Is it OK to meet with more than one woman on your trip to FSU

[Eduard]

Some women express their dislike for the idea that when a man travels to the FSU many times he chooses to meet more than one woman.
here is my take on it, I think it would be interesting to see what other people think.
Personally when I was looking for my wife, I talked to hundreds of women in the beginning and then narrowed it down to 4 favorite ones. After chatting with these 4 I basically had my favorite woman (who is now my wife). I found that we were on the same page as far as family values, goals, children and other important to both of us issues. One of the other girls was really captivating me with her beauty, but a couple of red flags popped up in the course of communicating with her and I felt like I needed to be on guard with her.
Now I've been talking to these girls for about 3-4 months, exchanging emails every day, talking on the phone and chatting on the messanger almost every day. To be frank, I was pretty sure that my wife was going to be THE ONE. BUT, there is always a chance that when you meet in person, things might be different and you won't feel any chemistry. I felt like I became pretty good friends with all 4 girls and didn't see anything wrong with meeting all of them.
Now girls, before you yell at me: I didn't plan on, and didn't have sex with the 3 that I didn't marry! Let me be perfectly clear about that! OK?
At the age of 44 I had enough sexual adventures in my life and wasn't looking for that. I was looking for a wife and a future mother of our children though!
I went there for a month and allocated one week to meet with the 3 girls that I had some doubts about and 3 weeks to my favorite one - my wife.
It was good to meet with the other 3 IMO just in case things didn't work out with my favorite girl. The trip wouldn't be a total waste, and also who knows, maybe I'd find that one of those girls was a much better match for me...you just never know about the chemistry, do you? I also felt like it would be rude to not meet somebody that you became good friends with and got to know very well on line and on the phone. So when I finally went to Russia I only had one date with the first 2 girls. It was very casual, we went to eat at a restaurant, walked through a park and talked a lot. But at the end of each of those dates (or "meetings" might be a more correct definition since they weren't very romantic, just people meeting, looking at each other, talking and then going our separate ways with a kiss on the cheek).
Then I met with my second favorite one and this was much tougher for me. Because I totally loved everything about her - lookswise she was EXACTLY my type, great personality, and it appeared the attraction was mutual. We had 3 dates (spend 3 days going to museums, talking, eating, talking, walking through parks, talking). NO INTIMATE MOMENTS, NO SEX!!! I felt that there was chemistry between us, BUT.
And this was a big BUT...something was still bothering me about her and to this day I can't quite put my finger on it. One thing that I found strange was that she came to Moscow from Volgograd with her sister. Her sister just happened to be coming on business there at the same time so it worked out perfectly. After our first date together I told her that I would like to meet her sister and get to know her a little. Her answer was: "My sister only wants to meet you if we are going to be serious about our relationship, and at this point she'd rather not". I found that rather strange. I also found out later from her that her sister was around and actually took pictures of us on the date with her cel phone! A little creepy IMO. Why not come up and introduce yourself? Well that and a couple of other things that made me "think" pretty much ended that date. On the third date we did kiss once saying good night.
When I met my wife, things were different and everything just "fell into place" We both felt very comfortable with each other, there were no issues of trust (like with the last girl) and there was chemistry. So we both just went with the feeling and spent wonderful 3 weeks together. And yes, we did a lot of kissing!
To summarise:
in the course of searching for the right one you will develop some friendships and i don't see anything wrong meeting with them. You also never know whom you will have a genuine connection with. The one woman that you are thinking is "THE ONE" before the face to face meeting might not be "THE ONE" Looking into each other's eyes, live conversation, chemistry can do or undo the trick!
I feel that if you are being a gentleman and don't use women like a "sex tourist" would there is nothing wrong meeting several and figure out whom you have the best chemistry with. After all this is what both men and women do locally as well. We go out with different people when we are single and looking. And we continue doing this until we "click" with someone and decide to commit. This is my opinion. Let's here form the other people. What do you think?

