FSU misconception

[Photo Guy]

Her disposable income, in real terms is probably not far different to that of many Americans. WOW... So, how is Mr Average American going to make her happy then eh?

Hmmm. Well if she likes the idea of driving a car, he'll probably have one, unless he lives in Manhattan. The other thing that comes to mind, is she'll have a larger home in the US.

You are right about disposable income. I haven't seen the statistics, but we often hear about how Americans have a lot of debt, a lot of credit card debt. So, for a lot of people, that must eat away at their disposable income. There are also many Americans who absorb most of their income to improve their lifestyles. (see Dan's post) This is very true. I know of many guys who get a second mortgage, and treat it like disposable income, buying a huge TV, a car, etc.
The result is they are often burdened with large monthly payments, and they often have many electronic toys and take nice vacations.

One guy may have a home mortgage payment of $1,200 and another guy with the same income may choose to have a home mortage of $2,000 per month. The first guy chooses to own a three bedroom house, and the second a newer four bedroom.

What's my point? I'm glad you asked. Financial situations vary very much between individuals. There is no 'average American', except from the viewpoint of statistics, in my opinion.

Is it a good idea to give her a list of my income and expenses?
Do you all recommend that? It seems rather materialistic, but maybe I'm wrong.

[Elen]

Elen, your message implies that you are making the ASSumption that this information is NOT shared with the girls PRIOR to starting the K-1. Why do you make that ASSumption?

I do such conclusion basing at a fact that such topics aka "FSU MISconseption" appear with amazing regularity at American boards as well as topics "my Russian wife can't manage with money because she has not idea about our  finance system"

I can't make a conclusion you manage to pick up the most stupid females in FSU. I rather prefer to make an ASSumption you don't share all information about your finance life in America PRIOR to starting the K-1.

 

[Admin]

[user=134]Photo Guy[/user] wrote:

Is it a good idea to give her a list of my income and expenses?

Do you all recommend that? It seems rather materialistic, but maybe I'm wrong.

Two thoughts.

First, you could use the letter I posted as a means to stimulate a healthy conversation on the topic. It doesn't have to be YOUR income/expenses to make the point. That is what I did initially, and it led to a candid discussion of my personal financial situation later.

Second thought - how much openness do you plan to have with your WIFE? If you are sincere about the prospect of her becoming your wife, then it makes sense (to me, anyway) that a person would opt to be candid and open about ALL matters that affect their lives TOGETHER. Certainly finances are paramount among them.

FWIW

- Dan

[PeeWee]

I think about what my normal costs might be when two arrive. Mother and daughter. Mother will want a car. After the experience with the used computer  I suspect a new car will be the option. I will need to renovate a portion of my home. Medical and dental insurance additions to the paycheck. Any other big expenses that I am overlooking? I am hoping that she can transfer her job as her company in russia has a branch office in my city. She spoke to them about it and they said they would see what they could do but the job would be different and the income would be lower but at least it would be an immediate income. I did tell her it was her choice to work or not but she, when last we spoke, wanted to work. But she changes her mind on it too. She does have a skill that can easily transfer and there is a company in my city that would hire her fairly quickly. I just don't want to be underfunded going into this.

 

PeeWee

[Admin]

I do such conclusion basing at a fact that such topicsaka "FSU MISconseption" appear with amazing regularity at American boardsas well astopics "my Russian wifecan't manage with moneybecause she has not ideaabout our finance system"

I can't make a conclusion you manage to pick up the most stupid females in FSU. I rather prefer to make an ASSumption you don't share all information about your finance life in America PRIOR to starting the K-1.

Elen,

Have you ever heard of the "Reticular Activating System" (ref: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reticular_activating_system) ??

It is a part of the brain that is responsible for arousal and motivation. It is also the part of the brain that a person 'programs' with those topics that are significant/important, in some way, to them. Once programmed, the reticular activating system is amazingly efficient at parsing out all the ambient noise level and filtering IN only those bits of information in the world that we have declared/programmed (consciously or sub-consciously) as 'important' in some way.

