Baby You Can Drive...?

[Ronnie]

Maybe it was appropriate that Paul McCartney sang "Drive my Car" as his opening number in last month's concert in Kyiv. 

Mrs Ronnie finally succeeded in getting her driver's license on her third and final try earlier this month.  Like the written test that she failed three times (in Russian) but was given a few extra questions to answer, I think the fellow who passed her, was being kind to her (if not to the rest of California). 

Getting her CDL was cause for celebration after 4 years of frustration.  I rode with her today for a routine shopping trip..no more than 20 miles in all.  First, she didn't see the car in her blind spot as she started to change lanes and I had to grab the wheel.   

Then, I had to sharply point out that the intersection we were rapidly approaching was showing a red light.  Finally in the parking lot of the store, we had a disagreement about the fact that the car ahead of us was not backing into us but that she was not pressing hard enough on the brake and our car was moving slowly forward into the other car.

The dear missus has been going places without me all month and returns with the car in one piece each time  - knock on wood.  I think it's a great testament to the defensive skills of California drivers

It is therefore clear to me that Paul McCartney must have had a similar experience to mine when he wrote that song as it takes a lot of love to permit the missus to drive my car..

Enjoy, from Kyiv..

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsDpAlt0w7w&feature=related[/youtube]

[Shadow]

One of the worst things for a new driver are the well-intended tips from the 'experienced' people sitting next to them. They take away a lot of the attention that should be reserved for the actual driving. Also as a regular driver turned passenger one feels insecure about the control of the car and tends to be over-cautious as to the control of the driver.
The best way to avoid arguments is let her drive without comments, and give the opportunity to drive alone for some time.

[steviej]

Ronnie - great story and congrats to your wife! That is a big hurdle to get over. Now you can clench your teeth everytime she's out. I have drilled into my wife's head over and over that the most likely cause of any serious injury or death to her life is the car. I tell her it is a death machine, and not to forget it. And frankly, I don't let her drive after dark, for the most part (All RWD ladies, interject here with your protests!  ) .

She was also aware that for the first 3 years, a driver will get penalized harshly by the insurance company for any tickets or accidents. She made it through the first 3 yrs without any problems. But ... right after the 3 yrs mark, she let her guard down, and got 2 tickets (running red light) and a minor accident in 4 months!!  I had to remind her, "Honey, even though the 3 yrs is over, please, still drive just as carefully ..." She has cleaned up her act, thankfully !

[Ronnie]

You're 100% correct Shademan.  It's been the most difficult thing for me to do (keep quiet).  It was made more difficult by the fact that the first few months behind the wheel she came within 6 inches of running down a woman and her small child in a parking lot.  She hit the gas instead of the brake.  The rush of adrenalin was something I didn't enjoy at all.  We stopped her driving for 2 years after that.  She was unphased which made me even more apprehensive.

Tuesday, when I grabbed the wheel as she started to change lanes into the side of the other car, i had been dutifully silent.  Ironically, or perhaps typically she accepted no blame for any of the three incidents I described.  She said I was just fabricating them.   It's the FSU pride thing at work.  I've gotten very good and changing the subject and changing mood with humor as I know that's the only way out of the situation.

[viking]

Why does it appear that the RW's mentioned here can not drive a car correctly? It can't be just because they Are RW. I taught my two daughters to drive and they were pretty much on their way within a week or two. And a red light or a stop sign should not pose a language problem. Sure some of your guys know how to give driving lessons? 

[steviej]

Why does it appear that the RW's mentioned here can not drive a car correctly? It can't be just because they Are RW. I taught my two daughters to drive and they were pretty much on their way within a week or two. And a red light or a stop sign should not pose a language problem. Sure some of your guys know how to give driving lessons? 

My guess its from growing up your whole life walking, taking buses and subways. Maybe American children that grow up around and in cars pick up some instincts from that ?

[SANDRO43]

Based on my local traffic, I've come to the conclusion that women in general are afraid of speed/acceleration (and of the ability of their reflexes to handle them). For instance, here they usually:
- drive more slowly
- start slowing down LONG before reaching an intersection
- straddle the midline between two lanes on a street/road having two for each traffic direction.

Old male drivers often behave like that, too. At first I thought this was due to prudence on their part, but the fact that they appear more prone to motion sickness makes me wonder whether remaining in their caves while men ran lustily after the mammoths is still conditioning them .

