 

Man, you are raising the standard for tipping in the fsu!  Two bucks?  I give a buck at the most, and usually 50 cents.  Next time I am there they will frown at my tip! LOL

Keep up the good trip report; we are enjoying it.

~Si

[Chasaboo]

Nice thread dude. I'm exactly your age so I'm really enjoying and closely paying attention to what your experience was like.

I'd posted in the new guy forum and was told that women wouldn't be interested in me as I've never been married before. Have you been married before? Was this something women were asking you about?

Seeing as you are my age I'll probably be asking more questions about your experience in the future. Hope that's okay.

Keep up the great writing.

[Donhollio]

Nice thread dude. I'm exactly your age so I'm really enjoying and closely paying attention to what your experience was like.

I'd posted in the new guy forum and was told that women wouldn't be interested in me as I've never been married before. Have you been married before? Was this something women were asking you about?

 Don't worry the women will be interested in you,maybe even more so since you haven't been married.  I've never had a girl show no interest because I have never been married. Nor have any  girls over there worried why I hadn't been married in the past.
 My advice is you'd be better off not listening to guys who tell you such crap.

[Taz]

I don't think that whether you have been married or not becomes an issue until you get in to your later 30's and older. JD got drilled on this issue time and again. Even my ex-RW wife flat out said that she would never date or marry a guy that old unless he'd been married.

To many women it is a red flag that you are commitment phobic or so strange no woman would want to marry you. Of course every person has their own individual story. I can't even begin to remember how many dates I was helping out JD on where this topic came up time and again. I would say if you haven't been married and you are in you 40's you better have a damn good explanation ready if it comes up.

I remember sitting in the agencies while the directors were trying to get dates set up for JD and the question as always asked by the woman if he had been married or not. As soon as they heard that he hadn't they would often ask his age again. The they would usually ask why and the directors would suggest they ask JD directly. It is VERY ODD in the FSU for a man to be in his 40's and have never been married. I also get a reaction of surprise when I tell them I have more than 2 children. This is incredibly rare too but as rare as a never married 40 year old bachelor. That just reeks of "player" to them. Of course there are always exceptions that can be found.

Women can still be interested in you but the will be more suspicious. Just be prepared and you should be ok. I'd really be surprised if they didn't ask you about it at some point. You may not be their most desirable man because of the never married status but it shouldn't be a total deal breaker.

[Swisskid]

Day One Is Over

I call Taz on my groovy new cell phone and his handy-dandy taxi service meets me back at the agency.  We make small talk with Agency Owner A and I tell her what a great job Terp A did on her first day and that she is definitely a keeper.  Terp A just beams upon hearing this.  During our earlier conversations on my dates she had said that this could be a life-changing position for her.  I genuinely thought she did an awesome job and she is a very sweet girl too so I was more than happy to put a plug in for the boss.  Agency Owner A seems pleased with my report about Terp A and it is all smiles in the room.  I indicate to Agency Owner A that I would like her to set up a date with Lady Z for tomorrow.  She gets right on it.  She has also set me up a date with Lady 3 at 12 noon tomorrow.  Lady 3 speaks fluent English and no terp will be required.  She is about 5' 8", 123 lbs., with red hair and blue eyes.  Owner A pulls her profile up on her computer to refresh my memory who she is.  I like.  Sounds good.  She also calls Lady Z and we are on for 2PM tomorrow.  Excellent.

I am glad Taz can play taxi guy again because I have no idea where my apartment is.  The apartment buildings all look the same and do not have any numbers on them.  This will not be the first time Taz saves my bacon on this trip.  I am the farthest apartment away from the agency of the three of us on the other end of the downtown area.  It will take me a little time to get the location of my flat down. 

We stop to get a bite at this little pizza joint on Prospekta Lenin.  It soon becomes my favorite little food spot in Mari.  It is on a busy street and let's just say it is a prime viewing location.  It has great Ukrainian beer on tap, excellent food, and is ridiculously inexpensive.  I have no idea what the name of this place is now.  I did take a quick picture of counter where you order.  Sorry it is a little blurry.   

[Swisskid]

Taz orders our food as I can obviously not read the menu nor speak Russian to order.  They don't have pepperoni but they have this kielbasa type sausage and black olives.  Close enough.  Taz gets a little pie with these hot green peppers on it.  It will soon become my favorite pizza. 

We are scarfing our pizza and beer for me and Fanta for Taz (Taz is a Fanta Fanatic) and Taz decides to check in on our good friend myrddin.  He is on his 4th date of the day.  I barely made it through 2 so I cannot imagine how tired he is by now.  myrddin has 4 dates lined up for tomorrow as well.  He will acquire several nicknames from Taz and myself by the end of the day.

Taz has a great idea that we should both go pick him up together so myrddin has to be sandwiched in the back seat with 2 Smokin Hotkovas.  Taz frequently has spontaneous moments of genius like this.  I agree that it must be done. 

We bug out of the pizza joint and head over to what must be the swankiest hotel in Mari.  We walk into the bar and there they are.  myrddin is over 10 years younger than either Taz or I and he is still plugging along like the energizer bunny.  I recognize his date from the agency site and had thought about putting her on my list but I decided she was too young for me.  She is prime age myrrdin material though.  We make introductions and myrddin pays his tab.  Gentlemen that we all are, we let the 2 ladies lead the way out.  myrddin's date is listed on the agency site as 5' 9".  I can honestly say that she has one of the top 5 a$$#s I have ever seen in my life.  Taz has noticed this as well. (he doesn't miss anything woman related)  Plus her jeans are so tight they look like they are painted on.  This girl is burning magnesium hot!  myrddin has obviously been enjoying the date because he is still grinning ear to ear all the way out.  For some reason me and Taz are smiling too. 

