Can a RW/UKW cope with a man in the military?

[felix8787]

This is a question that is open to everyone and especially RW.
As some people know, I am in the military...already have been sworn in and starting to actively do drill once a month. And I am pushing back my shipout date and changing my contract for personal reasons.

My question is this: How would a RW/UKW feel about me being in the military during courtship?

Seeing as I won't be here (because I will be in boot camp and training) and for traveling overseas for about 6 to 7 months max, don't know when the exact date will be. After I get done then I will continue my path here to go to FSU or Ukraine.

I know that the military here and FSU are 2 total different kinds of beast  But I don't think that RW and UKW woman know the difference.

What can be done to alleviate the uneasiness that will follow?

I am open for all questions and advice whether good, bad, indifferent. Thanks.

felix8787

[OlgaH]

Hi felix8787,

There are many Russian women who are married to Russian military men in Russia. They travel with their husbands  due to their husbands duty, they wait for their husbands staying at home wile their husbands furrow the seas and so on... But all those women are home, I mean in Russia. They don't need to adjust themselves to a new culture and learn new language, they have friends and relatives close by.

How often and how long will she stay alone in an absolutely strange  country to her when you will be in the military during courtship? 

[felix8787]

Hey Olga

Finally someone replies to this post 

Olga I don't plan on getting married and then having her stay her stay alone in a strange land/culture while I am on duty. I wouldn't do that to her, but if we are in a relationship, I would rather travel to her then have her stay at home alone without friends or family (her side of the family).

Well as of right now, my contract is for 8 years: 3yrs active duty/ 3yrs reserve/ 2yrs inactive reserve. With the 3yr active duty, I will go to a unit of my choice if it is available even if it is over seas (Germany). If I were to go that route, it would be real easy for me to travel to UK/RU for a weekend or more depending on time schedule, but if I have to do a tour then it would be for a year with a 30 day vacation in-between that time frame, now when I get done with that, I would come back home to FL and finish out my 3yr reserve with a unit here and the schedule for that is...1 weekend a month and 2 weeks a year. So depending on where I am stationed at it could be a weekend getaway once a month for her where ever my unit is at (like the beach) and then for 2 weeks straight once a year for 3yrs. Then the last 2 years I would be inactive unless something happens and they call me up for duty within those 2 years.

Now assuming that I have a good relationship with a UK/RW, would she wait until I get done while I still travelled to see her when I have vacation time during my time in the military?

Or say if we were to marry while I was in the military, she could as an option just stay in her home country and continue to work and do her normal routine...Could they handle that while I was on duty and not being there on a regular basis and IMO would they be faithful to me and the marriage? But I guess that would depend on the RW.

But now, I am trying to get my contract changed, to just the army national guard, where as I would only do 3yrs of reserve work..1 weekend a month and 2 weeks a year for 3 years unless I get deployed overseas but that would only be for 1yr tour of duty. Then the rest of the time I can continue to work and travel overseas to UK/RU.

felix8787

[OlgaH]

I also guess that would depend on the RW...  but you have 3yrs active search  Will you able to use internet often, webcamera and to make phone calls to Russia or Ukraine?

[felix8787]

Yes, once I get done with bootcamp which is 9 weeks long, then I can call, email (with own labtop)or anything else that needs to be done.
But what if she is interested in a relationship but doesn't like that I am in the military for that period of time "What can be done to alleviate the uneasiness that will follow?" and pretty much reassure her of the relationship.


felix8787

[BillyB]

But what if she is interested in a relationship but doesn't like that I am in the military for that period of time "What can be done to alleviate the uneasiness that will follow?" and pretty much reassure her of the relationship.

If she doesn't like you being in the military or military life, she shouldn't be communicating with you. When writing to the ladies, tell them your situation and if they accept it, great! Unless they're a scammer or want a visa mule for a free ride to the States.

You'll find you won't make much money in the military and I think you'll find it'll difficult to have a long distance relationship since it does take money to have one. Maybe you have some cash stored away?