[viking]

Steve, I dunno. The ability to steer in a straight line should not be that difficult. And pressing on the brake or gas pedal is not an instinct.

[vwrw]

Ironically, or perhaps typically she accepted no blame for any of the three incidents I described. 

 
There was interesting cross-cultural research about attribution error across different countries. In Western cultures, where there's an ideology that people are in charge of their own destiny, people over-attribute the role to the person.  In Eastern cultures there are more attributions to situation. For instance, if you look at newspaper reports about murders, in the United States the report tends to emphasize the personal characteristics of the person accused of the murder. In countries like India, Russia the reports tend to emphasize, to a greater degree, the situation that the person found himself in that might have driven him to commit a murder. 

So maybe it is not pride at work, but culture at work.

[Ronnie]

Viking... Something tells me that a person who has never ridden a bicycle would have a very difficult time of it at age forty.

I remember an episode of the Andy Griffith Show when Goober, who has just fixed up a nice '56 Ford Convertible convinces Aunt Bea to buy it for $300 (oh, to go back on time with a year's salary to buy cars and guitars of the era..!).

Andy is dead set against it as Aunt Bea has never in her 60+ years has never been behind the wheel.  You can imagine the outcome...pre automatic transmission and power steering.

[Gator]

Reading this story and several before (I recall one man explaining how his wife got his BMW lodged on a landscaping island in a mall parking lot), I am so happy that my Moscow woman knew how to drive before I met her. 

On all of our trips when we rented a car, she drove and I navigated.  Actually, she could read maps, but I tend to eyeball too much and it makes her nervous, especially in the mountainous terrain of Costa Rica.

What is it about RW and maps?  I only met one RW who had a clue about maps.  Most were amazed that I could walk around a city using only a map. 

Sandro, my wife drives more like you Italian men rather than women - speedy yet under control, and always with style including a slight head tilt and a delicate touch of the steering wheel. 

With these driving skills come some shortfalls in other areas.  It is apparent that in Moscow she spent more time behind the steering wheel than in the kitchen. 

[SANDRO43]

What is it about RW and maps?  I only met one RW who had a clue about maps.  Most were amazed that I could walk around a city using only a map.

There's more to map reading than meets the eye , one has to match a 2-dimensional representation with 3-dimensional reality.

In my flying times, I participated in a number of regularity rallies where you have to follow a given course maintaining exactly the average cruising speed assigned to the type of aircraft you're flying (1 penalty point for each second over- or underrun, the winner being the contestant with less total penalties).

For this endevour, I had to find myself a navigator (who should have fed me with correct geo info about our heading by checking the map, and time info along our course), and I thought a detail-stickler type would be the ideal candidate for the job.

I tried out a couple of old friends with that characteristic, and they (we) were totally lost some 15 minutes after take-off .

[Blues Fairy]

Ronnie, congrats to your lady! 

If you don't mind , I'll take advantage of your topic to brag here that I've just passed my DL road test on my new car, from the first try.  EASY!    The whole thing took 10 minutes (after 1.5 hours of sitting in the line).

Sandro, it actually took me a while to learn to drive slower according to the speed limits here, and also not to freak out my husband whose hair still stands up when he remembers our rides in Moscow. 

[KenC]

Teaching Lena to drive was the single most frustrating experience in our relationship.  The problem, Viking, is that it is not like teaching your children.  Your children accept that you are the Dad and in control.  Teaching your wife, especially a head strong wife, is much more difficult.  When you tell you kid to slow down, don't tailgate and to turn the blinker on, their first reaction is to do as you told them.  A strong RW's first reaction to any such instructions are to debate.  They question your ability to make the decision, question whether they want to do it and of course question if you have the authority to make the decision for them!  Of course by the time they go through all the options, you could all be dead! :hairraising:

Lena had a Russian driver's license when she arrived but had no "on road" experience at all.  Technically, she was legal to drive in Michigan, but realistically had no place being behind the wheel.  I taught her how to drive in my Caddy STS at the time and it was a trip!  To her credit, she caught on quickly and was mobile within a month after her arrival.

Back a few years ago, I bought her a sexy little 2 seater sports car.  It was the car of her dreams, she said.  Unfortunately, she must have been too often in a dream state of mind as she kept running into things.  Two rather significant accidents months apart, convinced me that she was destined to drive a sedan!  I tried to get her to drive my BMW X-3 as it is one of the safest vehicles on the road, but no dice there.  Her need to "look good" while driving trumped her need to be safe.