You clearly have programmed a number of negative ASSumptions about RW and AM involved in this pursuit. Your posts betray your underlying negative ASSumptions, and speaks volumes about your attitude.

It is sad that you are (IMO) imbalanced in your perspectives, as a more balanced perspective would render your posts more credible and valuable to the members of the board.

Elen, so as to NOT hijack this thread and send it adrift, if you feel a need to respond, please start a new thread about the need for full disclosure in ADVANCE of initiating the K-1 process - or some such topic.

- Dan

[Photo Guy]

Is it a good idea to give her a list of my income and expenses?

Do you all recommend that? It seems rather materialistic, but maybe I'm wrong.

Two thoughts.

First, you could use the letter I posted as a means to stimulate a healthy conversation on the topic. It doesn't have to be YOUR income/expenses to make the point. That is what I did initially, and it led to a candid discussion of my personal financial situation later.

Second thought - how much openness do you plan to have with your WIFE? If you are sincere about the prospect of her becoming your wife, then it makes sense (to me, anyway) that a person would opt to be candid and open about ALL matters that affect their lives TOGETHER. Certainly finances are paramount among them.

FWIW

- Dan[/quote]
Yes Dan, you are right, about 'openness'. In fact, it is a quality that I often mention as being important to me, in that first letter or two.

In the 60's (remember the 60's?) I was very ANTI-materialist, but that was rather extreme and not pragmatic. Growing up in NewYork, I was surrounded by constant chatter about finances, whether it was about how one person saved money with a 'great deal', or what was a great investment, or a million other things. That was all that some people talked about. In a way, I left NY to get away from that overly materialistic mindset.   ....So, I went to the other extreme.
 
I clearly see now that the subject is a practical consideration that should not be avoided. No doubt about it.  

I'll use that letter you posted and I urge others to do the same.
It's worth a lot.    Doug

[Son of Clyde]

Dan,

I emailed her the letter in Russian and also left her a note.

If we are both working I see no reason why we can't visit her family once a year.

The last part of the letter was pessimistic, indicating that trips to the FSU were not doable every year.

It is a matter of saving the money. Maybe even setting aside a new bank account just for vacations to Ukraine.

I'm not sure if the concept of stashing money away for something specific is a concept she will grasp right away.

[Seekandfind]

Poor Americans:? You should print those Lesson1 and Lesson 2 and show them to your girls BEFORE starting K1 but not  fuzz girl's brains with fairy tales about American paradise and FSU hell:P

 

Wonder anybody of you did such calculations for your girls?? Or you still think that girl should "guess" by herself how much you have FREE money per month by photo of your car and house ( which you yet owe money for to bank)?

This forum wouldn´t exist if we did, or do....why not let the poor little pretty girls live in ignorance, no need to mess with their little heads, while they should be concerned about other things.....doing their nails, hair etc.....lol

[Elen]

Elen, so as to NOT hijack this thread and send it adrift, if you feel a need to respond, please start a new thread about the need for full disclosure in ADVANCE of initiating the K-1 process - or some such topic.

 I have my own idea about WHO trys to hijack this topic with preocupated posts about ASSumption.

So I'll continue with my conclusion (and you may go where you want to- to other thread or somewhere else if you need to post your ASSumptions)

I am wondering if there are misconceptions that everything in the US is within easy reach we have easy access to everything.

If there is any misconceptions than it's only one you build in minds of your future wives with not clear a picture how things are with your day after day life with money.

I BET that Clyde's wife has not idea how many "free" money he can spend per month. I'm just sure he has not informed her before her arival to the USA and her trips to shops. And now he wonders about misconception.

Also Clude by himself has rather big miscoception what goods and things are needed to have in house if you are married (and with kids in addition) and how much it would cost for him.

As for credits then Russians to your inform HATE them and prefer to live without debts as they see them like chains. ( otherwise to Americans)

 

BTW WHERE IS MODERATOR!! I HAVE A CLAIM ABOUT DAN'S BEHAVIOUR IN THIS THREAD!!