Lots of military wives cheat. It takes a strong, good hearted, woman to stay faithful to her husband/BF when he's out training or deployed for months.

You'll also have little free personal time to pursue a long distance relationship. You will find the average work day in the military is longer than 8 hours.

[Ooooops]

I think that there are 2 possibilities.   First: she doesn't know you well and when you disappear  for a while she'll think that you ditched her.    Second: she knows you well and prays to God that you come back.   

[felix8787]

If she doesn't like you being in the military or military life, she shouldn't be communicating with you. When writing to the ladies, tell them your situation and if they accept it, great! Unless they're a scammer or want a visa mule for a free ride to the States.

I do tell them, it is their choice if they want to continue the communication with me.

You'll find you won't make much money in the military and I think you'll find it'll difficult to have a long distance relationship since it does take money to have one. Maybe you have some cash stored away?

I haven't left yet for bootcamp or training but I am doing my drills and I still continue to work so that I can maybe take 2 more trips before I ship out.

Lots of military wives cheat. It takes a strong, good hearted, woman to stay faithful to her husband/BF when he's out training or deployed for months.

Yeah, I have heard of some screwed up stories of wives/GF cheating on their husband/BF while they were away. IMO woman like that are no good no matter where they come from and once a cheater always a cheat no matter how you look at it IMO.

You'll also have little free personal time to pursue a long distance relationship. You will find the average work day in the military is longer than 8 hours.

I have no problem with that.

I think that there are 2 possibilities.   First: she doesn't know you well and when you disappear  for a while she'll think that you ditched her.    Second: she knows you well and prays to God that you come back.  

Well just hope that she understands that there is going to be a time when I won't be able to write or call her, I would hope that she would have the patience for it or she could just lie to me and be seeing someone else while telling me something totally different. It would be up to her moral character if she were to do this.

Only time will tell who is and who isn't sincere.

felix8787

[OlgaH]

Only time will tell who is and who isn't sincere.

felix8787

Yes felix8787, and I think there is no need to push the time. 

PS
And don't forget to put a photo of you in gala uniform in your dating profile 

[Ooooops]

Only time will tell who is and who isn't sincere.

Of course....    I would think that it's hard to be in relationship when you don't even know where your partner is, let alone if he's alive or not...   I'm not sure if I could do it, personally... 

[DKMM]

My brother recently was deployed and the subject of hooking him up came up in conversation with my girl.  She said flatly she would kill me if I ever tried to join the military and it was 100% based on the being deployed away from her part. 

Anyways, the conversation went like this: if the girl was desperate (nobody she knows) yes, otherwise wait till he knows he won't be away from home for such a long time before introducing him to anyone.  You probably can't pull this off if she knows you will be deployed anytime after she arrives to you.

[steviej]

Hello Felix,
After reading this, I'll give you my honest reaction: I think you're jumping the gun on this. You are preparing for your 3 yr active duty deployment, right? I think trying to initiate relations at this juncture will make things way more complicated than they need to be, and probably discourage some wonderful girls who would be perfect for you from getting seriously involved at this time. Why don't you wait until you are, say ... 5 months from finishing your 3 yr term, and then start looking? Imagine how much of all this opens up to you (and the girls) then? Just for an analogy, I was thinking, OK, what if I was just about to start my 3 yrs in law school? I would want and need all my attention focussed on my new challenges, and I wound't have time or money to develop relations with a girl. On the other hand, by the time I'm in the middle of my last year, I've got my act together, I'll have some time in the near future, and I might start thinking "Now's a good time to find that special girl?"

See what I mean? I think you might be a little premature to start all this. But whatever you do, good luck!

[OlgaH]

I think trying to initiate relations at this juncture will make things way more complicated than they need to be, and probably discourage some wonderful girls who would be perfect for you from getting seriously involved at this time.

Why will he discourage some wonderful girls? As I have understood , felix8787 are not going to hide the information about his situation from that wonderful girls, and it will be choice of that girls "to jump into his situation or not"  And felix8787 also understands it.