Today Lena is a great driver.  Better than me.  I have total confidence in her driving abilities.  And she can also read a map as well as any man!  I have never met anyone with a better sense of direction either.  It is kind of funny now, as I have become lazy and don't pay too much attention any more and just ask her how to get to where ever we are going!
KenC

[groovlstk]

Teaching Lena to drive was the single most frustrating experience in our relationship.  The problem, Viking, is that it is not like teaching your children.  Your children accept that you are the Dad and in control.  Teaching your wife, especially a head strong wife, is much more difficult.  When you tell you kid to slow down, don't tailgate and to turn the blinker on, their first reaction is to do as you told them.  A strong RW's first reaction to any such instructions are to debate.  They question your ability to make the decision, question whether they want to do it and of course question if you have the authority to make the decision for them!  Of course by the time they go through all the options, you could all be dead! :hairraising:

Great observation, Ken - this is my wife to a T. She hasn't taken her written test yet but I've already decided I'm going to hire an instructor when she's road-ready. A year or so ago, I let her pull my car out of a friend's driveway to make room for another car and she couldn't find reverse and then backed over a curb. I teased her about it when she got out of the car. Big, big mistake  , I'd sooner kick a lion than do that again

Her need to "look good" while driving trumped her need to be safe.

Also my wife to a T! I think if we were on a sinking ship and there was a mirror on the wall on our way to the lifeboats, we'd have to stop for a few minutes so she could fix her hair and makeup

[Ronnie]

Hmmm.  Reading these posts makes me rethink my view that there aren't that many sterotypes for FSUW.  However, I think if AW were learning to drive after marriage, we be seeing some the same foibles.

Before the future Mrs. Ronnie, I dated a 40 yo Ukrainian divorcee.  She was a firecracker.  She owned a big black Mercedes 500.  She drove it like Cruella DeVille on steroids...flying down the road, sending other cars scattering and sharply swerving left and right to avoid potholes.  It was white knuckle time the whole way and I remember thinking, "as long as the seat belt holds, this beast should protect me when she slams into a wall!" 

I had no other reason to say "see ya" but that.  and that was enough!

[KenC]

Great observation, Ken - this is my wife to a T. She hasn't taken her written test yet but I've already decided I'm going to hire an instructor when she's road-ready. A year or so ago, I let her pull my car out of a friend's driveway to make room for another car and she couldn't find reverse and then backed over a curb. I teased her about it when she got out of the car. Big, big mistake  , I'd sooner kick a lion than do that again

Groov,
Boy do i hear you loud and clear.  Lena would always proudly proclaim herself as a VERY good driver!  After the second accident, I couldn't take it any more and I explained that a VERY good driver doesn't smash their car into walls or other cars.  I also curtly explained that I have not had an accident since before she was born.  Enough of the "VERY good driver" proclamations and start showing me how good a driver she is by not running into things!

Now she doesn't make such statements, but the truth is, is that now she really IS a VERY good driver. 

For years, I have recommended that the hubby springs for professional driving lessons for RW.  There is no conflict of who is in charge and there is no additional stress within the relationship.
KenC

[I/O]

Another RW variant. KenC, you may recall I bought Mrs I/O a car sometime back and you tendered some advice at the time. The result was very interesting, and perhaps I was being slightly cunning, but during the first couple of driving lessons, I advised she needed to understand how to check tyres and refuel etc. She agreed. We stopped at a "Servo" (Gas Station), she refueled well enough and understood why checking tyres was important, but the final part stole the show. She headed off to the console to pay for the fuel and when she returned her face was like thunder. I didn't ask but I just knew.................

No driving for a few days and then the announcement. You need to sell this car, I don't need it, it is too expensive, I will travel by bus. Yeah right, I thought. Yeah wrong. The car is sold and guess who's bank account the money is tucked away in earning healthy interest. I'm tipping it will last about another year and then the whole process will be reversed, BUT my original decision to buy a car will still be ......................you guessed it, wrong.

I/O

[Gator]

Before the future Mrs. Ronnie, I dated a 40 yo Ukrainian divorcee. 

Was she 40 about 8 years ago?  I think I encountered the same woman in Kiev three years ago when she was 45.  Drove when tipsy.  She carried a $100 bill in her ID folder to bribe the police.  No longer driving a MB 500 (that's impressive) but a Chevrolet.