 

[KenC]

Clyde,

You wrote:

I'm not sure if the concept of stashing money away for something specific is a concept she will grasp right away.

You, again, are far off the mark with this comment.  This is exactly how most Russians operate.

KenC

[RacerX]

. I rather prefer to make an ASSumption you don't share all information about your finance life in America PRIOR to starting the K-1.

Actually my wife and I had a "don't ask, don't tell" kind of relationship wherein she trusted I had enough money to pull this adventure off.  Our early relationship had little to do with balance sheets or earnings potential as we concentrated on the more important things in life.

peewee, I'll say this: for those guys who think they have their financial ASSets covered, just wait until she eventually finds RW girlfriends and you have to sublimely "compete" against their AM husbands!  I just bought my wife a very nice little sportscar, only to have it innocently mentioned to me that her g/f's hubby bought her a Mercedes version of a similar auto - go figure!  Keeping up with the Jones' takes on a whole new meaning when you are comparing "international" couples.

[Elen]

your american psyhologists found out a fact that in order to feel themselves happy people didn't need to have many money , they needed to have more poor friends:D

[Elen]

Actually my wife and I had a "don't ask, don't tell" kind of relationship wherein she trusted I had enough money to pull this adventure off. Our early relationship had little to do with balance sheets or earnings potential as we concentrated on the more important things in life.

 Well I don't think this issue should be poped at a surface at second date but if woman has a child she just has to ask such "ordinary" and far from romantic things before she would move anwywhere. And I don't think that finacial security of life in alien country for your child is such not important thing for any mother for to play in games "don't ask, don't tell". It has nothing to do with trust because she just may have far from your ideas about your "enough" money. Better to put all points at "i" in Russia.

[PeeWee]

. I rather prefer to make an ASSumption you don't share all information about your finance life in America PRIOR to starting the K-1.

Actually my wife and I had a "don't ask, don't tell" kind of relationship wherein she trusted I had enough money to pull this adventure off. Our early relationship had little to do with balance sheets or earnings potential as we concentrated on the more important things in life.

peewee, I'll say this: for those guys who think they have their financial ASSets covered, just wait until she eventually finds RW girlfriends and you have to sublimely "compete" against their AM husbands! I just bought my wife a very nice little sportscar, only to have it innocently mentioned to me that her g/f's hubby bought her a Mercedes version of a similar auto - go figure! Keeping up with the Jones' takes on a whole new meaning when you are comparing "international" couples.[/quote]
I suspceted that the keeping up with the Jones would come into play. I think about that and I think that is was prompted the complaint about the used computer. "how can my daughter take a used computer to school? how will it look to her friends that she has only used computer?" There is nothing wrong with the concept, i do not fault our Russian friends for it. We Americans think differently about it which is why I am wondering about the used car as opposed to the new one and then if a new one is it good enough or do I need a BMW?

All I know is that two people are going to have a long and detailed discussion prior to one of their arrival to the US. I don't want to be surprised or find myself not meeting someone's expectations. I want happy Russians in my home, not unhappy ones.

 

PeeWee

[PeeWee]

your american psyhologists found out a fact that in order to feel themselves happy people didn't need to have many money , they needed to have more poor friends:D

yeah, good idea. I'm going to find a bunch of bums and dump my buddies that fly airplanes and fix people. I now have doctors living on three sides of my home. I'm going to either move or drive those rich bastards from my neighborhood.

 

PeeWee

[Albert]

Clyde, I am not trying to put down on you, but these stories that come from you guys who know very little about the women you are going to marry is just mind blowing to me.

I have spent several weeks with several different FSU women and knew a lot more about each of them than you do about this woman you brought here.  And they knew a lot about me.  I have discussed with several of the gals many of the things you are just now getting around to becoming involved with for your gal.  We discussed money, where it would come from, where it would go, etc.  And, in my determination, I still don't know enough any of them to make such a commitment as you have made.