[Taz]

I'll give my short and sweet opinion. Meeting more than one woman is risk diversification. Would you invest all you money in one stock or just one industry? Are you the only foreigner she'll ever meet? I see nothing wrong with meeting more than one woman up until the point your are commited to just one. Some of these women may still have boyfriends when they meet your or likely parallel pathing (where they are looking locally and/or for a foreigner).

I would be very wary to put all my eggs in just one basket!

[Gator]

Another WOVO vs. WMVM discussion.  No one has yet changed their mind one way or the other.

I was a WMVF (as in Few).  Then after meeting the One, all of my susequent trips were WOVO with the same One (with an 18-month hiatus).

Eduard, I have a different view regarding sex.  Why not if two adults enjoy each other's company, the man and woman are honest about their intentions,  both respect the other, both are acting with free will, the timing is appropriate, and the sex is safe? 

Concurrent sexual relations - no way.

[msmoby_ru]

Ed

I think you answered your own question... You narrowed it down to four, and the one you THOUGHT would be the one .. WAS the one..

Presumably, these women must all have lived in or near the city where you were.. so you must have based your criteria of suitability on where they lived ??!!

If one is serious about finding a wife, one must balance what she will think of you... knowing ( or may be NOT knowing) she is on a "short list"...

In my case, I tried to put the boot on the other foot, so to speak.. if a FSU women was coming to my country to visit a few men - to help her make up her mind - would I respect her - or her motives / decision making criteria? ...

Nope... you were pretty sure she was THE ONE and she was.... *MAY BE * you should have had the courage of your convictions... and expect her to have the same..however, as we can she this worked for you


That said... I will now reveal I broke ALL the rules... in courting my Wife..

1/ I flew HER to meet ME.. in Cyprus - a lot easier to arrange than the USA / Canada / UK  - I was incredibly busy,just before Xmas,  but I just KNEW she was the one.. After all she had to know MY life.. and I knew Russia - just not her city !!

2/ I paid for her ticket, visa ( €10)  and sent her some travel money on a prepaid visa card.. which she didn't touch until she was with me in Cyprus..


3/ I had Russian speaking friends whose numbers / email addresses her relatives where given - and Veta had conversed with them about me.. :-o .. YEP.. her mother, and some of my RU speaking friends thought we were both CRAZY...

Turns out lots of guys promised much and if they actually flew to Russia, planned to make her part of a WMVM "tour"

Moral ( for me, anyway) : "He who hesitates is lost" .... so if you're REALLY serious, guys - follow your instinct.


 

[Ooooops]

I don't think there is anything wrong with seeing few strangers on one trip.   But then you should expect that you also gonna be just one of the many.   

[msmoby_ru]

I don't think there is anything wrong with seeing few strangers on one trip.   But then you should expect that you also gonna be just one of the many.   

You "hit the nail on the head".. if you *are* "strangers" how is a meeting going to be as productive as one where you've covered interests, family members, etc., already on the phone, email , messenging, web cam, etc... and you can concentrate on each other..

[myrddin]

I'd have to say the short answer is "yes". 

I don't think visiting one is a bad idea, everyone needs to find their own path.  I thought that I would go the WMVO route because that was my nature, and I dreamed about everything working out.  Of course, my recent experience was actually much different. 

It's interesting to me that when I got back there was a lot of pro-VO on this board.  Sure, there is some risk of turning a lady off by visiting many, but I'm guessing most people have dated more than one person at home before any type of commitment.

There's some tact involved (I wouldn't make a point of bringing up that I'm visiting others), but none of the ladies I met ever asked me about that.  I never asked if they were meeting or writing other men.

What I gathered from this board early on is that you just don't want to set yourself up so that if that One doesn't work out, your whole trip is a dud.

[Ooooops]

There's some tact involved (I wouldn't make a point of bringing up that I'm visiting others), but none of the ladies I met ever asked me about that. 

I don't know how all this visitation works so can I ask you some questions?   What do you tell those ladies when you plan to visit?   I'll be in XXX from then till then to see you?   Or I'll be in XXX from then to then on business and I might have few hours to see you?   Or what?   You fly from the other side of the world and then you only spend few hours with this woman.   What do you think she thinks of that?   