I would advice not to spend money using the agencies, but to use the free dating websites especially during 3yrs of active duty     

[steviej]

Why will he discourage some wonderful girls? As I have understood , felix8787 are not going to hide the information about his situation from that wonderful girls, and it will be choice of that girls "to jump into his situation or not"  And felix8787 also understands it.

I would advice not to spend money using the agencies, but to use the free dating websites especially during 3yrs of active duty     

Just a thought - the girl will realize that "Hey, Felix can and will get deployed anywhere in the world, for any length of time, over the next three years and we may have very big difficulties in trying to build our relations ..." Russian girls do have a practical side. They are practical about romance, if you see what I mean ..    But my comment is just an observation. If he wants to go for it, he should go for it. Women are wonderful creatures, and there's one for everyone, this I know for sure! )

[AnastassiaAsh]

Honestly - no and such situations are not for long distance relationships leave alone Russian... You are tied up to other responsibilities at this point of your life.

Allthough such circumstances as - still married, or in divorce, or separated, or financially ruined, or in the army, or no home.... are different in nature - all of them are not good at all for starting any relationship....in my opinion...

My dad was 30 years in the military - I would not wish such hell to anybody!      They were 'torturing' him there and he used to come home and torture us, me and my mom, in any and all senses of the word...


But again Russian army system as you said is totally another story....

[ScottinCrimea]

The reality is that it is most probable that you would be deployed for a minimum of one year during your first three years and quite possibly after that as well.  That means that either she sits at home in the US, which would be extremely difficult for her, or she sits back in Russia and waits, which is not why I would think she married you in the first place.  the other reality is that the income in the military isn't enough to afford frequent visits back and forth as you suggest.  The early part of a marriage should be about building a future together, not hanging on until your duty is completed.  I agree that you should wait until things are more settled and you have a better idea of exactly what the future holds.

[OlgaH]

  I agree that you should wait until things are more settled and you have a better idea of exactly what the future holds.

and while you wait you can chat with Russian girls and learn Russian  and gain in experience   

[felix8787]

Hey everyone, thanks for everyone's opinions.
I don't plan on marrying until I know for sure that she is honest, sincere and patient. But as of right now, I am active army BUT I am in the process of getting it changed just to National Guard....the only difference between the 2 is that if I were to get deployed, it would on be for a year max with a 30 day vacation after 6 months, which I could use to travel, then after my tour is done, I would come back home to FL and finish out my contract doing the 1 weekend a month and 2 weeks a year. BUT if the change doesn't' happen then I will try my damnest to get stationed in Germany, which will make travelling so so MUCH EASIER!  But as far as I know, my Sgt told me that the change can happen.

I read that the military doesn't pay much....actually that isn't true, my base pay is $19054 a year and some change but that is not including bonuses and allowances..yeah that isn't a lot, but let's say that I was married I would get allowance for being married and if there are children whether mine and or hers I would get more allowance for the children, I think it is about $1000-/+, housing allowance $1000+ depending on area, food allowance $250, clothing allowance $250, cost of living allowance $500+, moving and relocation allowance, family separation allowance $250+ and that is not including hazard pay if I get deployed, as I understand if I were to go to Iraq my pay for a year would be $60k and that is not including $10K a year bonus.
And the allowances or oversea pay are not taxed at all and the health care coverage is damn good also and pretty cheap for a family plan.

I am going in as an Private First Class (E3) and I also have the option to go to OCS to become an Second Lieutenant (O1) which has way better pay. Now this is assuming that I do the active component of the army.
But if I only do the Guard well I would hold a normal job and draw pay from the one weekend a month and the 2 weeks a year pay from them.

Sorry for getting off topic there. I would imagine that whether what I decide to do and who ever I am corresponding with, I hope that they would at least have some respect for doing what I'm doing. And yes I will continue to correspond and learn Russian on my own.