[Photo Guy]

your american psyhologists found out a fact that in order to feel themselves happy people didn't need to have many money , they needed to have more poor friends:D

LOL ..Thanks for a good laugh!

[Elen]

It is TRUTH :X

[ConnerVT]

Bucket of Crabs Theory?  :?

[Turboguy]

Personally, I still think there are a lot of differences in women and not so much a matter of education.    My plans for Luda were for Sunday to be our big shopping day.  There were some things I wanted for us such as two bicycles, fishing poles and tennis rackets.   We went to Walmart and I wanted her to buy the best bike they had at $ 150 she wanted the cheapest at $ 55.00 and we compomised on a middle of the road one at $ 110.00.   I had to argue with her a bit to get that one becasue she did not want to spend the money.   

Otherwise we spend the whole day looking at clothes at our local mall and an outlet mall a 45 minute drive away.   I was wanting to spend between  $ 500.00 and $ 1,000 on clothes for her since she only seemed to have about 4 outfits.    Our clothing total for the whole day of shopping was under $ 200.00   She got real excited at the VF outlet because she had wanted a black top and picked one not knowing how much it was.   It turned out to be $ 5.00 and she kept thinking about how much more she could get with the cheap prices.   (I had not given her a total.  I just told her to buy anything she wanted.)

So far she seems to like the house.  She has not asked for linens or anything else.  There are things I wanted for the house and bought.  She seems to like my truck.  She had never seen a pickup before but seems to like my 1/2 ton extended cab 4x4.

When I read a lot of the comments about spending it did not sound like what I thought Luda was like.  I have to say with her here only a few days, I still feel that way.   Time will tell though.

[Turboguy]

I will add a couple of things.   Some of her comments about life in America.   She was watching cars go by and commented about old ladies driving nice cars.   She said in Russia old ladies drive old cars.   Young beautiful ladies drive new cars that were bought for them by their rich boyfriends.

She was also surprised at the "Welcome" mats in front of our doors.   The other comment I remember was that she did not understand why so many houses had the American Flag flying.   I tried my best to explain those things to her.

[Elen]

I want to move to the USA:? I paid 100$ for my new bike here ( and it even has only one speed )

[Photo Guy]

Turbo,
Those are precious observations. Keep them coming. Doug

[KenC]

Turbo,

Your posts are entertaining.  They bring back a lot of memories.  Like the time I wanted to buy Lena a leather coat.  My idea of shopping is to go to a leather store, find a coat, buy it and then go home.  I made the mistake of taking her to a mega mall.  She had to check every single store that carried leather coats before she could decide on which to buy.  You will find RW, new to this country, will be very very careful about their purchases.  They must be sure that they get the best deal, the latest fashion and good quality.

Some of this will change over time.  I know that Lena went through a period of time where she bought a lot of inexpensive clothes.  She caught herself though.  Now she is a little bit better than the leather coat story, but still wants to find quality goods at the best price.

KenC

[PeeWee]

Turbo,

Your posts are entertaining.  They bring back a lot of memories.  Like the time I wanted to buy Lena a leather coat.  My idea of shopping is to go to a leather store, find a coat, buy it and then go home.  I made the mistake of taking her to a mega mall.  She had to check every single store that carried leather coats before she could decide on which to buy.  You will find RW, new to this country, will be very very careful about their purchases.  They must be sure that they get the best deal, the latest fashion and good quality.

Some of this will change over time.  I know that Lena went through a period of time where she bought a lot of inexpensive clothes.  She caught herself though.  Now she is a little bit better than the leather coat story, but still wants to find quality goods at the best price.

KenC

I've got the reverse, Ken. The most expensive clothes will last longer. The big hole in this philosophy is that women, being the fashion consious people that they are, always want to have the latest fashions. So if the expensive clothing is not timeless in design then yes it will last a very long time hanging on the hanger because no one is wearing it.

 

peeWee