[Doll]

They know- it is easy. If a man comes to see you only you go to the airport to meet him, he always stays with you etc. I only accept this kind of visits.
They always know.

[Ooooops]

They always know.

I would think so too...

[myrddin]

Doll makes a good point.  If she knows and I know (that she's not seeing only me) I don't see a problem.  I see committing to not seeing anyone else as a positive commitment, not a default policy.  Plans can and will change depending on how things go.

Did more than one guy make that type of visit before you found your husband?

[felix8787]

Hello everyone

I don't see nothing wrong with WOVO. In my case, I WMVO. I guess it would come down to personal choice and how that person feels about it.
"Should I have a backup plan?"
"Do I keep agency contacts in my back pocket?"
"Do I set up meetings to see if they are match for me?"
Etc..etc....etc.... the list could go on and on...

I felt comfortable and confident with myself not to need a guide or what not. Some would say that I am crazy, delusional or have really big balls to go by myself, without a backup plan or anything to prepare myself should it not work out.
I just did what I had to do to get over there to meet her in person and not fantasize a voice on the phone or emails.
I truly believe that there is no wrong way or right way to go about this. Just get up off your rear end and go!!!
It took me a long while before I decided to do this and I swear I wish I could of done it earlier! Oh well that's all water under the bridge now and I am glad that I did go ever there regardless of how I did it. And I am planning on going back.


felix8787

[Ooooops]

Some would say that I am crazy, delusional or have really big balls to go by myself, without a backup plan or anything to prepare myself should it not work out.

I don't see why - people travel around the world all the time.   Ok, if one's "wife chase" wouldn't work you'd still have an exotic vacation.       

[myrddin]

I truly believe that there is no wrong way or right way to go about this. Just get up off your rear end and go!!!

!!!!

[Doll]

Did more than one guy make that type of visit before you found your husband?

Are asking me?
 If so the answer is yes.

[Doll]

Some would say that I am crazy, delusional or have really big balls to go by myself, without a backup plan or anything to prepare myself should it not work out.

I guess the majority of AM go themselves and have no plan B

[msmoby_ru]

 You fly from the other side of the world and then you only spend few hours with this woman.   What do you think she thinks of that?   

Toichna .. EXACTLY... ! and this is simply making it HARDER for the guys that will follow !   ... what some folk here don't seem to understand..

Example- one guy is flying from USA to meet a lady from Siberia - but he expects HER to to meet him in Moscow .. he'll be there for two weeks, but he can only meet for 4 days... do YOU think this guy... who may have stood a chance - is going to succeed- expecting a lady to take a 2.5 day train journey ( longer than crossing the USA - East to West - and then some) to satisfy his WMVM schedule ?! 

All that correspondence and build-up wasted.. can one put a price on losing out because you needed a "fall-back"...?

[felix8787]

I guess the majority of AM go themselves and have no plan B

I don't know what the statistics are on that, but me personally, I have an adventurous side. Some people are cautious, others are organized and there's people like myself who throw caution in the wind with a smile.

Toichna .. EXACTLY... ! and this is simply making it HARDER for the guys that will follow !   ... what some folk here don't seem to understand..

Example- one guy is flying from USA to meet a lady from Siberia - but he expects HER to to meet him in Moscow .. he'll be there for two weeks, but he can only meet for 4 days... do YOU think this guy... who may have stood a chance - is going to succeed- expecting a lady to take a 2.5 day train journey ( longer than crossing the USA - East to West - and then some) to satisfy his WMVM schedule ?! 

I personally don't agree with with meeting up at a different area, I would rather go to her home city and see her and her surroundings, but that's just me IMOPO. Because what if things works out in those few or more days and you got other ladies lined up to meet that you don't want to pass up just in case and she decides that she wants you to meet her friends and family......Kinda of an iffy situation, what are you going to tell the other women? Then if you don't show up, it will look bad for the next gentlemen who told her the same thing about meeting and probably won't expect much out of it. Again, that just my 2 cents on it.

felix8787

[groovlstk]

Deciding on WOVO, WMVM, or whatever acronym you choose is quite simple, and boils down to this: Are you willing to deal with the consequences?