[Ronnie]

Was she 40 about 8 years ago?  I think I encountered the same woman in Kiev three years ago when she was 45.  Drove when tipsy.  She carried a $100 bill in her ID folder to bribe the police.  No longer driving a MB 500 (that's impressive) but a Chevrolet.

Similar but different it seems.  She was from Zapo and not so impressive as she didn't have enough cash for benzine, let alone a bribe.  She instead carried her brother's business card...apparenntly he was well connected.  She never got pulled over (probably well known in Zapo) and I never saw her drive after she drank, was smart enough to call for a taxi. 

[ConnerVT]

For years, I have recommended that the hubby springs for professional driving lessons for RW.  There is no conflict of who is in charge and there is no additional stress within the relationship.

Fine idea, if the woman allows this.

In my case, my wife insisted that I would be her teacher.  Even after she had a very nice lesson with a professional driving instructor, her mind was made up that I, alone, would be her teacher.

I must of done OK, as I haven't had to visit any body shops...

[Jumper]

Ronnie congrats to the Mrs!


Im lucky, she is an accomplished driver,was on arrival, (and i paid for lesson in ukraine)
passed her exam easily.. both written (in english) and driving..parts..

,but drives too fast,,and aggressively !  certainly not defensively
no crashes, or anything.. i think one speeding ticket
(RIGHT after i had told her she might want to slow down..oh the irony lol)
but i can't really relax as a passenger-
my hair does not stand on end or anything,
 but she tailgates and speeds..
i do try to keep quiet.. and not to say much,,no one likes their driving critiqued afterall.

funny thing -I do far less of the tailgating or aggressive driving..
,and drive fairly defensively,,
 but if she's a passenger i often hear backseat driving. 


KenC said

strong RW's first reaction to any such instructions are to debate.  They question your ability to make the decision, question whether they want to do it and of course question if you have the authority to make the decision for them!  Of course by the time they go through all the options, you could all be dead!

LMAO!
Ken ken ken..lol
not about driving, but in general i can really relate.
Ive told her that it is VERY good she was never in the military,
by the time some decision is debated on, or  ALL of the"why's" are fully and irrevocably detailed ,and she acts on what ever  i originally asked her to do..
everyone would be dead long past.

I've also i told her if I  someday earnestly yell *tanya jump*..
when shes walking down the street, to please refrain from the normal *whys* and 5 minute discusion of the nature of the whys..hoiws and what could be done different
and simply just honor my little  request, make me happy and in this context  just  ,you know  *jump* ok? lol

as the bus coming will flatten her without caring about *why* i might have wanted her to move..LOL

 to her credit she does laugh about this trait,because its all encompassing ,and understands my complete exasperation over it at times..lol 

but ultimately its just how she's wound.
 Some basic lack of ability to truly immediately trust  anyone or anything ,in a given situation,  or taking any action she doesn't completely define /evaluate  herself.
Even on the simplest of thing.

can you do this..
( example: hold this up, ,or hold it here..)
  is going to ALWAYS  be followed with a why hold it, or why do it
that way, or why hold it there..lol
no matter how routine or insignificant the request is..

Some good natured teasing about that,to point out some of the more silly things, has alleviated this "slightly" but not much..

driving (defensively) wouldn't be one of those things though ..
 
 

[viking]

 A strong RW's first reaction to any such instructions are to debate.  They question your ability to make the decision, question whether they want to do it and of course question if you have the authority to make the decision for them!  Of course by the time they go through all the options, you could all be dead! :hairraising:

Oh Joy!! This is going to be fun....when the time comes.

[Lit_1nce]

Getting her CDL was cause for celebration after 4 years of frustration. 

I guessing you meant California Drivers License ..  but really a "CDL" is a commercial drivers license.. But that is really not beyond the realm of possibilities, I know that there are many truck driving couples out there.. pretty good money too.

[steviej]

... A strong RW's first reaction to any such instructions are to debate.  

Ken - very funny and so true ! LOL   

It is definitely very Russian (actually, more European as well, but not English). My wife did the same thing for the first couple years. I've finally got her trained to do what I say    Just like AJ said, I was worried there would be some situation with danger, and I would want her to immediately follow me, or stop, or any such thing, and she would begin her RW debate. Now, if I said, "Ulyana, run with me now!" she would do it. She understands it may be very important, and I guess you could say she completely trusts my judgement. 

AJ, it's interesting to hear your wife tailgates and speeds. If I was to generalize, I would say that strikes me as not stereotypical of RW driving. My wife is very cautious behind the wheel. Anyone else??