We get to the car and I grab shotgun so poor myrddin must sit in the back between the 2 hotties.  Taz already told me his plan to swerve the car all over the place under the guise of avoiding chuckholes.  He works it to perfection.  It is all I can do to not start busting out laughing. 

We arrive at myrddin's dates building and he walks her to the door.  She immediately plants a big one on his lips.  From this time on he is known as "Don Juan Capistrano" in the Swisskid vernacular.  If I was myrddin, I would have stayed and sent Taz and me on down the road after a kiss like that....  Wow.

We drop off the very hot blonde Terp B and head over to my bachelor pad.  It is dark now so I really don't know where my apartment is.  I take note of a bus stop across the street and this will be my homing landmark for the rest of the trip.

myrddin has just had possibly the best day of his life with all of his clothes on.  4 dates in one day with 4 incredibly attractive women.  We excitedly discuss our adventures of the day and indulge in some of the beverages we have brought from home.  I brought a couple of bottles of Virginia Gentleman bourbon, a requisite bottle of Southern Comfort, a bottle of Pepe Lopez, a bottle of Bacardi rum, and a sleeve of Jose Cuervo airline bottles.  (see, I told you I am not a raging alcoholic) My flat is a great place for entertaining and we will take advantage of this and our nicely stocked little bar with the ladies tomorrow.  For now myrddin and I are marvelling at our luck and savoring our first full day in country.  Taz is beaming like a proud father at a graduation ceremony.  His boys done good today.


Finally we call it a night since myrddin has 4 MORE dates lined up for tomorrow and I have 2.  Taz suggests Lady Z and I double date with him and Lana tomorrow.  I think that sounds like a great idea and I am very appreciative of the offer.  We just need Lana's buy off and it's a go.  I am psyched.

The guys leave and I think myrddin and I are both still intoxicated with the memories of a day we will not soon, if ever, forget.  So ends Day One...

Methinks I have caught the fever from which I hear there is no cure.....       

 

[Kuna]

Swisskid...

Really enjoying the TR...  Excellent stuff!

I would say if you haven't been married and you are in you 40's you better have a damn good explanation ready if it comes up.

Agreed!

My wife has a very good friend who asks about our friends here in Oz.  I have a very good friend who asks about my wife's friends in Ukraine.

One day I suggested we put my friend in touch with her friend, and whatever happens happens.

She looked at me like I'd just swallowed a tennis ball and burped it up again.   :whirling:

The conversation went something like this...

Me:  What?

Her:  You're joking?

Me: No, why?

Her: He's never been married.

Me:  So what?  No baggage...

Her:  Kuna,  You've got to be crazy.  We like [friends name] but he is very stranger... he must be very stranger.  He is more than 45 and never been married.  I do not know what is wrong but we could never introduce him to [her friends name].


Keep in mind this is the friend she has suggested might be a good Godfather for our child... 

Good Godfather, Maybe? 

Potential suitor for her friend???  I may as well go to the corner with my tennis ball.


I'm not saying all women will have this reaction but it's like my wife thinks some men may be good men - but too "strange" for marriage. 

My friend is one of them (even though he has a VERY success business... beautiful house... well traveled and well read....  56 ft yacht...  great lifestyle... etc. This guy would be a GREAT catch for a kick-a$$ girl) - but he is tainted in some strange way to my wife.

[Swisskid]

He is more than 45 and never been married.  I do not know what is wrong but we could never introduce him to [her friends name].[/i]

Maybe a guy in this situation could just say how his job required so much travel that he was never in one place long enough to marry.  I used that one for 15 years on my mother when I was a traveling gas pipeline inspector and she was bugging me to get married.  Might work in this situation....?

[LiveFromUkraine]

Maybe a guy in this situation could just say how his job required so much travel that he was never in one place long enough to marry.  I used that one for 15 years on my mother when I was a traveling gas pipeline inspector and she was bugging me to get married.  Might work in this situation....?

I always thought this was a funny myself.  I am older myself at the ripe age of 38.  This is my first marriage as well.   I know people have said things like that to Sveta.  HE HASN"T BEEN MARRIED?  I am not one to settle.


People here would rather see you divorce rather then be single.  Divorce is "OK".  Sveta also has a friend here that lived with a couple of guys but never married them.  She tells people she was married twice.  That is also common it seems.  A girl believes she is married when living with a man but the man doesn't.   


Great TR Swiss.


Thomas

[Ooooops]

Friend of us got married for the first time when he was 41.   There is nothing wrong with him, he just never met the Right One before that.   We are all weired in our own ways, but if you find the "antidote" then you are fine.   

[groovlstk]

We stop to get a bite at this little pizza joint on Prospekta Lenin.  It soon becomes my favorite little food spot in Mari.  It is on a busy street and let's just say it is a prime viewing location.  It has great Ukrainian beer on tap, excellent food, and is ridiculously inexpensive.  I have no idea what the name of this place is now.  I did take a quick picture of counter where you order.  Sorry it is a little blurry.   

SK, this looks very much like the Celentano's chain I've seen in other Ukraine cities. Did they serve a lot of pizzas with corn as a topping?  I always felt at home in these places as the coffee was fantastic and they played mostly American rock music from the 50s.