If you plan to visit one woman only, are you prepared to...
-Discover within the first five minutes that she is not what you expected (or vice-versa)? In my experience and from what I've read here, this occurence is the NORM - success stories involving even so much as a second meeting are uncommon).
-If you have the heart to be honest with this woman you thought you were attracted to, good for you. But you're now stuck in a city for x number of days where few speak your language and fewer understand your culture.
-That long flight home gets exponentially longer while you sit cramped in coach, contemplating how you ended up pissing away a week's vacation and $5k chasing the moon.

If you plan to visit many, are you prepared to...
-Have an otherwise promising and sincere woman refuse to meet you when she finds out you're holding auditions?
-Have your calender chock full of dates? Now, how can meeting five beautiful women per day NOT be fun, you ask? Well, for starters telling the same story and showing the same photos several times per day over the course of a week very quickly becomes tiresome and the women become interchangeable. (For new guys who haven't read Stoichman's legendary trip reports, search the archives and you'll understand.)
-Risk blowing off a woman who may be your soul mate because you have another meeting in an hour and feel compelled to sample all the candy before choosing your favorite?

In my past I used both methods, I started out visiting one women, got stuck in faraway cities with nothing to do, did some WMVM trips that felt more like job interviews than dates, then came full circle on my last meeting when I met only one woman, who is now my wife.

I don't see any point in arguing which way is better, simply weigh the risks and realities and decide which is least objectionable to you. As evidenced on this board, both methods can work and both can fail.

[msmoby_ru]

In my past I used both methods, I started out visiting one women, got stuck in faraway cities with nothing to do, did some WMVM trips that felt more like job interviews than dates, then came full circle on my last meeting when I met only one woman, who is now my wife.

I don't see any point in arguing which way is better, simply weigh the risks and realities and decide which is least objectionable to you. As evidenced on this board, both methods can work and both can fail.

Fair point.. being brutal can we agree - if you can't afford to be wrong - don't get on the plane ?!

[viking]

Maybe I did not take my meds today, and this will result in someone hammering me.But if the situations were reversed and the women were coming here on a VM trip and I knew about it, I  think I would be on my best behaviour and try to show her I was the best guy she would be meeting with. Or am I being too understanding?

[Blues Fairy]

I always wonder, how is it possible NOT to meet with more that one woman unless that one escorts you from airport to her home and everywhere else.  If you travel with some degree of independence (hotel room, your own transfer), you are bound to run into women!  Or do you expect to see only one tree when walking into a forest?

[msmoby_ru]

Maybe I did not take my meds today, and this will result in someone hammering me.But if the situations were reversed and the women were coming here on a VM trip and I knew about it, I  think I would be on my best behaviour and try to show her I was the best guy she would be meeting with. Or am I being too understanding?

YEs, or may be you aren't thinking how many FSU ladies think .. Even *if* they know it, they might even say.. "it's OK.. " but you're assuming they'll be trying to "impress" you...

[Gator]

Let us not talk about the advantages and disadvantages to men.  Rather, let us examine the mentality of RW who require that you go WOVO; otherwise, they will not meet you.

One or more of the following traits will describe these RW:

1.  They believe they are princesses and because of their beauty they are entitled to a man's full attention.

2.  They believe in destiny and soulmates, thinking a man from a strange land will realize readily from her photo and words that she was destined for him and only him.

3.  They are controlling, demanding and inflexible.

4.  They are in charge and are interviewing you for husband vacancy - it is their decision whether you are good enough for them.

5.  They do not have the confidence to compete against other RW.

6.  They are lonely and have no dating life with RM and expect you to be the same.


Is there anything in the above list that seems appealing?  Some of these women have three or more of these traits. 

Okay, shoot me.

[Gator]

I will admit that if a man has spent months corresponding with a RW, and has used romantic terms, then it is appropriate that she receive WOVO treatment.