The lady that I went and seen in N. Novgorod knows that I am in the army and she says that she supports whatever decision that I make, BUT.......there are some things right now with her that.....well, I'll just leave it at that for now. Now there is another lady that I have been corresponding and talking to on the phone for awhile now (since Oct)and I hope to see her sometime in Sept if things go well here. She knows that I am in the army and she has even addressed those issues to me about how will I be able to mix the 2 (army and marriage)(her being here should I get deployed) and some other topics.
I explained to her that I would want to wait until I at least get half way through or almost done and of course with vacation time I will be travelling overseas also....being in the service I can hop on an army plane to Germany for $25....awesome!    Then catch a flight to where ever from there.

felix8787

[ScottinCrimea]

felix, You're having to count on a lot of "if's".  Think of the worst case scenario and decide if it is a realistic thing to do as well as a reasonable thing to expect her to do.  When you talk to these ladies do you honestly address all of the possible scenarios, both good and bad?  The military is much different there, and they have a different idea also of what the military might be like here.  If you are playing up the good points and playing down or avoiding the bad points, you're not allowing her to make an informed decision.  She'll be relying on you to tell it like it is and if, later, she learns that you weren't completely straight with her, it will seriously damage the relationship, expecially if she is left alone for long periods of time to think about it.

[felix8787]

Yeah I do have a lot if's (my optimism)and I also think about the worse case scenario...with the ladies, we haven't talked about it lately. The lady from Ukraine does know about the US service and realizes how the army can put me anywhere they feel like and they both know that should I have to go to Iraq which they both are aware of, they are concerned about my safety...
It has been awhile since I talked to them about it, but when it is close for me to go, I will definitely talk to them and let them come to their own decisions. Believe me, that is the last thing that I would want to do is damage the relationship. Thanks for the advice/option ScottinCrimea.

felix8787

[Ooooops]

I think it takes a special person to be a military wife.   My uncle was a quite high ranking military guy and his wife and daughter had to put up with lots of moving, living in godforsaken places, irregular working hours and such.   But they were very happy together.   So good luck finding your special lady, felix8787!   

[possum]

Folks, you seem to conveniently overlook the fact that for the first year or so after her arrival a Russian wife will require your constant attention and, in some cases, supervision.. She won't be able to drive a car and that's going to be a huge problem, especially if you live in a small, out of the way town or in the suburbs as opposed to inner city.. Her not being able to get around on her own will pretty much rule out shopping trips and other basic everyday tasks.. Furthermore, if her English is not up to par, there's a good chance she'll be scared to venture outside the house, even if there is public transportation in your area..

Sorry to sound negative, felix, but my opinion is unless you can take a year off from the service this endeavor is not for you..

[Ooooops]

Folks, you seem to conveniently overlook the fact that for the first year or so after her arrival a Russian wife will require your constant attention and, in some cases, supervision..

Why?   She's only Russian, not retarded or anything...   

She won't be able to drive a car and that's going to be a huge problem, especially if you live in a small, out of the way town or in the suburbs as opposed to inner city..

I'll use myself as an example - never driven a car in my life before getting to the States.    I'm from Moscow and what do you know?   First place we land at is Wichita, Kansas!    Spent 6 months there and I just had to learn how to drive.   No biggie, easy to do it in a place like that with not much traffic or parking issues.   So, anything is doable if you put your mind to it.   

[possum]

Why?   She's only Russian, not retarded or anything...   

I'll use myself as an example - never driven a car in my life before getting to the States.    I'm from Moscow and what do you know?   First place we land at is Wichita, Kansas!    Spent 6 months there and I just had to learn how to drive.   No biggie, easy to do it in a place like that with not much traffic or parking issues.   So, anything is doable if you put your mind to it.   

Please, don't tell me your husband was away for the six months it took you to get a DL..

[possum]

Why?   She's only Russian, not retarded or anything...   

I was talking about someone with poor to non-existent English skills and no prior exposure to real life in AMERIKA..